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Liverpool are a team who are regularly falling between two stools at the moment. Are they the potential world-beaters who recently won twice at Stamford Bridge and gave Manchester City their toughest league match of the season? Or perhaps they’re the ineffectual bunch of wasters who have drawn home matches with promoted sides like Norwich City and Swansea, and lost at Fulham on Monday.  Depending on who you follow on Twitter, you could easily believe either side of the tale. As with most things in football, I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle.

In any event, Champions League football is getting increasingly difficult to visualise at Anfield next season. It’s not that the team’s form is particularly bad.  On the contrary, their current points-per-game average of 1.64 translates to a sixty-two point finish, and while that is no quite as healthy a figure as Kenny Dalglish would like, the Reds have already played the majority of their difficult away games — not that the trips to Manchester, for City and United, will be strolls in the park.  The issue is that the other teams competing for fourth place are all at least as good as Liverpool, and, in many cases, better.

Before Monday’s match though, the Kopites had reasons to be optimistic about returning home from jolly old London-town with three valuable points. Liverpool gave arguably their best performance of last season in winning 5-2 at Craven Cottage in May.  Moreover, their hosts had just twelve points before Monday night’s match began, their joint lowest Premier League total after thirteen games; clearly not a team in form.

Or were they? In some matches this season, most notably their home defeat to Tottenham Hotspur, the Whites had not earned the points which their performance deserved.  As for last night, it was an entertaining game where both teams had decent chances, and as the match approached stoppage time, a draw seemed an equitable result.

Unfortunately, the Reds — and contrary to popular opinion, not Kevin Friend – gave Fulham a couple of helping hands.  First, whether or not Jay Spearing won the ball first, in this day and age, we all now that it is unacceptable to catch your opponent on the follow through.  Finishing with ten men against an attack featuring the likes of Bobby Zamora, Clint Dempsey and Danny Murphy is just asking for it.

To me, it looked a dangerous tackle, with both feet off the floor. Old school fans love to use the ‘it’s a contact sport’ or ‘that wasn’t even a foul’ arguments, but that’s irrelevant.  Everyone knows the kind of tackle which refs love to punish, and Spearing’s fell well inside those boundaries.

Then, with just five minutes to go, former Red Murphy took advantage of another gift.  Glen Johnson’s poor defending led to a shot too hot for Pepe Reina to handle, and it’s not just Liverpool supporters, but England fans in general, who know what can happen if the keeper doesn’t control the ball when Clint Dempsey is in the neighbourhood.   The American’s tap-in condemned Liverpool to a first defeat in twelve games in all competitions.

Normally, that would hardly constitute a disastrous run.  Still, with the competition at the top of the current Premier League table, doom merchants were quick to take to the chat rooms and forums, proclaiming the result as the end of the world.  Let the pessimists have their day, though.  I’m an eternal optimist myself, and, regardless the result, I’ll look for the best in a Liverpool performance.

And so it is this week. Whilst the usual hindrance of poor finishing held the Reds back, there are plenty of reasons to be optimistic for the rest of the campaign. After all, Liverpool were on top for large spells in the game, hit the woodwork twice, were denied an offside, and were millimetres away from being awarded a penalty or two. Fulham themselves were probably fortunate to finish the match with a full complement.

I read today, via OptaJoe, that Luis Suárez has won more fouls than any other player in the Premier League since making his Liverpool debut. It didn’t seem that way last night as an elbow in the face inside the Fulham area did not result in a penalty.

Similarly, the woodwork was no friend to the Reds either, much has it hasn’t been all season. Stewart Downing found the frame of the goal for the third time this season — no player has done so more often in the league — and he took the total to twelve for the Liverpool team as a whole.

To show just how close Liverpool are to fulfilling their potential, if every shot in the Premier League that has hit the woodwork this season was a goal, then the Reds would be just six points from the top of the league, rather than fifteen as they currently are.  It’s small margins like these that convince me that Liverpool are on the right track at the moment, even if they may fall short of the promised land this season, and an unlucky defeat at Fulham is going to change my mind about that.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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Over the past ten days, the Reds from Merseyside have been mingling with the greens of the Premier League.  Green as in greenbacks.  New money, old money, oodles of money. Whilst they have enjoyed the benefit of a roughly £40 million net investment in their own playing squad over the last twelve months, their last three matches have been against teams bankrolled by billionaires; the type who are happy to spend around £30-40 million on single players whom are later let go for peanuts.  Andrei Shevchenko or Robinho, anyone?

Over that period, Liverpool have beaten Chelsea twice at Stamford Bridge, advancing to the Carling Cup semi-finals for the first time since 2005.  As well, they’ve come as close to beating Manchester City in the league than anyone else to date. After the doom and gloom following the draw with Swansea at Anfield, things have certainly changed for the better.

The sequence began with a league visit to Stamford Bridge. I had been calling for Maxi Rodriguez to start more often and he duly repaid my faith — and Kenny Dalglish’s — by opening the scoring in his first league start of the season.  Although Chelsea later drew level through substitute Daniel Sturridge, who had been brought on to replace the hapless Jon Obi Mikel, whose dithering had led to the first Liverpool goal, Glen Johnson popped up with the winning goal with three minutes to go.  Before I pull my arm out of its socket patting myself on the back, I should confess that I was also clamouring for  Martin Kelly to occupy the right back berth instead of Johnson.  Just a friendly reminder from the football gods, I suppose, that I should stick to blogging rather than trying to tell Dalglish what to do.

Still, I was delighted to be proven wrong when Glen scored the decisive goal, and the result heaped more pressure onto Chelsea’s beleaguered boss André Villas-Boas. Subsequent defeats in the Champions League and Carling Cup will have done him no favours either.

With no European football themselves, Liverpool were afforded a full week to prepare for the visit of Manchester City.  However, for only the seventh time in the thirty-one League games of Kenny’s second tenure, Liverpool conceded the first goal of the match, when Vincent Kompany got his — erm — shoulder to a corner.

Within two minutes Liverpool were level, though. Whilst the goal was lucky in as much as Charlie Adam’s off-target shot was deflected past Joe Hart by Joleon Lescott, it was probably the only piece of luck that Liverpool received all afternoon.  If you’re going to get a result against the elite Premier League teams, you certainly need to take advantage of those rare strokes of fortune when they arrive.  They don’t come often, nor do they linger.

England’s number one Hart was in inspired form, saving all six of the shots on target that the Reds mustered, denying them two points in the process. The stats for the match show just how well Liverpool did against City, when compared to the Citizens’ previous league opponents.

Hart has only had to make 3.8 saves per match on average, and Liverpool gave him over fifty percent more work to do. At the other end of the pitch, City had been averaging a frightening twenty shots per game until they went to Anfield; the Reds limited them to just seven. Liverpool can be proud of their performance against City, even if they only earned a single point for their efforts.

The final match of the blank cheque trilogy saw Liverpool return to Stamford Bridge, and this time my team selection was spot on.

Maxi continued his fabulous scoring form by slotting home a perfect cross from Craig Bellamy. The Argentine now has ten goals from his last nine starts for Liverpool, stretching back to last season, which is a fabulous return. The signing of Maxi on a free transfer was certainly one of Rafa Benitez’ shrewdest transfer moves.  Martin Kelly then got his head to another pinpoint Bellamy cross, from a free kick on this occasion, and the win was sealed.

Proud Welshman Bellamy deserves a huge amount of credit for registering two assists and earning the fans’ man of the match award so soon after the tragic death of his friend and mentor Gary Speed. A word, too, for the travelling Kop, who proved they know where the lines of rivalry are drawn, loudly chanting boyhood Evertonian Speed’s name at several points throughout the match, whilst the Chelsea fans booed Lucas Leiva when he was carried off on a stretcher. Such instances remind me why I chose Liverpool in my formative years.

The injury to Lucas, which has since been confirmed to have rendered him unavailable for the remainder of the season, was the only black mark on another fantastic night for Liverpool and Kenny Dalglish. I suspect that Jay Spearing, will finally be given another chance to shine in a deep Anfield squad. Jonjo Shelvey, who has scored six goals in ten games on loan at Blackpool, has also been recalled to add to the squad’s midfield options.

As for Dalglish, he has now managed the Reds to four of their last six wins at Stamford Bridge, and one of those was in 1989! He seems to have the measure of Chelsea, and long may it continue. Liverpool have now won four successive matches against the Blues for the first time since 1974, which shows how rare it such dominance can be. They actually won five in a row in that spell which began in 1972.  There’s a bit of motivational material — not that the King has seemed lacking for any.

With a cup semi-final in the bag, giving Dalglish a home domestic cup tie after five away trips in a row, and with a 1.77 points-per-game average in the league with six winnable (on paper, at least) matches to come, I am certainly looking forward to the next couple of months.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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This weekend, Chelsea welcomes Liverpool to Stamford Bridge, signaling the start of an important run of games for the Blues throughout November and December, a period in which they have struggled in the past.  This dreaded period has been responsible for spoiling three of Chelsea’s recent title challenges after the club had come roaring out of the gate.

In the 2006-07 Premier League season, many were tipping Chelsea to claim their third title in a row, especially with their ability to win games with late goals. In December though, Jose Mourinho’s teams found out the hard way that late goals don’t always come, giving the advantage to Manchester United who ultimately won the league.

The following season, Chelsea were again tipped for the title on the back of their impressive start under Brazilian World Cup winning coach Luis Felipe Scolari. Once again, however, their form nose-dived in November and December, ruining any title aspirations and ultimately leading to Big Phil’s sacking in February.

Last season, it was a case of same sh**, different year, with the stunning start to the season followed by an equally spectacular collapse, following the sacking of well-liked assistant Ray Wilkins.  The stretch was one of the worst runs of form during their time in the Premier League.  While their incredible run down the stretch put them back in the race, the early.

So how does Andre Villas-Boas solve what Mourinho, Scolari, and Carlo Ancelotti couldn’t and make sure that Chelsea doesn’t experience their all too familiar November and December decline?

With Manchester City nine points ahead of the Blues in the league, many believe that the title is already out of Chelsea’s reach,  and are already focused on consolidating third place — the final automatic berth into Roman Abramovich’s yet-to-be-realised dream, the Champions League.   Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham, and Newcastle are all currently within shouting distance of Chelsea, so laying the foundation for 2012-13 may be the wisest course.

On the other hand, if you look at the upcoming games in all competitions,  seven of eleven in the Premier League, Carling Cup, and Champions League are at Stamford Bridge.  No disrespect to any opponents, but Chelsea can realistically expect to win six of those matches, with the critical match against City being the only fixture to give the squad pause.

Of their four away games, Newcastle, Bayer Leverkusen, and Tottenham will all be difficult tests for Chelsea, although they are more than capable of getting a good result against any of them.  The fourth contest, against relegation threatened Wigan, should see AVB come out on top in a battle between two young Iberians.

To shake the early winter ‘snow’ monkey off his club’s back, Villas-Boas must stabilise his shaky defence, especially as they will have to contain the likes of Luis Suarez, Steven Gerrard, David Silva, Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko, Samir Nasri, Mario Balotelli, and Roberto Soldado.  Yet, it is not as though the Blues have been impotent with the Portuguese in charge.  While there has been much criticism levied at the Chelsea attack, they have scored often enough to take points, only to see their mates fail to hold up their end.

If Villas-Boas can solidify the back-line, the attack is likely to benefit.  Should that occur, Chelsea has every chance of breezing through what has recently been a very stormy portion of the season.  Even if many of the results are ground out as was the case against Blackburn, it won’t matter.  The chairman may not be entertained, but his new Portuguese manager knows as well as the old that 1-0 garners the same three points as 5-1.

Elsewhere, it was really shocking to learn that it was a Chelsea fan who apparently leveled racial abuse at Daniel Sturridge.  Racism is absolutely disgraceful, regardless of circumstances, so it goes without saying that if the perpetrator is caught, he should not only be banned, but should face the same police scrutiny which John Terry has been enduring.  That said and while Sturridge’s experience pales in comparison to the pillorying that Paul Canoville underwent in the ’80s, it is somewhat distressing that any Chelsea player would be subject to such treatment from a so-called Blues supporter, and even moreso to think that such a person may have behaved similarly to opponents, while wearing the club’s colours and badge.

Can’t we just accept that the only way to be better than anyone else is through performance?

As Liverpool did not have a match at the weekend, due to the international fixtures, and there is now a steady stream of games which carry well into the new year, this seems as good a time as any to asses the Reds’ first team to see who has performed well, and who still has room to improve. Actually, in some cases, it may be a bit of both, but by the end of this so-called analysis I will have selected my preferred line up.

For starters, I think there are four of the starting eleven who are nailed on for a berth for the vast majority of games: Pepe Reina in goal, Jose Enrique at left-back, Lucas Leiva as the holding midfielder, and of course Ballon D’Or nominee Luis Suárez up front.

Reserve keeper Alexander Doni hasn’t even played in the Carling Cup games against lower league opposition, so it’s impossible to make a case for him.

Enrique has been a revelation at left-back, as regular readers are probably tired of me saying, so that has meant very few opportunities for the likes of Fabio Aurelio (gifted but often injured) or Jack Robinson (gifted but, at 17, a little green).

Similarly, Jay Spearing hasn’t had many opportunities to dislodge Lucas from his defensive midfield position; indeed, even when the Brazilian was suspended, little Jay was not selected. I still think there is an important role for him, but more on that later.

In attack, Suárez continues to go from strength to strength, and whilst his finishing could perhaps do with a little work, his four goals in one match against Chile at the weekend will have given his confidence a timely boost, with Chelsea (twice) and Manchester City on the horizon.

So as I said, four starting places are obvious, but what about the rest?

I am becoming more and more convinced that Martin Kelly should be Liverpool’s first choice at right-back ahead of Glen Johnson. Kelly is the better defensively of the two, and Liverpool have been creating chances by the  bucket load anyway, so I don’t think Johnson’s sharper attacking skills would be too dearly missed. Kelly displayed that he’s capable of going forward, too, for England Under 21s recently, contributing a fine goal against Iceland.

Centre-back provides an interesting conundrum for me. All things being equal, Daniel Agger would be the first name I’d put down. However, much like Aurelio, injuries frequently prevent him from putting in a decent run in the team. At the end of last season, though, the team went six hundred twenty-four minutes without conceding whilst Agger was on the pitch, so he’s still a must-pick for me.

The other defensive space is a tricky one too. Up until very recently, I’d have said Jamie Carragher without a blink of an eye. If nothing else, his organizational ability is one reason to have him in your XI. However, he turns thirty-four early next year, and the team have shown they can cope without him in tricky environments (the second half of the away match at Stoke in the Carling Cup being exhibit A for the prosecution). I am therefore awarding my other centre-back place to Martin Skrtel.  The Slovakian played every single minute in the league last season, and whilst he’s not without his flaws, is a better long-term bet than Bootle boy Carragher.

On to the midfield options. Charlie Adam has impressed me in a lot of ways, though only really in an attacking sense. He has two assists already this season from set-plays, which is an area Liverpool have struggled from in recent times, but on the other hand he regularly appears to run out of steam around the hour mark, and he offers so little defensively that Lucas is picking up soft bookings covering for him.

This is where Jay Spearing may pop up again. If Kenny Dalglish is to persist with a two-man central midfield, then in my opinion Spearing needs to take the second berth alongside Lucas to ensure there is balance to the team. That has been the formation in the Carling Cup games, and the quality of opposition notwithstanding, the team has looked better for it.

For left midfield, I would persist with Stewart Downing. I wrote on my blog recently that his statistics are comparable, and indeed mostly better, than last season at Aston Villa when he was their fans’ player of the year, so I think he will come good in due course. He just needs a little luck.

On the right, whilst this might seem a slightly maverick choice, I would pick Maxi Rodriguez. The Argentine is a very clever player on his day, and can often make the difference against a team defending deeply. Whilst Jordan Henderson hasn’t done a huge amount wrong, he has looked better in his cameo appearances in centre midfield, so I would keep him on the bench as an option to play there.

Why not Dirk Kuyt in right midfield? Because I would play him up front in tandem with Suárez. Whilst I have a lot of faith in Andy Carroll, and I’m confident he will become a top striker in the forthcoming years, I can’t escape the fact that the Reds played some scintillating football last season whilst employing the Suárez/Kuyt combination. Liverpool put five goals past the likes of Birmingham and Fulham with that duo up top, so I think they should be given a chance this season.

What, no Steven Gerrard? The captain has few bigger fans than me, but with his poor fitness record I feel he has to be relegated to the bench. That said, nothing would make me happier than to revise this side in a few months and be forced to include Gerrard due to the power of his performances.

At any right, a bench of Doni, Johnson, Carragher, Adam, Henderson, Bellamy and Carroll looks pretty good.  Of course, I’m sure Kenny will pick an entirely different side than me for the forthcoming Chelsea game; he usually does, and Liverpool usually do well.  So, what do I know?

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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I can’t speak for other footy fans who were born in North America, but one of the reasons that I have embraced the game and now virtually ignore sports on which I was raised (hockey, baseball and grid-iron football), is that all the leagues in America have gone corporate.

Don’t misunderstand.  You won’t find me sitting on a commune, growing my own wheat-grass, curdling my own tofu, and taking time off to attend sit-ins against the UN or the World Bank.  I’ve nothing against money.  Hell, I’ve crewed on yachts for a healthy portion of my life.

If a baseball player has the opportunity to sign a ten year, $250 million contract, more power to him.  If NFL owners can cajole multibillion dollar television contracts out of American networks, let them sit back and light up a cigar.  No, what irks me is that American sport has become so image-conscious in chasing the almighty dollar that they’ve censored into extinction the characters who made their world so captivating.

You’ll never see another Casey Stengel or Yogi Berra, or have the opportunity to hear but not understand exactly what either is trying to say.  In hockey, Don Cherry, his garishly coloured suits and homespun conservatism are the last of a dying breed.  In the NFL, Rex Ryan may have carried on from his father Buddy and the immortal John Madden, but the five digit fines that the NFL is handing out to anyone who utters anything other than the company line have silenced him, as well.

If you’re an American athlete, coach or team executive, and want to keep your weekly wage packet, you’ll check your personality at the door and utter banal clichés whenever a microphone is thrust in your face.  Corporate speak has won.

If you reside outside the ‘greatest democracy in the world’, however, free speech is still an option.  That is why Giovanni Trappatoni can talk about cats being in sacks, Harry Redknapp can threaten to give the media the cold shoulder if he’s fined for calling a bad call a bad call, and Jose Mourinho, bless his heart, can call Arsene Wenger a voyeur.   And don’t get me started on that Frenchman’s penchant for speaking his mind.

The American sports fan loves to make an ass of himself, braying endlessly about how boring soccer is, but the fact is, even if that were the case (I said if, you plonker) the goings on off the pitch make the beautiful game more entertaining than anything Uncle Sam can dish out, at least on the order of ten!

And while il Trap’s comparison of Estonia to a bedraggled tabby almost bagged and ready to be dropped in the river was worth a chuckle for those of us not indoctrinated into PETA, it wasn’t the most eye-popping statement made this week.  Nor, given Ireland’s massive four-goal advantage, is Estonia likely to leap out of their sack and give him cause for regret.

On the other hand, Santos president Luis Alvaro Ribeiro may find that his latest outburst may come back to bite him where it hurts most.  Ribeiro has fought a running battle in the press with European clubs eager to obtain the services of his sensational teenaged striker Neymar.  For the most part his defiance has been admirable, as he has warred against the disrespect some European outfits exhibit towards South American clubs, by dealing directly with the player’s agent rather than the club.

Most recently, it was rumoured that Real Madrid had negotiated a mega-deal to sign Neymar in the January window.  Instead, Santos penned the youngster to an extension which ties him to the Paulista squad until the 2014 World Cup.   Unfortunately, Ribeiro then pulled a Derek Llambias, insulting the Meringue negotiators and boasting about his hold on his starlet.

“The behaviour of Real Madrid’s board of directors was lamentable and arrogant. Their attitude resembled a colonial mentality. I convinced Neymar to stay by telling him that Jose Mourinho would have forced him to cut his hair. He can do with his hair whatever he likes here.”

Political rhetoric and historical grudges aside, the last time I checked, Jose Mourinho wasn’t acting like a drill sergeant.  Ribeiro’s jibe was obviously in reference to Emmanuel Adebayor, who had his locks shorn voluntarily, as he was desperate to get his career back on track with a top side.  To suggest otherwise fails to take into account Didier Drogba, who kept his dreads upon his Stamford Bridge arrival, and continued to grow them throughout the Special One’s tenure.

What’s more, if the Castilians are willing to invest €40-50 million on the Brazilian wunderkind, would they allow the deal to fall through because Neymar has a phobia regarding barbers?   If you’re going to heap praise upon yourself, that’s fine, but the braggadocio has to maintain at least a shred of credibility.  The worst aspect of Ribeiro’s rant, however, is the potential effect it could have on the player at the center of the matter.

There is no question that the boy has both a healthy ego and prickly temper.  He has argued with his coach in the midst of a match, seen that coach sacked, and accused the entire Scottish citizenry of racism because of one errant banana peel (thrown as a prank, it turns out, by a German student on holiday).  Further, he has topped his reed-thin frame with a mohawk of such bushy proportions that if he stood on his head in a closet, the team janitor might mistakenly begin sweeping the clubhouse floor with him.  When it comes to Neymar’s coif, ostentatious is understatement.

Yet for all that, he has mirrored one of his heroes, Pele, by putting off his publicly proclaimed desire to play abroad (preferably with Real Madrid), in the interests of promoting the Brazilian game ahead of that country’s upcoming turn at hosting the World Cup.  That could, in turn, attract other Brazilian stars, such as Robinho, to return home.  Given the improvements in the Brazilian economy, standard of living and with the upcoming tournament, quality of stadia, one might eventually see a few European players heading over to the land of Carnaval.  And I’m not just talking about unwanted Manchester City stars, either.  Yet, those dreams hinge precariously on Neymar’s willingness to stay.

If such was your decision to make, how would you feel if your team president informed the world that you were so foolish as to believe him when he told you that possibly the world’s greatest coach at possibly the world’s greatest team would not sign you, possibly the world’s next great player, if you refused to cut your hair?  As lamentable, arrogant and colonial as Real’s attitude might have been in pursuing their target, Ribeiro has easily trumped them, and his charge can’t be so stupid as to have missed the slight.

Given the dismissal of Dorival Junior, it’s fairly certain that Neymar already knows that he can do as he likes at Santos.  He can grow his mohawk.  He can colour it pink and green.  In fact, he can probably insist that the club change its colours to match whichever tint he has dyed it this week.  More importantly, he can stay as long as he likes, or, contract or no, leave at a moment’s notice.  And, if he chooses to exercise the latter option, he can name his price and any conditions he likes, wherever he goes.

So, as much as I love to hear footy personalities speak without forethought, this might have been one time that Luis Alvaro Ribeiro might have been better advised to shut it.

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After poor results against Queen’s Park Rangers, Arsenal, and Genk, it was vital for Chelsea to win their latest league game against Blackburn, as well as tighten up their defence which has been unusually leaky of late.  They did both in a scrappy one-nil win at Ewood Park, and it may be just what the doctor ordered for André Villas-Boas’ ailing Chelsea team after a couple of bad weeks on and off the field.

With games against Liverpool and Manchester City coming up after the dreaded international break, Villas-Boas must be hoping that the win and rare clean sheet has signaled an end to his ‘blue’ period as Stamford Bridge boss.

With Liverpool and Manchester City upcoming, and both boasting an array of quality attacking options, the clean sheet in particular was necessary to boost the squad’s confidence.  Although the defence was troubled by Blackburn at times, it was a vastly improved performance, with the Portuguese’s selection decisions paying off.

Branislav Ivanovic was a significant improvement over the struggling Jose Bosingwa at right back, putting in a solid defensive performance while also setting up Frank Lampard’s goal with a lovely cross.

Alex was solid in his return to the team, after losing his place in the centre of defence to Ivanovic and David Luiz.  The veteran dealt well with the aerial threat Blackburn posed.  Even though he was solid against Rovers, if Villas-Boas wishes to continue with deploying the defence in a high line on the pitch, a quicker central defender may be required; possibly David Luiz, if the youngster can limit his cerebral implosions.

Although the back line may not be etched in stone, the midfield and attacking positions have been cemented.  Lampard has played so well since being temporarily dropped by Villas-Boas that he was designated to lead the Three Lions onto the pitch for their daunting encounter with Spain, this weekend. As well, Ramires is improving noticeably with every game.  In fact, the only position yet to be permanently assigned by AVB is the holding role.  John Obi Mikel, Raul Meireles, and Oriol Romeu are all vying to man the position until Michael Essien returns from his latest knee injury.   Of course, there is also the dilemma of just how to get the eager Josh McEachran some much deserved playing time.

Up front, Fernando Torres’ shocking miss against Blackburn has led to suggestions that his return to form was short-lived.  Be that as it may, the Spaniard must still be considered as Chelsea’s starting centre forward, not due to his reputation, but because he is simply the best of a disappointing bunch for the Blues.

Didier Drogba has looked off the boil and disinterested in the games that he has played, especially against Bolton and QPR, when he was handed the chance to claim the centre forward spot as his own.  Nicolas Anelka has been fine coming off the bench but doesn’t deliver when he’s on the pitch from the start.

Romelu Lukaku was brought in as the future of Chelsea’s forward line but right now he desperately needs to go out on loan and get experience, as he has looked very raw.  It’s a lot to ask of a teenager, to come into matches against Manchester United and Arsenal with his mates chasing the game.

Daniel Sturridge was deployed in the centre forward position against Blackburn and did well.  As a permanent solution, however, it’s borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.  Other than Sturridge, Chelsea do not have a strong option on the right side of their attack.  Florent Malouda doesn’t look anything like the player he was a couple of years ago, Sturridge is needed out wide, opposite Juan Mata who, at least, must be considered as being a candidate for the signing of the season.

