Wales failed to give anything close to a competitive performance on the day. It has to be said they had far less playing resources to call on than their opponents, but so poor was their performance it was quite hard to tell how England did themselves.

The game lost a little of its edge before it even began with the news that Gareth Bale, the terror of defences all over Europe this season, was out injured and it lost a whole lot of its edge when Frank Lampard calmly slotted away a penalty in the seventh minute.  Finally, when Darren Bent slammed home England’s second eight minutes later, the edge disappeared altogether and so did any slim hope Wales had of picking up their first point in this qualifying campaign, let alone snatching a win.

The match began in raucous fashion, with the English national anthem being booed, and the ill will spilled onto the pitch.  The game got underway in feisty fashion with Craig Bellamy elbowing Ashley Cole off the ball (ahh, shame) before squaring up to Wayne Rooney. The latter has not yet learned to harness his aggression and needlessly picked up a yellow card, which will rule him out of the game against Switzerland, in June. Amazingly, given all the criticism he’s received for lack of communication with the players, Capello revealed in his post game press conference that Rooney hadn’t known he was in danger of suspended.

“Rooney didn’t realise. I just told him it was not a good booking. He said ‘Why?’He didn’t remember that he got booked.

This is a good thing to go over with a player in pre-match preparations, Fabio.  When Rooney was replaced by James Milner, with 20 minutes to go, one had to wonder if that was, in part at least, to make sure England weren’t reduced to ten men.

The new 4-3-3 shape with Lampard and Jack Wilshere, the creative forces in midfield alongside the hustling ball winner Scott Parker bossed the centre of the park.  It will be interesting to see what Capello does when Steven Gerrard is fit again. Of course, this new shape demonstrates that the Italian is not wedded to a 4-4-2  - another bizarre accusation, as it’s England that over the years has been so tactically inflexible.

Wayne Rooney wonders why he suddenly has a nagging feeling, as though he left the faucet running in the bath.

His side was so out of this match, that I began by flicking between the football and the cricket but with Andrew Strauss’ men being handed their arses on a plate by the Sri Lankans, I ended up spending an increasing amount of time flicking to the news to see a group of angry students, protesting rising tuition fees, put in a world-class performance in an event England truly excels at – smashing things up.

**Roger Domeneghetti is an occasional contributor to WFC and has his own blog on footy and cricket – Who Ate All The Goals?

It’s an international weekend, which means Fergie and Wenger can complain about the referees to their heart’s content and Carlos Tevez, Arjen Robben and Antonio di Natale will enjoy a week off.  Most importantly, John Terry will be sporting the armband for England but Craig Bellamy hasn’t revealed whether he’ll be playing a wedge or a nine iron.  In any event, here’s the cream of the international crop, according to our cracked WFC writing staff.

Wales v England, Euro 2012 Group G (Saturday) – The Welsh haven’t had much to crow about in international competition beyond a lone World Cup appearance in 1958 and a final eight berth in the 1976 Euros.  Yet, a new generation of Dragons led by Aaron Ramsey, Gareth Bale and veteran Craig Bellamy have the firepower to cause concerns for group favourites England.  Unfortunately for the Welsh, their most exciting player, Bale, has been ruled out of the contest with a wonky hamstring.  Thus, Gary Speed’s side will be hard-pressed to cope with a Three Lions squad which is eager to get back on track after a dismal World Cup and must also make up ground on Montenegro, who lead them by 3 points, having played one game extra.

The press has played up every angle of the rivalry between the neighbours, dredging up Bellamy’s damning assessment of reinstated England captain John Terry and criticising Capello’s call-up of Wolves’winger Matt Jarvis.  With the absence of Bale and the captaincy issue finally settled, England should take all 3 points but, as with any derby, form goes out the window and Wales will be confident when they take the pitch at the Millennium Stadium. – Martin Palazzotto

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Brazil v Scotland, Friendly (Sunday) – I’m really looking forward to this one as I will be in the Emirates Stadium to witness it first hand. I have always wanted to see the magical Yellow Brazilian tops up close.

For Brazil, Robinho and Ronaldinho have not been selected but they will bring hotshot youngsters Neymar from Santos and Lucas of rival Sao Paolo, with a view to next years London Olympics. They do have some of the old guard with Lucio, Elano & Julio Cesar in the squad.  I am  very interested to see if classy defenders David Luiz and Thiago Silva can play alongside each other.

For Scotland, the question is will they be able to cope?  Allan McGregor will have a busy time in goal and Charlie Adam has a lot of pressure on his shoulders to make the Scots tick, whilst the lack of striking options means Kenny Miller will play as a lone striker yet again.  Still, whatever the score, the Tartan Army will revel in taking over London for the weekend and trying their hand at a bit of Samba dancing. – Scott Johnston

There is only one acceptable outcome possible for this match, a Brazilian win. The Seleção have been in a rare run of poor form, with consecutive losses to Argentina and France. Although coach Mano Menezes seem to be fairly secure in his job, he is none too happy with recent results. To change that, he has recalled veterans like Julio Cesar, Maicon and Lucio, who have been out of the squad since their early exit in South Africa.

Real Madrid fullback Marcelo’s excellent form has earned him a spot among the starting eleven but the big surprise is at the forward position. With Nilmar and Pato sidelined due to injuries, Leandro Damião will start the match alongside Neymar. Damião has been an impressive force at Internacional, here in Brazil, leading the line in the Campeonato Gaucho (Porto Alegre State Championship) and the Copa Libertadores. Both the youngsters and returning veterans will wish to impress the coach – and the media – to prove that they deserve a spot in this year’s Copa América, the first official step on the road to 2014. – Fab Presilli

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Germany v Kazakstan, Euro 2012 Group (Saturday) – Top v bottom meet in Group A and surely no one can look past Germany for this game.  It would take a miracle for Bernd Storck to lead his side past one of the strongest teams in Europe. Joachim Low’s latest squad has a mixture of the World Cup side and some young faces pushing through. The Dortmund trio of Mat Hummels, Mario Götze and Sven Bender might get a chance to show their worth. – Bachelor-no-more Andrew Gibney

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Luxembourg v France, Euro 2012 Group D (Friday) – The big story in France is the call-up of two of the ringleaders in the World Cup training ground strike, Franck Ribery and Patrice Evra. While Laurent Blanc has claimed the door is open for the transgressors, their presence can be put down at least partially to injuries, with normal starters Eric Abidal and Mathieu Valbuena sidelined for both clashes this week. The French media’s obsession with this one story more than faintly echoes the crazed attention given by the British tabloids to John Terry taking back the armband.

Both Evra and Ribery may go straight into the starting line-up,the latter likely assigned the right wing, although the possibility remains he could start in place of Malouda on the left. Otherwise, Les Bleus should look familiar to their recent outings.  The one disputed territory for the Luxembourg match is midfield, where Blanc may deploy the more attacking Yoann Gourcuff instead of his former Bordeaux favourite Alou Diarra.  That means, then, that Karim Benzema – who stunned Brazil last time out – will lead the line.

Predicted line-up for Friday:  G – Hugo Lloris/ D – Bacary Sagna, Adil Rami, Phillippe Mexès, Patrice Evra/ MF - Yoann Gourcuff, Yann M’Vila, Franck Ribéry, Samir Nasri, Florent Malouda/ F – Karim Benzema

France v Croatia, Friendly (Tuesday) — This match will be a much better spectacle and could see some of the younger players, like Mamadou Sakho, Abou Diaby, Jeremy Menez, and Kevin Gameiro, given their chance. Rest assured, however, that Blanc will still take this game very seriously, looking to follow up impressive wins – in display, if not in scoreline – against Brazil and England with yet another at the Stade de France. – Tapesh Patel

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Hungary v Holland – (Friday) then Holland vs. Hungary (Tuesday) Euro 2012 Group E — Two countries with a proud and rich footballing traditions meet for the first time in a competitive game in over two decades on Friday.   Then, as if to make up for lost time, they do it all again on Tuesday.  The Dutch go into the first game in Budapest without a competitive defeat over 90 minutes, under the managerial reign of Bert van Marwijk, but have a couple of injuries to deal with.  Most notable will be the continuing absence of influential winger Arjen Robben.  The Bayern Munich man, since his initial return early this year, has been riding the crest of a wave and would have benefited the national team greatly.

Yet his misfortune will once again be Ibrahim Afellay’s gain.  The ex-PSV captain who moved to sunny Catalonia in the winter transfer window, has greatly benefited from a run out in the Oranje first team, giving a stellar performance against Sweden in the last qualifier game.  However, a lack of minutes at Barcelona may go against him, although I can’t see who else van Marwijk would opt for in that wide left berth.  There’s Urby Emanuelson but, like Afellay, he hasn’t featured much for AC Milan – hardly, in truth.

Another worry for van Marwijk is who will replace Maarten Stekelenburg in the Dutch goal?  The Ajax keeper has done very well to fill the void left by Edwin van der Sar’s international retirement. I’d expect FC Utrecht keeper Michel Vorm to deputise, being the best of what is a very average bunch in reserve.

