Manchester United’s 1-1 draw with Newcastle at the weekend has left the Red Devils five points adrift of their ‘noisy neighbours’ at the top of the table. Their loss at home to Crystal Palace in the Carling Cup exposed a worrying problem for the defending Premier League champions.  In previous articles, I have suggested that Tom Cleverley could be the man to lead United to another domestic title, but following the team’s recent performances I feel compelled to ask whether Sir Alex Ferguson should have broken the bank to mount a tilt at the Premiership?  My answer now would be a resounding maybe.

Before falling to Palace, United had gone unbeaten in three matches, with a 1-0 win over Swansea and draws with Benfica (2-2) and Newcastle (1-1).  Those performances, however, fell well short of United’s normal standards.  The ball has been bogged down in midfield, David De Gea has given some abject performances, and, with Phil Jones deputising in the center of the pitch, the defence has looked unsettled.

Michael Carrick has come in for criticism from some sections of the United support, but, when he’s on form, he can pass the ball as well as anyone in the world. He just doesn’t hit that form regularly, and, when he’s not at his best, seems to pass the ball laterally far too frequently.  It’s frustrating to watch, although his cautious play does help maintain possession when United is ahead. If they’re chasing the game, though, such a timid approach isn’t what’s needed.

Anderson began the season in great form, bombing forward and netting against Norwich City and Tottenham. Unfortunately, he has followed Cleverley to the trainer’s table.   Although Fergie couldn’t have anticipated both being injured, their absence has the gaffer scraping the bottom of the barrel for midfield talent.

Cleverley is on his way back, with Old Trafford faithful hopeful that he will return with the same confidence and control he showed before going down.   The 8-2 mauling of Arsenal, where he started, the 3-1 victory over Chelsea and the 5-0 win over Bolton, all demonstrated his worth, but since he’s been out, United have stuttered, with no-one on the bench to replace him.

Darren Fletcher has been ever-present, yes, but he is a more defensive minded player, and needs someone with guile and passing ability alongside him.  While signing Wesley Sneijder, would have seen Cleverley on the bench, when he clearly is deserving of first team selection, United might now be neck and neck with City, rather than having to match them just to stay within five points of the top.

The Dutchman is world class, there is no argument there, but Sir Alex refused to pay his astronomical wages (believed to be £200,000 a week), although it was reported in many quarters that a £35 million fee had been agreed. Even Sneijder thought he was Old Trafford bound.

It’s difficult to believe that the Inter man wouldn’t have made a difference, but Sir Alex’s decision is understandable. Whatever one thinks of the Glazers, £200,000 a week and £35 million may be a little too much.  Especially with Wayne Rooney already on the books for a similar amount.  The Americans can’t be faulted for not being Sheikh Mansour.

So what are the alternatives in the transfer window, if Anderson and Cleverley aren’t back to a hundred percent by the end of the holidays?

Mario Götze was a name that was bounded around over the summer and many United fans believed him to be the man to lead United’s new age revolution. His asking price stood, and still stands, at around £30 million. The main criticism of a deal is his age (19), but if he’s this talented as a teenager, it seems a bargain.

I don’t think either of them should be signed though. I won’t even entertain mentions of Shinji Kagawa, Xabi Alonso or another youngster, Christian Eriksen.  Instead, I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that United needn’t spend huge money on a temporary stop-gap until their missing duo are fully recovered.

There is a veteran player out there who can unlock a defence with a single pass from virtually anywhere on the pitch, provide a bit of set-piece magic, and restore the feel-good factor to a team that’s beginning to doubt its legacy, as their noisy neighbours continue to run unchecked.  He has just completed the last year of his contract, meaning he would be available on a free; has led his side to a championship, and might be looking for the perfect ending to a storybook career.

Yes, I’m talking about David Beckham, and yes, I know he’s thirty-six, has lost virtually all of the pace that once terrorised Premier League fullbacks, making him a defensive liability.  However, he has played in the middle with LA Galaxy, in a league that, while short on skill, is definitely long on fitness and pace.  He has the intelligence to compensate for his shortcomings, and his presence may see Rooney drop back into a deep position less often, as the ginger Scouse is certainly aware that Becks can get the ball to him up the pitch.  Then, once Cleverley and Anderson are fully reintegrated, Beckham will undoubtedly be a strong mentor and threat off the bench, in the latter stages of tight matches.

While Golden Balls has fully exploited his marketability throughout his career, and has entertained the notion of playing with Spurs or QPR, there is no question that he would jump at the opportunity to once again don the red strip of United.  Nor would he cost £200,000 per week.

I may be looking through rose-tinted spectacles when I mention his name, but United certainly need a spark to revive not only their flagging hopes of another Championship, but also to regain the swagger that has suddenly gone missing in this young squad.  Too many of the icons are gone and those remaining, Rio Ferdinand and Ryan Giggs, are both playing too seldom and suffering from tarnished images.  Beckham’s tenure in MLS has been looked upon with scorn, often on both sides of the Atlantic, but there is no questioning his competitive spirit.  The doubts raised if he returns will only stoke that fire.  He’ll have something to prove, and, as he did in LA this year, he will prove it.

Who says you can’t go home?

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This weekend, Chelsea welcomes Liverpool to Stamford Bridge, signaling the start of an important run of games for the Blues throughout November and December, a period in which they have struggled in the past.  This dreaded period has been responsible for spoiling three of Chelsea’s recent title challenges after the club had come roaring out of the gate.

In the 2006-07 Premier League season, many were tipping Chelsea to claim their third title in a row, especially with their ability to win games with late goals. In December though, Jose Mourinho’s teams found out the hard way that late goals don’t always come, giving the advantage to Manchester United who ultimately won the league.

The following season, Chelsea were again tipped for the title on the back of their impressive start under Brazilian World Cup winning coach Luis Felipe Scolari. Once again, however, their form nose-dived in November and December, ruining any title aspirations and ultimately leading to Big Phil’s sacking in February.