Thus, while Villas-Boas is surely grateful for the bit of confidence the Blackburn match inspired, he knows it is a fragile thing, given the holes in his squad.  Expect him to be less worried about the charges levied against him by the FA and, instead, be glued to the television over the break, rooting for both Lampard and the again maligned John Terry to have stand-out performances for England, and bring back an air of invincibility to the Stamford Bridge clubhouse.

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written by Shaun Best

“We are delighted with this result and are happy for the League position and for our fans. It is a joy for them.  We have gone beyond our rosiest expectations.”  – Edy Reja

What a difference a month makes, especially if you’re a Lazio fan.  Sitting pretty atop the Serie A summit and ‘suffering’ from vertigo while looking down at giants such as Inter, who are hovering just above the relegation zone seems too good to be true.  And it is, for now at least.

Sharing the leadership with old Champions League sparring partners Udinese, one hopes that Lazio coach Edy Reja is taking time to reflect, during the international break, on a remarkable change in fortune.  If his Eagles finally nesting in an appropriate perch doesn’t put a smile on his face, maybe the thought of Francesco Totti choking on his morning corn flakes at the mere sight of the Serie A standings will.

Yet, before the first kick of the campaign, it was a different story altogether. Eagles fans were as enraged with their coach as the benched Totti was with his. Angered by the sale of beloved starlet Mauro Zarate, the tifosi were further frustrated to see their side squander a two-goal lead against Scudetto holders Milan in the season’s curtain raiser, leaving San Siro with a solitary point.  Just one week later, the protests gathered steam when Lazio suffered a shock 2-1 home reverse to Genoa.

Fed-up with the fans undermining his efforts and unsettling his players, Reja called a joint meeting between his squad and President Claudio Lotito. During this meeting, Reja allegedly tendered his resignation, which was vehemently rejected by both his staff and employer.  The fallout from the meeting led to a cryptic message from the 66-year-old tactician.

“I have no problems working here – the picture is good in Rome, it’s just the frame that is rotten.”

Many share Reja’s frustration, as an ungrateful few seem to have conveniently forgotten how he’s turned a team battling relegation into Champions League battlers in less than two years.  With Reja venting his frustrations, both publicly and privately, Lotito acted quickly to smooth the cracks and prolong the relationship, at least until the end of the season. In response, the club pulled out of free-fall and began to soar.

In the weeks since the spat, Lazio have undergone somewhat of a renaissance, with their only loss being away to Sporting Lisbon in the Europa League.  Domestically, Reja masterminded his first ever victory over ‘i vicini rumorosi’, as Lazio came from behind to win 2-1 over Roma, putting to bed a string of five consecutive derby defeats.

It hasn’t all been perfect, but despite stuttering to two home draws against Palermo and Catania, the Biancocelesti have shown no signs of travel sickness, recording four straight road victories in Serie A.  Cesena, Fiorentina, Bologna and Cagliari have all been brushed aside with gusto.

The new signings are also beginning to find their feet and gel with the established stars.  Between the sticks, Federico Marchetti is starting to show the form which saw him net a place in the Azzurri at the World Cup.  The splinters he’s picked up from being benched for a year in Sardinia have now been firmly displaced.  Defender turned midfielder Senad Lulic has also caught the eye. After some disastrous appearances at the back, the Bosnian has since been pushed into a wide midfield position. The results have seen Lulic flourish, highlighted by his peach of a long range strike at Cagliari.

Up front, the evergreen Miroslav Klose has rediscovered his goalscoring touch, winning the hearts of the Lazio faithful with his last-ditch effort against Roma.  Thus far, the German has bagged eight goals in thirteen games in all competitions for his new club, and his sparkling form has seen him earn a recall to the German national squad.  The goals may have dried up for Djibril Cisse, but the Lord of Frodsham Manor has turned provider, weighing in with a flurry of assists.  Even veteran marksman Tommaso Rocchi has found time to finally join Lazio Centurions Silvio Piola, Giuseppe Signori, Giorgio Chinaglia and Bruno Giordano. Anything Cristiano Ronaldo can do and all that.

The club is going for glory on three fronts this season, with the Europa League and Coppa Italia providing alternate routes to possible silverware.

Lazio are delicately poised in Group D of the UEFA competition, with five points after four games. However, having played seven games in twenty-two days has taken its toll, leading Reja to blast league officials for giving teams playing in the Champions League more consideration when it comes to rest days.

“Playing Thursday night and then thinking even 24 hours after the game about Sunday is not easy.  When we play on a Thursday, the Serie A game really ought to be on a Monday.  It is true that others play abroad as well, but we are under equal pressure.”

Reja understands that the games will continue to come thick and fast after the international break, too. In addition to a crunch European tie at Romanian club FC Vaslui, Lazio’s impressive away record will also be tested in the league, when they travel south to face Napoli, before welcoming Turin giants Juventus to the Olimpico.

Edinson Cavani, Ezequiel Lavezzi, Marek Hamsik and co, face a tough balancing act themselves.   Days after the Lazio game, they face a do-or-die Champions League clash against the millionaires from Manchester City. Given the importance of that match, and the preparation required of the Neapolitans, Lazio will certainly fancy their chances in the league tilt.

It’s one thing getting to the top, but staying there is another matter altogether.  After all, at this time last year, the Aquiles were in an even stronger position, only to be run down before the holidays by eventual champions Milan.  Six points from the club’s next two league games will solidify the belief that, this time, the nearly men can go all the way.

Another game and more disappointment for the Argentinean national team.

Not everyone played badly, and Alejandro Sabella needs more time to establish his programme, but game after game the Albiceleste seem to be moving backwards when they should be advancing.

Let’s go through the formation, provisionally a 4-3-3.

Defensively, Pablo Zabaleta and Clemente Rodriguez play outside and Martin Demichelis and Nicolas Burdisso are the centre halves.  I am happy with the Manchester City and Boca players being there. They are not spectacular, but the best available; able to go forward, but also defend tidily.

Burdisso, has passion, commitment and, again, is the best of a nondescript bunch.  Demichelis, on the other hand, has been consistently out of form since before the World cup, when he was let go by Bayern Munich.  He should not be playing for the national side, but, then again, he didn’t select himself, did he?

If the manager calls me, I go.  If he puts me in the starting eleven, I play. If I am not good enough — I hear you laughing — then I make mistakes and they cost the side dearly.  But should Demichelis say, “No, Sr Sabella, I do not wish to play?”

There is definitely need for at least one change at the back.  Fabricio Coloccini is having a great season with Newcastle in England.  Surely it’s not too late to bring him on board?

In the center of the pitch, the plan before Sergio Aguero’s injury, was to pencil in Fernando Gago, Javier Mascherano and Ricky Alvarez.  This surely would have meant a double five of Mascherano and Gago playing deep, with Ricky slightly ahead of them to collect the ball and link with the forwards, who would have been Lionel Messi, Gonzalo Higuain and Kun.

In principle, I like this lineup. But if Alvarez played poorly,  Messi and Aguero would be required to drop back to collect the ball, breaking the shape intended by the manager and destroying the team’s balance.

Once Aguero became unavailable, the shape shifted to a 4-3-2-1. with Javier Pastore inserted for Kun, maintaining balance and creating more options in transition.  With Leo and Pastore five metres ahead and flanking Alvarez, one expects a more fluid side.

Gago and Mascherano play well together, with implicit trust and their skills each complementing the other. Gago, especially, has a good range of passing, able to connect with Pastore and Alvarez, bringing Leo more into play and distracting defences from Higuain’s presence.

From this formation, there should be endless ways to create chances and score.  It should be an excellent opportunity to play modern football. But what transpired was something else entirely.  Zabaleta and Clemente were moving forward down the flanks, and they ended up tripping over Ricky and Pastore who were far too forward.

Consequently, Gago was unable to find open teammates, and was holding the ball for longer than he would have liked.  Against Bolivia, Gago had a great game; he ran, he recovered and he carried the ball forward. But when the creativity of your team depends on Gago, you know you are not going to produce a masterpiece.

Unfortunately, on the day, he was the best player Argentina had.  Messi was finding his path blocked too often by his mates and Bolivia was finding it very easy to mark the Albiceleste attackers.

Once Ezequiel Lavezzi came on for Alvarez, there was an improvement, although due more to the commitment Pocho brought than any tactical changes.  His entrance would have been a good moment to move Pastore back a little, but it did not happen.  The PSG star kept trying and could have scored, but he needs to bring the ball from midfield, being less efficient up front.

While the defence is average at best, Argentina has the players in midfield and up front to succeed.  The problem is that Sabella has yet to sell his players on his system.  When that belief arrives, the confusion on the pitch should be replaced by hunger, passion, and, most importantly, results.

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The media vultures have been circling over Anfield in the wake of Liverpool’s lacklustre  0-0 draw with Swansea City at the weekend, which was Kenny Dalglish’s first goalless draw since returning to the manager’s office in January.  The weekend result, of course, followed just a fortnight after an equally disappointing one-goal standoff with the Canaries of Norwich City.

With such dismal efforts, it’s hard to argue with the press when they suggest the Reds are for the birds.  Certainly, the headlines didn’t sow any seeds of hope.

The Guardian went with ‘Carroll gives limp Liverpool new kind of Tosh’, comparing the current striking duo at Anfield with Kevin Keegan and John Toshack. “Unfortunately for all concerned, whereas the excellent Suárez may be Keegan’s equal, Carroll is “Tosh” only in the pejorative sense” the report said.

Personally, I think that the media have been a little harsh on Andy Carroll. So far, he has played 1,088 minutes (or twelve full games effectively) in the league for Liverpool, and he has scored four goals. A one-in-three scoring ratio is hardly the return of an outright flop, especially when you consider that he was patently not fit during his first four months with the club at the end of last season.

The Reds’ early season advantage in the league table over the likes of Spurs and Arsenal, who were considered their main rivals for fourth place, has been rapidly eroded.  Much of that is due to the fact that only two of the six matches played at Anfield this season have been won. Some of the criticism in the media is therefore merited, but not to the levels it has reached.

The point earned on Saturday by last season’s Championship play-off winners means that the Reds have now only won three of their last eleven games against newly promoted sides. Hardly a record that will strike fear into Queen’s Park Rangers when they come to Anfield in December. Carroll and Jose Enrique’s old mate Joey Barton and his new side have beaten Chelsea and gave Manchester City a fright at Loftus Road at the weekend.  One doesn’t need one hundred and forty characters to understand that they won’t be overawed.

Make no mistake about it though, the Swans were decent value for a point, and a repeat of the 8-0 defeat they suffered on their previous visit to Anfield in 1990 never looked more than a million-to-one shot.  Michel Vorm, the Swansea goalkeeper, was equal to everything that came his way, and made some wonderful saves. He visited Anfield last season with FC Utrecht in the Europa League, and that also finished 0-0, so he clearly plays well against the Reds.

The Swans’ best chance fell for Mark Gower, who has been more renowned for his creative abilities this season.  Prior to the match he had averaged 3.8 chances created per game, and no player in the top five European leagues can match that.  Swansea boss Brendan Rogers must wonder at all the fuss about Xavi and Iniesta.

Poor finishing in front of goal once again cost Liverpool more dearly than any other aspect of their play.  Whilst this was certainly one of the poorest performances since the weign of Woy, the Reds still managed to have twenty-five shots at goal; that only five of those were on target illustrates best why another two points were dropped at home.

Tree-huggers everywhere grew more agitated, as Liverpool continued their record assault on the woodwork. Carroll hit the bar early on, making it eleven ricochets on the season.  They did eventually find the target, but Dirk Kuyt’s effort was narrowly — but correctly —  ruled offside towards the end of the match.

Liverpool’s fascination with near misses is becoming beyond a joke now. Not only do they lead the Premier League in this dubious category, the much maligned Stewart Downing has found the frame more times himself (three) than some teams. He’s also without an assist, yet if Carroll had converted that early chance on Saturday, then the £20 million man would be off the mark in that regard. If ever a player needed a little luck to kick-start his season…

Whilst it is still early days this term, Liverpool currently have a better points per game average away from home than at Anfield, and that is not a common occurrence. In fact, Liverpool have already earned half as many points on their travels as they managed in the whole of last season, despite only playing five games on the road so far.

When you consider that they have played two promoted sides at home, plus Bolton who are in the bottom three, whilst their trips have included Arsenal and Everton, their lopsided record this season seems even stranger.

Overall, they are now averaging 1.73 points per game. Whilst this would have been enough for fourth place in twelve of the previous sixteen seasons, it’s clear that the bar for fourth has been considerably raised; indeed, the 1.79 points per game that has always meant a minimum of fourth place in years gone by is unlikely to be enough this time around.

After the forthcoming international break, Liverpool have a run of three massive games within ten days: Chelsea away and Manchester City at home in the league, and then another trip to Stamford Bridge for a league cup quarter-final.  In this, they parallel an unexpected rival for a Champions League place, Newcastle, who face the same three sides in the league once play resumes.

Everyone expected that Carroll and Enrique would enjoy far more success than their former comrades after their respective moves.  Amazingly, it hasn’t turned out that way, but their clubs, old and new, may have their seasons defined by their November exploits.  For both, three defeats will have the vultures picking at their carcasses.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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Another international break is upon us.  They seem to be coming fast and furious, this autumn.  Then again, so does Newcastle.  Inexplicably, the Magpies are in third place, ahead of familiar names and expected Champions League contenders Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham.  It’s not a distant third, either; the Geordies are just a single point behind Manchester United.  In the armed forces and the constabulary, on the high seas and anywhere else where radio is still a common form of communication, the call sign for such unexplained phenomenon is Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

What makes the club’s early success so surprising is that their chairman has developed a reputation for doing everything that a team owner can to guarantee that his club sinks into mediocrity.  Discount sportswear magnate Mike Ashley has applied the rules of business to football, much to the derision of all of us who know that running a club is much like owning a yacht; in that they’re both bottomless money pits.  If spending large amounts of cash with no other return than a few moments of pleasure causes you concern, then football isn’t for you.

Chairmen such as Jack Walker and Peter Ridsdale have experienced both the adoration and hatred of their supporters, with the love flowing so long as they lavished money on their respective clubs.  When the well ran dry, however, and they had to tighten their belts, they quickly became pariahs.  Yet, more reviled still are those owners at big clubs who seemingly sit on their money, when it could be used to improve the club.  Supporters would like nothing more than to see the back of such skinflints.

The Red Knights at Manchester United have had little success in dislodging the Glazers because Sir Alex Ferguson has proven adept at developing young talent and keeping the Red Devils in the top two for so long that it seems as though they have never been any lower in the table.  The Kop, however, mounted an impressive guerrilla campaign to force the club’s board to sell against the wishes of the overextended Americans Tom Hicks and George Gillett.

The Toon Army’s war against Ashley has not been nearly so effective, as evident in the fact that while both the Glazers and Hicks & Gillett became very reluctant to show themselves at matches, Ashley proudly dons the Newcastle kit and sits amidst the fans at every game at hallowed St James Park.

Sit there he does, though, rooting on his Magpies, despite the massive outcry from those around him when he attempted to rename the club’s historic ground for marketing purposes; despite the overwhelming condemnation when he failed to hire Alan Shearer as manager, even though everyone else believed that the former captain was the man to bring them immediately back to the top flight; despite the unanimous disgust at his sacking of Chris Hughton after the oft called upon caretaker boss had done the job in Shearer’s stead and more, knocking Chelsea out of the Carling Cup at Stamford Bridge, defeating Arsenal in the league and guiding the Magpies into the top five of the Premier League in the opening months of their return campaign; despite the outrage when he hired personal friend Alan Pardew as Hughton’s replacement shortly after Pardew had been sacked for coaching Southampton to the bottom of the League One table; despite selling hometown hero and Shearer heir apparent Andy Carroll to Liverpool for £35 million and reinvesting little, if any of the profit; despite allowing team morale to sink to the point where captain Kevin Nolan forced a sale to newly relegated West Ham, now managed by one-time Toon boss Sam Allardyce; despite those two champions of free speech and public protest via Twitter, Jose Enrique and Joey Barton, following Nolan out the door, the former sold, again to Liverpool, and the latter permitted to move to QPR on a free transfer; and despite replacing the three departed Britons and single Spaniard with so many French-speaking players that there was a run on Rosetta Stone software in local bookshops.

That’s a lot of spite for any man to endure, yet Ashley has done so.  What’s worse, the combination of Toon’s recent success and the unimpressive performances of those he has discarded in the name of efficiency, workplace harmony and cost consciousness has largely, with the exception of renaming the ground, proven him to be right; one man against tens of thousands, a lone voice in the wilderness.  When you’re talking about a man who sells jogging suits to overweight couch potatoes at a discount, that’s frankly embarrassing.

Yet, here we are.  Newcastle is one of only two unbeaten teams in the Premier League; the other, ironically, being obscenely wealthy Manchester City.  Toon may not have played anyone of consequence other than the then-floundering Gunners, but, unlike the Liverpool side partially staffed by former Magpies Carroll and Enrique, they have taken all the points which one would expect of them.

A former fringe player under Hughton, striker Leon Best, and new arrival Demba Ba, who passed Kevin Nolan on his way out the Upton Park door, have made people forget Carroll, whereas the Geordie giant’s meager haul of goals in a red strip have left the Kop all too mindful of his exorbitant price tag.

Pardew has his squad fully confident and playing amazingly consistent football, while Hughton, again in charge of a freshly demoted side with no money to spend, is finding it difficult to weave his magic a second time.  Birmingham is four points out of the playoff positions and one place away from the bottom half of the table.  Hardly the dominance the former Irish international enjoyed with Newcastle.

The outspoken Barton is leading QPR, who are holding up well in the middle of the Premier League standings, although he personally has felt a backlash after putting the knife to Arsene Wenger and Wolves enforcer Karl Henry in one hundred and forty characters or less.

Most notable of all is the general lack of respect from the public for Alan Shearer as a broadcaster, largely down to his casual approach to research in preparedness for the World Cup in South Africa.  After all, who would want a manager who saw no need to do his homework?

As ludicrous as it seems, all the evidence leads one to the conclusion that a football club can be run both competitively and profitably at the same time.  Of course, after the international break, Newcastle face a run of games against their fellow clubs in the Champions League frame.  The daunting trifecta of matches begins with a tour of Manchester; Saturday the nineteenth at a stadium which is itself a cautionary tale in naming rights, the Etihad Campus, against City, and seven days later at Old Trafford against United.  Finally, Chelsea journey Tyneside on third December, hoping to prey on a bruised, battered and demoralised Toon.

If that is in fact what the Blues discover when they arrive, and they have their way, then the lack of points from the three fixtures may affect the Magpies through the remainder of the season.  On the other hand, if Pardew’s squad can come away with three solid performances and a result or two, there is no telling how high the club will go or whether its supporters will actually come to love their universally despised owner.  After all, when has that ever been the case in Geordieland?

Sir Alex Ferguson. Just the mention of his name conjures up so many memories for any Manchester United fan. There are all the last-gasp winners, the iconic signings, the phenomenal games and the trophies, oh the trophies.

Never before has a manager made a club their own quite like Sir Alex, except maybe the late, great Bill Shankly at Liverpool. Apart from these two majestic Scotsmen, no other manager in history has quite managed to embody the spirit of a club. There may be the argument that Arsene Wenger has managed it at Arsenal but the teams he has built have been so contrasting that you would struggle to compare him to either Fergie or Shankly.

The fact is this: Manchester United is Alex Ferguson and Alex Ferguson is Manchester United.

The  sight of him striding up and down the touchline, chewing on his gum with the intensity and purpose of a mastiff gnawing a bone, and the accounts of his terrible clubhouse tirades and alternative use for cosmetological equipment have made him a living legend.

It almost didn’t happen.  When he came from Aberdeen, replacing Ron Atkinson in mid-campaign, the club finished eleventh.  He led them to second place the following year but then they dropped back to eleventh.  Only the first of a long string of memorable victories, an FA Cup replay defeat of Crystal Palace saved him from the axe.  It wouldn’t be long before the suggestion of sacking Fergie would be greeted with laughter.  United’s dominance in the Premier League years soon made him untouchable.

His fighting spirit is United to a tee. Not once have I ever seen a Manchester United team roll over in my seventeen years of support. Not once. There may have been a couple of shambolic performances down the years, the 6-1 mauling at the hands of City being the latest, but there is also the 0-0 draw against Burton Albion and the 6-3 loss to Southampton. Yet, even when you look back at the embarrassments, you have to say, United always played the United way.

Even better for each of those few humiliations, there have been any number of defining triumphs. Look at the recent 8-2 battering of Arsenal, the recent 6-1 win over those same Gunners, that wonderful penalty shootout win over Chelsea in the Champions League, the 5-3 comeback against Spurs, the 2-1 win in the Nou Camp over Bayern Munich and the 7-1 humbling of Roma. There have been so many that I could write an article just on the subject of United fans’ best memories and I think I’d take a 6-1 defeat if it meant 10 more nights like the one in 1999, or 2008.

That is the testament to Sir Alex Ferguson’s management; every loss is answered by a run of victories and every departing star makes way for a brilliant replacement.

That is, again, a testament to his management. Look at David Beckham. A loyal servant to United since he joined as a schoolboy but when he left for Real Madrid in 2003, United pocketed £25 million. As a replacement they signed a rather precocious teenager for £12 million. That teenager was Cristiano Ronaldo, and what a player he is now. When the Portuguese followed Golden Balls to the Spanish capital, for a tidy £80 million this time, Wayne Rooney stepped to the fore.  When Paul Scholes retired, the manager remained calm while all around him panicked, calling for a major signing, be it Wesley Sneijder, Samir Nasri or Luka Modric.  Instead, Sir Alex gave young Tom Cleverley an opportunity.  Before his unfortunate injury, Cleverley stepped seamlessly into the creative midfield role and led United to that Community Shield fight back over City.  For me, that is Fergie’s greatest attribute – the ability to spot a diamond in the rough.

Chicharito is his most recent, signed for £7 million from Chivas and already an established name on the United team sheet. And there have been so many more on down the years. Nemanja Vidic was plucked from obscurity, so was Patrice Evra along with Peter Schmeichel and Denis Irwin. Of course, that hasn’t stopped the gaffer from making a few mistakes. Kleberson and Eric Djemba-Djemba spring to mind, along with Massimo Taibi and Bebe (who Fergie admitted to signing sight unseen) but the old prospector has yielded far more nuggets than dirt in his time.

In fact, so many great players have passed through Old Trafford in my lifetime, that it’s difficult to name the greatest match the club has played under Ferguson.  After thinking on it, my choice may surprise a number of people, as it is not a final, nor a deciding game in the title race. Instead it’s the 1-0 win over Barcelona at Old Trafford in 2008.

Part of the magic of that victory was that it was one of those rare matches where United were not expected to win.  They’d held Barcelona at the Nou Camp with Ronaldo missing a penalty, but the Catalans had looked stronger, more decisive. The rematch at Old Trafford will forever be etched into my memory and that of thousands of other United fans.

It wasn’t just that we won, it was the way it was accomplished. A screamer from Paul Scholes in the early stages was coupled with the most outstanding defensive display I have ever seen. Barcelona threw everything at United — absolutely everything — and the defence was magnificent. Owen Hargreaves played at right back, with Wes Brown and Rio Ferdinand the centre back partnership and it was Patrice Evra at left back. Looking at that defensive line up, you’d struggle to believe they kept a clean sheet against the likes of Messi and Henry but they did it through sheer force of will. They believed they were going to get through the game unscathed, they believed they were going to make it into the Champions League final.

And who is that down to?  Sir Alex Ferguson of course. Very few manager can claim to have tactically outclassed a Barcelona side in the past ten years. Sir Alex did, although Barça would exact their revenge.

Not many managers can claim to have won two European Cups, either. Or to have lost another two.  Not many managers can claim to have built not one, not two, but nigh on five title winning sides, to have averaged at least one major trophy per year over a quarter of a century or to have defied the BBC and the FA for seven years and remain employed.  Sir Alex Ferguson can.

Whenever a new power has risen to threaten United’s supremacy, be it Gerrard Houllier and Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool sides, Arsenal’s Invincibles or Roman Abramovich’s Chelsea, Fergie has always bounced back, defying belief, with a new stronger squad.  For those who think city’s ascendance will finally put him on the sidelines, they’d best think again.  They’ve only given him a reason to stick around.  Sir Alex loves nothing more than a challenge.

And that is why it’s going to be so hard to replace him. Names like Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola always pop up when the discussion is revisited.  While either of that duo would be wonderful, when the Scot finally abdicates his throne, United fans had best be prepared for a difficult time.  There is simply no one on the planet who can walk in and immediately top twenty-five years of glory.

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Collectively, Liverpool supporters are well known for their pride in the club’s history and traditions.  Rivals might call it living in the past, but many wish they had as rich and vibrant a backdrop for their club.  Yet, while clubs love to parade the names of former greats, most also have skeletons in their closet.

In the not too distant past, Doncaster Rovers signed the loathsome El-Hadji Diouf, who, when he wasn’t spitting at opposition players and fans, was busy becoming the only number nine in the club’s history not to register a league goal across a whole season.  On the management side, Merseysiders need only rewind twelve months to find the most widely hated of Liverpool managers, one Roy Hodgson.  Not only was Woy weviled for his cautious (the more fervent among his detractors might say cowardly) approach to matches, but when he was finally shown the door, he returned and promptly took three points from his former club, as the new man at West Brom.  On Saturday evening, the man with the extremely stroke-able chin sat in the home dugout, with visiting Liverpool seeking to put their pursuit of Champions League qualification back on track following a disappointing home draw with Norwich City.

Whilst revenge might not be the most accurate term to use, the fans were certainly looking for Dalglish to put one over on Hodgson after the Baggies manager had said, last year, that he considered the King less suited for the role of Liverpool manager than himself.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I suppose, even if it is wrong.  It was hugely interesting, therefore, to see both teams line up in a 4-4-2, with Woy’s team playing as reluctantly (poorly for you fanatics) as his Reds had  a year ago.  Meanwhile, Kenny’s current breed of Kop idols proved that an ‘outdated’ formation can be hugely effective if properly deployed.