On the other side there will be a familiar face, in PSV winger Balázs Dzsudzsák, who is confident that his side can get a result but is urging caution.  As the lack of recent meetings between the sides is largely down to the Hungarians’long absence from the top echelon of European powers, guarded optimism is certainly understandable.  Still, the Magyars would love to surprise the Dutch much as the Golden Team surprised the World at the 1954 World Cup. – Mohamed Moallim

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Lithuania v Spain, Euro 2012 Group I (Tuesday) — Defending Euro champions Spain visit Lithuania in midweek, bidding to cement their place in next year’s finals.  Currently sitting on top of Group I with a 100% record, two wins from their next two games should be enough to take the Spanish through.  While the hosts will have warmed up with a friendly against Poland, Spain have to negotiate a tricky game with Czech Republic.  Yet, neither match will be a siesta in the sunshine.  A Fernando Llorente double helped Spain to a 3-1 win over the Baltic state back in October.  The Athletic Bilbao hitman could be called upon to deliver once more, with first choice marksmen Fernando Torres and David Villa currently out of form.  Injured trio Cesc Fabregas, Carlos Puyol and Pedro miss out, so Javi Martinez and Juan Mata have been promoted from the Under-21 squad.

Lithuania have four points from their opening three games, with a credible 1-0 victory away against the Czechs being their highlight thus far.  That said, qualification was always going to be hard after being paired with Spain.  Defenders Marius Stankevicius (Valencia), Marius Zaliukas (Hearts), midfielder Arvydas Novikovas (St Johnstone), and striker Tomas Danilevicius (Livorno) are the notable inclusions in a 26 man squad. – Shaun Best

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Portugal v Chile, Friendly (Saturday) — Without Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese side has to rely on some new names, like André Santos, and some old ones, like Nelson. Liédson could, or better, should be there with his compatriots, as he is in excellent form in Brazil, playing for Corinthians.

Mauricio Pinilla is usually the big name for Chile, however he is probably out due to an injury. Hector Mancilla has been playing well in Mexican side Tigres and will have his chance to appear in the national spotlight. This will be a big test for La Roja under new coach Claudio Borghi, who must keep the squad on track for the Copa America in the wake of Marcelo Bielsa’s protracted departure.

After facing Chile, Portugal will pick up where they left in the Euro qualifiers, playing Finland in Aveiro. – Fab Presilli

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Slovenia v Italy, Euro 2012 Group C (Friday) — “We’ll win easily on Friday, 2-0. More than that, I’ll say Slovenia will have 70 per cent possession. Am I exaggerating? No.” – Former Slovenian great Zlatko Zahovic, speaking to an Italian newspaper this week.

Cesare Prandelli hopes to do what no other Italian national manager has done before:  win in Slovenia.  Lucky to draw in 1994, ten years later, the Azzurri were narrowly beaten by a late strike, which saw Slovenia leapfrog them in their qualification group.  A defeat in Ljubljana will bring about the same result but perhaps third time’s a charm?

The last four meetings have been decided by a solitary goal, so defence will be key.  Two survivors from the 2004 defeat, Gianluigi Buffon and Alberto Gilardino, are in the squad but there is no place for the country’s top marksman, Antonio Di Natale. At age 33, Toto is being snubbed in favour of younger players for Prandelli’s next generation Italy.

Also out of the squad are Daniele De Rossi and Mario Balotelli after both fell afoul of Prandelli’s new code of ethics.  Prandelli has confirmed he will lineup with a 4-3-1-2 formation, with former Sampdoria teammates Antonio Cassano and Giampaolo Pazzini reuniting upfront.  Italy tested the new team and formation in an hour-long game against the Under 18 side with the seniors winning 4-0.

Seven members of the Slovenian squad currently ply their trade in Serie A.  They have tasted defeat once so far in this campaign as the usually goal-shy Northern Ireland emerged with a 1-0 victory back in September.  Since then, the home side have drawn with Serbia, thrashed the Faroe Islands and narrowly beaten Estonia.  Top scorer Tim Matavz may start from the bench as the Groningen forward is carrying an injury. – Shaun Best

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USA v Argentina, Friendly (Saturday) — Carlos Tevez. That has been the main name coach Sergio Batista keeps leaving out of the Albiceleste squad.  While Batista claims it is not a punishment for the Man City player opting out of the Brazil friendly, claiming injury, only to play 90 minutes for his club just days later, the diminutive striker has been a dynamo for the Eastlands outfit.  To be fair, Tevez did miss the Chelsea match with a niggly groin but has been cleared for next weekend’s Sunderland game.

Lionel Messi is the big name on hand but the Americans are a real test for the Argentinians, ahead of a home tournament. Javier Pastore and Nicolas Gaitan will form the rest of the offensive trio in New Jersey. The goalie will be a last minute surprise, although Agustin Marchesin of Lanus is the most probable starter. Argentina plays against Costa Rica next Tuesday. I expect two wins but with less than impressive football leading more fans and reporters loudly calling for Tevez’return. – Fab Presilli

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See you next week, when we can all tap into our inner Craig Bellamy and get back to the club grind.

And the surprise winner for Countries Who Don't Have Anything To Spend Their Tax Dollars On But Shiny New Stadiums is...

..

It’s often said that variety is the spice of life.  Well, when it comes to UEFA qualifying, for any tournament, if you’re on a bland diet, then you’d best grab the antacid now.  Once again, Michel Platini and his boys have come up with a new set-up to decide the fourteen clubs that will join the hosts, Poland and the Ukraine, in June 2012.

You might need your calculator for this.  Are you ready?

Okay, this time around it’s nine groups, six consisting of a half dozen nations and the other three containing five apiece.  Of course, it’s the same home and home round robin within the groups, as in the past,  but this time the nine first place countries and the best overall runner-up will automatically advance to the finals.

Now, because some groups have six squads and others five, there is a special ranking system to determine the best runner-up.   Essentially, any matches played against a sixth place finisher will not count in deciding the automatic qualifier.  Which means that whoever is eventually crowned champion, one thing is certain:  as the final group qualifying matches approach, sales of headache medicine will rise sharply in several countries, as fans without mathematical doctorates attempt to calculate their side’s chances.  For instance, even if your team is certain of finishing second, the results from matches involving minnows in other groups, may affect your standing.  If the wrong team suddenly falls into sixth position or climbs out of it, the fortunes of  your boys may drastically change.   We’ll wait for those of you heading to the medicine cabinet now to return before continuing.

Right then, moving on…  Once the single runner-up and nine group winners have qualified, that leaves eight other second place countries to be seeded into two-legged ties, with the winners claiming the remaining four places in the final tournament.  Yes, we did say seeded, because that’s what UEFA have solemnly promised, mindful of the furor last autumn, when they exercised their prerogative to change their minds, at the last minute, and held a draw for the World Cup play offs.  Fingers crossed but it’s likely they’ll keep their word this time.

It's a little known fact that Einstein flunked out of Group Qualification Theory.

Still, even with their vow to remain consistent going forward, Platini’s crew have managed to fudge things just a little.  You would think that, having concocted this complicated system for deciding the best runner-up, UEFA would use it to rank the other eight.  Unfortunately, that would be too easy.  Instead, the sufficiently more intricate and confusing UEFA National Team Coefficient rankings will be used to decide the playoff matchups.

I’m sorry, but if you’ve raised your hand to ask us to explain the coefficient, please put it back down or we shall be forced to club you to death.  Thank you very much.

UEFA made two other decisions, before the draw, of which one came to the fore when the balls were drawn.

First, minnows, or should we say piranhas(?), Azerbaijan and Armenia were precluded from meeting each other in the group stages.  These two nations simply don’t like each other on any level, never mind football, and so common sense prevailed over bureaucracy, with provisions being made, just in case.  As it happened, ‘in case’reared its ugly head and the two were both drawn into Group A, whereupon UEFA moved Armenia over to Group B.  What would be done if the two nations both progressed and were fated to meet in the later rounds of the competition would really not be an important consideration.  There are plenty of other things which take precedence when the Apocalypse arrives.

Second, it was decided that should France be drawn with the Republic of Ireland nothing would be done.  According to Platini such an event “would be great.”  It would be even greater if Les Bleus would be required to not only recall, but start, Thierry Henry in both matches, were the sides to eventually meet again. Sadly, though, it was the luck of the Irish to be placed in a group with Slovakia and Russia.  Any plans of revenge will have to wait for another day.

It should also be noted that one match has already been played and Estonia, on the strength of a 2-1 home victory over the Faroe Islands, has actually been atop Group C since 11 August.  Technically then, we are a little late with this preview but are, nonetheless, happy to bring you a summary of the nine groups with our ratings for each of the nations involved.