Last season, it was a case of same sh**, different year, with the stunning start to the season followed by an equally spectacular collapse, following the sacking of well-liked assistant Ray Wilkins.  The stretch was one of the worst runs of form during their time in the Premier League.  While their incredible run down the stretch put them back in the race, the early.

So how does Andre Villas-Boas solve what Mourinho, Scolari, and Carlo Ancelotti couldn’t and make sure that Chelsea doesn’t experience their all too familiar November and December decline?

With Manchester City nine points ahead of the Blues in the league, many believe that the title is already out of Chelsea’s reach,  and are already focused on consolidating third place — the final automatic berth into Roman Abramovich’s yet-to-be-realised dream, the Champions League.   Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham, and Newcastle are all currently within shouting distance of Chelsea, so laying the foundation for 2012-13 may be the wisest course.

On the other hand, if you look at the upcoming games in all competitions,  seven of eleven in the Premier League, Carling Cup, and Champions League are at Stamford Bridge.  No disrespect to any opponents, but Chelsea can realistically expect to win six of those matches, with the critical match against City being the only fixture to give the squad pause.

Of their four away games, Newcastle, Bayer Leverkusen, and Tottenham will all be difficult tests for Chelsea, although they are more than capable of getting a good result against any of them.  The fourth contest, against relegation threatened Wigan, should see AVB come out on top in a battle between two young Iberians.

To shake the early winter ‘snow’ monkey off his club’s back, Villas-Boas must stabilise his shaky defence, especially as they will have to contain the likes of Luis Suarez, Steven Gerrard, David Silva, Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko, Samir Nasri, Mario Balotelli, and Roberto Soldado.  Yet, it is not as though the Blues have been impotent with the Portuguese in charge.  While there has been much criticism levied at the Chelsea attack, they have scored often enough to take points, only to see their mates fail to hold up their end.

If Villas-Boas can solidify the back-line, the attack is likely to benefit.  Should that occur, Chelsea has every chance of breezing through what has recently been a very stormy portion of the season.  Even if many of the results are ground out as was the case against Blackburn, it won’t matter.  The chairman may not be entertained, but his new Portuguese manager knows as well as the old that 1-0 garners the same three points as 5-1.

Elsewhere, it was really shocking to learn that it was a Chelsea fan who apparently leveled racial abuse at Daniel Sturridge.  Racism is absolutely disgraceful, regardless of circumstances, so it goes without saying that if the perpetrator is caught, he should not only be banned, but should face the same police scrutiny which John Terry has been enduring.  That said and while Sturridge’s experience pales in comparison to the pillorying that Paul Canoville underwent in the ’80s, it is somewhat distressing that any Chelsea player would be subject to such treatment from a so-called Blues supporter, and even moreso to think that such a person may have behaved similarly to opponents, while wearing the club’s colours and badge.

Can’t we just accept that the only way to be better than anyone else is through performance?

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In 2010, the Colorado Rapids found their stride down the stretch of the regular season.  They continued that momentum into the precarious do-or-die environment of the playoffs, eventually overcoming FC Dallas in the final moments of extra time to win what might have been the best MLS Cup Final yet to be played, certainly eclipsing the similar run of Real Salt Lake, who stunned the Los Angeles Galaxy the year before, and making up for the lack of a marquee club in the showpiece match during a World Cup Year.  Much of the credit was given to English coach Gary Smith’s emphasis on a strong, physical presence straight up the middle of the pitch.

This season, despite adding one or two players, most notably former Hull City standout and Irish international Caleb Folan, the Rapids finished in virtually the same position as the previous campaign and were eliminated early in the playoffs.  Smith was sacked after the defeat, proving that, despite the long term philosophy collectively espoused by the league, there are still some impatient ownership groups,.  Never mind that only twice in the league’s now sixteen year existence has a club successfully defended its MLS crown — DC United in the sophomore campaign and Houston Dynamo in 2007 — the Rapids backroom staff felt the need for a change.  Even more puzzling is that the team is owned by Stan Kroenke, the same man who now presides patiently over Arsenal’s six-year trophy drought in the Premier League and Europe.  Perhaps the man who married into the Wal-Mart fortune feels that is enough staid conservatism for one man and has fallen into the same trap as London rival Roman Abramovich, preferring attractive football to a solid team capable of producing a steady run of trophies.

Meanwhile, the Houston Dynamo, holders of four MLS titles (two won during their early years in San Jose) were rewarded for sticking with coach Dominic Kinnear.  The architect of the most recent back-to-back champions endured a stretch of mediocrity — and the accompanying criticisms — which can be attributed in great part to midfielder Stuart Holden’s exodus to Bolton Wanderers and the chronic injury problems of striker Brian Ching.  Dynamo did not return to their dominant ways in 2011; rather they assumed Salt Lake and Colorado’s role as the late charger, rising up the table through August and September to finish runners-up to Eastern Conference champion Sporting KC.

Let’s ignore the question of why both Houston and Kansas City, both on the wrong side of the Mississippi and associated with the American Old West, are placed in the Eastern Conference.  What’s important is that, as with RSL and the Rapids before them, Houston’s rich vein of form has extended deep into the post-season tournament.

If the Texans are to win a fifth title, however, they will have to produce an extraordinary performance to claim it.  Not only must they face the consecutive Supporters Shield winning Los Angeles Galaxy, led by USMNT talisman Landon Donovan, former England and possible Great Britain Olympic captain David Beckham, late season acquisition Robbie Keane, and MLS Defender of the Year Omar Gonzalez, but they must do it in the unfriendly confines of the Home Depot Center, the Galaxy’s home ground, where the side are unbeaten in this campaign.  Further, it’s likely that they’ll have to do so without the services of their own playmaker, Brad Davis, who left their semi-final victory over Sporting KC in the early going, with a torn quad muscle.

While Houston is surely disappointed at the loss, they will take confidence from the fact that they went on to victory despite Davis’ absence.  There are also chinks in the Galaxy armour, which Kinnear will look to exploit.