As usual, it was Luis Suarez making the headlines for the wrong reasons. Yet, believe-it-or-not, on this occasion he was not to blame.  A challenge in the box sent the Uruguayan to the ground, causing any Sir Alex Ferguson acolytes in the viewing public to mutter, “Typical Suarez, diving to win a penalty.”

This instance was a little different to the usual theatrics, however.  Rather than beseech the official with eyes agog and arms outstretched, little Luis simply got back to his feet and tried to rejoin play. Before he could get involved though, the linesman flagged for a penalty which referee Lee Mason duly bestowed on the Reds.

Hodgson, naturally, was not happy with the award of the penalty.

“It was a situation where our defender is entitled to screen the ball to clear it and should have been allowed to do so. I don’t think the referee will be in too many doubts, or the linesman, what most of the people watching the game thought of the decision.”

I’m not sure about ‘most people’, but the travelling Kop were clearly delighted, especially when Charlie Adam coolly slotted home to give the Reds the lead.

Suárez was then involved in the second goal, a swift, flowing counter-attack which was finished by Andy Carroll in first-half injury time. It’s still early days for Liverpool’s Mutt and Jeff strike duo, but there are certainly indications of a fledgling understanding between the two hitmen.

Although the Baggies still had the second half to make a game of it, that, in truth, never looked likely. The Reds picked up their third clean sheet of the season, despite having yet to register even one at Anfield.  They also continued this season’s unbeaten run when scoring first, a trend which they have exploited in eight of their ten games so far.  Much of the credit for that success may be down to the side also extending its lead in the fewest shots on target conceded (3.5 per game) category.

Pepe Reina, who was captain for the night in the absence of Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher, was, for the most part able to merely supervise, rarely needing to adopt a hands-on approach.

It was also a good night for Daniel Agger, and one where he may have had a point to prove.  Despite being widely recognized as the only centre-back on the Anfield books who can defend, dribble effectively out of his own end and distribute the ball with some imagination, the Dane was nearly forced out of the Liverpool exit door by Roy Hodgson.

Luckily for the Reds’ fans he outlasted the former manager and, on Saturday, showed Hodgson just how wrong he was with a superb effort.  With Martin Skrtel too often paired with Carra, the double dose of hoof-and-hope were aimed at Carroll far too often.  Agger’s ability to supply subtle, cultured passing options is certainly more suited to complement the skills of Luis Suárez.  Having options is always good.

Revenge is all well and good for the fans and players, but more important to management is that Liverpool is again dead on course to finish the season with the targeted 68 points which would normally put them in the mix for fourth place. Unfortunately, while that number has been sufficient to yield Champions League football in the recent past, the current form of Tottenham, Arsenal and, surprisingly, Newcastle suggests that a higher figure may be required in this campaign.

The victory at the Hawthorns lifts Liverpool ten points ahead of last season’s pace, but the upcoming quintet of fixtures were all 2010-11 victories for the club.  In short, the best they can do over the next stretch is tread water.  With Chelsea and Manchester City lying in wait, just beyond this week’s match with Swansea, weathering the tide will be challenging indeed, no matter your opinion of Kenny Dalglish’s talents.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

Is Michel Platini fighting a losing battle or is 2011-12 merely the final, frantic, spasming death throe of the way it’s always been done?  After a cautious 2010-11, when spending was tempered by the reality of a global recession and the perceived threat of Financial Fair Play, 2011-12 has erupted into the Year of Money, making one wonder just how seriously the big clubs are taking UEFA’s attack on excessive spending.

Look at the defending champions in Ligue 1, the Bundesliga, Serie A and even the Premier League.  Lille and Borussia Dortmund each won their competitions with young, mostly homegrown squads.  Both sides emerged from a condensed pack in the second half of the season, taking control of their leagues while the traditional powers, such as Bayern, Bremen, Leverkusen, Marseille and Lyon, struggled to come to grips with the fact that age and experience were no longer sufficient to overcome youth and speed.

It was the same elsewhere.  AC Milan traveled a more beaten path, acquiring thoroughbreds Robinho, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Antonio Cassano, albeit at cut-rate prices, as the Rossoneri also emerged from a jumbled pack in the winter months to claim their first Scudetto in seven years.  In England, Manchester United belied their status as the most valuable sporting club in the world, weathering Chelsea’s early dominance, Arsenal’s enthusiasm and City’s persistence and pacing themselves to their record nineteenth championship, without any noticeable spending.

Barcelona was the only champion who won by spending big, bringing in David Villa and Javier Mascherano in a bid to stay ahead of Real Madrid, now led by their Champions League nemesis, Jose Mourinho.

This season, the shoe is on the other foot.  The Achilles heel of Arsenal’s youth policy — that loyalty to club is trumped by big money offers — was cruel exposed this summer, with both Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri jumping ship.  The same has occurred at Lille and Dortmund, with players such as Yohan Cabaye, Gervinho and André Schürrle lured away by clubs willing to pay more than the title holders can afford to keep their talent.   Milan, who made only small changes in the summer, are chasing a completely revamped Juventus.  United, who spent big but focused on youth, were blown out of the water by their ‘noisy neighbours’, who again lavished tens of millions on big name stars while casting away last year’s investments like outdated fashions.

A week after their 6-1 thrashing of United at Old Trafford, which put them five points and twelve goals clear at the top of the Premier League, City widened the gap by beating Wolves 3-1 while United held off Everton 1-0.   All that oil money is beginning to pay off.

In Paris, another Qatari contingent has invested millions in that city’s lone major club, signing Palermo’s Javier Pastore out from under the noses of Chelsea and complementing his talents with those of Kevin Gameiro, Jeremy Menez and a host of others.  After a short but bumpy bedding in, during which nearly everyone other than new Sporting Director Leonardo was ready to panic, PSG are now three points ahead of Montpellier in first place.

Bayern, whose reputation as big spenders may colour perceptions somewhat, largely stood pat in the off-season.  Their one major purchase was secured before the window opened, agreeing to terms with Schalke for the services of German number one Manuel Neuer, after a heated negotiation.  Still, the line-up which is now leaving the rest of the Bundesliga behind is comprised of highly sought after and dearly bought talent.  The key differences are that Franck Ribery is finally in the full bloom of health and form, and that new old coach Jupp Heynckes has placed complete trust in Mario Gomez, whereas had his predecessor Louis van Gaal had his druthers, the twelve goal man would have been offloaded two summers ago.

Ironically, the lone exception of money talking and bullshit walking this year in the major competitions is Barcelona.  Despite finally prying Cesc Fabregas from the Gunners and paying through the nose for the now injured Alexis Sánchez, the Catalans are chasing Real Madrid, who turned down opportunities to purchase Neymar and Emmanuel Adebayor.  To be fair, the Castilians did match Barça euro for euro during their summer shopper spree, but other than Fabio Coentrao, most of Madrid’s investment has been earmarked for the future, while Cesc and Sánchez were very much intended to be plug and play.  In that light, Real’s early lead seems an example of doing more with less.  Of course, as the former American wrestler Nature Boy Rick Flair was fond of saying, “To be the man, you have to beat the man.”  So, one can’t put too much weight on the Meringues’ early lead until they meet  the Blaugrana in the opening leg of this season’s Clasico in December.   When the season ends, it won’t be a shock if Barcelona’s €55 million outlay brings them yet another championship.

The lure of the big buck works both ways, however.  United Arab Emirates club Al Ain forced a loan from Premier League side Sunderland by turning the head of Ghanaian World Cup hero Asamoah Gyan with the promise of outlandish wages and let’s not even get into what Russian Premier League minnows Anzhi Makhachkala paid to sign Samuel Eto’o.  So, it’s not just the top sides who flash the cash.

In any event, it does not appear that clubs are taking UEFA’s proposals seriously.  All told, UEFA clubs paid out over half a billion euros for players in the summer.  That’s a mind-boggling figure, even if top sides weren’t facing the prospect of losing their license to play in the Champions or Europa Leagues should they fail to balance the books.  That they are makes their lack of restraint even more puzzling.

On the other hand, the top clubs’ continued dissatisfaction with international scheduling and compensation for injured players has led European Club Association chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge to suggest that the organisation’s contract with UEFA, which obligates major clubs to compete in the Champions and Europa Leagues and to allow their stars to compete when summoned by their national teams, should not be renewed when it expires in 2014.

If that occurs, ECA members could break away from their national federations and form an elite European league, possibly patterned after the American franchise system, which does not employ promotion and relegation.  While the concept may seem completely alien and even impossible to the average European fan, it has been so profitable that the Forbes list of the fifty most valuable sports teams is dominated by American franchises.  Most notably, all thirty-two NFL clubs are on the list, although they are joined by six baseball and two basketball squads.  F1 teams Ferrari and McLaren also make the cut, leaving just eight places (less than twenty percent) to be split between the Premier League, Serie A, La Liga and Bundesliga, UEFA’s so-called Big Four.  ECA big wigs can’t be happy with those numbers.

Further research into dealings across the pond reveals that baseball and basketball both support lower league programs which the universally profitable NFL has chosen to abandon.

An ECA break from UEFA, in order to follow gridiron’s ‘look out for number one’ example, would naturally have a drastic effect on the footballing landscape.  An elite competition without promotion and relegation would likely consign lower divisions and non league football to the rubbish heap.  Big clubs with the power to deny national federations access to their best players would also threaten the existence of the Euros, Copa Libertadores, African Cup of Nations and, of course, the World Cup.  Yet, with the amazing success of the NFL, can ECA chairmen be blamed for wanting to be rid of the ‘dead weight’ of the lower leagues in exchange for a much bigger slice of the pie?

Michel Platini doesn’t believe that the threats of the ECA are anything more than posturing. He points out that big clubs are just as much to blame for the crowded fixture list when they schedule extended summer tours to the far corners of the globe, regardless of the fact that these lucrative junkets help to promote UEFA as a whole.  But when he asks why the ECA doesn’t consider smaller clubs when lobbying for independent television rights, he loses his audience.  The big clubs know that they can make more money if they don’t have to prop up the lower tiers.  Threatening to “throw them out” before they leave of their own accord, as Platini did in July, may not be the best position to take.

Abandoning the century and a half old club system may seem inconceivable to UEFA, but both sides have been pushing hard to rake in every available penny and pound, filling the fixture list with competitions, friendlies and tours to the point of bursting, with neither group satisfied with their share of the spoils.  Platini needs to pay more heed to the clubs’ argument that it is they who invest the money in players, assuming the greater financial risk.

Should he not, the question bears asking again.  Is Financial Fair Play necessary and just legislation which will corral irresponsible spending and preserve the UEFA club system or a draconian measure that will drive the big clubs right off the reservation?

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Manchester United have forever been known as a worldwide force, a team that is capable of winning the biggest honours in world football, a team with the financial muscle to attract any player from any team. Manchester City has, it seems, forever been known as the team in the shadows of the red half of their city, a team who toil in mediocrity each season, a team whose financial insecurity has limited their recruitment to Championship players and unknown foreigners. Suddenly, however, that has changed. Now, Manchester City are growing into a worldwide force. And they are growing fast.

This, to me, is a good thing.  I may be a Manchester United fan, but the emergence of the Citizens can only be good for the entire city. The Community Shield is a perfect example.  Classed by many as a glorified friendly, the fixture nonetheless hosted a fantastically pulsating derby. From 2-0 down, United dragged themselves from the depths of despair to snatch the game 3-2. It was a wonderful feeling for me, as we beat our ‘noisy neighbours’ and I believe that it was a wonderful feeling for the whole of Manchester. We finally have a competitive derby in the city, and it is a derby that could settle the Premier League title.

City have been in fine form since the start of the season, but United have stayed a step ahead throughout, Fergie’s Fledglings determined to outdo Mancini’s Millionaires. When City won 5-1 at Spurs, United replied with an 8-2 thrashing of Arsenal. Bolton were beaten at the Reebok by Aguero and co., 3-2, United were far more pumped up in the corresponding fixture, stomping the Trotters 5-0. The rivalry has become a personal competition between the two teams, one-upmanship taken to new heights, and, at the moment, United are winning. Or so it seems.

This week, City finally had the opportunity to answer United’s early result, and with Steven Gerrard’s free kick canceled out by Javier Hernandez’ late leveler, the opportunity was there to leapfrog United into the top spot.  The obstacle to that progress was fellow unbeaten side, Aston Villa, visiting their former players, Gareth Barry and James Milner, at the Etihad Campus.

Given equal time at last, City made good, with Mario Balotelli putting the hosts ahead on the half-hour.  After the restart, Adam Johnson and Vincent Kompany put the game beyond reach before the hour, and ex-Villan Milner killed it off after Stephen Warnock had the cheek to peg one back. Thus, it’s City who now hold the edge, atop the table by two points, going into the derby next Saturday.

The game is played on grass, certainly, but, more often these days, we watch in wonder at the dealings of the transfer market. City like to spend, we know that, and this summer was no different. Sergio Aguero, the £38 million man, and Gael Clichy both joined the revolution and they have given the Citizens an extra dimension. Aguero is world class, there’s no disputing that. His debut goals against Swansea City were phenomenal and he continues to improve. Clichy, on the other hand, is an accomplished force in the Premier League and , arguably, one of the best left backs in the world, almost on a par with Ashley Cole and, ironically, United’s marauding Frenchman Patrice Evra.

Sir Alex Ferguson has also spent big this summer, bringing in the likes of Ashley Young, Phil Jones and David De Gea and, although there have been doubts over the latter, the two outfield players have started their United careers fantastically. The ex-Villa man has long been a thorn in defenders’ sides, but was thought to be too one-dimensional — a poor man’s Theo Walcott, if you will — to take such a large step forward. He has certainly proved his doubters wrong. Young’s two goals against Arsenal were up there with Aguero’s against Swansea.  In defence, Phil Jones has begun this season looking like he has played at United for 20 years. He’s calm on the ball, assured in the tackle and loves getting forward.  Perhaps the Duncan Edwards’ comparisons are justified.

The Manchester Derby is more than a game now. Before becoming the plaything of oil-baron Sheikh City was just another fixture for United, a crude side waiting to be exploited for three points.  United fans considered the match important, to be sure, but the ties against Arsenal, Liverpool and, lately, Chelsea have taken priority.

Now that City is more refined, fans at Old Trafford have joined their ‘Etihad’ counterparts in viewing the upcoming tilt, now seven days away, as the biggest game on their domestic calendar.  This week, some were actually concerned that the Red Devils might be looking past Liverpool to the encounter with the Sky Blues; a laughable concept in years past.

Yet, there’s no denying that it’s Mancini’s side, now, rather than Wenger, Villas-Boas or Dalglish’s, which present United with no margin for error.   When the two clubs meet, United have to win. Whether that’s due in part to a revenge complex, after City’s FA Cup semi final win at Wembley, or just the knowledge that the six point swing will be the difference between sitting in the Premier League driver’s seat with a win, feeling the pressure as they will be left nipping at City’s heels should they draw, or having to climb out of a large five-point hole, if the noisy neighbours hand them their first defeat of the campaign.  It’s City; United simply have to win.

Never would I have dreamt it, accustomed as I am to City’s long-enduring status as merely an average side, but the fact is there for all to see; Manchester City are genuine title contenders nowadays. The only way to stop them is to beat them, and beat them well.  The banner counting City’s trophyless years may have come down at Old Trafford, but the passion and intensity, not to mention the stakes, have most certainly been raised.

The Monday Morning Drip grinds up the footy fare from the weekend into a blend of the choicest bits from leagues all over the world.  It’s also a weekly opportunity to appeal to footy bloggers out there, who are looking for a new forum in which to display their wares.  So, if you enjoy blogging, want to reach new readers and are available to cover your favourite league or team, then just click Write For WFC!  

Meanwhile, open your laptop wide and say Ahhh.

Here’s this week’s Drip…

It’s amazing how much can change in a week.  Seven days ago, Manchester United and City were running away from the rest of the Premier League — from the world, to hear some talk — with no one to challenge them.  Two clubs from either side of the Alps changed that thinking during the week.  Bayern Munich put City in their place –as upstarts — with a 2-0 win at the Allianz Arena, which once again threw the lid off the contentious atmosphere in the City clubhouse.  Meanwhile Swiss side FC Basle nearly upended United at Old Trafford, with Ashley Young’s late effort rescuing a point for the English champions.  It took a bit of time for the two clubs to shake off the effects of those poor outings, both leaving it late to polish off their respective opponents, Norwich and Blackburn.

Yet, Sunday brought more disturbing news for the Mancunians, as Chelsea finally put in a complete performance, knocking off woeful Bolton, 5-1, at the Reebok.  It mattered not that the newly in-form Fernando Torres was suspended, as Frank Lampard proved that he is not nearly ready for the scrap heap, notching a hat trick.  Young Daniel Sturridge also quieted any worries that Torres might slip back into the doldrums after his ban ends, by supplying a brace himself.  After a moment of initial joy upon scoring his first, Sturridge also quieted his celebration, respectful of his recent spell with the Trotters.

There’s been a great deal of talk regarding the tenuous job security of the Steves, Bruce and Kean, at Sunderland and Blackburn, but the Wanderers’ brain trust must be considering their options, too.  While his side has faced all the big guns in the first two months of the season, with points unsurprisingly difficult to come by, the club has capitulated far too easily in recent games.  Owen Coyle‘s open attacking style is pleasing to the eye and has high paid dividends on low investment, but with confidence at an all-time low, it may be time for the club to get down and dirty to rediscover their swagger.  The question is whether the Scot is prepared to do that.

Speaking of job security, the knives may be out again for Arsene Wenger, after the Gunners went down to defeat in the North London Derby against Spurs at White Hart Lane.  Yet, this was a match which promised to be a tough test, even in the best of circumstances.  These two played to a 6-5 aggregate in their league tie last season, when Arsenal were still in the title picture.  Given the vast amount of changes and key personnel missing on Sunday, a 2-1 setback was neither an unexpected nor unacceptable result for the Gunners.

Another runaway race tightened up in Germany, this weekend.  Bayern’s joy at handling the Manchester City Billionaire’s Club with such aplomb was tempered when they were held to a goalless draw by Hoffenheim.  However, the second and third place sides, Werder Bremen and Borussia Mönchengladbach failed to take advantage, both taking it on the chin.

The flat performances from the top clubs allowed two dangerous sides to make up ground.  Bayer Leverkusen, after two rough outings, bounced back to dump Wolfsburg 3-1.  The win kept them level on thirteen points with Hoffenheim, Stuttgart and Borussia Dortmund.

BvB romped to a 4-0 victory over still winless Augsburg, thanks to a Robert Lewandowski three-bagger.  Mario Götze added the fourth and Jürgen Klopp’s defending champions are back in the Bundesliga frame, six points off hitherto rampant Bayern’s pace but holding down a European spot on goal difference.

Like the Mancunians, Jupp Heyncke’s Bavarians may be about to learn that nothing is ever easy.

Ajax?  Nope.  PSV, Twente or Feyenoord?  Pffft!  Suddenly the dominant side in Dutch football is AZ Alkmaar, back from the brink of financial ruin to wreak havoc on the big boys.  Their 3-1 victory over VVV Venlo was powered by goals from Robert ‘Dutch’ Elm, Adam Maher and Simon Poulsen.  

Meanwhile, Theo Janssen, Kolbein Sigthorsson and Siem de Jong were powerless to stop FC Groningen from claiming a 1-0 victory over the Eredivisie champions.  Feyenoord were handed a worse defeat, 3-0 at De Kuip against ADO Den Haag.  The Verhoeks, Wesley and John, as well as Tjaronn Chery, did the damage.  Darren Maatsen popped in a deuce for doormats Excelsior, leaving Luuk de Jong to steal a point for FC Twente in added time.  Only PSV Eindhoven matched AZ’s success; a 2-0 triumph over NEC Nijmegen at the Philips Stadion rocketing them into second place.

Frank de Boer’s struggling side, now in fourth, will have the first crack at breaking into AZ’s four point lead, when the two face off next Saturday at the Amsterdam ArenA.

If you thought Paris in springtime was pleasant, autumn is suddenly not too shabby, either.  Forget fashion, Roland Garros, and the Tour.  All one needs is a little Arab oil money and a few Serie A stars looking for new frontiers.  Thanks to Paris Saint-Germain, football is suddenly the trend across the City of Light.

For most of the first decade of the new millenium, Lyon was the standard-bearer in Ligue 1, but on Sunday, Les Parisiens reminded Les Gones who was from France’s first city and who from the second, cruising to a 2-0 win at the Parc des Princes.  Javier Pastore continued to return dividends on the Qatari Investment Authority’s €43 million roll of the dice, by scoring the opener just after the hour.  Then, Christophe Jallet killed off the match in added time, after coming on for Kevin Gameiro in the eighty-sixth minute.  PSG is now top of the table, with a three-point cushion on the three nearest clubs.

Montpellier‘s 2-2 Saturday draw at Bordeaux moved them ahead of Lyon and Toulouse, who lost badly at Sochaux, on goal difference.  Elsewhere, champions Lille continued to climb back into the race with a 2-0 victory over Stade Rennes at the Metropole, while Marseille slipped, held to a 1-1 draw in the Velodrome by Brest.

It’s not quite business as usual, yet, in La Liga.  Sure, Real Madrid are rolling again, after a 4-0 dismantling of Barcelona side Espanyol.  Not quite the real deal, but satisfying nonetheless, with Gonzalo Higuain picking up a hat trick on the road.  On the other hand, the real deal had their hands full with the club on the bottom rung of the ladder.  To be fair, Barcelona didn’t field their strongest eleven but were forced to rely upon Adriano’s twelfth minute goal, as host Sporting Gijon stubbornly held on to the match, hoping to find some chink in the champions armour.

However, the table still looks a little wonky, with Levante unbeaten in second place, possibly proving that self-hypnosis is effective, as they’ve apparently convinced themselves that they really are wearing Barcelona kits.  Malaga, the third tine in the Qatari trident which also includes PSG and Man City, is also changing the status quo, sitting in fourth, while the third unbeaten side in the La Primera Liga, Sevilla, lay sixth.

Give it time; it will all sort itself out.

The early campaign is as plain as black and white in Serie A.  The Bianconeri, not just Juventus, but Udinese, as well, top the table.  The Old Lady has scored two more goals but the Friuli have been exceptionally stingy, conceding just once in their opening five matches.  When you play that well defensively, it’s turns out to be Barcelona who miss Alexis Sánchez more.  Antonio di Natale seems unconcerned about who provides his service, having notched his fourth league goal and fifth in all competitions in a 2-0 victory over Bologna.  Likewise, Andrea Pirlo didn’t fret over putting the sword to his old side, Milan, forcing a big save out of Christian Abbiati as Juventus took a similar 2-0 decision, thanks to a Claudio Marchisio brace in the dying moments.

Despite the best efforts of Dagestan, the Russian Premier League has settled into its usual pattern:  the big city clubs at the top and the outlying sides chasing for scraps.  Prior to Anzhi Makhachkala‘s outrageous deal with Inter to acquire the services of Samuel Eto’o, the club was a cohesive unit capable of defeating anyone on any given day.  Since agreeing to pay the Cameroonian €350,000/week, the squad has come to rely almost exclusively upon him for goals.  He has produced regularly but it has become a case of as Samuel goes, so go Anzhi.  Of course, that’s a natural reaction when someone is paid such a disproportionate salary in comparison with his peers.

Regardless, Anzhi are well off the pace, twelve points behind Zenit St. Petersburg and five away from a European qualification, with CSKA, Dinamo, Lokomotiv and Spartak Moscow each claiming one of the remaining money slots.  For the big-spending outsiders, the balance sheet is beginning to turn an alarming shade of red.

After both Gamba Osaka and Kashiwa Reysol went down to defeat last week, the pair still managed to open a four and three-point gap, respectively, on the rest of the field, in the closing weeks of the J-League campaign — with a little help from lower standing sides.

Albirex Niigata moved away from the danger zone with a desperate performance, defeating fourth place Yokohama F Marinos 4-2.  Meanwhile, Shimizu S-Pulse consolidated their mid-table position by doubling up on third ranked Nagoya Grampus Eight, 2-1.

Neither Gamba nor Kashiwa were very stylish in returning to winning ways, grinding out 1-0 results against Urawa Diamonds and Kashima Antlers.  Kashiwa held on despite going down to ten men just before the break, when Park Dung-Hyuk was sent off for a second bookable offence shortly after Masatao Kudo had earned — shall we say plaudits? — for his game-winner on the half-hour.

What is wrong with Real Salt Lake?  The 2009 MLS Cup winners have dropped their last three in the midst of the stretch run; a period wherein they have become known for raising their game a notch.  The third defeat came at the hands of runaway league leaders LA Galaxy, with David Beckham – who has pointedly not cultivated that same reputation during his MLS tenure — playing a part in both goals.

After falling behind to Fab Espindola’s first half strike, the Galaxy rallied in front of the home crowd in the second frame.  Golden Balls fed Chad Barrett in the box as the hour mark approached, to level terms; a result visiting RSL would have been happy to accept and which they deserved until defender Nat Borchers knocked an errant ball into his own goal, from a Beckham set-piece on seventy-two minutes.

The former England captain then turned on the charm, noting that he “honestly enjoys the assists more than scoring.”  Aw, shucks.

On the other coast, or near enough, NY Red Bull continued to straddle the fence, settling for their sixteenth draw in thirty-one matches.  Thierry Henry salvaged the point with two minutes on the clock at Toronto FC’s BMO field, scoring his thirteenth goal of the season.  With three games remaining, Red Bull are clinging to the final play-off spot on goal-difference over expansion side Portland Timbers and two points over DC United, who are being led by erstwhile Red Bull Dwayne De Rosario‘s league leading fourteen goals.

No, a revival of Cats isn’t playing South of the Border.  But Pumas, Jaguares and Tigres are, in fact, topping the table two-thirds of the way through the Apertura mini-season.  All three are clawing to stay near the top, as well.

Pumas 1-0 victory over struggling América, on Saturday, lifted them top thanks to Jaguares Friday night 1-1 draw with Atlas, and Sunday’s like result against Tijuana’s Aztec Dogs for Tigres, the three opponents being the bottom squads in the top flight.  The tight competition in the Primera Division is further exemplified by the crowded play-off picture, with the clubs from third to thirteenth all within a single result of falling below or climbing above the cut line between the eighth and ninth rungs on the ladder.