Beginning with:

Group A…..(Geoff Edwards)

The group looks to be a straight fight between Belgium, Turkey and Austria for the honour of going through alongside Germany, who have to be favourites following their World Cup exploits.  The only dilemma for Joachim Low, at the moment, is the tug-of-war between Michael Ballack and Phillip Lahm, over the captain’s armband

Belgium, under the stewardship of Georges Leekens, certainly possess enough quality to emerge from this group. In Marouane Fellaini, Steven Defour, Axel Witsel, Eden Hazard and Romelu Lukaku, Belgian fans will hope there is the nucleus of a squad that could rival their 80s and early 90s vintage, when a side containing the likes of Enzo Scifo and Jan Ceulemans was prominent on the world scene.

Hiddink's merlinesque effect may bring Turkey back into prominence

Turkey will hope to ensure that Euro 2012 is a tournament too soon for Belgium’s youngsters. Guus Hiddink’s men have a nice blend of youth and experience and a few survivors from the squad that reached the semis in Euro 2008, including Arda Turan and the Altintop brothers. Most importantly, they have Hiddink. If anyone can get the Turks performing consistently it’s the Dutch alchemist, who will want to put his previous campaign with Russia behind him.

Austria look to be a little behind Turkey and Belgium in the race for 2nd but, with a forward line boasting Martin Harnik, Erwin Hoffer, Marko Arnautovic and Marc Janko, they certainly have the potential to derail rival campaigns.  Although they can both be classed as the minnows of the group, Azerbaijan and Kazakhstan are certainly far from no-hopers. They’ll each look to take maximum points off the other and nick a point or two from their more illustrious opponents.

Group B…..(Eliot Rothwell)

This looks to be a two horse race with the footballing thoroughbreds of Ireland and Russia battling it out for the top spot.

Russia, under Dick Advocaat, will look to continue the progress made by Guus Hiddink.  With such players as Andrei Arshavin and Roman Pavlyuchenko, the Russians do have the horsepower . The one question is the defence and its inept talent for conceding silly goals when it matters most.

Giovanni Trappatoni relates the amount of times his stomach had to be pumped last month, after he ingested a bad batch of bangers and mash.

Ireland, under the stewardship of Il Trap, are looking to qualify for their first international tournament in some time.   The resolute defending of Richard Dunne, et al, will form the basis of their bid to claim top spot. With an attacking force of Robbie Keane and Kevin Doyle up front, the Irish are capable of doing damaging but they lack depth and could lose their way should injuries to key players arise.

Any surprises might come from Vladimir Weiss’ Slovakia, who triumphed over Italy at the World Cup. The potent menace of striker Stanislav Sestak re-enforced by a tremendous team spirit could pose a serious danger to Russia and Ireland. The win over Italy was greeted with jubilation in Bratislava and combined with the progression of Zilina to the Champions League group stages, a good European campaign could round off a very satisfying year for Slovakian football.

Bringing up the rear are Macedonia, Andorra and Armenia, the whipping boys of the group. Macedonia present the biggest threat, as England fans will know.  Inter Milan’s Goran Pandev shoulders much of the attacking burden.  The fight for bottom of the group will be interesting as Andorra and Armenia slug it out to see who can accumulate a lesser amount of 5-0 defeats, with Andorra sweetening the pot by welcoming away teams to Barcelona for a spot of R and R pre-match.

Group C….. (Eliot Rothwell)

The Cesare Prandelli era begins for World Cup ’06 winners, Italy.  The Italians will be favourites to qualify , yet also intent on regaining their opponents’respect after their dismal showing in South Africa. Daniele De Rossi and Giorgio Chiellini will be looking to get their international careers back on track. If rumours are proven correct, there could be much re-shaping of this Italian side.  With former captain Fabio Cannavaro now playing in the Middle East and Luca Toni and Francesco Totti definitely on the outs, expect a new crop of Italians to come to fruition this season.

Where Vidic leads, his band of Serbs will follow.

Featuring a wealth of attacking players, Serbia will present the biggest threat to Italy’s chances. Milos Krasic and Milan Jovanovic will provide width and incisive wideplay for the Serbians, who benefit from the extremely strong defence of Nemaja Vidic and Branislav Jovanovic. Serbia could finish top of the group, providing they find their goalscoring boots with 6’5″ Nikola Zigic backing up the towering talent of Marko Pantelic.

Slovenia are the next team in line. They were unlucky not to progress from their World Cup group and Mateja Kez’s side will be looking to continue the second golden age of Slovenian football by claiming a place at the Euros. With a resolute defence and, in Valter Birsa, an ability to score spectacular goals, the Slovenians are capable of scraping out 1-0 wins away from home.

Northern Ireland, perennial nearly men, will be relying on the goalscoring talents of David Healy once more as they attempt to scrap their way through the qualifying stages. If they are to progress, expect a spate of 1-0 home wins.  In August, Estonia struggled to a 2-1 extra time win, at home,  against the Faroe Islands.  The result hardly inspires confidence that they’ll prove any impedance to the big boys.

The Faroe Irelands, themselves? Surely they have no chance. Well that may be true but with the uncompromising Faroese air, the wayward Danes may just be able to nick a result here and there.

Group D….. (Tapesh Patel)

France is the only team from this group which qualified for the World Cup and therefore must go down as favourites. Laurent Blanc’s rebuilding job has, to date,  been largely praised but it will come under closer scrutiny (though not from Ireland), with inexperienced faces joining the World Cup dropouts. Some may expect Les Bleus to struggle but their pool of talent is surely far too large for qualification to be a problem.  Samir Nasri, Karim Benzema, Hatem Ben Arfa, Jeremy Menez and Pillippe Mexes will all return after being omitted from the South Africa squad by Raymond Domenech. However, it won’t be if, but how France qualify that will be most telling.

Dzeko wants to put a charge into Bosnia-Herzogovina

A talented side is Bosnia-Herzegovina but very top-heavy in attack.  The focal point of the team is the prolific Edin Dzeko, ably assisted by Zlatan Muslimovic, Vedad Ibisevic and raw midfielder Miralem Pjanic.  Unification of Christian and Muslim team members has instilled pride and patriotism in both the squad and the country itself, which will aid their qualification campaign.

Romania are solid but unspectacular. Captain Cristian Chivu has experienced colleagues in defence, such as Gabriel Tamas, Razvan Rat and Cosmin Contra. A lack of firepower up front, however, may create problems.   Belarus could be unlikely wildcards in what is a fairly weak group. Aliaksandr Hleb provides a touch of class, Vitaly Kutuzov some finesse, and Sergei Kornilenko the goals, having been prolific in the Belorussian League.

Meanwhile, Albania are strong in midfield, led by Lorik Cana and Altin Lala, but lack quality elsewhere.  Luxembourg are, of course, the very definition of minnows.

Group E …..(Avi Goldberg)

The nice moments of the World Cup in South Africa are over and it’s time for the Dutch to qualify for the Euro 2012 through Group E.  While I’m an unashamedly huge fan of the Oranje, there is no doubt that they’re the favourites in this group, with an impressive 25 games unbeaten, until the final, thanks to Bert van Marwijk’s decision to field a solid midfield.  A new challenge lies ahead, however, with two important players leaving, in captain Geovanni van Bronckhorst and veteran centre back Andres Ooijer.  As well,  seeing Robin van Persie and Arjen Robben falling off the team injured, they’ll need to prove again why they went so far in the World Cup.

Fans of the Blågult are hoping that Ibra is happier to return to them than he is to Milan.

Sweden, after missing the World Cup, will do their best to win all their games and try to settle an account with the Oranje, over their loss in the quarter-finals of Euro 2004. Now that the time for friendlies has past and the matches count, the Swedes can rely once more on the experienced striker, Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

The Finns aren’t to be forgotten, fielding a decent team despite never qualifying for the Euros. They adapt to every game differently and are unafraid of going for the win. Hungary, with their new coach Sandor Egervari and experienced midfielders Balazs Dzsudzsak & Roland Juhasz, can hurt their opponent badly through the counter attack & are not a team to think of as the weaker side.

The lesser known teams in this group, Moldova, ranked 89th worldwide by FIFA and San Marino, 202nd, have never qualified for the World Cup or the Euros but are determined to make matters as difficult as possible and prove themselves to the serious contenders.

Group F…..(Tapesh Patel)

After the disappointment of not reaching the World Cup, Slaven Bilic will be out to make amends. He has the squad to do it, too. Croatia are a solid all-round side, boasting talented playmakers in Luca Modric, Ivan Rakitic and Nico Kranjcar, as well as a potent strikeforce consisting of Eduardo da Silva, Ivica Olic and Maladen Petric. Bilic has created good teams from his players in the past, and although the Croats will need to be on their game to win this group, any other result would be a big upset.

Samaras is just praying for a chance to play.

Good news for all purists: Otto “Anti-football” Rehhagel has officially resigned from his post as Greece manager. In his defence (pun intended), he has secured his place in Greek footballing folklore. It now falls to the Portuguese, Fernando Santos, to attempt qualification – if he is to succeed, younger players like Sotiris Ninis and Georgios Samaras must be given chances to impress.