Donovan is nursing a leg injury himself; not nearly so serious, as he’s played all three playoff matches and scored from the spot twice, but sufficiently troubling for the star to excuse himself from international duty in France on the weekend.

As well as the twelve-goal man’s physical limitations, there are questions about the limited familiarity between newcomer Robbie Keane and the other two attacking stars.  Galaxy fans, who endured Beckham’s European vacation in a vain quest for one last World Cup adventure, must be grinding their teeth at the thought of Keane ditching the team ahead of the MLS Cup, to join the Ireland side as it looks to qualify for Euro 2012.  Galaxy coach Bruce Arena has likely already spoken with Ireland boss Giovanni Trappatoni about only using Keane as an emergency substitute in Tuesday’s second leg, after the Irish romped to a nearly insurmountable 4-0 lead over Estonia in the opening match.  Keane’s spirit will definitely be buoyed by qualification, but an unnecessary knock might throw a wrench into LA’s plans.

In any event, all the pressure is on the Angelenos and their biggest star.  In the fifth and final year of his contract, Beckham has finally put together a full, productive season in keeping with his own lofty standards.  He appeared in twenty-six matches, registered fifteen assists (second only to Davis’ sixteen) and kept his famous temper under relative control, collecting ten yellow cards but no sendings off.  Even better, his stellar play quieted the hecklers and preempted any further handbags with supporters.

Historically, however, the big game has rarely been Beckham’s friend.  Two red cards for England and an ineffective performance against Real Salt Lake (due to injury) in the 2009 MLS Cup are all he has to show for one-off affairs.  Although the league cannot afford $5 million per year on a thirty-six year old who has lost a step and was never the swiftest in the first place, MLS commissioner Don Garber has stated that, regardless of next week’s result, Beckham has delivered for the league both on and off the field, and they would love to have him back.  If he wants to stay, Golden Balls will only help his position if he can orchestrate a third championship for the Galaxy.  However, with their own midfield wizard sidelined, don’t be surprised if the Dynamo pay special attention to the face of the league, in an attempt to stir his prodigious temper.

Why not?  It’s worked before.

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After poor results against Queen’s Park Rangers, Arsenal, and Genk, it was vital for Chelsea to win their latest league game against Blackburn, as well as tighten up their defence which has been unusually leaky of late.  They did both in a scrappy one-nil win at Ewood Park, and it may be just what the doctor ordered for André Villas-Boas’ ailing Chelsea team after a couple of bad weeks on and off the field.

With games against Liverpool and Manchester City coming up after the dreaded international break, Villas-Boas must be hoping that the win and rare clean sheet has signaled an end to his ‘blue’ period as Stamford Bridge boss.

With Liverpool and Manchester City upcoming, and both boasting an array of quality attacking options, the clean sheet in particular was necessary to boost the squad’s confidence.  Although the defence was troubled by Blackburn at times, it was a vastly improved performance, with the Portuguese’s selection decisions paying off.

Branislav Ivanovic was a significant improvement over the struggling Jose Bosingwa at right back, putting in a solid defensive performance while also setting up Frank Lampard’s goal with a lovely cross.

Alex was solid in his return to the team, after losing his place in the centre of defence to Ivanovic and David Luiz.  The veteran dealt well with the aerial threat Blackburn posed.  Even though he was solid against Rovers, if Villas-Boas wishes to continue with deploying the defence in a high line on the pitch, a quicker central defender may be required; possibly David Luiz, if the youngster can limit his cerebral implosions.

Although the back line may not be etched in stone, the midfield and attacking positions have been cemented.  Lampard has played so well since being temporarily dropped by Villas-Boas that he was designated to lead the Three Lions onto the pitch for their daunting encounter with Spain, this weekend. As well, Ramires is improving noticeably with every game.  In fact, the only position yet to be permanently assigned by AVB is the holding role.  John Obi Mikel, Raul Meireles, and Oriol Romeu are all vying to man the position until Michael Essien returns from his latest knee injury.   Of course, there is also the dilemma of just how to get the eager Josh McEachran some much deserved playing time.

Up front, Fernando Torres’ shocking miss against Blackburn has led to suggestions that his return to form was short-lived.  Be that as it may, the Spaniard must still be considered as Chelsea’s starting centre forward, not due to his reputation, but because he is simply the best of a disappointing bunch for the Blues.

Didier Drogba has looked off the boil and disinterested in the games that he has played, especially against Bolton and QPR, when he was handed the chance to claim the centre forward spot as his own.  Nicolas Anelka has been fine coming off the bench but doesn’t deliver when he’s on the pitch from the start.

Romelu Lukaku was brought in as the future of Chelsea’s forward line but right now he desperately needs to go out on loan and get experience, as he has looked very raw.  It’s a lot to ask of a teenager, to come into matches against Manchester United and Arsenal with his mates chasing the game.

Daniel Sturridge was deployed in the centre forward position against Blackburn and did well.  As a permanent solution, however, it’s borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.  Other than Sturridge, Chelsea do not have a strong option on the right side of their attack.  Florent Malouda doesn’t look anything like the player he was a couple of years ago, Sturridge is needed out wide, opposite Juan Mata who, at least, must be considered as being a candidate for the signing of the season.

Thus, while Villas-Boas is surely grateful for the bit of confidence the Blackburn match inspired, he knows it is a fragile thing, given the holes in his squad.  Expect him to be less worried about the charges levied against him by the FA and, instead, be glued to the television over the break, rooting for both Lampard and the again maligned John Terry to have stand-out performances for England, and bring back an air of invincibility to the Stamford Bridge clubhouse.

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The media vultures have been circling over Anfield in the wake of Liverpool’s lacklustre  0-0 draw with Swansea City at the weekend, which was Kenny Dalglish’s first goalless draw since returning to the manager’s office in January.  The weekend result, of course, followed just a fortnight after an equally disappointing one-goal standoff with the Canaries of Norwich City.