In the battle of the week, in Brazil, Vasco de Gama clung desperately to first place as visiting Corinthians attempted to reclaim the top spot which they had held for most of the early doors in the National Championship.  Strangely, both Vasco goals came from defenders, with Dede’s header opening the scoring on the quarter-hour and Fagner’s first-half added time strike restoring the lead that Alex had cancelled out.  Danilo’s noggin-shot on sixty-six minutes split the points and kept the Paulistas two points adrift of the Rio giants.

On Saturday, Neymar‘s goal on the half-hour was wasted as Santos allowed Marcio Rosario to head home in added time for ten-man Fluminense.  The Copa Libertadores champions continue to struggle to get into the domestic race.

Boca Juniors consolidated their position at the top of the Primera Division de Argentina Apertura table with a 1-0 victory over surprising Tigre.  The fifth placed side might have split the points at La Bombonera had it not been for Diego Castaño’s own goal fourteen minutes into the match.  It was a hard-fought affair, with the official handing out eight cautions, split evenly between the sides.

Newly promoted Atletico Rafaella continued to lead the chasing pack, thanks to a 2-1 victory over Lanús.  Fabricio Fontanini and Federico Gonzalez scored less than five minutes apart, early in the second half, to overturn Mario Regueiro’s first half goal.  Regueiro was sent off shortly after Fontanini had leveled, and when Gonzalez put Rafaella in front, El Granate imploded, going down to nine men when Carlos Izquierdos was issued a second yellow.

The result will keep Juan Roman Riquelme and company on their toes, despite their comfortable margin, but Boca seem intent on making up some ground in the championship category, while rivals River languish in the second tier.

See you next Monday! 

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Big Fish in a Not-So-Big Pond?

After a Champions League midweek which raised serious questions regarding the Premier League’s status as the world’s strongest domestic competition, three of the four English combatants returned to action on Saturday.  Chelsea, the lone club to top their group, albeit less than impressively, re-engage today.

In the interim, the Manchesters, City, who suffered defeat in Munich, and United, who barely escaped it at the hands of FC Basle at Old Trafford, returned to their accustomed dominance, even though it may seem a bit hollow after their continental struggles.

United’s confidence was clearly shaken as lowly Norwich bossed much of the action on the pitch but failed to convert a handful of gilt-edged chances.  Unfortunately for the Canaries, opportunity is very much a travelling salesman, in that if you fail to answer the door when it knocks, it will move on to the next customer.  Thus, even with Ashley Young and David de Gea rested, Rio Ferdinand on the bench and a tender Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez ineffective, United survived the first hour of the match and stole victory from their less experienced foes, through Anderson and Danny Welbeck.

Roberto Mancini’s City played out a similar match against lowly Blackburn.  With Carlos Teves ruled out after a bust-up with Mancini, and Edin Dzeko benched despite apologising for his own lack of courtesy, the traveling support must have collectively skipped a heartbeat when Sergio Kun Aguero limped off in the early going, replaced by Samir Nasri.  That Rovers were giving as good as they got in the early going, with Junior Hoilett’s pace and Morten Gamst-Pedersen’s surgical precision off-setting the forays of Mario Balotelli, was also unnerving, especially in the wake of their surprise victory over Arsenal.

Yet, just as United finally put the pieces together, so did City, and in more prolific fashion.  Adam Johnson’s opener, ten minutes after intermission, was quickly followed by a Balotelli strike and, a quarter-hour later, another tally from Nasri.  The former Gunner then set up newcomer Stefan Savic to finish off the match.

As the contest transformed from a valiant stand-off into a rout, the calls from Blackburn supporters for manager Steve Kean’s head became ever louder.  Yet, Mancini is perhaps the one in more danger.  Having been gifted with a phalanx of attacking talent rivaled only by the corresponding array which he has discarded, you would think that the Italian would be prepared for players who feel threatened by any reduction in playing time.  Instead, his approach has been like for like, matching his temper against those of his proud stars.

An established champion, such as Sir Alex Ferguson may get away with the hairdryer treatment and retain the respect of his players.  Mancini, on the other hand, is regarded by many a player, pundit and fan as having been gifted two of his Serie A titles, one through inheritance and the other via scandal.  Given that perception and City’s recent history, a more diplomatic approach might be advisable, if the club is to unite, rather than fracture under the weight of so many egos over the course of the campaign.

So, in the aftermath of their European malaise, United won despite a lack of confidence and City in the face of an overabundance.  In the next two weeks, both Mancunian managers will seek to calm their troops and meet in the middle, before their respective sides come together in the center circle at Old Trafford on Sunday, the twenty-third.  Good luck with that to each of them.

Merseyside Blues

While the rivalry at the east end of the East Lancs Road is still a fair distance in the future, the one to the west saw tempers flare on Saturday.  Liverpool FC strolled across Stanley Park to play the first leg of this season’s Merseyside Derby against, Everton, the side from which they sprung one hundred and nineteen years ago.  Kenny Dalglish’s last trip to the touch line in Goodison Park was a 4-4 draw in the FA Cup, just weeks before his resignation for emotional duress attributed to the Hillsborough tragedy.

This encounter wasn’t as stressful as all that, but it was certainly eventful.  Luis Suarez, who in the past year-plus, has been known to both take a hand and sink his teeth into controversy, fell into it this time.  His tumble, which came after Jack Rodwell’s sliding tackle seemingly won the ball, nonetheless produced a red card from referee Martin Atkinson, completely altering the match’s complexion, not twenty-five minutes in.

Down a man, David Moyes was forced to transfer a marauding Tim Cahill from his place leading the line out onto the flank.  With the pressure removed, the Reds began to gain traction.  Just before the half, Suarez drew a penalty, which a defiant Tim Howard knocked away from a disappointed Dirk Kuyt.  Liverpool didn’t falter, however, redoubling the pressure when they returned to the pitch.  Andy Carroll claimed his first league goal of the campaign and the villain of the match, Suarez, appropriately killed it off.

Toffees’ boss David Moyes wasn’t able to conceal his anger at the sending-off.

“Too often people talk about the players not doing it right but it wasn’t the players today.” 

The Scot went on further about the selection of Atkinson for the match, as the last time he officiated an Everton match, Moyes was fined £8,000 by the FA for confronting the official in the tunnel.  The fiery boss can almost certainly expect a similar, likely more severe action, this time.

The Pretenders

While the three matches already mentioned featured five Scottish managers, with three going down to defeat, Alex McLeish led Aston Villa to victory over Wigan Athletic, evening the Caledonian record on the day.  The Claret & Blue had their way at Villa Park, courtesy of goals from Gaby Agbonlahor and Darren Bent, and retained their membership in the Premier league unbeaten club, along with United, City and Newcastle.

The Magpies escaped Molineux with a 2-1 triumph, thanks in part to a little help from one of Martin Atkinson’s friends.  Down two, after an early strike from Demba Ba and a thirty-eighth minute effort from Jonas Gutierrez, Wolves saw two appeals for a penalty denied.  One of them, when Steven Taylor brought down Jamie O’Hara in the box, resulted in Mark Halsey awarding a free kick outside the box.  Had that call been adjudged properly, Toon would still be unbeaten but not sitting, for the moment, above Chelsea in third place and clinging to their status as the defence which has conceded the fewest goals.

Don’t be fooled, though.  When the two sides face a club more dangerous than a fragile Arsenal and come away with a result, then their records can be taken as something other than cosmetic.

Last and Least

What began as possibly the most exciting match of the day, fizzled when both sides decided to consolidate their positions after the half-hour.  Visiting West Brom jumped out to a two-goal lead, through James “Don’t Call Me Lizard King” Morrison and Shane Long, after five minutes, only to see Sunderland storm back when Nicklas Bendtner and Ahmed Elmohamady leveled terms two minutes apart.

With the lead evaporated, Roy Hodgson predictably brought everyone behind the ball and Wes Brown, who drilled a perfect cross into the turf, and Stephane Sessegnon can be faulted for not delivering all three points to the Black Cats.  As it is, both teams stay out of the drop zone and the embattled Steve Bruce remains employed for another week.

On Tap

One hopes that the London Derby between Spurs and Arsenal at White Hart Lane has a little more staying power than the Battle of Nice Guys at the Stadium of Light.  A repeat of last April’s corresponding fixture, which saw Tottenham fight back from an early 3-1 deficit to split the points might be entertaining.

The aforementioned Bolton/Chelsea clash, a second London derby at Craven Cottage between Fulham and QPR, and Swansea v Stoke round out the Sunday undercard.

Enjoy!

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Stoke are not an easy team to beat when defending the Britannica, yet in their six previous Premier League matches against Manchester United, both home and away, they had failed to garner a single point.  That finally changed on Saturday.  With the rest of the day’s matches following form, much to the bookies’ pleasure, the outcome is that United have come back to Earth, somewhat.

Despite their perfect record against Stoke and to date in 2010-11, United had to know that a painstaking effort would be required to once again put down the Potters.   With arguably their most physical player, Wayne Rooney, nursing an injury, it would only be more difficult.  Then Jonny Evans came up lame in the warmup, forcing Antonio Valencia to slot in at right back against a side which lives off wide play and crosses into the box.   Worse, Javier Hernandez suffered another knock, when clipped from behind by Jonathan Woodgate, he clattered into Stoke keeper Asimir Begovic.  Despite the forward laying crumpled in the box, the incident was deemed as no harm, no foul.   The Mexican, after failing to walk off the pain, was forced to leave for Michael Owen after just eleven minutes.

Still, it was United who struck first, through Nani.  The Portuguese, teaming with Darren Fletcher, worked his way through the box and drilled a shot past Begovic, just prior to the half-hour.  Thus, with Rooney in Manchester, Chicharito on the trainer’s table and Danny Welbeck on the bench, there was suddenly no cutting edge on the pitch for the visitors.  Owen and Dimitar Berbatov sent a handful of chances wide, allowing Stoke to hang onto hope.

At the other end, Stoke’s aerial attack was causing problems for United’s young keeper David de Gea.  While tall, the lack of muscle on the twenty year old’s frame made it difficult for him to impose his will on the Stoke attackers.  Peter Crouch and a supporting Jonathan Woodgate both missed golden chances.  When the Potters kept the ball on the carpet, however, De Gea made several impressive stops.

The writing was on the wall, though, and shortly after the restart, a corner found Crouch, who nodded the ball home.  Welbeck came on for United with twenty minutes remaining, as did Ryan Giggs, but neither could fashion a winner and the draw allowed Man City to pull level on points.

Roberto Mancini’s side remain behind on goal difference, though, as Everton proved resistant to the attacking verve of Sergio Kun Aguero and Edin Dzeko in the first hour of the match.  The pair, already boasting fourteen goals between them, were nonetheless sat down by Mancini, when they proved incapable of finding a way past the resilient Toffee’s defence and a near-impervious Tim Howard.  Still, their efforts had taxed the Everton rearguard to the point where their fresh and eager replacements, Mario Balotelli and James Milner were each able to find openings and finish.

Balotelli, who came on at the hour mark for Dzeko, was actually set up by the soon to depart Aguero, who dished off nicely, when he was closed down in the box.  Then, David Silva, who had been harried all day by Jack Rodwell, finally found a moment’s peace to thread a ball into the path of an onrushing Milner, whose goal killed off the match.  The contest mirrored the United/Stoke tilt, as well, in that City typically have more success snatching players from Everton, than they do goals.

There was a third unbeaten side, of the four remaining in the Premier League, in action on Saturday.  Toon held their place near the top of the table, with a 3-1 win over Blackburn, proving that the opposite of the adage ‘nice guys finish last’, also holds true.  Despite chairman Mike Ashley’s generally reviled status in the eyes of the Geordie Nation, his offloading of manager Chris Hughton and stars Andy Carroll, Kevin Nolan and Jose Enrique purely for profit, not to mention Joey Barton purely for noticing, the Magpies are somehow still grinding out results.

Against a Rovers side temporarily buoyed by their unexpected victory over shaky Arsenal, Demba Ba registered his first Premier League hat trick, scoring twice within three minutes of the half hour and then putting the match away after the break, cancelling a Junior Hoilett strike which had given Blackburn a lifeline.  Thus, in a season where both were expected to be safely in the mid-table, Newcastle are holding down the last Champions League berth and Rovers have dipped back into the relegation places.

Speaking of nice guys, Martinez, Owen Coyle and former Liverpool whipping boy Roy Hodgson managed just one point and one goal between them.  Hodgson’s West Brom got the point, in a bore draw with fellow strugglers Fulham.  Martinez’s Latics took the goal, courtesy of Mohamed Diame, but it wasn’t enough to stop Spurs from claiming all three points at the DW.  Bolton, meanwhile, without Gary Cahill, were unable to mimic Blackburn’s success against Arsenal, going down 3-0 at the Emirates, where Robin van Persie’s brace included his century mark for the Gunners.

Chelsea were in tune with their London rivals, knocking off Swansea 4-1.  Fernando Torres once again played good news/bad news with the Stamford Bridge faithful, scoring his second goal in as many games but drawing a red card for an overzealous tackle, later on.  This time, instead of missing the goal, he will be missing from the lineup as the Chelsea machine gets back into gear after stalling at Old Trafford.  If, upon returning, his form also goes missing again, neither manager André Villas-Boas nor owner Roman Abramovich will be too pleased.

The pair should both be happy with young Brazilian Ramires, however.  The midfielder, who provided the most of the creative spark in defeat, against United, did so again in victory, setting up Torres’ opener.  Then, he proceeded to finish off two plays himself.  More good news came late, with the return of a clear-headed Didier Drogba, who potted the fourth Blues tally on the day.  Maybe Nando won’t be missed all that much.

Liverpool, long a Chelsea nemesis and recently a handy source for Iberian players, also returned to winning ways, with a 2-1 victory over Wolves at Anfield.  Charlie Adam continued to be involved in Reds goals, when his errant blast was unintentionally deflected in by Wolves skipper Roger Johnson.   Luis Suarez continued his rampant form, adding a necessary second seven minutes before half-time.  It was needed because Kenny Dalglish’s side, nervous after consecutive losses, developed a siege mentality in the second half, which allowed Steven Fletcher to halve the difference between the clubs.

With only Aston Villa protecting its unbeaten mark against QPR on Sunday and Sunderland’s Black Cats hunting Norwich City’s Canaries on Monday, still to be played, the Premier League table is virtually set heading into a Champions League week.  A winner from the Sunday match can replace Liverpool in fifth place, although Joey Barton and co. will need a three goal margin to do so.  Then, if Steve Bruce’s Mackems can overcome Norwich, they’ll have gone from the bottom rung to the top half in just over a fortnight.

It might not be as easy as all that, however.

]]> http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/24/the-sunday-morning-hangover-man-united-discover-that-nobodys-perfect/feed/ 0 Coming Up Crouchy resulteditor Coming Up Crouchy Hangover Howard To The Rescue Man Of The Century http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/19/the-monday-morning-drip-because-ade-is-light-on-his-feet/ http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/19/the-monday-morning-drip-because-ade-is-light-on-his-feet/#comments Mon, 19 Sep 2011 03:50:03 +0000 Martin Palazzotto http://worldfootballcolumns.com/?p=21784 Continue reading »]]> _______________________________________________________________________

The Monday Morning Drip grinds up the footy fare from the weekend into a blend of the choicest bits from leagues all over the world.  It’s also a weekly opportunity to appeal to footy bloggers out there, who are looking for a new forum in which to display their wares.  So, if you enjoy blogging, want to reach new readers and are available to cover your favourite league or team, then just click Write For WFC!  

Meanwhile, open your laptop wide and say Ahhh.

Here’s this week’s Drip…

Unlike last week, this Premier League Sunday was hardly an afterthought.  Instead, it rose up and smacked fans of Liverpool and Manchester City right between the eyes.  Then it delivered a blow to the mid-section of an unsuspecting Stoke City, and, for good measure, kicked Chelsea in the butt.

Spurs hammered Liverpool 4-0, while Kenny Dalglish fumed and referee Mike Jones did his best to keep a straight face as he sent off both Charlie Adam and Martin Skrtel, who will be having nightmares about Gareth Bale for weeks to come.  Dalglish at least has learnt to keep his remarks regarding officiating between himself and the men in black.  He had plenty to say to Jones in the tunnel at the half but absolutely nothing to the press after the match.  Meanwhile, Harry Redknapp was feeling like the Prince of the City, after Ex-Gunner Emmanuel Adebayor hit for a brace and Chelsea wannabe Luka Modric swallowed his pride and contributed the opener at White Hart Lane.

Stoke, who stole three points against the Reds, last week, learnt that there is no easy match in the Premier League, as Sunderland came off the bottom of the table to hit them up for another 4-0 shellacking.  The legendarily prolific trio of Titus Bramble, Craig Gardner and Sebastian Larsson were aided by an own goal from Jonathan Woodgate.  While Tony Pulis was tearing his hat to pieces in frustration, punters across the Northeast were doing the same with betting slips touting Steve Bruce to be the first manager sacked in 2010-11.

Manchester City failed to heed the lesson of the Blackburn/Arsenal match, wasting Sergio Kun Aguero‘s seventh and eighth goals for the club and letting struggling Fulham back into the match.  Goals from Bobby Zamora and captain Danny Murphy split the points and dropped the Billionaire’s Club further behind United’s Boys Club.

Fergie’s Fledglings made the most of their toughest test thus far.  Although Chelsea had their fair share of ascendancy, they did little with it.  Fernando Torres did score his second goal in six months for the club but then refused to increase his rate of production, circling a helpless David de Gea and sliding his shot wide of an unprotected goal.  Other than that, however, De Gea was the reason that United led 3-0 at the half, through Chris Smalling, Nani and Wayne Rooney, rather than trailing by the same score.  He had to rescue his teammates in the second half, as well, when Rooney pulled a John Terry, slipping as he struck a penalty kick which would have killed off the match.

The one worry to come out of the match, as United moved clear at the top of the table, was Ashley Cole’s nasty tackle on Javier Hernandez, who limped off under duress and may now become Tom Cleverley’s FIFA ’11 partner for the near future.

The question in Germany, this week, is has the country fallen in love with Ashton Kutcher and That ’70s Show in the same manner as they did with der Hasselhoff?  It seems as though they may have, with the table beginning to look much as it did in the Polyester Decade. Last year’s relegation survivors, Borussia Mönchengladbach, are suddenly flashing back to the days when they challenged Bayern for Bundesliga honours on a yearly basis.

Igor Camargo got his kick in minute sixty-six, to give M’gladbach a win over Hamburg and solidify their grip on third place, level on points but a goal behind Werder Bremen, whose application for three points was denied at the EasyCredit Stadion, leaving them with a 1-1 draw with hosts Nurnberg.  Both Bayer Leverkusen and Borussia Dortmund continued their inconsistent starts, suffering defeats, 4-1 at home to Cologne and 2-1 away to Hannover, respectively.  Lukas Podolski picked up a double for Cologne.  Hoffenheim and Stuttgart also stayed near the top, with wins over Wolfsburg and Freiburg.  Hoffenheim’s 3-1 cruise over Felix Magath’s side, has the embattled boss considering petitioning the league to play Schalke every week.

The Royal Blues, who took it on the chin to their former manager, last week, were kicked by Bayern while they were down.  The league leaders opened some space on the chasing pack with a 2-0 victory in Gelsenkirchen.  Manuel Neuer had all the time in the world to count the ‘Judas’ signs sported by Schalke fans, as his new mates didn’t let his former ones anywhere near the goal.

If you’ve read David Winner’s Brilliant Orange, you know that Total Football was born out of the Dutch knack for coping with a lack of space.  No surprise then, that the Eredivisie table is gridlocked after week six.  Four clubs are grouped within a point of each other at the top, and the season is just getting warmed up.  

The key match was at the Philips Stadion, where PSV pushed Ajax to the limit but failed to close ground.  Neither did they give any away, so, on the whole, they won’t be complaining too much.  The 2-2 draw saw the Eindhoven side on the front foot for most of the match, with Tim Matavz’s second minute strike and Giorgio Wijnaldum’s penalty just before the hour eventually pegged back, in turn, by Kolburnn Sigthorsson’s leveller before the half-time whistle and Dmitry Bulykin’s point-splitter on seventy-nine minutes.

FC Twente and AZ Alkmaar each took advantage of the stalemate, moving into the top two slots, on fifteen points.  AZ had to work hard to get by new boys RKC 2-1, but Twente reclaimed the league lead with a resounding 5-2 win over ADO Den Haag.  Luuk de Jong was on the board twice in the Enschede romp.  Feyenoord‘s 4-0 pasting of de Graafschap, put them fourth.  Ironically, the Rotterdam giants, along with Ajax, are the only two unbeaten sides in the Eredivisie but are both looking up at the Champions League places.  Don’t you just love the early doors?

Elsewhere, disciplinarian John van den Brom may have finally driven the message home to his young charges at Vitesse.  After back-to-back 4-0 embarrassments, the Arnhem club drilled five past Roda JC, who had no answer.

Okay, here it comes:  my first official Evian pun.  I’m sure it’s been said elsewhere and more than once, but PSG, will tell you that whatever the newly promoted club have, they ought to bottle it.  The club is stubbornly hanging onto a place in the top half of the table, this week jumping out to an early two goal lead against the well-heeled Parisiens.  Javier Pastore paid off another installment in his €43 million price tag, by pegging a goal back, appropriately in the forty-third minute.  It was left to Mathieu Bodmer, who had come on with a quarter-hour remaining, to salvage a point for the Qatari-backed club.  It took him six minutes, but the job was done and PSG remain within shouting distance of the leaders.

That is no longer Montpellier, however.  The unlikely table topper could only manage a 2-2 draw at Brest, allowing Lyon to move top, after a battle of Olympian proportions with Marseille, won 2-0 at the Stade Gerland on goals from Bafetimbi Gomis and Michel Bastos.  The defeat won’t sit well with Didier Deschamps, who, less than two years removed from a championship is parked at the bottom of the table.

Were you beginning to think that Barcelona was mortal and that Real Madrid finally had the answer to the Catalans’ mastery?  Foolish human.  The Blaugrana got their feet under them in the third week of the Primera Liga campaign and dropped an eight spot on a ridiculously optimistic Osasuna.  Lionel Messi had a hat trick, David Villa a double, with Cesc Fabregas and Xavi also helping out.  Osasuna defender Roversio apparently thought the second letter in his name was an ‘e’, rather than an ‘o’, as he put the remaining tally into his own net.

Conversely, Real Madrid were reduced to ten men and fell to Levante 1-0, after Sami Khedira was sent off in the first half and Arouna Kone scored the only goal of the match in the sixty-eighth minute.  Given that the start of the season was delayed a week, and Levante’s kit is remarkably similar to Barça, I suppose it’s possible Los Blancos thought they were playing a much tougher match.

Meanwhile, there are two teams with perfect records but strange shirts at the top of the table.  Real Betis went into San Mames and, impressively, came away with a 3-2 win over Athletic Bilbao.  Likewise, Valencia won away at Sporting Gijon, albeit by a more subdued 1-0 score.

Although it’s only two matches into the Serie A season, and the table has yet to settle, there is a hint that the scoring race, at least, will be a repeat of last year’s heated competition.  Udinese and Napoli are two of the four teams with two victories in as many tries, and they are being led by their talismans, Antonio di Natale and Edinson Cavani.

Cavani hit a treble as the Neapolitans did away with Scudetto holders AC Milan.  Alberto Aquilani’s first goal for the Rossoneri went for nought, once the uruguayan cranked up his game.  For his part, Di Natale has now scored in both of his club’s 2-0 victories.  Even without Alexis Sanchez to feed him the ball, the veteran appears intent on keeping his golden boot for a third Serie A consecutive year.

Competition continues to be fierce in the Russian Premier League.  CSKA Moscow‘s 1-1 draw away to FK Rostov, languishing near the drop zone, was costly for the capital giants.  Zenit St. Petersburg refused to let up, themselves, away to the much tougher Rubin Kazan, and outlasted the recent champs 3-2, with Roman Shirokov’s opener and Danny’s brace providing maximum points.

Dinamo also took advantage of their neighbours recent slide.  After toppling CSKA 4-0, a week ago, Dinamo made Amkar Perm’ their third victim on the trot, with former Liverpool benchwarmer again sparking the victory.

Zenit now have a clear lead in the table, but Dinamo lay two back and CSKA three.  The weather may be cooling on the Steppes, but the race in the RPL is definitely heating up.

Last week, I wrote that Kashiwa Reysol have their groove back.  This week, they emphasised that fact in a major way, knocking off Vitesse Kobe, 4-0, to leapfrog Yokohama F Marinos and close to within a point of Gamba Osaka.

Rafinha continued his good run for the current leaders, as Gamba drew with Marinos, affording Reysol the opportunity to edge within reach of the top.  With eight matches left in the campaign, the J-League race is providing fans, who have been through a tragic 2011, a pleasant diversion from their daily travails.  Unfortunately, however, tragedy is refusing to take any time off in the Land of the Rising Sun.  Former Shimizu S-Pulse keeper Masanori Sanada, just forty-three, passed away from a heart attack early in the week.  He is the second Japanese footballer to be stricken by a coronary siezure this year, following defender Naoki Matsuda, who died in August.

With half a dozen matches left on the schedule, New York Red Bull have begun to be something other than indifferent about the MLS season.  A hard fought 1-0 victory on the road, against Western power FC Dallas has lifted the Red Bull, who have drawn half their matches, back into the play-off picture.  Former Notts County bad boy Luke Rodgers, making his first start after mising ten weeks with an injured heel, provided the only goal of the match.

Another side lagging behind their usual pace, Real Salt Lake, also notched a big win by halting the progress of Sporting KC.  Nat Borchers potted the lone strike, as RSL stayed ten points behind LA Galaxy, with two games in hand.