Israel have an outside chance at a playoff spot. They’re a young squad led by the experienced hands of Yossi Benayoun and Tal Ben Haim. Dekel Keinan, Tamir Cohen, Ben Sahar and Biram Kayal are all talented players, known to followers of the British leagues, and teenage midfielder Eyal Golasa has drawn admiring glances from Lazio and Bayern Munich. Latvia still possess some of the players who helped them qualify for Euro 2004, such as Maris Verpakovskis, who famously bagged six goals during that campaign. Nor should it be forgotten that they came third in World Cup qualification.

Georgia features a strong defence, led by Kakha Kaladze and Zurab Khizanishvili, but otherwise won’t linger in anyone’s mind. Malta are very much the outsiders, in this or any group in which they’re drawn.

Group G….. (Matt Dalton)

With England‘s ridiculously poor performance in South Africa all but a distant memory, it’s now time to focus on the next international tournament and, indeed, the future of the England national team. Having been drawn alongside Bulgaria, Montenegro, Switzerland and Wales, England have been granted a route to qualification which is far from easy. The Three Lions will be desperate to get off to a good start at Wembley against the Bulgarians on the 3rd September, with the second match quickly following, away to Switzerland on the 7th.

Ottmar's first priority is always that the bus is properly parked.

For the other teams in Group G, there is optimism. Never before have England appeared to be quite so weak; morale is at an all time low, key players are regularly underperforming and the fans are on the squad’s back like never before. Of course, England still expect, and are expected, to secure qualification from the group.  Yet, if ever there was a chance for the likes of Ottmar Hitzfeld’s Switzerland, with its bunker mentality, to spring an upset, surely this is it.  Bulgaria, even without the retired Dimitar Berbatov, and Montenegro are not to be taken lightly, either.

There is also the presence of an up and coming Wales side. Their resources may not be equal to England but there is no doubt that they’ll be up for the games. The rivalry between the two countries is massive; you only have to look at the rugby.

Ordinarily, there would be at least four “easy” games in a qualification group. This time around, however, there will be no ‘working vacations’to ease the way.  With only five nations, instead of six, there are no minnows and it’s clear that there will be surprises before all is said and done. Every team in this group is hopeful of a place at the European Championships in 2012, and rightly so!

Group H …..(Tapesh Patel)

"Rumblin', Bumblin', Stumblin'!" Ronaldo needs to get it together on the international stage. (w/apologies to the great Keith Jackson)

When it comes to Portugal, all eyes are on one man, which is just the way the twinkle-toed Cristiano Ronaldo likes it. After the major disappointment that was his World Cup, featuring a single unflattering goal, the Real Madrid man (his current injury aside) will hope to get back to what he does best: running rampant over inferior opposition. The Iberian midfield now has a young core of Raul Meireles, Joao Moutinho and Miguel Veloso, while left-back Fabio Coentrao also gives the side an added dimension going forward.

The Danish World Cup squad had an aging look to it, with players such as Jesper Gronkjaer, Dennis Rommedahl and Jon Dahl Tomasson all visibly past their prime. Denmark needs an infusion of new blood.  Luckily, manager Morten Olsen can call upon such rising stars as Daniel Agger and Christian Eriksen to replace those on the wane. Goals will be needed from Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner to bolster a side which lacked a consistent offensive threat in South Africa.

If the recent 2-1 friendly victory against France is anything to go by, Norway have blended their youth and experience  into a capable outfit.   With the likes of captain Brede Haageland, the brothers John Arne and Bjorn Helge Riise and Morten Gamst Pedersen, the Norwegians possess talent across the team.  They could well beat fellow Scandinavians Denmark (and Iceland) to second place.

Led by the likeable Eidur Gudjohnsen, Iceland may produce  some shock results.  Sadly there are no Stjarnan players in the squad, so don’t hope for any interesting goal celebrations.  Cyprus are unknown quantities with all of the squad currently playing their trade in the country’s domestic league. While not as isolated as the North Koreans, they are just as unlikely to stage an upset in this competition.

Group I….. (Steven Jones)

After completing a World/European double, there are no signs of the end of the ‘golden age’for Spain.   In fact, it looks like they might go from strength to strength and betting against them finishing top of the group would be borderline insane.  No, the group ultimately comes down to the battle for second place between the Czech Republic, Scotland and possibly Lithuania.

Whatever Darren Fletcher may think of McFadden's choice of anti-perspirant, he is happy to have him in the lineup.

Recent campaigns have done Scotland no justice, as they are again 3rd seeds in their group. Managing to avoid Sweden (who tore them apart a month ago) as well as Serbia and Turkey are major plusses but the Czech Republic will want to do considerably better than their World Cup efforts when they lagged behind Slovakia and Slovenia.

In Tomas Rosicky, the Czechs have a top player.  If he can string together a run of games for his club side, Arsenal, he may also prove pivotal in his country’s qualifying campaign.  James McFadden still remains Scotland’s standout player, with the side exhibiting a noticeable lack of creativity when he’s missing. Craig Levein’s tenure as the Scottish boss actually started with a home fixture against the Czech Republic, back in March, with a 1-0 win.

However, it will be the away fixtures that will pose the most problems for Scotland; recent matches in Norway and the Ukraine spring to mind as games where Scotland were outplayed with full strength sides.  Although, one can look to a certain night in Paris for some reaffirmation.

Lithuania can sometimes punch above their weight class but other than featherweights Liechtenstein, they are not likely to bully anyone about.

..

We hope that fills you in on the various groups, where your country fits in and how they may or may not be able to progress.  In conclusion, we’d like to thank Professor Stephen Hawking, Carol Vorderman and Marcus du Sautoy for their help in unraveling the UEFA Group Theory Formula.

Enjoy the action and see you in Kiev!

Unfortunately that happy story was quickly shouldered aside and no surprise when the News of the World and Sunday Mirror continue to disgrace our presence.  It really is none of our business what footballers or any other celebrities do in their spare time or with whom they do it.  Like as not, the fish wraps had just as much proof (see nada) in making these allegations as they did in the Bridge/Perroncel/Terry case.

Kudos to Milner for standing behind his mate.

Wayne Rooney hasn’t made a statement on the matter yet but the rest of the media has jumped on board, speculating on such ridiculous things as his World Cup form suffering because he was afraid this story was about to break.  If that’s the case, he must have confided in his teammates because their performances were every bit as abysmal as his.  At this point it won’t really matter what, if anything, the United star has to say.  The majority of the public is only too willing to give credibility to a young woman whose only prospects in life are her equally loose morals and tongue.

What we need is the Beeb, or some other reasonably ethical news source, to follow NOTW and Mirror employees around surreptitiously, dig up their pasts and expose all their peccadilloes.  Unfortunately, even their own houses were exposed as being constructed of glass, they’d probably continue throwing stones.  Anything for a few bob in the pocket.

Fortunately, my parakeets have just finished eating a pound or so of seed and I can shove these sorry excuses for newspapers where they belong, at the bottom of the cage, shit to catch shit, and get on to the weekend highlights.

Enjoy!

Geoff did say he was growing a beard ahead of this trip.

Geoff Edwards (Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?)

Geoff is still on holiday and he will be sorry to have missed:

Belgium 0 – 1 Germany

Once again, it was Klose but Germany pulled out a 1-0 victory over  Georges Leekens’Belgians.   The home side was very frisky early on but could not find a way past Manuel Neuer.  They would regret that, as the three headed World Cup monster of Lukas Podolski, Thomas Müller and Miroslav Klose began to attack the Rote Teufel goal.  Six minutes into the restart, an inattentive Vincent Kompany was dispossessed on the edge of the box.  The loose ball caromed directly to Müller, who quickly found Klose, alone with the space, time and precision to find the corner of goal.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eum_lEcEZKM

Germany continued their half century mastery over Belgium but Leekens can take heart in the overall play of his squad.

Tapesh Patel

Tapesh Patel

France 0-1 Belarus

A French pundit called this result “la douche froide” (a cold shower) and France certainly received a rude awakening from a very average Belarus side. There were many positives – Florent Malouda sparkled as captain, while Yann M’Vila again belied his tender years – but ultimately Belarus seized upon France’s profligacy in front of goal. Midfielder Sergey Kisliak horrified Les Bleus with an 86th minute winner, and France have now lost four in a row, their worst run since 1937.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxuMnOUJ8xA

Lithuania 0-0 Scotland

When previewing this match, I called it a tight six-pointer and that’s exactly how it panned out. Scotland undoubtedly had the better of the game, but did not have the tools to unlock their opponents, who frequently disrupted the Scottish rhythm with some tough tackling. This was a missed opportunity for Scotland, and only a win will now do against Liechtenstein on Tuesday.