With such dismal efforts, it’s hard to argue with the press when they suggest the Reds are for the birds.  Certainly, the headlines didn’t sow any seeds of hope.

The Guardian went with ‘Carroll gives limp Liverpool new kind of Tosh’, comparing the current striking duo at Anfield with Kevin Keegan and John Toshack. “Unfortunately for all concerned, whereas the excellent Suárez may be Keegan’s equal, Carroll is “Tosh” only in the pejorative sense” the report said.

Personally, I think that the media have been a little harsh on Andy Carroll. So far, he has played 1,088 minutes (or twelve full games effectively) in the league for Liverpool, and he has scored four goals. A one-in-three scoring ratio is hardly the return of an outright flop, especially when you consider that he was patently not fit during his first four months with the club at the end of last season.

The Reds’ early season advantage in the league table over the likes of Spurs and Arsenal, who were considered their main rivals for fourth place, has been rapidly eroded.  Much of that is due to the fact that only two of the six matches played at Anfield this season have been won. Some of the criticism in the media is therefore merited, but not to the levels it has reached.

The point earned on Saturday by last season’s Championship play-off winners means that the Reds have now only won three of their last eleven games against newly promoted sides. Hardly a record that will strike fear into Queen’s Park Rangers when they come to Anfield in December. Carroll and Jose Enrique’s old mate Joey Barton and his new side have beaten Chelsea and gave Manchester City a fright at Loftus Road at the weekend.  One doesn’t need one hundred and forty characters to understand that they won’t be overawed.

Make no mistake about it though, the Swans were decent value for a point, and a repeat of the 8-0 defeat they suffered on their previous visit to Anfield in 1990 never looked more than a million-to-one shot.  Michel Vorm, the Swansea goalkeeper, was equal to everything that came his way, and made some wonderful saves. He visited Anfield last season with FC Utrecht in the Europa League, and that also finished 0-0, so he clearly plays well against the Reds.

The Swans’ best chance fell for Mark Gower, who has been more renowned for his creative abilities this season.  Prior to the match he had averaged 3.8 chances created per game, and no player in the top five European leagues can match that.  Swansea boss Brendan Rogers must wonder at all the fuss about Xavi and Iniesta.

Poor finishing in front of goal once again cost Liverpool more dearly than any other aspect of their play.  Whilst this was certainly one of the poorest performances since the weign of Woy, the Reds still managed to have twenty-five shots at goal; that only five of those were on target illustrates best why another two points were dropped at home.

Tree-huggers everywhere grew more agitated, as Liverpool continued their record assault on the woodwork. Carroll hit the bar early on, making it eleven ricochets on the season.  They did eventually find the target, but Dirk Kuyt’s effort was narrowly — but correctly —  ruled offside towards the end of the match.

Liverpool’s fascination with near misses is becoming beyond a joke now. Not only do they lead the Premier League in this dubious category, the much maligned Stewart Downing has found the frame more times himself (three) than some teams. He’s also without an assist, yet if Carroll had converted that early chance on Saturday, then the £20 million man would be off the mark in that regard. If ever a player needed a little luck to kick-start his season…

Whilst it is still early days this term, Liverpool currently have a better points per game average away from home than at Anfield, and that is not a common occurrence. In fact, Liverpool have already earned half as many points on their travels as they managed in the whole of last season, despite only playing five games on the road so far.

When you consider that they have played two promoted sides at home, plus Bolton who are in the bottom three, whilst their trips have included Arsenal and Everton, their lopsided record this season seems even stranger.

Overall, they are now averaging 1.73 points per game. Whilst this would have been enough for fourth place in twelve of the previous sixteen seasons, it’s clear that the bar for fourth has been considerably raised; indeed, the 1.79 points per game that has always meant a minimum of fourth place in years gone by is unlikely to be enough this time around.

After the forthcoming international break, Liverpool have a run of three massive games within ten days: Chelsea away and Manchester City at home in the league, and then another trip to Stamford Bridge for a league cup quarter-final.  In this, they parallel an unexpected rival for a Champions League place, Newcastle, who face the same three sides in the league once play resumes.

Everyone expected that Carroll and Enrique would enjoy far more success than their former comrades after their respective moves.  Amazingly, it hasn’t turned out that way, but their clubs, old and new, may have their seasons defined by their November exploits.  For both, three defeats will have the vultures picking at their carcasses.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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Another international break is upon us.  They seem to be coming fast and furious, this autumn.  Then again, so does Newcastle.  Inexplicably, the Magpies are in third place, ahead of familiar names and expected Champions League contenders Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham.  It’s not a distant third, either; the Geordies are just a single point behind Manchester United.  In the armed forces and the constabulary, on the high seas and anywhere else where radio is still a common form of communication, the call sign for such unexplained phenomenon is Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

What makes the club’s early success so surprising is that their chairman has developed a reputation for doing everything that a team owner can to guarantee that his club sinks into mediocrity.  Discount sportswear magnate Mike Ashley has applied the rules of business to football, much to the derision of all of us who know that running a club is much like owning a yacht; in that they’re both bottomless money pits.  If spending large amounts of cash with no other return than a few moments of pleasure causes you concern, then football isn’t for you.

Chairmen such as Jack Walker and Peter Ridsdale have experienced both the adoration and hatred of their supporters, with the love flowing so long as they lavished money on their respective clubs.  When the well ran dry, however, and they had to tighten their belts, they quickly became pariahs.  Yet, more reviled still are those owners at big clubs who seemingly sit on their money, when it could be used to improve the club.  Supporters would like nothing more than to see the back of such skinflints.

The Red Knights at Manchester United have had little success in dislodging the Glazers because Sir Alex Ferguson has proven adept at developing young talent and keeping the Red Devils in the top two for so long that it seems as though they have never been any lower in the table.  The Kop, however, mounted an impressive guerrilla campaign to force the club’s board to sell against the wishes of the overextended Americans Tom Hicks and George Gillett.