The thing about a split season is that a sudden run of form, good or bad, can quickly change a club’s fortunes.  Take Jaguares, for instance.  They were one of the worst teams in the recently completed Clausura, and when the Apertura opened, they didn’t seem much better.  However, a string of three victories, including an electric 5-3 triumph, on Saturday, against the suddenly hapless America.  Edgar Andrade‘s brace cancelled out Daniel Montenegro‘s and Christian Valdez’s tally did the same to Christian Benitez.  That left the two late goals, one in each half, from Franco Arizala and Jackson Martinez, respectlively to claw out the victory.

Puebla‘s stunning 4-1 victory away at the Estadio OmniLife against Chivas knocked the Goats from the top of the hill, with Cruz Azul also leapfrogging the Guadalajara side, after a road win of their own, 2-1 over Monterrey.  Tigres reversal to Atlante leaves them one point behind the three pacesetters.

Corinthians have slipped into a dangerous funk, dropping their last two matches and three of their last five.  Sunday’s hammering at the hands of Paulista rivals Santos, who won the match 3-1 despite Paolo Henrique Ganso seeing red, has cost them their place atop the National Championship table.  In fact, it has dropped them all the way to third, with the slide seeming more severe for the performances of the two clubs which overtook them.

Both Vasco de Gama and Sao Paolo recorded comprehensive 4-0 victories over Gremio and Ceara, respectively.  The two clubs each featured four different goal scorers, but it was pleasing to see old warhorse Rivaldo on the score sheet for the Paulistas.  Vasco now sit top, ahead of Sao Paolo by a single point.

Boca Juniors managed to stay a step ahead of giant killers Atletico Rafaella for a second week, with a 2-1 victory over Lanus.  Defender Juan Insurralde made the match closer than it was with an own goal just after the restart, but Walter Erviti’s strike, after the hour, restored the lead.

The Genovese will be looking nervously over their shoulder to see what Rafaella are up to next.  The upstarts took the lead with twenty minutes remaining against San Lorenzo, only to endure a mad frenzy at the end of the match.  Sebastian Gonzalez leveled a minute from time and then, in added time, Federico Gonzalez put Rafaella back in front.  Moments later, Nicolas Castro put the game to bed from the spot, after Bernardo Romeo saw red for the hosts.

With both clubs winning on the road and putting some distance between themselves and the pack, Argentina may be in for an unusual two-horse race in this year’s Apertura.  Circle Sunday October 30th on your calendar.  That’s when these two meet, at La Bombonera, perhaps to decide the title race once and for all.

See you next Monday! 

My basic problem with human beings is that they act out of fear, feeling a desperate need to control their environment as much as possible.

On a small scale, that attitude has made it a felony, in the county in which I live, to falsify applications to register your (typically minority) child in a school district which might offer him/her a better education than your local one.  In the UK, it means there are several schools where girls are not allowed to wear skirts.   To the authorities, it matters not whether the rules are having an unintended and adverse effect, or make little to no sense, only that they must be followed for the sake of control.

On a larger scale, this fear and the urge to conquer it has seen the same country which proudly displays the words, “Give me your tired, your weak, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free” at the foot of the Statue of Liberty build a wall across its southern border with Mexico, to keep out said huddled masses who, diabolically, wish to take jobs cutting grass, digging ditches and keeping house from unemployed American college graduates.  In Australia, it means that the government seeks a way to ship its huddled masses to nearby Malaysia, where there is no work, education or opportunity, but rampant disease and political oppression.  When a decision must be made between two groups of man, the rationale as to who must suffer is always better you than me, rather than both of us together.

On an environmental scale… well you get the idea.  Man tries to organise everything down to the tiniest detail, intending to raise the ‘quality of life’, but too often with the opposite result.  He fights the natural order every step of the way, when he might be better advised to trust somewhat to fate, respect the planet, and just let things be.

Yet, I am human, too.  So despite my ideology, I feel sorry for the big teams in one or two of the groups in this year’s Champions League.  These clubs have spent money, worked hard and done well, only to be pitted against each other from the outset, while poorer sides from lesser leagues have been granted an easier road, through the luck of the draw.  There is something within me that believes it would be much fairer for the teams to be properly seeded and distributed evenly throughout the groups, so that fans might see the best sides — aka the traditional, established powers — meet in the later rounds.  Yet, on a weekly, if not daily, basis, I can usually be heard asking the question, “Since when is life fair?”

It’s tough being me.

On the other hand, it’s probably tougher to be Manchester City, Bayern Munich, Napoli or Villareal.  This group contains Sergio Kun Aguero, Edin Dzeko, David Silva and Carlos Tevez in the City attack; Mario Gomez, Franck Ribery, Arjen Robben, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Thomas Müller powering Bayern; Edinson Cavani, Marek Hamsik and Ezequiel Lavezzi for Napoli: and Giuseppe Rossi and Nilmar with Villareal.

Each of these clubs finished in the top four of one of the Big Four leagues in Europe.  City and Bayern are both perfect in the Prem and Bundesliga, respectively, running riot over the opposition, this season.  Napoli have started well in their quest to do more than challenge for the Scudetto in 2011-12.  Villareal have been sluggish out of the gate in La Liga, which can perhaps be forgiven, as the Yellow Submarine may have had its sights set on making this group stage.  At any rate, the Spaniards are the club most accustomed to dealing with powerful neighbours, being measured against Real Madrid and Barcelona, year in and year out.

If UEFA ranked its teams in a manner similar to American college football, all four squads would be in the top twenty, and, conceivably, in the top sixteen, which would put the entire group in the top half of a thirty-two team Champions League table.  Yet half of a set which all ‘deserve’ to progress to the knockout rounds will not. One will drop to the Europa League, another will have its continental adventure end before Christmas, and even Man City, with their wealth of talent, realise that, in such a short competition, they could be the unfortunates.

This is not a group of death; it’s a group of utter annihilation.

As someone who believes that everyone deserves a fair shake, and who tries to maintain some objectivity in writing about football around the world, I usually make every effort to reel in my own biases when they try to creep in to my work.  In this group, however, there is one team that I will definitely be rooting against.  I don’t believe Trabzonspor, or any Turkish club, should be in this competition.

The Super Lig has acknowledged that the corruption and match-fixing in its competition is so rife that it has delayed the start of its campaign until it can be sure that the cheaters have been rooted out.  Like most other Turkish clubs, Trabzonspor have been implicated in wrong-doing.  One should be presumed innocent until proven otherwise, but, when there is sufficient reason to suspect guilt, the honourable usually step aside for the betterment of the whole.  I believe it would be best for football’s integrity, that no Turkish teams compete in Europe until their house is put in order.

That leaves three very strong clubs, however, to compete for the two berths providing passage into the round of sixteen.

Normally, Inter, with the likes of Wesley Sneijder, Esteban Cambiasso, Javier Zanetti, Maicon and the Diegos, Milito and Forlan, would be heavy favourites to win the group.  However, now on their third coach, Giampiero Gasperini, in the year since Jose Mourinho departed, there is a sense of confusion at the club which has affected their confidence, most notably goalkeeper Julio Cesar, who has been very erratic of late.  They’re still favourites, of course, but consider them as having been to Jenny Craig.

French Champions Lille were weakened by the exodus of Yohan Cabaye and Gervinho to the Premier League and Adil Rami to La Liga, but, with Eden Hazard pulling the strings, they are still a threat to anyone.

CSKA Moscow are an unknown quantity despite their annual presence in Europe.  Seydou Doumbia is the danger man, but can’t be focused on to the exclusion of Vagner Love and Japanese set-piece magician Keisuke Honda.  Zoran Tosic and Tomas Necid are also in this squad and it shouldn’t be forgotten that keeper Igor Afinkeev was one of the names mooted to replace Edwin van der Sar before United narrowed the list to Manuel Neuer and David de Gea.

Now, Manchester United aside, here’s a group of those huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

Benfica were in the Europa League semifinals last season, but that only proved they were the third best team in Portugal, although, at the moment, they are nipping at a weakened Porto’s heels.  Having signed Joan Capdevilla from Villareal and Ezequiel Garay from Real Madrid, when players of that ilk typically travel in the opposite direction, this is not a team to take lightly.  Belgian Axel Witsel is also a promising talent in the midfield.

You’d be forgiven for not giving FC Basel a second glance had you not watched this competition, last year.  Led by Marco Streller and Alex Frei, the Swiss champion didn’t progress but gave much better opposition a game every time out.  Expect the same again this year.

I was half tempted to do a Shearer, shrug my shoulders and say that I don’t know that much about Otelul Galati.  However, unlike the Geordie legend, Wiki doesn’t strike fear into my heart or impede on my golf time.  Thus, I can proudly recite that Otelul are Romanian champions and, unsurprisingly, are made up almost exclusively of Romanians, with three Serbs and a Czech goalkeeper most of you wouldn’t be familiar with added into the mix.  The club has sprinkled in some global influence, in the form of Argentine Gabriel Viglianti, Peruvian Daniel Chavez and Nigerian John Ibeh.  Haven’t heard of them, either?  Hmmph.  Maybe Shearer organises his time better than people think.

With this trio to contend with, Sir Alex Ferguson must be feeling quite pleased with the draw.  Given that City will have to bring their A-game every weeknight, while United will likely feature Michael Owen, Dimitar Berbatov, Park Ji-sung, Michael Carrick and several other reserves with regularity and still progress easily, the wily old Scot surely sees an advantage for his club as they attempt to fend off the ‘noisy neighbours’ in domestic competition.

Okay, having done with Wiki, I’ve now accessed a copy of the UEFA rulebook and nowhere inside does it say that Real Madrid must play Lyon in the Champions League every season.  So, what’s up with that, then?  The Spaniards finally got the better of the French side in the knockout round, last year, only to draw them in the group stage for ’11-12.  Still, better the enemy you know…

Los Blancos will also have a second date with Ajax, who joined them in ’10-11 to form the famous Group of Champions, along with AC Milan.   Overall, however, it shouldn’t be Jose Mourinho’s side concerned with progressing, with the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, the in-form pair of Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuain, Angel di Maria and Mesut Özul in attack.  The Castilians will also be confident, having gained an early advantage over rivals Barcelona.

Although Dutch sides took a beating in the Europa League last season, Ajax weren’t one of the battered and bruised.  With Frank de Boer taking over for Martin Jol in mid-stream, the Amsterdammers didn’t get all their oars in the water until too late in the year.  Although Maarten Stekelenberg moved on to Roma in the summer, the club improved through the additions of Theo Janssen and Kolbeinn Sigthorsson.

Lyon, on the other hand, stood pat.  New boss Remi Garde’s first order of business will be to coax better performances from Yohan Gourcuff than Claude Puel managed.  The club’s early chances will suffer from the absence of physical midfielder Lisandro Lopez, who is out for a month with an ankle injury.  So, for the moment at least, the smart money is on the two past European champions to move on.

Dinamo Zagreb, the Croatian champion are a slightly stronger version of Otelul Galati.  Dynastic within domestic confines, they simply don’t have the quality to do more than cause an upset or steal a point somewhere along the way.  At the moment, they are sniffing around Lyon, hoping that they might be able to sneak past the preoccupied Ligue 1 club.

The ugly duckling in Group E is Racing Genk.  The Belgian side are languishing in mid-table, having drawn half of their six league games in the early going.  Given that the Jupiler League champion replaced UAE bound manager Frank Vercauteren with Mario Been, who left Feyenoord in the summer after receiving a vote of no confidence from his players, there is a bit of ‘I told you so’ surrounding their current plight.  Been will have to make a positive impression quickly, if this side is to transform itself into a swan and fly on into the elimination rounds.

Like fellow Premiership title hopefuls, Man City, Chelsea are probably shaking their heads at a draw which places them in such a dangerous group, while Man United are seemingly cooling their heels in Group C.  The Blues are finding their stride in England, but it is still far from matching the leaps and bounds of the two Mancunian clubs.  Fernando Torres is beginning to settle in — at the end of the bench — while a cheeky Daniel Sturridge is making a case for being the first option in attack.  With Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka also in the picture, Juan Mata impressing immediately and John Terry helping out on the offensive end, new boss André Villas-Boas’ selection problems are by and large of the positive variety, but there is not much room for error.

Valencia are perfect in La Liga’s late starting campaign and Bayer Leverkusen, with a physically and verbally in-form Michael Ballack are right there in the Bundesliga.

Ever Banega, Aritz Aduriz and Roberto Soldado have made Mestalla faithful forget the Davids, Silva and Villa, with Adil Rami arriving from Lille to create a formidable central midfield partnership with Hedwiges Maduro.  Los Che pushed Manchester United in the group stage last season and, being stronger this year, they will enjoy a crack at Chelsea.

New Leverkusen boss Robin Dutt feels some empathy for AS Roma gaffer Luis Enrique.  With Jupp Heynckes at Bayern and Sami Hyppia retired, Dutt has chosen Simon Rolfes to fill the void in leadership but the ever-ambitious Ballack has been speaking ‘for the club’ both in the press and on the pitch.  Dutt has had to pull on his reins more than once, but the competition has been healthy for the squad, so far.  Newcomer André ‘Don’t Call me’ Schürrle is a nice complement to fellow young gun Stefan Kieβling.  As long as the contentious factions in the side continue to pull in the same direction, Leverkusen will be a tough proposition for the rest of the group.

Group F seems to have been reserved for the fashionably late.  Arsenal, everyone knows about.  Losing your two most influential midfielders, playing an early scoreless draw with Newcastle, a loss to Liverpool, and an absolutely crushing defeat to United is not how a title contender expects to begin their season.  Yet, if you ask Arsene Wenger, the side’s confidence was totally restored by the narrow 1-0 win over newly promoted Swansea.  As they say in French:  <cough> –Bullshit!–<cough>

Yet, Bundesliga champion Borussia Dortmund are also languishing in mid-table after a slow start.  The sophomore blues have hit Jürgen Klopp’s youngsters, with Mario Götze, Lucas Barrios and Shinji Kagawa unable to match the torrid pace set by Bayern Munich.

Marseille, meanwhile, are five matches into the Ligue 1 season, and sit on the relegation bubble.  They’ve lost two straight, after opening with three draws, and the crowds at the Stade Velodrome are not happy.  Loic Remy, Andre-Pierre Gignac and Lucho Gonzalez should make an impressive attack force, but they’re not getting it done at the moment.

Greek side Olympiakos are the ultimate procrastinators in the group, however.  While Panathanaikos has won a perfect two of two in the Greek Super Lig, their rivals have yet to play a match.  So, as is àpropos in such circumstances, if you want a prediction on how this group will shake out, I’ll have to get back to you.

Okay, all you leftist guerillas and student activists out there, here’s the group for you!  There is no favourite in this quartet; no rich, fat cat, bourgeoisie, pet of the establishment, already assured of advancing into the lucrative elimination stage.

The closest thing to that is Porto, the defending Europa League champion.  Yet, the manager that masterminded their epic run is at Chelsea, spending Roman Abramovich’s new oligarchy billions — can you say irony?  As well, the striker who carried them to Irish glory — can you say oxymoron? — is at Atletico Madrid.  Porto is used to its players and coaches selling out to the man, though, so it’s no surprise that they are right at the top of the Portuguese Super Liga again this season.

Joining Porto in this socialist experiment are 2008 and 2009 UEFA Cup winners Zenit St. Petersburg and Shakhtar Donetsk, and APOEL.  The Nicosian side, which has dominated the Cypriot league since its inception, winning over twenty titles, may be a big fish in a little pond at home, but here they are very much the minnows.  Zenit have spent decades chasing after the scraps of the Muscovites, CSKA, Spartak, Dinamo and Lokomotiv, but, under first Dick Advocaat and now Luciano Spaletti, are creating a revolution in the Russian Premier League, while Shakhtar have done much the same by overtaking Dynamo Kiev, in the Ukraine.

As all of the contenders play an open attacking system, so this may be the most exciting group to watch, provided that you can suppress all those years of subliminal advertising, peer pressure and brand marketing with which Big Brother has indoctrinated you, in order to make you an unwitting pawn of the state.  Good luck with that.

Now, after a pair of very well-balanced foursomes, we return you to your normally scheduled, predictable Champions League group.  Barcelona, the new establishment in La Liga, are paired off with Serie A champion AC Milan, owned by one of Viagra’s biggest clients, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. With Lionel Messi, Xavi and Cesc Fabregas on one side and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Antonio Cassano, Pato and Alberto Aquilani on the other, if either of these two Mediterranean giants fail to advance, I’ll eat my copy of Mao’s little red book.  Oh wait, mine was written by Harvey Penick.  You get the idea, though.

BATE Borisov and Viktoria Plzen, Belorussian and Czech champions, respectively, stand as much chance of progressing out of this group as Moammar al Gaddafi does to win a Nobel Peace Prize.  Essentially, the duo will be looking forward to playing each other, to see which will be given a second chance in the Europa League.   My vote is cast for BATE, who fought well in Europe last season, and are champions five times running, giving them a better measure of experience on the continental stage.

Try as I might, I just am not a radical at heart.

What the hell happened in the Premier League yesterday?!

There are certainly questions to be answered, even if my head is a little fuzzy.  For instance, what does it take to get Steve Bruce angry?  Will Swansea ever score a goal?  Is Liverpool this year’s Stoke?  And, perhaps most importantly, is it time for Man City to panic?

Everton twice gave up a one goal lead, to prove that Mikel Arteta and Jermain Beckford were not the reasons that the Toffees don’t become unstuck until the holidays roll around.  The 2-2 draw saw Aston Villa remain unbeaten under Alex McLeish, while their Goodison Park hosts are in the top ten, despite their typical sluggish start.

Tottenham took their double dose of Mancunian frustration out on Mick McCarthy and Wolves, with recent acquisitions Emmanuel Adebayor and Scott Parker combining for the first marker in the routine two-goal win.  Coupled with the Gunners victory, the last of the usual suspects are beginning to show up for the Premier League party.

The head chair at the pity party, however, should be reserved for Sunderland boss Steve Bruce.  I mean, how can so many bad things happen to such an optimistic guy?  First, his nose is so pliable that everyone calls him Mr Potato Head.   Next, he twists in the wind at Birmingham, under Messrs Gold and Sullivan and their hatchetwoman, Karren Brady, and is hacked to bits by the trio as soon as he leaves.  When he gets to Sunderland, after a decent spell at Wigan, he gets the club heading up the table, only for Darren Bent to ditch them for relegation threatened Aston Villa.  He sticks up for Sir Alex Ferguson when Wayne Rooney throws a hissy fit to land a better contract, and still endures a thrashing from United in league play.  Then Kenwyne Jones heads for Stoke.  Now, Asamoah Gyan has delivered the ultimate insult, taking a loan deal to the United Arab Emirates to escape the Stadium of Light.

Is it Bruce?  Is it the ground?  Is it Mackems in general? No write-in answers from the Geordie crowd, please!

While most fans in England can’t fathom why Gyan would want to go from the best league in the world to the hottest league — literally — on the planet, not many English fans have grown up with the level of poverty and disease that the Ghanaian did.  Just as with Samuel Eto’o, now with Anzhi Makhachkala in Russia, that level of suffering teaches you to be loyal to the almighty dollar above all else.  Footballing decisions are a luxury that such men have learnt they cannot afford, as, given their destinations, are concerns regarding weather.

Yet, after a series of ‘nice guys’, in Bent, Jones and Gyan, have all left Bruce in the lurch, he may get some satisfaction from a self-centered narcissist.  Nicklas Bendtner played the match at Stamford Bridge as a lone striker and, although the match was already decided, fought until the bitter end, setting up Dong-won Ji for a consolation goal in added time.

For the Blues, John Terry cleaned up Juan Mata’s near miss in the early going and Daniel Sturridge showed some nerve, with a back heeled goal after the break.  Fernando Torres was left on the substitute’s bench for the entire match, although it’s to be expected that he will feature against Bayer Leverkusen in the Champions League on Tuesday.

Swansea are the only club in the Premier League who have yet to score.  In four matches, they have conceded five goals and barring their opponents on the day, Arsenal, are level with Spurs and QPR for the worst goal difference in the competition.  For all that, if the season ended today, they would survive.  Of course, the three clubs below them, Fulham, West Brom and Blackburn have a match to play over the next two days.

Brendan Rogers wasn’t at the helm for the trip to the Emirates, as his father had passed.  Condolences to the gaffer and his family on their loss.

Despite his absence, the Swans gave as well as they received.  Arsenal, with Mikel Arteta pulling the strings, were rusty but impressive.  However, the only goal came when Swansea keeper Michel Vorm unintentionally caromed his clearing pass off a defender, gifting Andrei Arshavin.  It’s difficult to criticise the Dutchman too heavily, as its been his play, for the most part, which has garnered the newly promoted side its two points to date.  If the ten men in front of him can work out how to put the ball in the opposite goal, the Welsh club may be dangerous.

At the Britannia, visiting Liverpool dominated the match but came away empty-handed, when Jamie Carragher drew a penalty after wrapping his arm around Jon Walters’ waist in the box.  Walters may have gone down easily, but he got up in the same manner and drilled home the spot kick.  From that point, Stoke clogged the box and clung to their lead, in especially desperate fashion over the final twenty minutes.

As the Reds piled on the late pressure, it seemed as though the Potters may have gotten the benefit of some calls in their own box.  Yet, the 1-0 score lifted Stoke above the Merseysiders into fourth place, where they would be just as overjoyed as Swansea if the season were called to an unexpected halt.

In his post match interviews, Kenny Dalglish did a poor job of pretending to respect the officials, claiming that the club had seen important decisions go against them in every match, thus far, but was at least sufficiently honest to admit that concern for his team came first.  Tony Pulis will have to be forgiven for laughing somewhat at Dalglish’s frustration, as his complaints sounded eerily similar to the Welshman’s own laments from 2010-11.  Like as not, the Scot will use the setback to engender an us against the world mentality in his young squad, as he attempts to keep them within striking distance of rivals Chelsea, if not the Manchesters, United and City.

The two Mancunian giants continue to stride across the Premier League landscape with impunity, although City must be wondering what it takes to surpass the old Trafford outfit.  The club has transformed itself over the summer, from the most expensive bus to ever park in the Premiership, to an even more pricey stable of thoroughbreds.  This week, they galloped over Wigan as though the Latics were the lowest hedge at the Grand National.

Edin Dzeko, with seven goals in the club’s first four competitive matches, was rested ahead of their Wednesday Champions league opener against Napoli.  Sergio Kun Aguero took the opportunity to make those numbers look average, collecting a hat trick.  Meanwhile, his out of favour countryman, Carlos Tevez, missed a poorly taken penalty.  Thankfully, his family is now in town to console him.

Yet, despite their dominance, City actually lost ground on United.  Last week, the Citizens trounced Tottenham 5-1 only to see the Red Devils put the pitchfork to Arsenal 8-2.  On Saturday, their 3-0 run-out paled in comparison to United’s five-spot away at the Reebok.  Wayne Rooney matched Aguero goal for goal and some fellow named Chicharito shook off the cobwebs to add a brace.

Owen Coyle cut an even more sympathetic figure than King Kenny — although not Steve Bruce — in trying to rationalise his side’s performance.  The Bolton boss estimated that his side had twice the shots and the better of the possession.   The stat sheet, however, indicated that Fergie’s fledglings held the ball for nearly sixty percent of the match and that, while the Trotters took eight more shots (22-14) than United, only six were on goal, compared to eight for the table toppers.

Now, given the tatters that remain of Arsene Wenger’s principles, it’s debatable whether the Gunners are a better squad than Harry Redknapp’s Spurs, but Owen Coyle’s Wanderers certainly have more quality than the Latics.  Wigan have cobbled together a squad out of so many cast aside bits and pieces that MacGyver would be their ideal manager — not that Roberto Martinez isn’t doing a decent impression of Richard Dean Anderson at the DW.

The early (and very hypothetical) question, though, is, if the two sides manage to split their head to head points and run the rest of the table, can Dzeko, Aguero, Tevez, et al take their game to the level necessary to keep pace with United’s young snipers?

While the rest of the league discovers what it feels like to support a Spanish club not named Real Madrid or Barcelona, Mancunians should have fun finding out which side of town has the most bullets in its gun.

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One of the more surprising deals of the summer transfer window saw Owen Hargreaves join the billionaire’s club at the Etihad stadium on a free transfer. Manchester City had to fight off interest from West Bromwich Albion and Stoke City but Roberto Mancini moved quickly to bring the ex-United man in on Wednesday.

Hargreaves might have been excited at the prospect of Champions League football once again but, in the end, he was left off Mancini’s European squad and, in all honesty, is facing a long, uphill battle to force his way into Mancini’s starting line-up.

Gareth Barry and Nigel De Jong are already ahead of the former England international in the pecking order and neither of the aforementioned have a dodgy injury record. Admittedly Hargreaves, when he was fit, three years ago, was arguably the best defensive midfielder in the world.  If Mancini can nurse the Canadian ex-pat through a couple of Premiership games, who knows?  He may regain the form and fitness he needs to cement himself into City’s midfield — or he may go down in a heap after five minutes on the pitch.

Of course, if the latter is the case, he may waste the rest of his career in the reserves. His contract is believed to have many ‘stay-fit’ incentives but his injury plagued career may still continue to haunt him. That may have already happened as, within a few hours of joining, Hargreaves stated that he couldn’t wait to play in the Champions League again. Yet, as mentioned, a mere two days later the midfielder was snubbed by Mancini, who obviously isn’t taking anything on faith this early in the game.

In hindsight, West Bromwich Albion and Stoke City may have been better options for Hargreaves.  They would, without a doubt, have given Hargreaves far more first-team opportunities than he will get at City.

So, what persuaded the ex-United man to join Tevez, Aguero Dzeko & Co. at the Etihad?  Maybe it was money. No, let me rephrase that — it was money.

He could have gone to Stoke for a wage which fell in line with the first team opportunities available at the Britannica — say around £35,000/week — and the same would probably have applied at West Brom.  With the Citizens, however, he is likely to be on an inflated wage which reflects his potential ability, when fit, closer to £70,000 a week.

United fans know well the draw of Khaldoon Mubarak’s money, following Blue Mancunia’s seduction of Carlos Tevez. That will have stung far more than Hargreaves’ ‘betrayal’, as the latter was free to leave. Tevez, on the other hand, was offered a contract by Manchester United but chose the mercenary route.  Sir Alex Ferguson allegedly offered the Argentine striker £90,000/week to stay at Old Trafford but he went for City’s £150,000/week.