Editor’s note:  So, we were thinking… Why post some drab highlights from a nil-nil snorefest(?) when there was a more entertaining international taking place nearby that we thought you might like to see!  The camera-man’s work isn’t the best and neither is his English but it’s good fun nonetheless.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBIZ_A8H7c8

Chris Mann

Chris Mann

Avi Goldberg

Avi Goldberg

San Marino 0 – 5  The Netherlands

Bert Van Marwijk waited to release the names of the starting 11 until the game is about to start.   Opting for a consistent formation, he hasn’t changed much, even though he could have played a more aggressive shape against  a lightwieight side.  Johny Heitinga, suspended for his red card v Spain, was replaced in the heart of defence by Hedwiges Maduro.  First half difficulties made it obvious that the Oranje had used up a lot of emotional energy, being in a long and ultimately fruitless chase of the World Cup. A little time was needed to get back together on the pitch and start again.

Minutes after a goal was ruled offside, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar was brought down in the box and Dirk Kuyt converted the penalty. On the 26th minute, however,  there came a scary moment for keeper Maarten Stekelenburg.  Andy Selva shot from afar and almost caught him off guard. That brought the focus back to the side, though, and a quickly taken free kick from Wesley Sneijder gave the opportunity for Kuyt to cross for Huntelaar to tap in 2-0.

Not a phenomenal first half but the second introduced more creativity in the field, when Rafael van der Vaart put Huntelaar to his second and third for the night. The moment of return then came, as Kuyt made way for Ruud Van Nistelrooy.  Van ‘The Man’couldn’t be happier, after scoring a nice volley in extra time, to make it a final 5-0.

Okay, it was against a much weaker team but the Oranje got their first 3 points and will look to continue with the same solid and successful formation against their next opponent, Finland.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEqb84OUG7M

Martin Palazzotto

Martin Palazzotto

Major League Soccer

The swing match in the weekend spate took place at Rio Tinto Stadium, in Salt Lake.  The Red Bulls came to town without defender Rafa Marquez, who was captaining Mexico to a loss against Ecuador, and were completely disorganised in the first half.  Fabio Espindola’s strike, for Real, should have been one of many but the home side didn’t take their chances.  New York found their shape in the second 45 but not an equaliser.

With the LA Galaxy managing a draw in Chicago and the Columbus Crew taking care of business, with a 0-1 victory at cellar dwelling DC United, the Western Conference became much tighter, while the gap in the East widened.

Salt Lake, the MLS Cup holders, are now positioned to snatch the Supporter’s Shield, for best overall record.  The Galaxy have been bleeding points since their upset loss to Puerto Rico Islanders, in the CONCACAF Champions League qualifiers.  David Beckham’s rumoured return can’t come soon enough for manager Bruce Arena.

That Chicago managed only a draw against the fallen Angelinos doesn’t bode well for thir fading playoff hopes.  They do still have 2 games in hand on the field but will have to take maximum points from them to be a factor at season’s end.  meanwhile, watch out for FC Dallas coming out of the west.  Despite sitting 5th in the table they have gotten results out of more games than any other side, thus far, having lost just twice.

Real Salt Lake v NY Red Bulls

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te29oncHmZs

..

Chicago Fire v LA Galaxy

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fZIViCiHB8

Mexican Apertura

Chivas de Guadalajara 3 – 0  UAG Tecos

The Goats are definitely baa-a-aa-ack!  Before a packed Estadio OmniLife. in Guadalajara, Chivas put the horns to derby rivals Tecos.  Having spent the early part of the Apertura season more concerned with chasing the Copa Libertadores in South America, Jose Luis Real’s squad knew they had work to do, if they are to figure in the first half of the split season.  They quickly got down to business, showing the difference between themselves and last place Tecos.

On 37 minutes, midfielder Marco Fabian connected with a perfect long distance backdoor cross to Omar Bravo, who headed the Goats into the lead.  In the second half, the skies opened up and so did Chivas.  After seeing several chances denied by Tecos keeper, Mario Rodriguez, Ricardo Vasquez Gallien finally found a way past him to double the lead.  The skies would clear but Chivas continued to rain shots on Rodriguez.  At the death, Marco Fabian would cap off the scoring, after a mad scramble around the Tecos box.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMN5NsIuaA0

Argentine Apertura

Velez Sarsfield 2 – 1 River Plate

Faced with a herculean task, needing to defeat city rivals River Plate, to both leapfrog them and keep pace with cheeky Arsenal de Sarandi, Velez Sarsfield made full use of their home pitch advantage to earn a hard fought victory.  Juan Manuel Martinez opened the scoring for Velez, just after the half hour but Diego Buonanotte pegged the home side back just before time.  It was a rough match all around, with both sides earning 4 cautions.  Santiago Silva’s penalty conversion, in the 58th minute put El Fortin on top once more but they had to circle the wagons when Leandro Somoza was sent off with almost 20 minutes remaining.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3OL4do6e6E

Eliot Rothwell

Eliot Rothwell

Montenegro 1 – 0 Wales

It’s fair to say Wales will be disappointed with this result. Montenegro ran out winners from a Mirko Vucinic goal that was celebrated emphatically by his countrymen.  John Toshack’s side never really looked threatening going forward and lacked a creative outlet in midfield, to assist the attacking players.

Wales will need to improve to have any hope of qualifying.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ltf-MgJqny4

Editor’s note:  According to reports, John Toshack has decided to throw in the towel.  In two years, he’s been unable to make any progress with the squad and apparently alienated the most talented of his players.  As his decision caught the FAW by surprise, there is no successor in the frame and Toshack has agreed to stay on until one is found.

England 4 – 0 Bulgaria

A great win and a good performance. Not spectacular but good. This doesn’t makes England world beaters but certainly shows that the players were capable of achieving more at the World Cup.  Hopefully,as a result, certain facets of the press may now take a step back from their mindless Capello baiting.

Jermaine Defoe looked lively upfront and England reaped the rewards of some tidy finishing. There are still question marks to be solved for England, the largest of those being the bumbling Glen Johnson who, apart from having superb physical attributes, has an astounding lack of technique, tactical awareness and positioning. Onwards we go.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSwm_NginjA

Slovenia 0 – 1 Northern Ireland

A 1-0, backs against the wall, away win. It can only be Northern Ireland. Nigel Worthington’s men overcame the lacklustre Slovenian’s through a combination of smart tactics and fighting spirit. The younger of the Evans brothers, Corey, netted the winning goal in a game that saw Northern Ireland illustrate that they may be a force to be reckoned with.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCz7ZtTwuFw

Kris Dwyer

The Oz Files with Kris Dwyer

Socceroos 0 – 0 Switzerland

Well that was dour wasn’t it? A nil-all draw, but good signs, as Australia moved away from the dredge of a 1 man strike force, something we’ve been succumbing to for years, under Dutch management.

Scott Macdonald has a lot to answer for, having missed many gilt-edged chances.  However, Helger Osieck has defended the striker, claiming he admired his work rate.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFmCFU50deg

Perth Glory 2 – 1 Wellington Phoenix

This game was always gonna be big, and the crowd of the round showed up in force in Western Australia with 10,844 fans filing into nib Stadium.  The game got off with a masterpiece of brilliance, Robbie Fowler turning and placing a lobbed through-pass onto the boot of Todd Howarth, from the centre of the park.  Howarth then crossed it straight to Mile Sterjovski, for a tap-in in front of the adoring ‘shed,’after just six minutes  The Glory were then denied a second by the referee who incorrectly called Sterjovski offside, and both sides went into the break, with the Glory 1-0 up.

On the restart, the Glory again came out fired up.  This time, Mile Sterjovski proved to be provider for marquee man Robbie Fowler, who headed it graciously into the net for his second Perth Glory goal and first in front of a home crowd.  There was a late rush home by Wellington Phoenix, however.  In the 76th minute, Ben Sigmund rose above the Glory defence, to nod home past Velaphi, but the Glory ran out winners in an end to the game that left fans on the edge of their seat.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_MV0f81sxc

Interviewed during the break, former Glory player and fan favourite Eugene Dadi provided a moment of hilarity.  ”Well I’m waiting for a contract and it’s Fathers Day.  Dadi is here!” quipped the 37 year old Ivorian.   Comical Brilliance.

Melbourne Heart 1 – 0 North Queensland Fury

Not much to say about this one, other than the stock of Nick Kalmar continues to rise. His meteoric ascent from the second tier VPL has been one of the stories of the year, with the young player already off the mark, with two goals.  Kalmar’s well timed header, in the first half, was enough for the Heart to secure their first win of the season and they jump up into sixth place with 5 points.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnMXBh7HVqM

Once again, we’ve been happy to put the World in World Football Columns.  Just in case you haven’t had enough video, we’ll leave you with a clip from the Glory Shed in Perth, where the home supporters welcome their Kiwi visitors with a short verse.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnYkfCftNwc

It’s not very cultured but, last I checked, the Opera House was in Sydney, not Perth.

See you on Friday!

This week, that means the first spate of qualifiers for Euro 2012, as well as plenty of fixtures in Australia, Argentina, Brazil, and the US.  If you didn’t catch our big Euro preview midweek, it’s right here.  The upcoming matches aren’t all that has fans of the European game abuzz this week, though.  The transfer market has closed, although not without a flurry of last minute business.