The Toon Army’s war against Ashley has not been nearly so effective, as evident in the fact that while both the Glazers and Hicks & Gillett became very reluctant to show themselves at matches, Ashley proudly dons the Newcastle kit and sits amidst the fans at every game at hallowed St James Park.

Sit there he does, though, rooting on his Magpies, despite the massive outcry from those around him when he attempted to rename the club’s historic ground for marketing purposes; despite the overwhelming condemnation when he failed to hire Alan Shearer as manager, even though everyone else believed that the former captain was the man to bring them immediately back to the top flight; despite the unanimous disgust at his sacking of Chris Hughton after the oft called upon caretaker boss had done the job in Shearer’s stead and more, knocking Chelsea out of the Carling Cup at Stamford Bridge, defeating Arsenal in the league and guiding the Magpies into the top five of the Premier League in the opening months of their return campaign; despite the outrage when he hired personal friend Alan Pardew as Hughton’s replacement shortly after Pardew had been sacked for coaching Southampton to the bottom of the League One table; despite selling hometown hero and Shearer heir apparent Andy Carroll to Liverpool for £35 million and reinvesting little, if any of the profit; despite allowing team morale to sink to the point where captain Kevin Nolan forced a sale to newly relegated West Ham, now managed by one-time Toon boss Sam Allardyce; despite those two champions of free speech and public protest via Twitter, Jose Enrique and Joey Barton, following Nolan out the door, the former sold, again to Liverpool, and the latter permitted to move to QPR on a free transfer; and despite replacing the three departed Britons and single Spaniard with so many French-speaking players that there was a run on Rosetta Stone software in local bookshops.

That’s a lot of spite for any man to endure, yet Ashley has done so.  What’s worse, the combination of Toon’s recent success and the unimpressive performances of those he has discarded in the name of efficiency, workplace harmony and cost consciousness has largely, with the exception of renaming the ground, proven him to be right; one man against tens of thousands, a lone voice in the wilderness.  When you’re talking about a man who sells jogging suits to overweight couch potatoes at a discount, that’s frankly embarrassing.

Yet, here we are.  Newcastle is one of only two unbeaten teams in the Premier League; the other, ironically, being obscenely wealthy Manchester City.  Toon may not have played anyone of consequence other than the then-floundering Gunners, but, unlike the Liverpool side partially staffed by former Magpies Carroll and Enrique, they have taken all the points which one would expect of them.

A former fringe player under Hughton, striker Leon Best, and new arrival Demba Ba, who passed Kevin Nolan on his way out the Upton Park door, have made people forget Carroll, whereas the Geordie giant’s meager haul of goals in a red strip have left the Kop all too mindful of his exorbitant price tag.

Pardew has his squad fully confident and playing amazingly consistent football, while Hughton, again in charge of a freshly demoted side with no money to spend, is finding it difficult to weave his magic a second time.  Birmingham is four points out of the playoff positions and one place away from the bottom half of the table.  Hardly the dominance the former Irish international enjoyed with Newcastle.

The outspoken Barton is leading QPR, who are holding up well in the middle of the Premier League standings, although he personally has felt a backlash after putting the knife to Arsene Wenger and Wolves enforcer Karl Henry in one hundred and forty characters or less.

Most notable of all is the general lack of respect from the public for Alan Shearer as a broadcaster, largely down to his casual approach to research in preparedness for the World Cup in South Africa.  After all, who would want a manager who saw no need to do his homework?

As ludicrous as it seems, all the evidence leads one to the conclusion that a football club can be run both competitively and profitably at the same time.  Of course, after the international break, Newcastle face a run of games against their fellow clubs in the Champions League frame.  The daunting trifecta of matches begins with a tour of Manchester; Saturday the nineteenth at a stadium which is itself a cautionary tale in naming rights, the Etihad Campus, against City, and seven days later at Old Trafford against United.  Finally, Chelsea journey Tyneside on third December, hoping to prey on a bruised, battered and demoralised Toon.

If that is in fact what the Blues discover when they arrive, and they have their way, then the lack of points from the three fixtures may affect the Magpies through the remainder of the season.  On the other hand, if Pardew’s squad can come away with three solid performances and a result or two, there is no telling how high the club will go or whether its supporters will actually come to love their universally despised owner.  After all, when has that ever been the case in Geordieland?

Sir Alex Ferguson. Just the mention of his name conjures up so many memories for any Manchester United fan. There are all the last-gasp winners, the iconic signings, the phenomenal games and the trophies, oh the trophies.

Never before has a manager made a club their own quite like Sir Alex, except maybe the late, great Bill Shankly at Liverpool. Apart from these two majestic Scotsmen, no other manager in history has quite managed to embody the spirit of a club. There may be the argument that Arsene Wenger has managed it at Arsenal but the teams he has built have been so contrasting that you would struggle to compare him to either Fergie or Shankly.

The fact is this: Manchester United is Alex Ferguson and Alex Ferguson is Manchester United.

The  sight of him striding up and down the touchline, chewing on his gum with the intensity and purpose of a mastiff gnawing a bone, and the accounts of his terrible clubhouse tirades and alternative use for cosmetological equipment have made him a living legend.

It almost didn’t happen.  When he came from Aberdeen, replacing Ron Atkinson in mid-campaign, the club finished eleventh.  He led them to second place the following year but then they dropped back to eleventh.  Only the first of a long string of memorable victories, an FA Cup replay defeat of Crystal Palace saved him from the axe.  It wouldn’t be long before the suggestion of sacking Fergie would be greeted with laughter.  United’s dominance in the Premier League years soon made him untouchable.

His fighting spirit is United to a tee. Not once have I ever seen a Manchester United team roll over in my seventeen years of support. Not once. There may have been a couple of shambolic performances down the years, the 6-1 mauling at the hands of City being the latest, but there is also the 0-0 draw against Burton Albion and the 6-3 loss to Southampton. Yet, even when you look back at the embarrassments, you have to say, United always played the United way.