Now, from an economic standpoint, very few of us would make the principled choice, no matter what we may claim when the offer isn’t on the table.  On the other hand, as a United fan, it definitely hurts.

Tevez gave his all while in a red shirt, there he is no debating that, and fans adored him. His work rate and his knack for scoring important goals — Boxing Day 2009 v Stoke anyone? — endeared him to the Old Trafford faithful, although there were many who cried out for more goals.

Hargreaves is different, of course. He could never stay on the pitch while at Old Trafford, even though Sir Alex Ferguson, stuck with him for three years.  Even though it didn’t work out, he was given every chance, but still went over to United’s fiercest rival.

It is professional football; I understnad that.  Maybe I should be happy for him. Maybe I should wish him the best. But the fact that he turned down the opportunity to play regular first team football in favour of a bigger paycheck? Well, it’s just greedy isn’t it?

Now before you scream the name of another Owen — Michael — at me, I’m aware that his situation is similar to Hargreaves’.  Again, the ex-Anfield hero made his choice based on money and a desire to win trophies, rather than any sense of loyalty, so maybe I’m being harsh on Hargreaves.  Maybe, as a United fan, I believe that anyone who leaves United to join City is a greedy turncoat. Maybe I’m biased.

But, hey, it’s my column.

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Next season is the first under UEFA’s new Financial Fair Play system, wherein clubs will not be eligible to compete in continental tournaments if they are losing money.  Of course, the new regulations are to be grandfathered in over several seasons, with losses of approximately €40 million permissible entering 2012-13.  

While it’s admirable that UEFA president Michel Platini wishes to level the playing field by preventing clubs from spending beyond their means, and that, even if these austerity measures don’t achieve that aim, they may at least save many jobs behind the scenes, at irresponsible clubs, the big boys seem to be ignoring the warning and throwing about their cash as wildly as ever, if not more so.  

The major clubs all say, in one form or another, that they welcome the measures wholeheartedly, but actions speak louder than words.  The six clubs below have all spent upwards of €60 million on players in this transfer window alone.  Alright, Anzhi Makhachkala’s transactions are listed at a miserly €41 million, but when you factor in the €20 million in wages guaranteed to a certain player, you’ve shot well over the bar.  One has to wonder, in a poor, conflict ridden region, populated mostly by conservative Muslims, where Anzhi is going to generate the funds to stay out of the red?  

But, I’m getting ahead of myself, as one has to wonder how any of them can do it, regardless of the circumstances, and why?  After all, they are each chasing after championships won by playing a child’s game.  Yes, it’s compelling entertainment, but is it really so important as to lose billions of pounds and euros over?  The sensible answer is no, it isn’t.  

Therefore, one reasons, there must be some ridiculous answers at the heart of the matter, explaining why all that money is frittered away.  And after some intensive research, involving caffeine, pastries and chat with a few friends, here are the top five reasons which I discovered reveal why clubs spend big money in the transfer window…

1.  What else are you going to do when half a billion pounds is just pocket change? — Some people have all the luck.  Any of the lesser clubs in the Premier League’s lower reaches would love to have Roberto Mancini for a coach, as famous as he is for parking the bus in crucial matches.  Instead, he has an owner, in Sheikh Mansour, who is willing to throw ridiculous amounts of money at any and every attacking player that may or may not be available on the market.

Despite having Welsh firebrand Craig Bellamy, Togolese ex-Gunner Emmanuel Adebayor, Paraguayan pin-up model Roque Santa Cruz — ha! you thought that I was going to say Larissa Riquelme, didn’t you? — Italian rebel without a clue Mario Balotelli, Carlos ‘I Wanna Go Home’ Tevez, last year’s signings, Edin Dzeko, David Silva, James Milner, Adam Johnson and forgotten souls Alex Nimely, Nedum Onuoha and Vladimir Weiss, all on the payroll, Mancini dipped into the market to the tune of £67 million for Arsenal midfielder Samir Nasri and Atletico Madrid forward Sergio Kun Aguero — with Atletico Madrid immediately turning over their €40 million from the deal to FC Porto for striker Radamel Falcao.

With his two new players inserted into the lineup, Mancini, turned the crank, the bus engine roared to life, and, pedal to the metal, the Citizens ran over Spurs in a 5-1 rout.  On either side of that goalfest, the Italian offloaded Adebayor to Spurs, Santa Cruz to Real Betis, Weiss to Espanyol — all on loan — and Bellamy on a free transfer to Liverpool.  With the players he wants on board, the ones he doesn’t out of sight and mind, and a Premier League title the stated destination, don’t expect Mancini to park again anytime soon, or, with plenty of talent still in reserve, to run out of gas.

2.  Because running up debt isn’t important — all that matters is perfect football! — In 2009, Barcelona’s reported losses were in the €80 million range, but in 2010, that figure was cut down to €13.5 million.  The club, after keeping its overspending under wraps for years, were loud and proud over their significant step in the right direction.

In reality, however, half of the earlier loss could be put down to the Samuel Eto’o-plus- €43.6 million for Zlatan Ibrahimovic deal.  Then, when Ibra didn’t fit into Pep Guardiola’s thinking, he was sold off to AC Milan for €24 million, payable in 2011, which led the club to suggest that they would have shown a profit, had that money been paid up front.  Never mind that the Swede was sold at half price or that Ibrahim Affelay (€3 million) and David Villa (€40 million) were added to the squad in the wake of his departure.

As this summer approached, club president Sandro Rosell announced that the Blaugrana had set aside yet another €40 million war chest to ‘improve’ the squad and that, with UEFA’s new financial restrictions on the horizon, they would not exceed it.  One might wonder why a club which has just won their second Champions League in three years, with only two of the preferred starting eleven over thirty years old, would need to spend that amount for the third year running, especially when said club is owned by the supporters, rather than a Qatari billionaire.  However, if one did, then one would obviously be a Real Madrid fan and should mind their own business.

After a lengthy negotiation process, the club landed Alexis Sánchez, from Udinese, for €26 million.  Rosell gushed about what a wonderful player the winger was, but failed to mention how they would recoup their investment, with Lionel Messi, Xavi, Andres Iniesta, David Villa, Pedro, Sergio Busquets, Thiago and Afellay already in the squad.  He did confess, though, that hard bargaining Udinese had extracted such a good price for the Chilean that the club would be unable to fit the much desired Cesc Fabregas into the budget.

Then, the board huddled together and said, “What if we dip into next year’s budget?”  Who needs financial responsibility?  This is Cesc we’re talking about — he’s like a son to us!”  And so, with only €14 million left in their 2011 budget, the club paid Arsenal just over twice that for Fabregas.  So, Barcelona fans, Michel Platini will see you next year.

3a.  Because our players aren’t getting any younger! — Manchester United’s season was the exact opposite of Chelsea’s, in ’10-11.  Sir Alex Ferguson’s side began sluggishly, not losing but, away from home at any rate, not winning, either.  They hit their stride in the middle of the campaign, but then tailed off again at the end of the season.

Still, the aging legs of Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs and the aching back of Rio Ferdinand had enough strength remaining to hold off a hard charging Blues squad, which had roared out of the gate but stumbled in mid season, to deliver the championship which finally put Liverpool in the rearview mirror.  Unfortunately, Gary Neville only lasted half the season, hanging up his boots in January.  Owen Hargreaves, who at the last minute in this window has found a seat at the back of the City bus, lasted just five minutes before heading back to the trainer’s table.  Then, at season’s end, Giggs was caught up in a sex scandal and exposed on the Wembley pitch by Barcelona in the Champions League final.

With that vast wealth of experience either departed or unable to make a consistent contribution in the coming season, the United faithful began calling for Sir Alex to spend all that money that the Glazers had been hoarding from the Cristiano Ronaldo sale to buy a creative midfielder who might put the Red Devils on a par with Barcelona.  The first name on everyone’s list was Dutchman Wesley Sneijder, rumoured to be available for around £35 million.  Also mentioned were Samir Nasri and Luka Modric.

Fergie broke the bank, alright, but he did it with much different targets in mind.  Instead of a midfielder to cancel out Xavi, in one match that may or may not even happen, the Scot picked up David de Gea from Atletico Madrid to replace the also retired Edwin van der Sar; Phil Jones from Blackburn, to join Chris Smalling, Jonny Evans and the Da Silva twins as the future is now defensive corps; and Ashley Young from Aston Villa, to provide some depth on the flanks, with Nani and Antonio Valencia.  Total price:  just under £58 million.

As well, Danny Welbeck was called back on loan to spell the concussed Javier Hernandez.

But what about a midfielder, critics asked?  The manager Cleverley replied by handing the job to an unheralded fellow who answers to Tom.  The youngster has stepped into the starting eleven after learning his trade in the Carrington academy, much as Scholes did.  He has shown confidence, poise and nerve in helping United to a perfect start, after three matches, and first place on goal difference, impeding the progress of the billionaire’s bus from across town.  Although the media and fans remained a bit nervous, Fabio Capello was sufficiently impressed to hand Cleverley a call-up for England’s upcoming Euro qualifiers.

Yet, despite the effort which earned him the respect of his country, the rumours regarding Sneijder did not die down until the window closed and the Inter player was still at San Siro.

Whether Fergie’s new fledglings can maintain their momentum throughout the long campaign, with it well known that young squads — can you say Arsenal? — tend to fade late in the year, remains to be seen.  However, unlike the Gunners, if these kids can carry the team into the spring, there is a strong cadre of experienced veterans ready to take on the load in the final weeks.

3b.  Second verse, same as the first — Coming into the summer, Liverpool FC’s brain trust, consisting of owner John Henry, Technical Director Damien Comolli and manager Kenny Dalglish, freshly unseated as all time English club champions by Manchester United, came to a consensus regarding the areas within the squad which needed strengthening.  The roster was beginning to age, with Steven Gerrard chronically injured, Joe Cole ineffective, Christian Poulsen unwanted and Jamie Carragher slower than a post office line just before Christmas.  The defence needed to be shored up, the central midfield reinvigorated and the flanks upgraded.   In short, an agenda very similar to that of Sir Alex Ferguson and David Gill at United.

It was no surprise, then, that their first two targets in the summer window, Blackburn defender Phil Jones and Aston Villa winger Ashley Young were snatched up by their deep-pocketed Mancunian rivals.   However, John Henry has more than lint in his trouser compartments, as well.  Thus, the club did not go into a snit or push the panic button.  They stuck to their plan and soon landed Sunderland’s Jordan Henderson (£22 million), Blackpool’s Charlie Adam (£8.3 million) and Villa’s Stewart Downing (£22.8 million), restructuring their entire midfield in the process.  To reinforce the defence, they added Newcastle’s Jose Enrique (£8 million) and Uruguayan Sebastian Coates (£7 million), the latter on deadline day.  Also at the last minute, the club added another forward, stunningly scooping up former Red and Man City malcontent Craig Bellamy on a free transfer.

Following the other Manchester club, City’s, example, the Reds then jettisoned their spare parts as the window was closing.  Phillip Degen was released; Joe Cole went to Lille OSC and Alberto Aquilani — actually a few days earlier — to AC Milan, on loan; and David Ngog (Bolton), Christian Poulsen (Evian) and, surprisingly, Raul Mereiles (Chelsea) were sold.

Mereiles departure was something of a shock, as the player did a Torres, handing in a late transfer request.   Yet, for the Portuguese, the writing may have been on the wall.  A similar player to Aquilani, for whom Dalglish apparently had no place, Mereiles faced a season of substitute appearances and, possibly, the odd cup match.  At Chelsea, he will be reunited with André Villas-Boas, and, as the Blues could not land the much desired Luka Modric, even for a rumoured €40 million, Mereiles is almost certain to see more action.

His departure leaves Liverpool without a trequartista in the squad, but like United, that doesn’t seem to be a concern.

4.  Because Paris is for football lovers, too! — One undermanaged top flight club, twelve million people.  You have to wonder why someone hasn’t stepped into this void before the Qatari Investment Authority?  Then again, the oil-rich Arab royals haven’t exactly stepped in, themselves.  Even describing it as jumping in with both feet is short of the mark.  What they’ve done is cannonball into Paris Saint-Germain, making the biggest splash of cash Ligue 1 has ever seen.  Overnight the French top flight has transformed from being a feeding ground for UEFA’s big four to making the world consider that it might now be a big five.

With Leonardo stepping in as Sporting Director, after a near two-year stint managing both Milan clubs, it’s Serie A which has felt the brunt of the QIA’s spending power.  Leonardo charmed AS Roma out of Jeremy Menez for €8 million, took Mohamed Sissoko off Juventus’ hands for €7 million and nibbled at Palermo goalkeeper Salvatore Sirigu for €3.5 million.  Then came the big bite, snapping off the Rosanero’s star midfielder Javier Pastore for €43 million.

The Brazilian proved that his contacts weren’t limited to Calcio, however, raiding St. Etienne for €10 million man Blaise Matuidi, paying Valenciennes €3.5 million for Milan Bisevac and charming Kevin Gameiro away from Lorient for €11 million.  Then, on deadline day, Leonardo ensured that no one could criticise him for spending half his budget on one player by swooping for veteran Uruguayan defender Diego Lugano, of Fenerbahce, with the €3 million purchase price continuing the exodus of players from the Turkish Super Lig, tainted as it is by allegations of pervasive match fixing.

PSG, still under construction at the time, limped out of the gate, with speculation that the club’s biggest move might actually be to replace outspoken coach Antoine Kombouare with the more mild-mannered but highly accomplished Carlo Ancelotti.  The club, with Gameiro in fine form, has begun to warm to its task, though, winning its last three matches, including a victory over Luxembourg side Differdange 03, which put Les Parisiens through to the Europa League group stages.  The spectre of Ancelotti will likely hang over the less regarded Kombouare all season, but for the moment, the club, and QAI’s €89 million, is his to lose.

5.  Because it’s cold in Russia and football warms the soul! — Eighteen months ago, Dagestan, in the Caucasus region of Russia, was a little known, war ravaged fiefdom of the Russian Federation, overshadowed even in that by Moscow’s recent conflict with neighbouring Chechnya.  Then Anzhi, the local club began to spend money.

Focusing on offering players outlandish wages rather than ridiculous transfer fees to clubs, Anzhi began by signing unhappy Corinthians star Roberto Carlos on a free transfer and pushed up the standings in the Russian Premier League.  With the Brazil and Real Madrid legend acting as a goodwill ambassador, the club then went after the newest Selecao wunderkind, Neymar.  That didn’t work out so well, but Jucilei did move from Corinthians for €10 million and Joao Carlos from Belgian side Genk for €3.5 million.  As well, the Dagestanis followed in the now time-honoured tradition of the new oligarchs, salvaging four players from relegated, debt-ridden and dissolved State operated club FC Saturn Oblast.

The big move came when the club courted Cameroonian forward Samuel Eto’o of Inter.  The Milan side had been rumoured to be desperate to trim its wage bill, and with Anzhi eager to fatten theirs, a bit of Jack Sprat seemed ideal.  Eto’o, sent to Inter, along with €43.6 million in the aforementioned swap with Barcelona for Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who is now back in town with AC Milan, has now netted Nerazzurri chairman Massimo Moratti another €27 million, making it obvious who the winner in that famous trade was.

The talented African is also famous for the quote, “I will run like a black man to live like a white man.”

Well, with Russia still to deal with its endemic racial problems at matches, ahead of the 2018 World Cup, and €20 million in wages, or €3335,000 per week, coming his way, Eto’o will finally get to live his chosen lifestyle in more ways than one.   Good luck to him.

The Monday Morning Drip is a new column at WFC, grinding up the footy fare from the weekend into a blend of the choicest bits from leagues all over the world.  It’s also a weekly opportunity to appeal to footy bloggers out there, who are looking for a new forum in which to display their wares.  So, if you enjoy blogging, want to reach new readers and are available to cover your favourite league or team, then just click Write For WFC!  Meanwhile, open your laptop wide and say Ahhh.  Here’s this week’s Drip…

Best league in the world?  More competitive than La Liga?  More physical than the Bundesliga?  More ruthless than Serie A?  More French than Ligue 1?  The early Premier League season is not living up to that reputation.

After three weeks, the English top flight has been distilled down to a Mancunian blend of Blue and Red.  Roberto Mancini has the team he wants: Samir Nasri and David Silva pulling the strings, Edin Dzeko, Sergio Kun Aguero and (soon) Carlos Tevez finishing off the plays; Yaya Toure and Nigel de Jong finishing off any resistance and a back line marshaled by England number one Joe Hart minding the store.  Who stands a chance against the best side money can buy?

Sir Alex Ferguson’s Fledgling v.2, that’s who.  Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic may be injured; Edwin van der Sar, Gary Neville and Paul Scholes retired; John O’ Shea and Wes Brown sold to Sunderland; Ryan Giggs suddenly too slow to avoid the paparazzi and Dimitar Berbatov unhappily taking lessons in obsolescence from Michael Owen, but there’s a crop of youngsters surrounding Patrice Evra, Wayne Rooney, Nani and Anderson (?) who just reacted to City pounding Tottenham 5-1 at White Hart Lane by annihilating Arsenal 8-2.

The good news?  The Gunners scored their first two goals of the season and looked pretty decent offensively.  The fact that they had eight players missing from midfield and defence meant any points from this match were unlikely, but 8-2?  Holy shit is all that comes to mind.

The bad news?  United and City have a perfect record and a goal difference that matches or betters their point total, making Chelsea and Liverpool look like Toronto FC and River Plate (they’re relegated, don’t you know?).  Arsenal, meanwhile, are already seven points and eighteen goals behind.  But never fear, Arsene Wenger isn’t quitting!

Can you say Papiss Demba Cisse?  Wolfsburg players were repeating his name throughout their Sunday encounter, becoming so focused on the four-goal man that they allowed Oliver Barth, Erik Jendrisek and Cedric Makiadi to run up three goals against them.

Felix Magath’s second tenure at the Volkswagen Arena is not working out quite the same as the first, with a good deal of that down to the fact that Edin Dzeko is otherwise occupied — on Sunday he was busy knocking four goals into the Tottenham goal, in London.

If the stern tactician doesn’t right the ship quickly, he’ll be heading out of town.  A return to Schalke is out of the question, too.  Never mind that the Bundesliga isn’t a fancy version of Pong,  where a manager can bounce back and forth between clubs — that’s Serie A — Ralf Rangnick has the Gelsenkirchen side level on points with table topper Bayern Munich, thanks to an hour mark goal from the man who said no to Blackburn, Raul, which gave the Königsblauen a 1-0 victory over another fast starting squad, Borussia Mönchengladbach.

Bayern held on to first place thanks to a hat trick from Mario Gomez, which included a penalty miss, in a three-goal win over Kaiserslautern.  After the match, third time the charm coach Jupp Heynckes held forth that the Rekordmeister “would only get better.”  He’s obviously been dipping into the same sauce as Fergie and Mancini.

Gomez’ Saturday romp was overshadowed, though, by the collective efforts of Hamburg and Köln, with the visitors winning a 4-3 shootout.  Lukas Podolski came on at the half to break the 1-1 deadlock, setting up Milivoje Novakovic less than five minutes after the restart.  Hamburg jumped back out in front, scoring on either side of the hour, only for Köln to rise up in the final ten minutes, stealing all the points on goals from Christian Clemens and Kevin McKenna.

Either Heerenveen have gotten their act together or Feyenoord aren’t quite back to the level of Ajax and Twente.  After Ron Jans’ side dropped consecutive 5-1 decisions to the top pair, they escaped De Kuip with a 2-2 draw against Ronald Koeman’s young charges.  Bas Dost and Oussama Assaidi had the goals for the erstwhile bottom feeders.

Meanwhile, the yellow and black were put on their back both in Amsterdam and Enschede, as Ajax maintained pace with Twente, each running out 4-1 winners against Vitesse and VVV Venlo respectively.

PSV woke up, at last, after sleeping through their opening rounds.  A 6-1 mauling of new cellar dwellers Excelsior announced the Eindhoven club’s arrival in the title chase.  AZ Alkmaar are also still in the hunt, after a 3-0 victory over FC Groningen.

The madness may be coming to an end in France.  Seriously, Montpellier and Toulouse leading the pack?  It’s like Gordon Brown and George Bush in charge of Great Britain and the US; only bad things can happen.

Lyon took care of first place Montpellier, with a 2-1 victory on Saturday, bringing La Paillade back to the pack.  Miralem ‘No Need To’ Pjanic and Jeremy ‘Murdoch Got’ Pied put Les Gones in the driver’s seat, although Henri Bedimo pegged one back in added time, suggesting that the early league leaders still have some fight in them.

On Sunday, new money PSG toured the baronies, informing previously unbeaten Toulouse that it was time to take their name literally.  Kevin Gameiro had pegged back Etienne Capoue’s first half goal with a fifty-third minute tally, and the clubs seemed destined to split the points, only for Mevlut Erding and Jeremy Menez to both strike in time added on.  That’s the type of result that €100 million or so will buy you.

Apparently, Zaragoza is Spanish for ‘Madrid will kick our ass’.  Real took advantage of the fact that Barcelona were otherwise occupied in Monaco, knocking off Porto in the UEFA Super Cup, with Lionel Messi and Cesc Fabregas on the scoresheet, to open up a healthy lead in the table.  Cristiano Ronaldo scored a hat trick but that was only half the story, as Marcelo, Xabi Alonso and Kaka also joined in the fun.

Five other sides also won in the opening matches, after a one-week wildcat strike over unpaid wages postponed the original opening week of the competition.  All of those results were of the one-goal variety, however, lending credence to the new theory that La Liga is just a poor imitation of the Premier League:  a two team competition without any tackling.

Speaking of poor imitations, Serie A players elected to strike, themselves, this week, over Lega Calcio’s attempt to force transfers upon players in the final year of their contracts and to ban them from training with the first team when they prefer to seek pastures new.

Of course, Samuel Eto’o wasn’t feeling any solidarity with his Italian brethren, as he negotiated a tidy arrangement for himself with Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala.  When you’re making €335,000 per week, the rest of your comrades can eat tiramisu.

Anzhi were muddling through a scoreless draw with FK Rostov on Saturday, when coach Ghadzi Ghadziev summoned Eto’o from his pitch side jacuzzi, on the hour mark.  While the Cameroonian was still towelling off, Timofey Kalachev put the hosts ahead.  Eto’o found his stride, though, and equalised with ten minutes remaining.  That’s one week’s pay in the bank.  Imagine what he might have done if Anzhi were paying him a cool half mil.

On Sunday, Zenit St. Petersburg blasted five goals past an impotent Kuban Krasnodar squad to put some distance between themselves and CSKA, who survived a heated 2-2 Moscow derby with Spartak.  Alexander Kerzhakov joined the weekend hat trick club, powering the rout, with Roman Shirokov and Danny also smoking the Kubans.

Dinamo’s 2-0 home victory over Spartak Nalchik kept them in the title chase, as well, six points off the pace.

Two weeks ago I ended the J-League section of the Drip by asking selfish European players to take note of the tireless efforts of Keisuke Honda and Shinji Kagawa, who played matches for their European clubs on either side of a midweek commute to Sapporo for an international friendly against South Korea.  I’m not sure what to think about the possibility that Freddie Ljungberg was the only player who took heed.

The ex-Gunner, Seattle Sounder, Chicago Fire and Celtic winger will be plying his trade with mid-table side Shimizu S-Pulse.

“I am so excited about playing in Japan.  I was inspired by the way the Japanese people dealt with the tragedy of March 11 earthquake and I really want to show support for them by playing football in Japan and for S-Pulse in particular.”

The diabetically sugar-coated statement, while par for the course in the game, and especially in the endlessly courteous Land of the Rising Sun, likely has Sounders’ fans choking on their Starbucks double latte ventes, given the Swede’s me-first attitude while in America.  It’s pleasant to think of how soon he’ll be heading back to the west if he tries that in Japan.

Meanwhile, season long leaders Kashiwa Reysol slipped to fourth after dropping a 2-0 decision to new table topper Gamba Osaka, in mid-week.  Champion Nagoya Grampus Eight are a point off the pace after picking up two wins during the week, as the J-League crams the matches in after a delayed start to the season caused by the tragic events in March.  Lundberg’s unsuspecting new teammates, S-Pulse, maintained their mid-table status by picking up a pair of draws.

Has Hell frozen over?  Major League Soccer wrapped up matches on Saturday, this weekend, permitting those players on international duty to get a jump on their European counterparts, as they jet out to link up with their national squads.  As well, the usually indifferent American league will only be playing two matches over the break.  Seriously, when did MLS start caring about international play?  I didn’t get the memo.

There were two matches of note over the weekend.  Jeff Cunningham converted a penalty as the hour approached in Seattle, making him the all-time MLS goal scorer, with one hundred and thirty-four tallies, surpassing Jaime Moreno.  Unfortunately, it was a bittersweet moment, as his Columbus Crew were already down four goals, at the time.  The final score was 6-2, and, yes, there was a hat trick, Lamar Neagle doing the honours.

In Kansas City, FC Dallas cooled off the hot Sporting KC, with a 3-2 road killing.  The home side was enjoying a two goal lead with twenty minutes remaining, when Ugo Ihemelu, Maicon Santos and Bobby Warshaw turned the match on its head.  As they have all season, the Hoops proved that losing a key player, such as the man who said yes to Blackburn, George John, is something they are prepared to handle.†

FCD and Sounders moved within range of the rampant but idle LA Galaxy with the wins.

†So, naturally, having written that, it is announced that Blackburn Rovers and John apparently cannot agree on terms, nixing the deal.  He’ll go back to an exciting FC Dallas club and Rovers will continue to lose.

Clausura champion UNAM Pumas continued their precipitous dip in form, with a 2-1 home defeat at the hands of crosstown rivals Cruz Azul.  Previously, the club had been stunned by mid-table Puebla and, in the CONCACAF Champions League, were held to a bore draw by Panamanians FC Tauro.  The slump sees Pumas in fifth place, still within the eight team playoff picture but hardly comfortable.