Now that Alex has this transfer thingy down, maybe he can find a decent barber.

If you see a smiling Harry Redknapp walking about London, during the break, don’t ask him for an autograph.  His hands are still swollen from a last desperate grab, just as the transfer window slammed shut.  His grin is genuine,  though, because coming away with Real Madrid’s surplus midfield magician, Rafael van der Vaart, for Tottenham, was certainly worth the pain.

In Birmingham, Alex McLeish has no need of painkillers.  His timing was much better than Redknapp’s, as he landed Barca benchwarmer, Alex Hleb, Chilean World Cup winger Jean Beausejour and the towering Spartak Moscow centre back, Martin Jiranek, all earlier on deadline day,.  With the trio joining the likes of Matt Derbyshire and Ben Foster as newcomers to City, the Blues are looking good to improve on their ninth place finish, last term.  Now chairman, Peter Pannu is on the hook to sign the Scot to a new deal, after having made some unflattering remarks regarding his ability.

Most players only do this after scoring a goal; For Robinho, this is his reaction to everything.

While McLeish and Redknapp were adding to David Cameron’s headaches over immigration, Man City provided some relief for the Tory PM, shipping the red tagged Brazilian, Robinho, to AC Milan, at well over a 50% discount on his £32M purchase price of two years ago.  Although Silvio Berlusconi will need to find some spare change hidden under his mistress, sorry, mattress to exercise the option to purchase Zlatan Ibrahimovic from Barcelona, for €24M in one year’s time, the suddenly economically minded Italian president at least broke even on the Robinho deal, by sending Klaas-Jan Huntelaar to Schalke 04 for €13M.  With the aging squad he has, if the lecherous Berlusconi can keep getting these kinds of players through the door without cracking open his wallet, maybe he does deserve to continue running the entire country for a while longer.

Back in England, all twenty Premier League clubs submitted their 2010 rosters on Wednesday.  Despite all the kerfluffle, no one seemed to have much trouble complying with the Homegrown Rule.  Many clubs simply named less than the maximum 25 non-homegrown players to their squad and supplemented those they did with a bevy of youngsters.  In fact, Arsene Wenger, who is known the world over as a despiser of the rule, got in one last dig, by naming just a 20 man roster, accompanied by a whopping 56 under-21′s.

Oh, and we almost forgot.  Mikel Arteta won’t be playing for England.  The FIFA archivists, working long into the night in their Zurich vaults, uncovered an obscure rule which prevents the Everton midfielder from featuring for the Three Lions.  Apparently, since he played for Spain as a wet-behind-the-ears teenager, without holding a UK passport at the time, it won’t matter if he obtains one now.  That’ll teach us to write a feature article on the subject.

Not a person to be reasoned with.

The  international matches, all scheduled on Friday, make for an early weekend in Europe,  but Monday is the Labour Day holiday in North America.  For MLS fans, that’s not a reason to celebrate.  To them, the holiday is like some horribly mutated version of Groundhogs Day.  The difference, in this case, is that instead of a cute little bucktoothed rodent popping out of a hole, hoping to avoid its own shadow, a pair of terrifyingly large and hideous monsters, known as the NFL and NCAA football emerge from their lairs and stomp on anyone not wearing a football jersey decorated with large numbers on both sides.

Outsized and outnumbered, MLS will soldier on with a full slate of fixtures this weekend.  Mexico, however, features just a single match on its calendar.  Experts believe this has direct relation to the fact that most US Border Patrol agents are massive grid-iron fans, who would never miss opening day.

In the southern half of the Americas, Corinthians legend Roberto Carlos can rest easier tonight.  After years of study, French physicists have confirmed that the incredible bend that the former galactico put on his infamous 1997 free kick against their home side, was indeed no fluke and that the Brazilian deserves every accolade for greatness he receives.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crSkWaJqx-Y

It’s one thing for a planet full of pubcrawlers to argue that you’re the most amazing left back of all time but it’s another when science is on your side.  Forget string theory and quantum mechanics, this is research grant money well spent.

Now to what’s on tap this weekend.  The WFC gang is back to serve it up but you’ll have to supply your own pretzels.

That mad Baggins is off again...

From the desk of the vacationing Geoff Edwards

Belgium v Germany, Euro ’12 Group A

Given that many of the day’s headline matches are of the killer whale versus minnow variety, this tilt stands out at first glance.  Unfortunately, Geoff notes that Die Mannschaft haven’t lost to the Belgians since 1954, which, and I don’t get to say this often enough anymore, is before I was born.  In that match, the Rote Teufel (think ManU or AC Milan) caught the Germans with a major hangover, it being the champions’first game after winning their initial World Cup.  Thomas Vermaelen wears the armband for the hosts, while Philip Lahm, now officially caretaking for Michael Ballack, leads out the visitors.  As well, Manuel Neuer’s stellar turn in South Africa has earned him the Nr. Ein for Germany.

Chris Mann

Chris Mann

Liechtenstein v Spain Euro ’12 Group I

Undoubtedly the biggest mismatch of the week, newly-crowned world champions Spain will travel to Liechtenstein (population 34,761) on Friday, where they will face a country ranked an incredible 140 places below them in the FIFA rankings. Vicente Del Bosque has named a full-strength team despite the lowly nature of Spain’s opposition and it would hardly be surprising if David Villa, Fernando Torres and friends racked up a double-figure margin of victory at the Rheinpark Stadion.

Estonia v Italy Euro ’12 Group C

The Cesare Prandelli era begins in earnest tomorrow evening, as the Azzurri take on Estonia at the Lillekula Stadium in Tallinn. If a new-look Italian side can gel from the off, led out by redemption minded Daniel De Rossi and Giorgio Chiellini, then Prandelli’s men shouldn’t have a problem with their Baltic opponents, but Estonia – ranked 94th in the world – should not be underestimated. Players such as Tarmo Kink and Andres Oper are more than capable of punishing the Italians should they lose concentration. It should be an straightforward victory for the Azzurri but, as we saw so clearly in South Africa, Italy can be prone to self-destruction.

Eliot Rothwell

Eliot Rothwell

Slovenia v Northern Ireland Euro ’12 Group C

The Slovenians, under Matjez Kek, have made real progress, of late. A play-off victory over Russia cemented their rise to the top table of global football and rocketed them up 60 (yes, 60!) places in the FIFA rankings, all the way to 19th.  The rangy figure of striker Mile Novakovic may cause the likes of Jonny Evans problems, as the slippery Köln striker looks to evade the clutches of his markers.

Meanwhile, Northern Ireland have a problem. They never seem able to get out of a group situation. Even in their last World Cup qualifying group, they were pipped by Slovakia and (you’ve guessed it) Slovenia. Manager Nigel Worthington will no doubt be scratching his silver mane trying to fathom how his side can conquer the likes of England and Spain, yet fail dismally against weaker teams. The Northern Irish cause should be aided by long-time saviour David Healy who, reminiscent of Lukas Podolski, remains out-of-form with his club side, while invariably turning up in spades for his country.

When not whipping Wales into shape, Toshack sings lead on PS Guitar Hero.

Montenegro v Wales Euro ’12 Group G

Recently established on the international stage themselves, Montenegro, host John Toshack’s Wales, in what could be a contender for match of the week.  The Welsh posses an in-form Gareth Bale, lightning quick and blessed with a traction engine in his left boot.  Montenegro, meanwhile are blessed with two goofy-footed technicians of their own. AS Roma’s Mirko Vucinic and Stevan Jovetic, of Anfield goalscoring fame, are more than a match for the weary defence of James Collins and Danny Gabbidon.

With both sides blessed with attacking menace and cursed with frail defences, the highlight reel should be lengthy.

England v Bulgaria Euro ’12 Group G

With the retirement of talisman Dimitar Berbatov, Bulgaria have adopted a 4-2-3-1 in recent matches, with the clear aim of controlling the ball for as long as possible. Martin and Stilian Petrov, in the midfield, should provide the Bulgarians with some creative spark against the too often lacklustre English.

With the English press heavily criticising Fabio Capello of late, the knives will be out should England not win this game and comfortably. Unfortunately for Capello, his side are suffering from any number of injury problems, most notably missing first choice centre-backs John Terry and Rio Ferdinand, as well as rangy impact sub Peter Crouch. This leaves the Italian the tough choice of relying on his out of favour World Cup squad or blooding unproven youngsters in a game that actually matters.

England have often struggled against possession minded sides and whilst they may run out eventual winners, I predict it to be a frustrating one, with the Bulgarians combining technique and tactics to stifle Englands attackers.