Even better for each of those few humiliations, there have been any number of defining triumphs. Look at the recent 8-2 battering of Arsenal, the recent 6-1 win over those same Gunners, that wonderful penalty shootout win over Chelsea in the Champions League, the 5-3 comeback against Spurs, the 2-1 win in the Nou Camp over Bayern Munich and the 7-1 humbling of Roma. There have been so many that I could write an article just on the subject of United fans’ best memories and I think I’d take a 6-1 defeat if it meant 10 more nights like the one in 1999, or 2008.

That is the testament to Sir Alex Ferguson’s management; every loss is answered by a run of victories and every departing star makes way for a brilliant replacement.

That is, again, a testament to his management. Look at David Beckham. A loyal servant to United since he joined as a schoolboy but when he left for Real Madrid in 2003, United pocketed £25 million. As a replacement they signed a rather precocious teenager for £12 million. That teenager was Cristiano Ronaldo, and what a player he is now. When the Portuguese followed Golden Balls to the Spanish capital, for a tidy £80 million this time, Wayne Rooney stepped to the fore.  When Paul Scholes retired, the manager remained calm while all around him panicked, calling for a major signing, be it Wesley Sneijder, Samir Nasri or Luka Modric.  Instead, Sir Alex gave young Tom Cleverley an opportunity.  Before his unfortunate injury, Cleverley stepped seamlessly into the creative midfield role and led United to that Community Shield fight back over City.  For me, that is Fergie’s greatest attribute – the ability to spot a diamond in the rough.

Chicharito is his most recent, signed for £7 million from Chivas and already an established name on the United team sheet. And there have been so many more on down the years. Nemanja Vidic was plucked from obscurity, so was Patrice Evra along with Peter Schmeichel and Denis Irwin. Of course, that hasn’t stopped the gaffer from making a few mistakes. Kleberson and Eric Djemba-Djemba spring to mind, along with Massimo Taibi and Bebe (who Fergie admitted to signing sight unseen) but the old prospector has yielded far more nuggets than dirt in his time.

In fact, so many great players have passed through Old Trafford in my lifetime, that it’s difficult to name the greatest match the club has played under Ferguson.  After thinking on it, my choice may surprise a number of people, as it is not a final, nor a deciding game in the title race. Instead it’s the 1-0 win over Barcelona at Old Trafford in 2008.

Part of the magic of that victory was that it was one of those rare matches where United were not expected to win.  They’d held Barcelona at the Nou Camp with Ronaldo missing a penalty, but the Catalans had looked stronger, more decisive. The rematch at Old Trafford will forever be etched into my memory and that of thousands of other United fans.

It wasn’t just that we won, it was the way it was accomplished. A screamer from Paul Scholes in the early stages was coupled with the most outstanding defensive display I have ever seen. Barcelona threw everything at United — absolutely everything — and the defence was magnificent. Owen Hargreaves played at right back, with Wes Brown and Rio Ferdinand the centre back partnership and it was Patrice Evra at left back. Looking at that defensive line up, you’d struggle to believe they kept a clean sheet against the likes of Messi and Henry but they did it through sheer force of will. They believed they were going to get through the game unscathed, they believed they were going to make it into the Champions League final.

And who is that down to?  Sir Alex Ferguson of course. Very few manager can claim to have tactically outclassed a Barcelona side in the past ten years. Sir Alex did, although Barça would exact their revenge.

Not many managers can claim to have won two European Cups, either. Or to have lost another two.  Not many managers can claim to have built not one, not two, but nigh on five title winning sides, to have averaged at least one major trophy per year over a quarter of a century or to have defied the BBC and the FA for seven years and remain employed.  Sir Alex Ferguson can.

Whenever a new power has risen to threaten United’s supremacy, be it Gerrard Houllier and Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool sides, Arsenal’s Invincibles or Roman Abramovich’s Chelsea, Fergie has always bounced back, defying belief, with a new stronger squad.  For those who think city’s ascendance will finally put him on the sidelines, they’d best think again.  They’ve only given him a reason to stick around.  Sir Alex loves nothing more than a challenge.

And that is why it’s going to be so hard to replace him. Names like Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola always pop up when the discussion is revisited.  While either of that duo would be wonderful, when the Scot finally abdicates his throne, United fans had best be prepared for a difficult time.  There is simply no one on the planet who can walk in and immediately top twenty-five years of glory.

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Collectively, Liverpool supporters are well known for their pride in the club’s history and traditions.  Rivals might call it living in the past, but many wish they had as rich and vibrant a backdrop for their club.  Yet, while clubs love to parade the names of former greats, most also have skeletons in their closet.

In the not too distant past, Doncaster Rovers signed the loathsome El-Hadji Diouf, who, when he wasn’t spitting at opposition players and fans, was busy becoming the only number nine in the club’s history not to register a league goal across a whole season.  On the management side, Merseysiders need only rewind twelve months to find the most widely hated of Liverpool managers, one Roy Hodgson.  Not only was Woy weviled for his cautious (the more fervent among his detractors might say cowardly) approach to matches, but when he was finally shown the door, he returned and promptly took three points from his former club, as the new man at West Brom.  On Saturday evening, the man with the extremely stroke-able chin sat in the home dugout, with visiting Liverpool seeking to put their pursuit of Champions League qualification back on track following a disappointing home draw with Norwich City.

Whilst revenge might not be the most accurate term to use, the fans were certainly looking for Dalglish to put one over on Hodgson after the Baggies manager had said, last year, that he considered the King less suited for the role of Liverpool manager than himself.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I suppose, even if it is wrong.  It was hugely interesting, therefore, to see both teams line up in a 4-4-2, with Woy’s team playing as reluctantly (poorly for you fanatics) as his Reds had  a year ago.  Meanwhile, Kenny’s current breed of Kop idols proved that an ‘outdated’ formation can be hugely effective if properly deployed.