As Chivas also slipped to defeat at San Luis, on Saturday, the victory pushed Cruz Azul into the top spot in the league.  Monterrey corrected their own slide, with a 2-0 triumph over Santos, thanks to strikes from Luis Perez and bullet headed Chilean assassin Humberto Suarez.

In Brazil, there was a major upset, with Campeonato leaders Corinthians falling at Palmeiras, 2-1.  Emerson put the visitors up after eighteen minutes but Luan leveled ten minutes before the break and Fernandao put the hosts ahead just afterwards.

The damage wasn’t too severe, however, as closest rivals Flamengo, with Deivid and Ronaldhino both in the eleven, were held to a surprising goalless draw at home by Vasco de Gama.  Neymar, Ganso and their Santos teammates continued in their morass, falling in a Paulista derby, 0-1, to Sao Paolo.

River is dead, long live the new River!  Atletico Rafaella, the country bumpkins who consigned once mighty River Plate to the second division for the first time in their history, are now sitting atop the table in the Primera Division de Argentina. Leaving more pedigreed clubs, such as Boca Juniors, Racing Club and Velez Sarsfield in the blocks, the new boys have run off three victories in their first four matches to set the early pace.

The latest victim was a stunned Olimpo, who fell 3-1 on goals from Alexis Nicolas Castro, Dario Gaudin and Walter Omar Serrano.  Massive clubs with money to spare might have been the cream of this week’s Drip, but it’s a good feeling when the final sip at the bottom of the cup is just as sweet as the first, dregs or no.

See you next Monday! 

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Make no mistake.  This season is going to be, without a doubt, the most interesting in the history of the Premier League. With so many teams vying for supremacy, there will be numerous challengers to Manchester United’s crown.  Last year, United’s main rival coming in was clearly identified as Chelsea.  No surprise really; the defending champions should be the team to beat.  This year, however, it’s United who are looking to repeat.    With both Chelsea and Manchester City’s managers clearly stating their intent to win the title this season, you’d expect one of those clubs to be my nomination as the Red Devils’ chief rival.  There’s another team, though, which I believe poses a bigger threat, and that is Liverpool.

Kenny Dalglish has bought big this summer — bringing in Charlie Adam for around £9 million, Jordan Henderson and Stewart Downing for near enough £20 million apiece, and Jose Enrique for £6 million.  The club may talk about taking one step at a time and reclaiming their place in the top four, but Dalglish is not the sort to set easy targets for himself.  As a player he was a champion and, before his retirement, raised trophies as a manager, as well.  There is no question that his intent is to return to the top at the earliest opportunity.

It may not be that simple, but with the quality that Liverpool have throughout the side, not to mention their Premier League pedigree, I expect them to be fighting tooth and nail with Manchester United and the rest all season long.

While from a mental standpoint, Dalglish may have had to start from scratch with the Reds, there was plenty of ability to work with when he first stepped into the void created by Roy Hodgson, Rafa Benitez, Tom Hicks and George Gillet.  Pepe Reina is arguably the best keeper in the Premier League.  Jamie Carragher, while as slow as, remains a rock at the heart of the defence; one who would rather die than miss a tackle — if you can believe everything a Kopite will tell you.  Steven Gerrard, when fit, may be the best English midfielder of his generation (put your hand down Scholesy, you were a generation before).  If that trio weren’t a solid foundation, Dalglish moved quickly to replace the unsettled Fernando Torres with Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, in essentially a £50 million two-fer.

And who could forget the fan factor at Anfield? When the place is rocking, there is no ground like it in the league and it is, bar Old Trafford, the toughest away ground from which to take points.

When you put all of these factors together, I think United have identified their nearest challengers.

Okay, while you try to get a grip on yourself, I’ll give equal time to the more popular nominees.

Many people believe that Manchester City, with their big spending and galaxy of world class players, will push United all the way.  Having bought established names where Liverpool bought youth, they have the experience required.  However, they have the same lack of familiarity and tenfold the egos in a dressing room roughly the same size as the one Merseyside.

As we have seen with Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, and Craig Bellamy, in the professional sense, and Mario Balotelli in the opposite, City has too many players concerned about the me rather than the we.  That absence of trust, combined with a lack of discipline (City were cautioned ten times for dissent, more than any other Premier League side in ’10-11), will hold the side back from their ultimate goal of Premier League glory.

Certainly, they have spent  sufficiently — again! — to be considered a title threat, yet the greater part of that has been on one player:  Sergio Kun Aguero, whose price tag was comparable to Carroll.  Stefan Savic and Gael Clichy are the only other purchases the Eastlands outfit have made, their cost roughly equal to Adam and Enrique.

Of course, £50 million for the three is a princely sum, but surely City need to buy well, and not necessarily big, if they are going to win the Premier League?   After all, the two don’t always go hand in hand. Just look at the purchases of Javier Hernandez and Fernando Torres. The little Mexican cost £6 million and was easily the signing of the season.  Meanwhile had the £50 million Torres provided more than one goal to Chelsea, they very well might have caught — and passed — United in the final weeks.

Problematic is that City look set to miss out on long time target Samuel Eto’o, and it has become apparent that they need to buy experience in midfield. Yaya Toure and Nigel De Jong are excellent footballers but City need a marshal in midfield; someone who can break up the play without breaking bones or giving away foul after foul. Daniele De Rossi would provide that and, if Mancini were to bring in the Italian, they would surely be contenders.

To me, however, they don’t seem quite there, as yet.

Chelsea, on the other hand, are a conundrum. With Roman Abramovich taking a relative gamble by bringing in a thirty-three year old manager, albeit with at least some backroom experience in English football management, Chelsea will need to hit the ground running, and, in this campaign, keep going.

Nine points out of nine from their first three matches against Stoke, West Brom and Norwich would have been ideal, even reasonable given their two 6-0 results and a 25-2 aggregate over the first five league matches and opening Champions League group game, last year.  Yet, the side is missing Michael Essien, has the doubt of Fernando Torres’ form still hanging over their heads and now, sadly, the spectre of Jon Obi Mikel’s father’s abduction in Nigeria.  The scoreless result against the stalwart Potters at the Brittanica wasn’t too shocking considering.  Overwhelming problems don’t matter to the fans and the media, however.  If Villas-Boas doesn’t get his side in gear quickly, they’ll be on his back like lions on a wildebeest.  And that can only be bad gnus.

Having said that (!), there is more than enough quality at Stamford Bridge to win the league, regardless of who Abramovich puts in charge.   How many other teams can boast the potent attacking threat of Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba? – the midfield ability of Frank Lampard, Florent Malouda and, when fit, Michael Essien? — the defensive strength of John Terry, Ashley Cole, Alex and Branislav Ivanovic? –and how many other teams can boast a goalkeeper with the qualities of Petr Cech? In reply to the last, at least, these days not even United can.

The Blues veterans are, when on the top of their games, probably the best in the world in their positions, but when they hit a blip, the whole team can be thrown off kilter.  Last season’s November collapse, triggered oddly enough by the firing of one of the backroom staff, saw them lose 3-0 at home to Sunderland, 1-0 to Birmingham and, in the match which usually lifts them out of these slumps, a 3-1 London derby defeat against Arsenal over the holidays.

Happy Christmas.

In total, Chelsea picked up three points from six November and December games and, although they gave it every effort, never recovered.

Now, I am not saying that such a run will happen again.  Still, if Andre Villas-Boas fails to sell the players on his methods and fan unrest grows, then they are just as likely to face a battle for third as one for the title.

Arsenal are another team that is always mentioned when the new season rolls around, but with Cesc Fabregas now officially in Barcelona, and Samir Nasri likely heading north and west, Arsene Wenger’s stubborn refusal to enter the transfer market — although he may be softening — means that the Gunners are likely to be battling their London rivals, Spurs, for the fourth Champions League spot.

Nevertheless, if Wenger does decide to spend the income gained by the sales of Fabregas and Nasri, then he will have to do it both quickly and wisely for the Gunners to stay in contention for the title. So far this summer, Gervinho, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Carl Jenkinson have come in, but only one of those players looks ready for the first team.

With Robin Van Persie all too susceptible to injury, Wenger must invest in another striker and he must replace at least one of the aforementioned midfielders.  If Gervinho is injured, there will be no one to replace him as the Frenchman’s squad looks thin on the ground, as it is.  Jack Wilshere is still out and Emmanuel Eboue is on his way to Galatasaray, which essentially leaves Aaron Ramsey, Andrei Arshavin and Tomas Rosicky.  Not a lot of cover for a team in four competitions.  Be that as it may, with only a fortnight to do business, signing replacements may prove easier said than done for the wily Frenchman.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.  I am not rating Manchester United miles above the rest or considering them as automatic favorites for the title.  I’m hoping that they win it but I’m realistic about the difficulty of the task.  Fergie’s new fledglings have some glaring deficiencies that need sorting.

Ashley Young certainly showed his potential against West Brom on Sunday, as did Tom Cleverley.  Danny Welbeck wasn’t bad, himself.  Conversely, David de Gea will be looking ahead to better days.  But one game does not a career, or season, make for any of them.  They will all have to put in top performances on a weekly basis and against tougher opposition to prove their mettle.

Yet, I’m not Alan Hansen, either.  The talent is there and the management, as well.  If you blend this batch of kids, including De Gea, Young, Cleverley, Welbeck, Chris Smalling, Phil Jones and the da Silva twins, with Nani, Wayne Rooney, Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra and Javier Hernandez  – whom you would have expected to be lumped in with the other youngbloods — you might just have a winning recipe.

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With certain London matches already postponed due to the current civil unrest, it’s difficult to get too excited about the opening weekend of the Premier League season.  It took draconian measures to restore order to football stadiums in England, over two decades ago.  One can only hope that the same isn’t required for British society, as a whole.

So, in the hopes that cooler heads prevail….

There has been a lot of talk that the big four has expanded to a big six, including Tottenham and a resurgent Liverpool along with current powerhouses Manchester City, United, Chelsea and Arsenal.  Yet, to my mind, there has been a contraction.  Only three clubs, from where I sit, can be considered bona fide title contenders.  Another trio have an outside shot and three or four more may even be in the frame for Europe.  That is certainly far more quality than you’ll find in any other league, but there is still one less team hovering around that large piece of silverware with the pretty ribbons.

Here’s who I think rates, who doesn’t and why.

Sure Shots

Manchester United come into the new season with Sir Alex Ferguson taking a page from Arsene Wenger’s book.  Despite the hew and cry for the club to spend extravagantly on a creative midfielder, the consensus choice being Inter’s Wesley Sneijder, the Scot has refused to go over the top.  Instead, like his French counterpart, he has focused on recruiting youth.

Phil Jones has come in to add depth to the defence, with he and Chris Smalling the eventual heirs to Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic.  Ferdinand will likely be rested frequently this season in an effort to extend his career, but Smalling has shown some ability on the outside, as well.  Ergo, in the meanwhile, he may provide some cover for Rafael and Patrice Evra, now that John O’Shea and Wes Brown have moved on.

Ashley Young has been signed from Aston Villa to give Fergie three options, along with Nani and Antonio Valencia, on the wings.  David de Gea is the man between the sticks, looking capable, if, at twenty-one, not as consistent as Edwin van der Sar.  Finally, Danny Welbeck is back from Sunderland, and has been impressive in the pre-season, making people forget Javier Hernandez, who is still recovering from concussion.

In the center of the pitch, the concerns over Scholes’ absence may be unwarranted.  Tom Cleverley has stepped up his game this summer, suggesting that the club needn’t mortgage their future; it may have already arrived.

United may not be ready to topple Barcelona quite yet, but their current blend of experience and youth, across the board, indicates that the rest of Europe will still have to take a back seat.

Across town, Manchester City, have left themselves no outs.  Having spent — and spent again — to earn a Champions League berth and end a thirty-five year trophy drought with their FA Cup triumph in the spring, City went out and spent some more.  To be fair, splashing big on Sergio Kun Aguero was somewhat necessitated by captain Carlos Tevez’ repeated insistence on leaving.  Yet, another FA (or League) Cup won’t do, this year.  Nor will a second consecutive Champions League qualification.  City’s spending and progress now demand that they win the league.

Can they do it, however?  Well, when your strike force includes Aguero, Mario Balotelli, Edin Dzeko and, for the moment, Tevez, it would seem a possibility.  When David Silva is pulling the strings and might still be joined by Samir Nasri, hope grows.  With Yaya Toure and Nigel De Jong outmuscling and disrupting opposing midfields, it becomes a serious possibility.  Finally, with a defensive core of international quality running eight deep, in front of England’s number one, it might be worth putting down a few bob, just in case.

What’s missing?  First, they haven’t done it yet and the first time is always the most difficult.  Second, they do have the enviable dilemma of being too deep at virtually every position.  Tevez is not the only unhappy camper in the crowded clubhouse.  When you look at the roster, there will be an entire side, week in and week out, not selected but arguably strong enough to challenge for the title.  That can create problems.  Nevertheless, they are the type of problems that Roberto Mancini — or any other manager — would love to have.

Chelsea‘s perceived needs, off-season strategies and signings have been remarkably similar to United’s.  Youngsters on loan (Daniel Sturridge, Gael Kakuta) have been recalled, others signed (Oriol Romeu, Romelu Lukaku) and the cries for a creative midfielder have gone unanswered due to excessive market valuations (and a stubborn Harry Redknapp).

On the other hand, their big hole in midfield was brought about by yet another injury to Michael Essien, while the blue shirted version of Scholes, Frank Lampard, isn’t ready to call it a day just yet.  Also, unlike United, the Blues new goalkeeper, Thibaut Courtois (who has ironically replaced De Gea at Atletico Madrid), will have to wait a bit before taking over for Old Leatherhead, Petr Cech.  Finally, their new manager, while already steeped in trophies, is a young maverick rather than a legend in his own time.

With Luca Modric barred from his much desired move from White Hart Lane to Stamford Bridge, André Villas-Boas has been denied the trequartista he craves.  Yet, with a fortnight of the transfer window remaining, Roman Abramovich may still put pen to cheque — but even if he doesn’t, Chelsea can get by with the personnel in place, including Lampard, young Brazilian Ramires and homegrown sensation Josh MacEachran.

However, width is a problem.  Where United have splendid service in abundance, through Antonio Valencia, Nani and Ashley Young, Chelsea must try to fit square pegs Yossi Benayoun, Florent Malouda, Sturridge and Kakuta, into round holes.  As well, their defence, with an aging John Terry and want-away Alex, is not nearly as deep as either of their Manchester rivals.

If everything goes well for Chelsea, they are more than capable of reclaiming the title they lost to United last year.  However, if more injuries occur, Chelsea will soon find themselves holding off the next group of clubs for the final automatic Champions League place.

Dark Horses

Welcome to what may very well be Arsene Wenger’s final season at Arsenal.  The Frenchman has held the course despite six years of trophy-less football.  Gunners supporters, spoilt by Wenger’s past triumphs, most notably the exploits of the Invincibles, are growing increasingly restless.  That they have shown greater restraint than the general populace is commendable but the depths of their tolerance have been fully drained.  Excuses and rationale are no longer acceptable.  Now is the time to win.

Yet, it is now that Wenger has finally let Cesc Fabregas go to Barcelona and before he can shut the door again, Samir Nasri may dash off as well.  An already youthful side just became younger and now leaderless.    Wenger would like Thomas Vermaelen and Robin van Persie to step into that void, but neither has yet been able to remain healthy for a full season.

With the heart ripped out of the club, the manager would likely already be gone, despite his past record, were it not for the presence of Jack Wilshere.  The young Englishman has moved into the starting eleven for England, where Fabio Capello has touted him as a future captain.  He may soon be taking on that responsibility at the Emirates.  As well, Johan Djourou is a year older at the back, as is Kieran Gibbs.  Theo Walcott should be ready for an expanded role and Gervinho has come over from Lille to provide further width.  Welshman Aaron Ramsey is also healthy again, giving the club a veritable wealth of British first-teamers, for them, at three.

The two keys to the season will be whether or not Wenger can persuade Nasri to stay and if Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain can contribute immediately, reinforcing Wenger’s buy young and nurture policy.  Still, it’s difficult to see the Gunners doing more than challenging Chelsea for third, especially considering the early pressure of qualifying for the Champions League, with a difficult tie upcoming against Udinese.

Should he lose that match, the pressure on Wenger may become irresistible but the effort required to win may also take its toll in the stretch run of the season.

Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs have a big advantage over the four clubs above them in my pecking order:  they don’t have to compete in Europe this season.  Of course, by insisting upon keeping Luka Modric, who is very keen on some evening football in the midweek, Harry Redknapp may have erased that advantage completely.

The outspoken gaffer has taken a stand in order to prevent a mass exodus, refusing to sell the Croat, but how will that hard line affect the chemistry in the clubhouse?  Harry’s amazing ability to juggle four International strikers has ended — inevitably — with a loud clatter.  All four are falling about, crying to be let go.  Peter Crouch has a suitor in Stoke, although, as with Modric (if on a smaller scale), money is an obstacle.  Robbie Keane, on the other hand, has less takers than Gordon Brown at a charity bachelor auction.  Roman Pavyluchenko and Jermaine Defoe, meanwhile, are too intrinsic to Harry’s plans for him to even consider offers.

Every position is well stocked; with Niko Kranjcar, Rafael van der Vaart, Jermaine Jenas, Wilson Palacios, Tom Huddlestone, Danny Rose and the pleasantly surprising Sandro complementing Modric in the centre of the pitch; Aaron Lennon, Gareth Bale, Steven Pienaar and David Bentley man the wings;  the brittle Ledley King is supported by Michael Dawson, William Gallas, Benoit Assou-Ekotto, Sebastien Bassong, Alan Hutton, Younes Kaboul, Vedran Corluka and Kyle Walker at the back; and Brad Friedel has arrived from Aston Villa should the butterfingered Huerelho Gomes slip again.

If the personable Redknapp can hold them all together, Spurs could be back in the Champions League in 2012.  The problem is that every time his best player picks up a paper or goes online, he sees a picture of the gaffer giving him the finger.

You know it’s a tough league when Liverpool, who have been more prolifically busy in the transfer window, in terms of both quality and quantity, than any other side, don’t rate better than the position they finished in last season:  sixth.  You would think that all that activity would have made them a much better squad and I believe it has.  The problem is that there is a massive gap between being the best of the rest, as they ultimately were last year, and a bona fide title contender.  

With the midfield completely revamped, it’s not even much of a concern that Steven Gerrard won’t be available until at least October.  Jordan Henderson, Charlie Adam and Stewart Downing have all arrived to give Kenny Dalglish a selection migraine in the middle of the pitch, with the likes of Lucas Leiva, Alberto Aquilani, Dirk Kuyt, Raul Mereiles and Jay Spearing also in the mix.  Up front, as with everywhere else on the squad, there are any number of options, all centered around Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, with Kuyt, Maxi Rodriguez and a healthy Gerrard also considerations.

The defence has been considerably strengthened by the recent addition of Newcastle left back Jose Enrique, allowing Glen Johnson to focus on the right side of the pitch and Martin Kelly to perhaps get some experience at centre back, spelling Jamie Carragher and Martin Skrtel.  Even in goal, where Pepe Reina is permanently installed, the club picked up some quality insurance in the form of erstwhile Roma keeper Doni.

Were it not for the time required to settle and become familiar with each other’s tendencies, I might put Liverpool a rung or two above their current position.  Certainly, if it comes together quickly, the Reds have the horses to race past Tottenham and Arsenal and draw neck and neck with old foes Chelsea.  If not, the Kop will just have to settle for a place in the Europa League.

Don’t Look Now, But…

If the pre-season ran until December and then the games which count finally began, Everton might be two-time defending Premier League champions under David Moyes.  Like jarheads at a Parris Island boot camp, the Toffees start off each season by digging a massive hole for themselves.

Yet, Moyes has quality at every position.  This season, there will be no African Cup of Nations or Asian Champions League to take players away.  There is Arsenal, however, doing their best to pry loose Phil Jagielka, as Man City did Joleon Lescott once upon a time, but Phil Neville still has it and Leighton Baines is only unlucky enough to be stuck behind Ashley Cole as the best English left back.  Seamus Coleman’s injury is another of those bad August omens for Moyes, however.

Ultimately, though, a midfield boasting one-time England hopeful Mikel Arteta, Marouane Fellaini and Jack Rodwell gives Everton the opportunity to take points everytime they take the pitch.  Imagine what this club could do if they got off to just an average start!

Bolton have three things holding them back:  a lack of funding to go out and sign a proven talent; a subsequent lack of depth; and a seemingly annual horror tackle which deprives them of American midfield prodigy Stuart Holden.   On the other hand, they have the coaching talents of Owen Coyle, which are sufficiently prodigious to cancel out two of the negatives.

The Scot’s motivational powers are unrivaled; it would almost be a crime to the rest of the Prem if he were put in charge of a club like City, United or Chelsea.  Still, Gary Cahill, Paul Robinson, Zat Knight, Martin Petrov, Nigel Reo-Coker and netminder Jussi Jaaskelainen are not a bad supporting cast for Holden.  Unfortunately, Korean Chung Yong-Lee’s own nightmare injury, at the end of July, was not the pre-season memory which Coyle wanted his side to take into the campaign.

If the club can stay relatively healthy, especially Holden (who currently is not), and the Scot can lay his hands on a goal scorer to replace Daniel Sturridge, the Wanderers will again be in the hunt for a Europa League slot.  Still, even if they do and Coyle can, the Trotters aren’t likely to bag their prize without some investment.

When compared with the Premier League elite, Fulham is a small club.  As such, they’d be hard pressed to find a better chairman than Mohamed al Fayed.  The former Harrod’s owner has provided the money to modernise and preserve the club’s longstanding home, Craven Cottage; he hires capable managers; buys them players when truly needed; and pays to keep them.  Despite Roy Hodgson leaving for Liverpool and Mark Hughes for pie in the sky, al Fayed has persevered.

Martin Jol is now the man in charge and the Egyptian has provided him with some new blood.  John Arne Riise has arrived from Rome to join his brother Bjorn Helge, providing the club with a dangerous threat from the left back position.  The club has a solid one-two punch in Bobby Zamora and Clint Dempsey; midfield reliability in Danny Murphy, Riise the younger, Damien Duff and Steve Sidwell; defensive stability in Aaron Hughes, Brede Hangeland, Carlos Salcido and, now, Riise the senior; and a world class goalkeeper in Mark Schwarzer, with a burgeoning international David Stockdale on loan to Ipswich, to give him playing time while the Aussie number one plays out the string.

Already a month into their Europa League campaign, their lack of depth will be challenged by involvement in four competitions, but make no mistake, this is a solid side.

Long ball specialists.  Cheap shot artists.  Ale house footballers.  Those are the labels Stoke City still live with, despite reaching the FA Cup final after giving Owen Coyle and Bolton a taste of their own silky smooth medicine.  Tony Pulis has patiently built on the solid defence, slowly adding more and more flair, as the base solidifies.

Kenwyne Jones, Jon Walters and Ricardo Fuller provide the goals.  Matthew Etherington has left the punting behind and is now almost a sure thing on the left.   Jermaine Pennant, as long as he is provided with valet service, will bring some imagination to the midfield, to complement the long throws of Rory Delap.  That unique advantage may be further augmented, if the Potters can come to terms with Tottenham regarding beanpole striker Peter Crouch.

Captain Ryan Shawcross, Matthew Upson and suddenly opportunistic goalscorer Robert Huth patrol the back.  Pulis is hoping that Jonathan Woodgate’s drawn out injury spell is finally done, so that he can provide further support for his two capable keepers, Asmir Begovic and Thomas Sorensen.

Look for the Potters to push a little further up the Premier League table, squeaking into the top ten in 2011-12.

Engines Idling

Sunderland picked up Wes Brown and John O’Shea from Man United to add some depth to the midfield and defence, as well as a bit of a winning culture.  So, why am I pegging Sunderland to slip back into the bottom half of the table in the new campaign?

Two reasons.

One, inexperience (Conor Wickham), chronic injury (Frazier Campbell) and character issues (Stéphane Sessègnon) in attack.  Asamoah Gyan was a great signing for the Mackems last year, but he can’t do it alone.

Two.  Steve Bruce is just too nice, especially when Man United fixtures roll around.  If some of predecessor and fellow United alumnus Roy Keane’s irascibility would rub off, other clubs might think twice when the Black Cats cross their path.  Until then, however….

One can, coincidentally, say two things about Sunderland rivals Newcastle as well.  Owner Mike Ashley certainly knows how to turn a profit and the club has replaced Arsenal as the favoured English destination for French footballers.

The impending sale of disaffected left back Jose Enrique to Liverpool recoups the investment in the latest Gallic window dressing at St. James Park, United cast-off Gabriel Obertan.  That makes seven French players on Alan Pardew’s roster, including Paris born Senegalese star Demba Ba, but not fluent francophone Cheick Tiote of the Ivory Coast.

Yet, while croissants may have been added to the player’s table at Newcastle’s Darsley Park training complex, the stream of quality players departing is not so easily addressed.  Enrique has tweeted his way out of the club but Joey Barton hasn’t been so lucky — not for lack of effort.  On the other hand, when your captain, coming off the best season of his young career (Kevin Nolan is still only twenty-nine) agrees to join a relegated club, it indicates there are problems behind the scenes.

Unfortunately for the Toon Army, Mike Ashley is in this for the long haul.  He and Derek Llambias have become adept at identifying young talent, improving upon it and selling at a surplus.  The club, barring a rash of injuries, has a competent coach and sufficient talent to hover in the middle of the table, staying up, but robbing their support of any and all hope for a bit of glory.

Modest.  In one word, that is West Brom manager Roy Hodgson.  Modesty can often be misinterpreted as lack of ambition, which is one reason he failed at Liverpool.  The Reds are a club that have a tradition of carrying the game to people.  Hodgson succeeds by taking the opposite approach.  It worked well at Fulham and it rescued the Baggies, who under Roberto di Matteo, were playing a style with which the Kop could identify.