Tapesh Patel

Tapesh Patel

France v Belarus Euro ’12 Group D

While this match ushers in a new era for the French, Laurent Blanc probably still doesn’t know his best eleven.  We can therefore expect wholesale changes from the World Cup team.  Philippe Mexes will likely team up with Adil Rami in defence and Loic Rémy with Guillaume Hoarau in attack. The formation Blanc will play is also a complete mystery; the 4-4-2 diamond deployed against Norway will probably change to a straight 4-4-2 or a 4-3-3, due to the lack of an attacking playmaker (with Samir Nasri, Franck Ribery and Yoann Gourcuff all ruled out). The diamond in the rough is undoubtedly Florent Malouda, who has arguably been the best player in the Premiership so far this season.

Belarus will look to spring a shock on France if the hosts start slowly, but it may prove a difficult task, as key winger Aliaksandr Hleb has hardly played since April.  To be honest, though, I wouldn’t like to predict how this will pan out.

Lithuania v Scotland Euro ’12 Group I

Lithuania are still seen as minnows but Scotland will undoubtedly know the threat of their opposition, with many of the home side being current or former practitioners in the Scottish Premier League. Aberdeen’s Andruis Velicka leads the line for the hosts, while former Hearts man Saulius Mykoliunas is sure to get a hot reception, after being banned for play-acting the last time both sides met.  Eight changes have been made by Craig Levein for the match. The most notable are the omission of James McFadden and the inclusion of 40-year-old David Weir, who will become the oldest player ever to have donned the Tartan Blue.

This match will undoubtedly be a tight one, with both sides seeing the match as a proverbial six-pointer.

Avi Goldberg

Avi Goldberg

San Marino v The Netherlands

For their first qualification game, Netherlands coach Bert Van Marwijk must like the thought of San Marino.  The Oranje can afford to play more attacking football but the question is will coach Van Marwijk change the formation and test the new boys, midfielders Hedwiges Maduro, Theo Janssen and the ‘old’come back of Ruud Van Nistelrooy? The coach has not given any hints whatsoever on the details of the line up but one thing is sure, the fans are expecting a lot of goals.  Playing with a 3 man defence will definitely increase their chances for a nice goal fest.

Martin Palazzotto

Martin Palazzotto

Major League Soccer

As the season hits the stretch run, with most clubs having played 22 of their 34 matches, the top clubs in both conferences are feeling some pressure.  In the east, Columbus are clinging to a four point lead over the hard charging NY Red Bulls.  The Crew are in the capital, hoping to take 3 points from lowly DC United, while Thierry Henry and Rafa Marquez face a strong challenge out west, in Rio Tinto Stadium, versus holders Real Salt Lake.

Real are trying to reel in the west leading Galaxy, who have cooled of late, and would like to take more than a draw from a home match, no matter the opponent.  At the same time, they must look over their shoulders, as FC Dallas have risen out of the midden heap and are breathing down their necks.

LA are in Chicago to face a Fire side that, with the addition of Freddie Ljungberg, has rediscovered its spark.  Fully 13 points behind the 2nd place Red Bulls, with two clubs to climb over before they can even consider the New Yorkers, the Fire have a great deal of work to do.  The good news is that, through some scheduling quirks, they have 3 matches in hand on the rest of the field.  They need to make every one of those count, however.

The Mexican Apertura

If you absolutely, positively can’t do without some Mexican football this weekend, you’ll have to settle for the Guadalajara derby; it’s the only show in town. Chivas and Tecos are propping up the Group 1 table, so if it weren’t for the local rivalry, you might not think much of the prospects for entertainment.  On the other hand, Chivas haven’t really been taking the Apertura seriously, chasing, as they were, after the Copa Libertadores.  Having come up just short in that pursuit, the Goats can fully focus on butting heads with their neighbours and serving notice to the rest of the league that they are baa-a-a-ck.

Argentine Primera Division

On Sunday, Velez Sarsfield, battling it out for second place, with who else but Arsenal (de Sarandi), are confronted with a golden opportunity.  They go into Estadio Jose Amalfitani to face top of the table River Plate.  It’s a heavy-weight battle and the winner will rule the Primera Division roost.  On the other hand, if the aforementioned Argentine Gunners take an inviting 3 points at home against minnows Argentina Juniors, a draw in Buenos Aires could see both of the big boys looking up at a surprise leader.

Kris Dwyer

The Oz Files with Kris Dwyer

After last weekend, when the A-League took a ‘dive’it’s only fitting that theres some tasty matches coming up.  First though, it’s the Socceroos.

Australia v Switzerland in Qatar

It’s a big game for Holger Osieck, the new $2million man at the head of the Socceroos.  However the ‘Roos have been dealt a blow with injuries to Michael Beauchamp (ankle), Josh Kennedy (back) and Harry Kewell (groin) limiting the squad for the upcoming international friendly match against Switzerland.  After consultation with the  three players and their clubs, Osieck has decided that they would not be required in camp.  Instead, the German has added Jon McKain and Tommy Oar into the squad.

On to the A-League, then…

Apparently, Perth have this nice chap named Fowler in their squad. Supposed to be famous or something.

Grudge Match – Perth Glory v Wellington Phoenix @ nib Stadium

Last season, the two play-off debutants faced each other in the first round, with the Phoenix taking out the match in a heart breaking penalty shootout.  The Kiwis ended up going all the way to the Preliminary Final only to be knocked out by eventual champions Sydney FC, whilst the Purple Army from the west seethed and dreamt of what might have been.

With the home side branding this as their chance for revenge, you can only expect fireworks, especially with former Glory players Jade North, Leo Bertos and new signing Nicky Ward, all making the trip west.  The Glory are at near full strength, with only Michael Baird (suspension) and Victor Sikora (long term hip injury) unavailable.

One to Watch – Melbourne Heart v North Queensland Fury @ AAMI Stadium

Melbourne Heart are desperate to get their first win ever in the Hyundai A-League and North Queensland Fury are a team desperate to get back to winning ways.  Both sides play fluid Euro-esque attacking football, and, without a doubt, have two of the most passionate, flamboyant managers in the league, making this match a real cracker for the neutral.

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Well, that about wraps it up.  We’ll be back on Monday with more news, reaction to the matches and, if we can twist the right arms, even a few highlights.  Enjoy the footy and we’ll see you then!

]]> http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2010/09/02/catch-them-if-you-can-3-5-sept-2010/feed/ 0 wfctagteam McLeish, Alex - finger snack Robinho raider fan the friendly skies chris mann eliot Toshack, John - Wales Tapesh Avigdor Goldberg MyPicture Kris Dwyer Fowler, Robbie - Perth Glory http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2010/08/13/friday-13-yikes-aug-speaking-in-code/ http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2010/08/13/friday-13-yikes-aug-speaking-in-code/#comments Fri, 13 Aug 2010 22:33:13 +0000 Martin Palazzotto http://www.worldfootballcolumns.com/?p=4682 Continue reading »]]> Political correctness sucks. Nobody says anything anymore or, to be more accurate, says anything of meaning. Official statements are released, interviews given and questions from the press answered. Most of the time though, whatever the subject, it’s the same answer given.

If you want to get re-elected, do not admit that crotchety senior citizens are anything but sweet, wonderful and, of course, charming conversationalists.

“I’d love to reply to your insightful query with my honest and valid opinion but I’m afraid you’ll twist what I say to suit your own agenda or simply make far more out of my remark than was ever meant, just to sell your dubious excuse for a newspaper (which, to be fair, is true enough or else no one would read the News of The World). Therefore, I’m afraid that, in the interests of self-preservation, I’ll have to stick to non-speak and, in as many words and combinations as possible, offer nothing of substance whatsoever. Do you have a follow up, question? Yes I’d love to answer that, as well, but see my original response. Thank you, very much. Who’s next?”

Of course, since it’s worked so well for politicos, PC has now permeated every facet of society. That, unfortunately, includes football. Liability has a lot to do with this, of course. It can be quite expensive, in modern society, to hurt someone’s feelings or cast them in a poor light, even if you speak the truth. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will land you in court faster than you can say Johnny Cochrane.

There are still a few characters around who say what’s on their mind, such as Jose Mourinho, Roy Keane and Ian Holloway. In the case of the Blackpool manager, I honestly didn’t know that much about him (give me a break, I live in Florida) until he came up in a recent conversation with WFC writer Matty Dalton. Since then, I’ve done a bit of catching up and I have to say I regret being in the dark about the man. He is blunt, honestly direct and has a unique sense of humour. In short, he’s engaging and that is exactly what being PC is not.

Where politicians have mastered the art of political correctness, footy personalities are often far less adept. So, on occasion you can read between the lines, to decipher the code of their veiled remarks, and discover what they’re truly saying. More often than not, it’s a tedious exercise but, once in a while, it can be great fun.

What follows is a handy guide to translating non-speak into the Queen’s English, using actual quotes from persons involved in recent events in the footballing world.

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From the Guardian, on Martin O’Neill leaving Aston Villa

My agent said this worked for Ronald Reagan.

“It’s obviously a wrench to be leaving such a magnificent club.” – Martin O’Neill

Translation: If I didn’t leave, I’d have hit Randy Lerner over the head with a wrench! The man is a skin flint. How does he expect me to field a decent squad if he doesn’t free up funds to replace all the players he’s letting go?