As usual, it was Luis Suarez making the headlines for the wrong reasons. Yet, believe-it-or-not, on this occasion he was not to blame.  A challenge in the box sent the Uruguayan to the ground, causing any Sir Alex Ferguson acolytes in the viewing public to mutter, “Typical Suarez, diving to win a penalty.”

This instance was a little different to the usual theatrics, however.  Rather than beseech the official with eyes agog and arms outstretched, little Luis simply got back to his feet and tried to rejoin play. Before he could get involved though, the linesman flagged for a penalty which referee Lee Mason duly bestowed on the Reds.

Hodgson, naturally, was not happy with the award of the penalty.

“It was a situation where our defender is entitled to screen the ball to clear it and should have been allowed to do so. I don’t think the referee will be in too many doubts, or the linesman, what most of the people watching the game thought of the decision.”

I’m not sure about ‘most people’, but the travelling Kop were clearly delighted, especially when Charlie Adam coolly slotted home to give the Reds the lead.

Suárez was then involved in the second goal, a swift, flowing counter-attack which was finished by Andy Carroll in first-half injury time. It’s still early days for Liverpool’s Mutt and Jeff strike duo, but there are certainly indications of a fledgling understanding between the two hitmen.

Although the Baggies still had the second half to make a game of it, that, in truth, never looked likely. The Reds picked up their third clean sheet of the season, despite having yet to register even one at Anfield.  They also continued this season’s unbeaten run when scoring first, a trend which they have exploited in eight of their ten games so far.  Much of the credit for that success may be down to the side also extending its lead in the fewest shots on target conceded (3.5 per game) category.

Pepe Reina, who was captain for the night in the absence of Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher, was, for the most part able to merely supervise, rarely needing to adopt a hands-on approach.

It was also a good night for Daniel Agger, and one where he may have had a point to prove.  Despite being widely recognized as the only centre-back on the Anfield books who can defend, dribble effectively out of his own end and distribute the ball with some imagination, the Dane was nearly forced out of the Liverpool exit door by Roy Hodgson.

Luckily for the Reds’ fans he outlasted the former manager and, on Saturday, showed Hodgson just how wrong he was with a superb effort.  With Martin Skrtel too often paired with Carra, the double dose of hoof-and-hope were aimed at Carroll far too often.  Agger’s ability to supply subtle, cultured passing options is certainly more suited to complement the skills of Luis Suárez.  Having options is always good.

Revenge is all well and good for the fans and players, but more important to management is that Liverpool is again dead on course to finish the season with the targeted 68 points which would normally put them in the mix for fourth place. Unfortunately, while that number has been sufficient to yield Champions League football in the recent past, the current form of Tottenham, Arsenal and, surprisingly, Newcastle suggests that a higher figure may be required in this campaign.

The victory at the Hawthorns lifts Liverpool ten points ahead of last season’s pace, but the upcoming quintet of fixtures were all 2010-11 victories for the club.  In short, the best they can do over the next stretch is tread water.  With Chelsea and Manchester City lying in wait, just beyond this week’s match with Swansea, weathering the tide will be challenging indeed, no matter your opinion of Kenny Dalglish’s talents.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

Is Michel Platini fighting a losing battle or is 2011-12 merely the final, frantic, spasming death throe of the way it’s always been done?  After a cautious 2010-11, when spending was tempered by the reality of a global recession and the perceived threat of Financial Fair Play, 2011-12 has erupted into the Year of Money, making one wonder just how seriously the big clubs are taking UEFA’s attack on excessive spending.

Look at the defending champions in Ligue 1, the Bundesliga, Serie A and even the Premier League.  Lille and Borussia Dortmund each won their competitions with young, mostly homegrown squads.  Both sides emerged from a condensed pack in the second half of the season, taking control of their leagues while the traditional powers, such as Bayern, Bremen, Leverkusen, Marseille and Lyon, struggled to come to grips with the fact that age and experience were no longer sufficient to overcome youth and speed.

It was the same elsewhere.  AC Milan traveled a more beaten path, acquiring thoroughbreds Robinho, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Antonio Cassano, albeit at cut-rate prices, as the Rossoneri also emerged from a jumbled pack in the winter months to claim their first Scudetto in seven years.  In England, Manchester United belied their status as the most valuable sporting club in the world, weathering Chelsea’s early dominance, Arsenal’s enthusiasm and City’s persistence and pacing themselves to their record nineteenth championship, without any noticeable spending.

Barcelona was the only champion who won by spending big, bringing in David Villa and Javier Mascherano in a bid to stay ahead of Real Madrid, now led by their Champions League nemesis, Jose Mourinho.

This season, the shoe is on the other foot.  The Achilles heel of Arsenal’s youth policy — that loyalty to club is trumped by big money offers — was cruel exposed this summer, with both Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri jumping ship.  The same has occurred at Lille and Dortmund, with players such as Yohan Cabaye, Gervinho and André Schürrle lured away by clubs willing to pay more than the title holders can afford to keep their talent.   Milan, who made only small changes in the summer, are chasing a completely revamped Juventus.  United, who spent big but focused on youth, were blown out of the water by their ‘noisy neighbours’, who again lavished tens of millions on big name stars while casting away last year’s investments like outdated fashions.

A week after their 6-1 thrashing of United at Old Trafford, which put them five points and twelve goals clear at the top of the Premier League, City widened the gap by beating Wolves 3-1 while United held off Everton 1-0.   All that oil money is beginning to pay off.

In Paris, another Qatari contingent has invested millions in that city’s lone major club, signing Palermo’s Javier Pastore out from under the noses of Chelsea and complementing his talents with those of Kevin Gameiro, Jeremy Menez and a host of others.  After a short but bumpy bedding in, during which nearly everyone other than new Sporting Director Leonardo was ready to panic, PSG are now three points ahead of Montpellier in first place.