WBA Chairman Jeremy Peace made the conscious decision to change the club’s style, which under Di Matteo and Tony Mowbray had seen them bouncing up and down between the Prem and the Championship.  Hodgson’s staid approach will achieve top flight stability; it just won’t take the Baggies anywhere but mid-table in the immediate future.

Hodgson has a prolific scorer in Peter Odemwingie but he has moved to provide cover in the form of Reading man Shane Long.  Last season, captain Chris Brunt was the most prolific assist man (10) of whom you have never heard in the Premier League, and West Brom, despite their adjusted priorities, should not want for goals.  At the back, Ben Foster has arrived on loan from troubled Birmingham.  He is a definite upgrade on Marton Fulop, and, under Hodgson, may soon find Fabio Capello pressuring him to reconsider his international sabbatical.

As well, the club has been convinced by Owen Hargreaves’ fitness tapes and have tabled an offer to the injury-hexed midfielder.  His healthy presence, if prolonged, may push the club into the top half of the table but, if you’re a Baggies fan,  don’t hold your breath.

The big question surrounding Alex McLeish is when he will take the Celtic job?   Having shown the willingness to jump from Birmingham to Aston Villa, upsetting all of Glasgow by crossing to the other side of the Old Firm seems the next logical step for the Scot.  For the moment, however, he is looking at his new squad and wondering, even without Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, what he might have done in 2010-11, had he been this blessed?

Charles N’Zogbia, over from Wigan, and Marc Albrighton, out of the Villa youth set-up, will make the departures of Young and Downing seem like well-timed, profitable business and, thus, Darren Bent and Gaby Agbonlahor should thrive in front of goal.  There are questions at the back, however, as Richard Dunne and James Collins, already slow, did not get any quicker over the summer.  As well, Shay Given will need to shake off the rust, after sitting on the Man City bench for so long.

Trust is the three hundred pound gorilla in the Villa clubhouse.  The fans don’t have any for McLeish, which begs the question, will the players?  Further, will McLeish himself be able to trust Stephen Ireland’s talent to overcome his dysfunctionality and will the new manager put the same trust in youngsters Barry Bannan and Eric Lichaj that Gerrard Houllier did?  At the moment, I don’t trust in any of that happening all too quickly.  Which is why I see such a talent-laden team remaining mired in mediocrity, despite the manager’s Carling Cup stunner last season.

In London, Neil Warnock has the full trust of the QPR clubhouse.  The problem is that the ownership of F1 bosses Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore doesn’t engender the same confidence.  Despite the lack of funding from above, with Blackpool’s DJ Campbell the only investment, at £2 million, the outspoken Warnock has gone about his business, signing Jay Bothroyd from Cardiff, and Danny Gabbidon and Kieron Dyer from West Ham (the latter by way of Ipswich), all on free transfers.  Somehow, the club has also managed to hold onto talented midfielder Adel Taraabt, despite interest from new money side Paris Saint-Germain.

That Warnock will have to compete with the rest of the Premier League on the cheap doesn’t bode well for future success but the current circumstances provide an environment in which the crafty Warnock can instill and exploit an Us v The World mentality in his squad.  In the short run, I’m betting that it will be just enough to lift them above the relegation fray.

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!

Blackburn‘s new owners, Venky’s, have taken a lot of stick since becoming part of the Premier League family and some people out there, afflicted with severe doses of PC, have taken exception.  The fact of the matter, however, is that no one really cares where the new Rovers supremos call home or how they made their fortune.  They hear it because they’ve thus far proved to be inept.

What else do you call it  when one executive, in India, says the club intend to become a top side, then another in the UK says, no, they’ll be happy to stay mid-table?  Next, someone pipes up that they’ve hired a consultant to identify, negotiate with and sign new players, starting with Ronaldinho, no less, with that whopper followed by someone else saying, don’t be silly, there’s no need to buy when you can just “outsource” from other clubs.  Hot on the heels of that piece of wisdom, the group let it be known that Mr. Sam — Big Sam Allardyce to you and me — would have the last say on all transfers.  A week later, Mr. Sam is in the booth for Sky instead of the dugout for Blackburn, very much to his surprise.

Now, Steve Kean is in charge and the club — safely mid-table and starting to gel when Big Sam was informed that he was just taking up space — is breathing easier after falling into the midst of a relegation battle and managing to pull themselves out at the last minute.

There’s little to suggest, however, that in his first full season, if he survives it, Kean will help the club progress.  Highly touted young defender Phil Jones has been sold on to Manchester United after some acrimonious hard-balling, which could very well hurt the club’s ability to do business down the road.  (Now, I realise that I’ve criticised Steve Bruce for kowtowing to the champions and Venky’s for getting in their face, but there is a middle ground between the two extremes.)   Envious of Jones, Chris Samba, the former captain, is as desperate as Kevin Nolan to leave his club and El Hadji Diouf has earned his way out by not showing up — but the club has signed David Goodwillie, who had charges of sexual assault dismissed for lack of evidence in Scotland, although leaked details of the case forced his departure.

To call the situation at Ewood Park anything other than a mess would be a kindness.  Look for the club to hover just above the drop zone for the better part of the season.

Roberto Martinez has managed to keep Hugo Rodallega, a quality goal scorer, at Wigan, and provide him a strong partner in Irishman Conor Sammon.  Unfortunately, the man most responsible for getting the ball into the opponent’s box, Charles N’Zogbia, is now wearing Claret and Blue.

The club has taken on the dogged determination of chairman Dave Whelan and plays the open attacking style favoured by classy manager Martinez, but WFC correspondent Daniel Doran may be right:  with too much quality leaving and insufficient coming in, it may finally be Wigan’s year to go back down.

On the other hand, I think that there’s enough stubborness and imagination in the tank for the Latics to stick around for another season.

Well then, What about Norwich?  Can they stay up?

Can Delia Smith and Michael Wynn-Jones, passionate and inspiring as they are, even come close to competing financially with the likes of John Henry, the Glazers, Roman Abramovich and Sheikh Mansour?  Can a squad whose only three players not from the UK or Ireland are an American, a Canadian and Belgian Ritchie de Laet, on loan from Man United, go toe to toe with even Manchester City’s reserve side?  Can Kyle Naughton, buried on the bench at Tottenham, hold off the likes of Andy Carroll, Chicharito or, on a slow day, Fernando Torres? Can James Vaughn make a difference here despite not doing so anywhere else, other than to coax Tony Pulis out of his towel and into a decent imitation of Zinedine Zidane?

Oh, wait.  That was James Beattie.  Ignore that one.  Answer this one instead.  Can Paul Lambert fight off male pattern baldness, graying hair and relegation all at the same time?

Didn’t think so.

I like Mick McCarthy’s dry sense of humour and his pragmatism.  Unfortunately, I don’t like Wolves‘ chances of avoiding the drop.  Like Norwich, there are just too many questions without answers.

Mick does have some quality with which to work, though.  Matt Jarvis is a bit of alright.  The three Steph/vens, Fletcher, Ward & Hunt, share some chemistry, as well as given names.  Ultimate poacher Kevin Doyle likely still has a few opportune goals in him, too.

On the other hand, one has to ask if former captain Karl Henry can find his way back from the dark side, after the first months of 2010-11 saw him approach Nigel de Jong status?  Then there’s the hyphen twins, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake and Ethan Ebanks-Landell.  What’s up with that?  I’m not certain, but it might be another expensive violation of the FA’s arcane squad rules.

The most pressing issue for the Wanderers, though, is can they take points against lower half sides?  They had better, because this time around it’s unlikely that they’ll steal six wins and three draws, more than half their points last year, from clubs in the top half of the table.

Aaaand  – Thud.

Brendan Rogers and Swansea were the surprise of the Championship playoffs.  Fellow Cwms Cardiff, with marquee names Jay Bothroyd and Craig Bellamy in the side, were pegged to make the jump to the top flight.  Instead, it’s their more anonymous rivals who are here.

Former Villa prodigy Luke Moore will get another crack at the Premier League, after sputtering out at West Brom.  A loan spell at Derby, with four goals in thirteen matches, suggested that his issues might be remedied by a move, but just three strikes in fifteen appearances for the Swans last season doesn’t bode well.  Danny Graham, who has come over from Watford, will be the main threat, then, and Wayne Routledge, from the St. James Park Clearing House is touted to provide a bit of width.

There are two weeks left in the transfer window and, while burnt by Marco Senna’s use of them as a decoy to secure a contract with Villareal, the Welsh side need to find a strong, experienced player to galvanise the side, or the Swans will be flying south all too soon.

Manchester United have long viewed Manchester City as their ‘noisy neighbours’; the ones who have plenty to say but don’t really get much done.

That changed last season when City collected a long overdue trophy – lifting the FA Cup after defeating United in the semifinal, and then Stoke City – but the Old Trafford crew still felt that little bit superior, especially considering they had reached the Champions League final and won the Premier League.

If doubt in that superiority grew over the summer, with the retirement of Paul Scholes and no urgency from David Gill or Sir Alex Ferguson to identify a replacement, it was erased after Sunday’s Community Shield, as United ran out 3-2 winners, despite being 2-0 down at half time.

United, for large parts of the annual curtain-raiser, dominated the game.  Yet, in the first half at least, they couldn’t find that cutting edge.  Wayne Rooney and Danny Welbeck found their styles to be at loggerheads early on, before finally accommodating one another.  Then, just when it seemed that the Red Devils were going to make the breakthrough, City pounced.  Joleon Lescott nodded in a David Silva free kick from the edge of the area in the thirty-eighth minute, and the nouveau-riche had picked up where they had left off in the spring, at Wembley, opening a lead against their ‘betters’.

City obviously sensed that they had United on the ropes and, less than ten minutes later, Edin Dzeko struck from just  beyond twenty yards, putting City fans in dreamland.  United could be criticised for poor defending, as Dzeko had no one minding him when he smashed the ball towards the bottom corner, but, ultimately, the blame has to lay with David De Gea. Put it down to first-game nerves, if you will, but the shot was within reach and, if the young Spaniard had gotten down quicker…  That error may foreshadow what is to come for United fans, considering that De Gea conceded the largest amount of goals from outside the area in La Liga last season.

The half time whistle couldn’t come early enough for Sir Alex Ferguson and when he got his side into the dressing room, he must have whipped out the proverbial hair dryer, as United came out in the second half with a new-found belief and confidence.  When the manager rang the changes — Phil Jones, Tom Cleverley and Jonny Evans were all introduced, with Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick and Nemanja Vidic sat down — United suddenly found a cutting edge.

The goal that had been coming finally arrived, if from an unlikely source.   Chris Smalling, playing out of position at right back, deftly volleyed in Ashley Young’s delivery. Throughout the game, Young delivered exceptional passes.  It may only be the Community Shield, but at £17 million, the former Aston Villa starlet looks a bargain.

The equaliser then followed in the fifty-eighth minute.  Nani chipped the ball over Joe Hart’s head to finish off a sublime passing move that smacked of a certain Catalan side.  Sensing blood, United went for the jugular.  City was hardly allowed a kick of the ball for the final thirty minutes and it seemed like there could be only one winner.

However, with the game nearing its conclusion, City awoke to realise that, for all of United’s possession, they had failed to capitalise and score the winning goal. Perhaps all wasn’t lost just yet.  So, with four minutes of added time and penalties looming, City won a corner. The ball was floated in but the Sky Blues failed to make the most of it and Rooney smashed clear to the half-way line.  Vincent Kompany then looked set to head the ball back towards De Gea’s goal, but the Belgian hesitated.  Nani didn’t, nicking the ball away and going through mano a mano with the England number one.  The mercurial Portuguese winger showed remarkable composure to take the ball around Hart and tuck it neatly into the bottom corner, with what was, for all intents and purposes, the final kick of the game.   United fans went into raptures and the club’s name was engraved onto yet another trophy.

Looking back at what was an astonishing back and forth battle, it has to be said that United have (at least temporarily) regained the upper hand over the ‘noisy neighbours’.   As it was a friendly, meaning that Roberto Mancini did not choose his typical lock down approach, light may be made of the dazzling United passing which exposed a world class defence and cut an extremely expensively assembled midfield to pieces.  The Italian may also discount his high-priced attack’s second-half futility against a raw, young defence, casually shrugging the match off as just the Community Shield.

Sir Alex Ferguson, on the other hand, has to believe that he has gained a significant advantage over his nearest rivals.  While many are still touting the possibility, there is, to date, no sign of the club investing in a high-profile midfielder.   In the face of a ravenous media, the Scot has remained adamant that Manchester United doesn’t need to wade into the transfer market, splashing millions of pounds on astronomically priced players.

Having watched his young side respond against the billionaire’s club from City, I, for one, agree with him.

It is true that Mario Balotelli said that he was homesick for Italy when reporters asked him about Manchester during Mario Balotelli’s recent tour of the United States and Ireland.  Why wouldn’t he be?  In my country, it is warm, it is sunny and most people are friendly.  The people in Manchester, if they are wearing blue, can also be nice but it rains all the time and is very cold, sometimes even in the summer.  It is true, though, that there are a few mean people in Italy who have yet to realise that colour doesn’t matter; only greatness.  Mario Balotelli has tried to teach them, but they refuse to learn.  For this, Mario Balotelli is grateful to England for one thing.  Had he not come to Manchester, Mario Balotelli would not have learned the word ‘Wanker’.

But even so, Mario Balotelli is still homesick.  City fans should not worry, though, because Mario Balotelli is not going anywhere soon.  Mario Balotelli has found a new purpose in life.  It is called revenge!

Mario Balotelli very much enjoyed his tour of America.  Mancini was very strict and wanted Mario Balotelli to always train but there are so many pretty girls and loud nightclubs everywhere in America.  In America, they have Kobe Bryant.  They have Dwyane Wade.  They have LeBron James.  Each of them do tricks and special moves all the time and their coaches love them and hug and kiss them when they do.  Mancini says he loves me but Mario Balotelli is not so sure.  When Mario Balotelli told him he was just practicing his spin-a-rama goal to show Kobe what he could do while he was in LA, Mancini screamed at Mario Balotelli that football was not American; that it wasn’t basketball; that it wasn’t Showtime; football was hard work.  Patrick-something was there and just shook his head.

So Mario Balotelli did what great players should never do.  He worked hard and gave Mancini no reason to play Sergio Canoe-a-Pharaoh, when he met up with the team in Dublin.  Then, Mario Balotelli snuck out to go clubbing.  Mario Balotelli was without his Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person, who were taking a European vacation on Mario Balotelli’s new Harley Davidson but his teammates helped him avoid Patrick-something and Mancini.  This was very suspicious but Mario Balotelli’s teammates said that it was not everyday that the club came to America and we should all have a little fun and remember the trip.  Then they giggled a lot.

America is very big.  When Man City had to go to a new American city, we always flew and the flights were sometimes very long.  Usually, Mario Balotelli’s teammates play a game called poker when the club travels.  It is a game that Mario Balotelli tries very hard to win but somehow never does.  Amazingly, his teammates always have a better hand.  Mario Balotelli is not sure, but he could swear the rules keep changing.  In America, though, whenever Mario Balotelli wanted to play poker, his teammates wanted to play a new game instead.  They called it Go Fish.

Go Fish was fun and Mario Balotelli won a lot.  Whenever David Silva said, “Tu tienes una ocho?” or Joe Hart said, “Gotta six, mate?”  Mario would always say Go Fish and everyone would giggle a lot.  It was very strange.

Then, in Ireland, Mario Balotelli headed home a goal at halftime.  When it went in, his teammates surrounded him and performed a very strange celebration.  They all put their hands against the sides of their chest and wiggled them while sucking their cheeks in and puckering and unpuckering their lips.  Mario Balotelli laughed and yelled Go Fish and they all fell about and giggled until the referee said we had to start the game again.

The next day, Mario Balotelli and his teammates flew home and Mario Balotelli ruled at Go Fish again.  Mario Balotelli was so good that all his teammates couldn’t stop telling him how good he was at Go Fish and followed him to His car, in the airport parking lot.

When Mario Balotelli opened His car, he almost passed out from the stench!  It was awful!  It smelled worse than Mario Balotelli’s nana used to after she’d had too many glasses of vino on New Year’s Eve and wanted to kiss Mario Balotelli.  It smelled worse than Patrick-something’s cot when it rained after Mario Balotelli accidentally left the window in Mancini’s office open after playing darts with the youth team.  It even smelled worse than Manuel Addie Buyer’s home cooking.  Mario Balotelli had thought that nothing could ever smell worse than that!

Now Mario Balotelli understood why His teammates enjoyed playing Go Fish so much.  They had left the fish in his car for weeks!  Mancini was very upset because he thought it would hurt Mario Balotelli’s feelings and ruin team morale but Mario Balotelli didn’t mind.  In fact, Mario Balotelli was very happy.   It was like when Mario Balotelli used to pull on the pigtail of the girl in front of him in school and then she would kiss him after class.  It just means that Mario Balotelli’s teammates finally understand how great he is!

So, Mario Balotelli may enjoy England, after all, and especially if Mario Balotelli can get everyone back for trashing his shiny new Maserati.

At least, Maseratis are cheaper than Bugattis and Lamborghinis, even Ferraris.  They only cost a week’s wages.  The worst part is that Mancini still won’t let Mario Balotelli ride His Harley Davidson.  Now, Patrick-something comes and picks Mario Balotelli up for training in a rusted-out, three-wheeled 1987 Citröen.  It doesn’t smell like month-dead fish but it’s close.

And that is what happened on Mario Balotelli’s trip to America.  Now, you have to get out because Mario Balotelli must go online and order 2 palettes of shaving cream and a crate of African tree frogs.

Revenge!

If you missed them, catch the rest of Mario Balotelli’s You Don’t Know Series here.

• Episode 1:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know Jack! (Wilshere, That Is)”
• Episode 2:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know, Ronaldo!”
• Episode 3:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know What’s In My Suitcase!”
• Episode 4:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know What To Do When You’re Suspended!”
• Episode 5:  Mario Balotelli Says, “Rio Ferdinand Doesn’t Know How To Celebrate!”
• Episode 6:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know I was Born To Ride!”

And, in the interest of fair play:

• Life Sucks When You Have To Defend Mario Balotelli

Ciao, everyone!  You’re probably wondering what Mario Balotelli did for His first summer in England.  Well, it was indeed very interesting.

After all the attention and bad press that Mario Balotelli received over the course of the year, His Personal Assistant and His Personal Assistant’s partner, Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person, suggested that “some peace and quiet might be in order” and that Mario Balotelli should “get away from it all” to contemplate what it is to be Mario Balotelli, away from the “prying eyes of the Public and the Paparazzi.”

They showed Mario Balotelli brochures of the Lake District and gushed about all the Hiking Trails, the Bed & Breakfasts and the Beautiful Scenery.  Mario Balotelli had never heard of any of these things before but the B&B’s sounded intriguing.  Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person rolled their eyes and tutted, though, when Mario Balotelli asked if another B could be added:  Bed, Babe & Breakfast.  Then they looked in each other’s eyes, started giggling and made Kissy Faces.  Mario Balotelli hates it when they make Kissy Faces.

Still, Mario Balotelli did as they suggested and spent His holiday in the Lakes District.  The Paparazzi stopped following Mario Balotelli after the second day when they realised that all Mario Balotelli was going to do was walk around the villages, water and woods with His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person following behind, holding hands.

On the third day, Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant confiscated His iPhone4 because Mario Balotelli was playing Angry Birds in the Beatrix Potter Gallery with the volume on full.  On the fourth day, Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person took away His Thunderbolt Droid phone and Nintendo 3D-S because Super Mario was disturbing the tour guide in Wordsworth House.  That night, they searched Mario Balotelli’s room together and found Mario Balotelli’s Evo 3D, Galaxy S and Nexus S Droids, His iPad2, MacBook Air, Spare iPod and, worst of all, His Beats by Dre headphones.  Mario Balotelli feels naked without Beats by Dre headphones hanging around His neck, cord dangling down to His Ed Hardy saggers.  How did they know Mario Balotelli would hide everything in His five-fingered hat?!

So, Mario Balotelli walked around the villages, water and woods for three and a half weeks with only His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person for company.  In the villages, Mario Balotelli saw thatched roofs and cobblestone streets, castles and moats, antique furniture and antique people.  In the water and woods, Mario Balotelli saw squirrels and rabbits, songbirds and waterfowl and, on the last day, a fawn with her mother, just like Bambi!  The deer were beautiful but Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person squealed with uncontrollable delight when the mother and child stepped out of the brush, so loudly that they turned and ran right back in.  Mario Balotelli was so sad.

When Mario Balotelli came back from His holiday, He thought long and hard about whether He would like to do it again.  It was certainly relaxing but there is only so much peace and quiet Mario Balotelli can take.  After all, Mario Balotelli wears the latest fashions, diamond studded earrings and a mohawk.  Mario Balotelli drives a gleaming white Mercedes S class convertible while touring Women’s Prisons.  Mario Balotelli needs to be noticed and to have people making noise all around Him, otherwise He is not Mario Balotelli.

Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person says the people making noise are just sycophants but Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant refused to look up the word in his dictionary.

Still, Mario Balotelli was very happy to have all His gear back and only lightly scolded His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person for taking it.  It was good to get on Facebook and Twitter again, even if Rio Ferdinand had finally given up crying about the FA Cup, after some journalists started to make fun of his English.  Now he knows how it feels to be Mario Balotelli.

Mario Balotelli also found out that whilst He was on retreat, Google+ came out, which Mario Balotelli hears is way better than Facebook.  This made Mario Balotelli realise that he needed to take a firmer hand.  So, Mario Balotelli scolded His Personal Assistant and Public Relations Person again.  They made some noises about liking the mild-mannered Lakes District Mario Balotelli better but Mario Balotelli could see in their eyes that they were glad to have the loud and proud Mario Balotelli back.  It gave them so much to tweet their friends about.

So, Mario Balotelli went online to find out how to make up for lost time.  There had to be a way to be louder and prouder than ever before and soon Mario Balotelli found it.  Mario Balotelli told His Personal Assistant to go out and buy him a Hog.  It would be perfect!  A Hog was loud, proud and looked nothing like Mario Balotelli’s Gleaming White Mercedes, which wardens all across Europe now know by sight.  Mario Balotelli couldn’t wait to ride it!

However, Mario Balotelli’s Personal assistant came back with a small black pig that he said was Vietnamese.  It was cute in a very ugly way, scurrying about Mario Balotelli’s penthouse flat, making small grunting noises and sticking its funny nose into everything.  Mario Balotelli decided to keep it and name it Charlie, after Mario Balotelli’s teammate and captain, Tevez, although it is difficult to decide who is uglier.   Then Mario Balotelli explained to His Personal Assistant just what he meant by a Hog.

The next day, Mario Balotelli’s Personal Assistant returned with a monstrous American Motorcycle.  It was long and black, with shining chrome everywhere.  Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person came in with all sorts of leather jackets, riding boots and gloves, vintage goggles and a helmet, which Mario Balotelli didn’t like because it messes up His Mohawk.

The Hog was much louder than the little pig, going BRAAWWWWP, BRAWWWWWP, BRAWWWWWWWWWP, whenever Mario Balotelli let loose the throttle.

But Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person had bad news.  He said that before Mario Balotelli takes the Hog out of the garage, He has to get permission from Mancini.

Mancini never gives Mario Balotelli permission for anything, so Mario Balotelli asked why He couldn’t just ride the Hog without telling Mancini.  Mario Balotelli’s Public Relations Person reminded Mario Balotelli of all the tickets He has from driving His gleaming white Mercedes S class and said it was because of Insurance.

Stupid Insurance!

When Mario Balotelli went to the club to ask Mancini for permission to ride the Hog, Mr. Cook and Patrick-something were in Mancini’s office.  Patrick-something was wearing a suit, instead of a kit, and Mancini said he had retired.  Now he was working in “an executive capacity,” which Mario Balotelli later found out meant that his cot was in Mr. Cook’s office instead of Mancini’s.

They all laughed, though, when Mario Balotelli asked to ride the Hog.  They laughed for almost ten minutes and made almost as much noise as the Hog before Mancini finally came up for air from behind his desk and said absolutely not.  Mancini said Mario Balotelli was banned from ever riding it.  Mancini said Mario Balotelli couldn’t even sit on it and make vroom vroom noises with His voice.

Mr. Cook said that Mario Balotelli could keep all the leather outfits, though, even the helmet, which was a small consolation.  Then, he took Patrick-something and said he was going to the executive water closet.

Mancini looked after them thoughtfully, came out from behind his desk and, with an arm around Mario Balotelli, apologised for what he said were the obligations of being a footballer but which Mario Balotelli understood to mean that Mario Balotelli wasn’t allowed to have fun.  Then he said maybe Mario Balotelli might want to give the Hog to Patrick-something as a retirement gift.  He said all the players had given him something, except for Boateng, whom the club had then sold to Bayern for his insensitivity.

Mario Balotelli said He would think about it, then looked around and asked where Charlie Tevez was.  Mario Balotelli wanted to invite him to His penthouse flat to meet his namesake.  Mancini looked very sad.  He said Charlie was homesick and may not come back to the club.  For a moment, Mario Balotelli panicked.  Mario Balotelli thought the news meant that He would have to play more, but Mancini laughed and said no, they would buy someone named Canoe Aguero, who was an even better Argentine than Charlie.

Mario Balotelli was relieved and is happy that the club can cope without Charlie but He will miss him.  Charlie gave Mario Balotelli a new set of darts every time Mancini or Patrick-something confiscated His old ones.   Now Mario Balotelli will have to get His Personal Assistant to buy new darts and he only shops for the velcro sort which are safe to throw at youth players.

And that is how Mario Balotelli spent His summer.  Now, you have to get out because Mario Balotelli has to find another way to be loud and proud once he gives his Hog to Patrick-something.  There has to be something fun to do that Insurance won’t care about.  Maybe jet skiing, or mountain climbing, or snowboarding, or…. !

If you missed them catch the rest of Mario Balotelli’s You Don’t Know Series here.

• Episode 1:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don’t Know Jack! (Wilshere, That Is)”
• Episode 2:  Mario Balotelli Says, “You Don