“The club would like to thank Martin for the great work he has done at Aston Villa over the past four years. He has helped to establish the club in the upper echelons of the Premier League, has taken us to Wembley and we have also qualified for European competition for the past three seasons under his management. We wish him the best in the future.” – Paul Faulkner, Aston Villa CEO

Translation: We thought he’d never leave. He’s such a stick in the mud and was always asking Mr. Lerner for more money. It’s not like Randy’s made out of the stuff! Well okay, he is, but he wants to keep some of it. What’s wrong with that?

“I wish them all the best for the future. I will obviously be assisting the club in the immediate short term with regard to the handover of my duties.” – O’Neill, again

Translation: If I don’t stick around until Kevin MacDonald stops freaking out, I won’t get my severance pay.”

“The LMA shares Martin’s disappointment at him leaving Aston Villa. He has achieved great success not just with Villa but throughout his managerial career. He is a great example to all aspiring managers having built the foundations in non-league football to then go on to successfully manage at the highest level in the game.” — Richard Bevin, CEO of the League Manager’s Association

Translation: We’re thinking of taking legal action.

From the Mail, on Craig Bellamy leaving Man City

“I haven’t spoken to the manager since February. There are a number of players, like Tevez and me, who he doesn’t speak to and keeps us away. I’m not sure if it’s personal. Maybe it’s the way he deals with things and it’s his manner.” – Craig Bellamy, soon to be ex-Man city forward

Translation: He keeps yelling at me to do things his way, so I just ignore him. I mean, Carlos and me gave it a go more than once, but in the end we were just better off taking the bleedin’ball, runnin’over and around blokes and puttin’it in the back of the net. I miss Sparky.

From Soccernet, also on Craig Bellamy leaving Man City

Come on now, Craig, take it easy. I was just kidding about the extra training. Put down that nine iron.

“What he has said is not important because it is false. I speak with the players every day and Craig always played for me last year. This year I choose other players. I am the manager and it is my choice.” – Roberto Mancini, manager of Manchester City

Translation: I speak to him all the time. He just doesn’t listen and does as he likes. I don’t care if he and Tevez did score all those goals, give me Patrick Vieira any day of the week.

From Soccernet again, on where Craig Bellamy might end up

“At the end of the day, the way the situation seems to be forming for Craig that Manchester City won’t use him at Premier League level, so from Craig’s point of view, it is very important that he makes the right decision, for his career, because a wrong decision at this point in time could hurt him, so I wish him well in what decision he takes.” – Mark Hughes, new Fulham man and Bellamy’s former coach at Man City, Blackburn and with Wales

Translation: I miss you, too!

From the ubiquitous Soccernet, on Christian Poulsen not being a replacement for Javier Mascherano, at Liverpool

Psst, Roy, what's all this Mascherano stuff? Are they ever going to ask a question about me?

“It is not a question of Christian replacing Javier. I believe Javier is going to play for us. We’ve got a lot of games to play, hopefully, and we’re going to need a lot of players. We didn’t take him in to replace somebody; we took him in because we want him to improve the size of our squad and the quality of our squad.” – Roy Hodgson, new Liverpool Manager

Translation: Bloody hell! Of course, he’s here to replace Mascherano. Do you think I’m daft or something? The lad wants to leave and, as long as he’s here, there’ll be a bad vibe in the clubhouse. But we’re not going to just give him away. If that rat, Rafa, or anyone else wants him, they’re going to pay. We’re in enough debt without letting perfectly good assets walk out the front door without even a kiss on the cheek for goodbye, thank you very much.

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So, as you can see, footballers are just not as good at slipping reporters the old no comment. The truth is always lurking just below the surface. Try as they might, there is usually something to be gleaned from their fumbled attempts at saying a heck of a lot of nothing at all.

On the other hand, there’s this from the Telegraph, on Fabio Capello calling time on Beckham’s England career

As it turns out, England is no country for old men.

“I thank (David) very much for helping me at the World Cup but he is probably too old.” –Fabio Capello, embattled England manager

Translation: I thank (David) very much for helping me at the World Cup but he is probably too old.

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It’s refreshing to see a little honesty from someone with something to lose. The media and fans are all over this because Capello supposedly dissed Beckham.

My question is in what way, exactly? As Jim White points out on Yahoo!, it’s not like Capello is lying or even bursting Golden Ball’s bubble. Beckham is too old. He knows it , Capello knows it and the rest of the world knows it.

So pile on Fabio if you like, to assuage the bruised feelings from the bursting of your own World Cup bubble, but I respect a man who can tell it like it is and be honest with his players. They are grown men and should be able to handle the truth as such.

The world might be a better place, if we all had slightly thicker skins.

“Personally, I think internationals are going to be something of the past,” he said. “The pride of it and all that, I just think it’s getting lesser and lesser.

“Players these days don’t see as pride in their country, they see it more as a chore, you know ‘God, I have to go again’. That was the way it always was for me.

“I think you’ll be surprised how many players – young ones at that – who will retire from international football after the World Cup.”

There are rumours coming out of the French camp that Karim Benzema is frustrated with his role in the national side. A goal-scoring substitute against the Faroe Islands, his international manager Raymond Domenech was hugely critical of the forward following September’s draw with Romania. Real Madrid’s £35 million signing is quoted as saying “it doesn’t go well” for him under Domenceh. With 7 goals in 26 caps, he is yet to recreate his explosive form at Lyon on the international stage . At just 21, France could be losing their potential leading light for the next decade.

We have seen plenty of players within the British Isles retiring from their respective countries in this decade. Alan Shearer is probably the most famous example of them all. After 63 caps and 30 goals for England, he gave up England duty aged 29. His body could not survive the rigours of playing for Newcastle and England, and was plagued with knee problems throughout his career. He gave the reason of prolonging his club career, and played for Newcastle until 2006. His childhood dream of becoming Newcastle’s top scorer was realised with 206 goals. That’s all the justification he needs for turning his back on the international game.

Paul Schloes ‘England career also ended at 29, after a Euro 2004 spent playing on the left of midfield. He cited family reasons for his retirement, with a frustration at been made the scapegoat at the peak of the Lampard-Gerrard debate lurking under the surface. Clubmate Ryan Giggs went 9 years without playing a friendly game for Wales, and played just 64 times in a 16-year career with his country. Sir Alex Ferguson, despite being a former Scotland manager, is not a fan of international breaks and is still up to his old tricks. Darren Fletcher and Wayne Rooney are ‘unavailable’ for Scotland and England this week. Keep an eye their availability for Manchester United hosting Bolton on Saturday.

For such a small nation, Wales seem to have more retirees than most. Captain Craig Bellamy mentioned today that he is considering hanging up his Welsh boots, as he could be playing Champions League football next season. At 30, and with his injury record, it’s understandable. But Bellamy always enjoyed playing for his country, unlike Jason Koumas. A player of untapped potential, a fear of flying meant he only amassed 34 caps, and didn’t play an international match outside the United Kingdom for two-and-a-half years between September 2005 and March 2008. Add this to the loss of Paul Parry, Carl Robinson and Carl Fletcher, along with manager John Toshank’s very public falling out with Robbie Savage, the Welsh have had their resources stretched to the limit.

Some players don’t play for their countries due to the manager. Glasgow Rangers pair Kris Boyd and Lee McCullough won’t turn out for Scotland due to a serious personality clash with Coach George Burley. Juan Roman Riquelme’s dispute with Argentina coach Diego Maradona turned into a slagging match, riling fans of Boca Juniors to the extent that Maradona was labelled a ‘traitor’ by the supporters who once idolised him

Whilst all the examples previously have been of players approaching their 30s, this trend of talented young players bemoaning international duty at such a young age is worrying. The Champions League is seen as the be-all and end-all these days, with Liverpool’s Jamie Carragher stating all the best players in the world play in the competition. There are enviably going to be some big names missing from next year’s World Cup in South Africa.

Perhaps these youngsters should look at the examples of Steven Gerrard and Cristanio Ronaldo. 2 of the world game’s biggest names, 2 hugely patriotic men, who see the honour in representing their respective countries. Ronaldo was clearly not fully fit taking the field for Portugal against Hungary, and only lasted 27 minutes. Employers Real Madrid were not best pleased. Gerrard has been troubled by a groin injury for over a year now, with has led him to miss games for club and country, but his autobiography showed his undoubted passion in wearing an England shirt.

Should Ireland qualify for South Africa next summer, you can be 99% sure that Stephen Ireland will not be on the plane over. That in itself is a shame. This would be the perfect stage for him to display his undoubted talents. Greats of the game like Cruyff, Pele and Maradona all made their name on the international stage in major tournaments. Whist most of the power in the 21^st century lies with the clubs, the international game will always have its place. Not only those it brings football fans together, but countries come to a standstill when their national side are involved in a World Cup. Maybe then, Ireland would realise it is not a chore. It is a privilege.