Bayern, whose reputation as big spenders may colour perceptions somewhat, largely stood pat in the off-season.  Their one major purchase was secured before the window opened, agreeing to terms with Schalke for the services of German number one Manuel Neuer, after a heated negotiation.  Still, the line-up which is now leaving the rest of the Bundesliga behind is comprised of highly sought after and dearly bought talent.  The key differences are that Franck Ribery is finally in the full bloom of health and form, and that new old coach Jupp Heynckes has placed complete trust in Mario Gomez, whereas had his predecessor Louis van Gaal had his druthers, the twelve goal man would have been offloaded two summers ago.

Ironically, the lone exception of money talking and bullshit walking this year in the major competitions is Barcelona.  Despite finally prying Cesc Fabregas from the Gunners and paying through the nose for the now injured Alexis Sánchez, the Catalans are chasing Real Madrid, who turned down opportunities to purchase Neymar and Emmanuel Adebayor.  To be fair, the Castilians did match Barça euro for euro during their summer shopper spree, but other than Fabio Coentrao, most of Madrid’s investment has been earmarked for the future, while Cesc and Sánchez were very much intended to be plug and play.  In that light, Real’s early lead seems an example of doing more with less.  Of course, as the former American wrestler Nature Boy Rick Flair was fond of saying, “To be the man, you have to beat the man.”  So, one can’t put too much weight on the Meringues’ early lead until they meet  the Blaugrana in the opening leg of this season’s Clasico in December.   When the season ends, it won’t be a shock if Barcelona’s €55 million outlay brings them yet another championship.

The lure of the big buck works both ways, however.  United Arab Emirates club Al Ain forced a loan from Premier League side Sunderland by turning the head of Ghanaian World Cup hero Asamoah Gyan with the promise of outlandish wages and let’s not even get into what Russian Premier League minnows Anzhi Makhachkala paid to sign Samuel Eto’o.  So, it’s not just the top sides who flash the cash.

In any event, it does not appear that clubs are taking UEFA’s proposals seriously.  All told, UEFA clubs paid out over half a billion euros for players in the summer.  That’s a mind-boggling figure, even if top sides weren’t facing the prospect of losing their license to play in the Champions or Europa Leagues should they fail to balance the books.  That they are makes their lack of restraint even more puzzling.

On the other hand, the top clubs’ continued dissatisfaction with international scheduling and compensation for injured players has led European Club Association chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge to suggest that the organisation’s contract with UEFA, which obligates major clubs to compete in the Champions and Europa Leagues and to allow their stars to compete when summoned by their national teams, should not be renewed when it expires in 2014.

If that occurs, ECA members could break away from their national federations and form an elite European league, possibly patterned after the American franchise system, which does not employ promotion and relegation.  While the concept may seem completely alien and even impossible to the average European fan, it has been so profitable that the Forbes list of the fifty most valuable sports teams is dominated by American franchises.  Most notably, all thirty-two NFL clubs are on the list, although they are joined by six baseball and two basketball squads.  F1 teams Ferrari and McLaren also make the cut, leaving just eight places (less than twenty percent) to be split between the Premier League, Serie A, La Liga and Bundesliga, UEFA’s so-called Big Four.  ECA big wigs can’t be happy with those numbers.

Further research into dealings across the pond reveals that baseball and basketball both support lower league programs which the universally profitable NFL has chosen to abandon.

An ECA break from UEFA, in order to follow gridiron’s ‘look out for number one’ example, would naturally have a drastic effect on the footballing landscape.  An elite competition without promotion and relegation would likely consign lower divisions and non league football to the rubbish heap.  Big clubs with the power to deny national federations access to their best players would also threaten the existence of the Euros, Copa Libertadores, African Cup of Nations and, of course, the World Cup.  Yet, with the amazing success of the NFL, can ECA chairmen be blamed for wanting to be rid of the ‘dead weight’ of the lower leagues in exchange for a much bigger slice of the pie?

Michel Platini doesn’t believe that the threats of the ECA are anything more than posturing. He points out that big clubs are just as much to blame for the crowded fixture list when they schedule extended summer tours to the far corners of the globe, regardless of the fact that these lucrative junkets help to promote UEFA as a whole.  But when he asks why the ECA doesn’t consider smaller clubs when lobbying for independent television rights, he loses his audience.  The big clubs know that they can make more money if they don’t have to prop up the lower tiers.  Threatening to “throw them out” before they leave of their own accord, as Platini did in July, may not be the best position to take.

Abandoning the century and a half old club system may seem inconceivable to UEFA, but both sides have been pushing hard to rake in every available penny and pound, filling the fixture list with competitions, friendlies and tours to the point of bursting, with neither group satisfied with their share of the spoils.  Platini needs to pay more heed to the clubs’ argument that it is they who invest the money in players, assuming the greater financial risk.

Should he not, the question bears asking again.  Is Financial Fair Play necessary and just legislation which will corral irresponsible spending and preserve the UEFA club system or a draconian measure that will drive the big clubs right off the reservation?

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“I do believe that you can access truths about the game by speaking to Arsène Wenger, if he feels like telling you. I don’t believe you can access them by speaking to Wayne Rooney.”

So says Simon Kuper, in the introduction to his new book, entitled – deep breath – ‘Soccer Men: Profiles of the Rogues, Geniuses, and Neurotics Who Dominate the World’s Most Popular Sport’, which features profiles and interviews with a variety of the game’s greats, both past and present.

The above quote is the key theme of the book; players have very little, if anything, of interest to say.

“Twitter demonstrates the problem,” Kuper told me in an interview to promote the book.

“Players are constantly getting into trouble for things they have tweeted. In many countries, players have less freedom of speech now than they would have had in the Soviet Union. Players learn over time to say nothing.”

Indeed, there’s an amusing line in the profile of Freddy Adu (the only American player featured in the book) where Kuper states that the fourteen year old ‘spoke with more articulacy than I have heard from any adult England player’. But why are the English superstars so tongue-tied?

“I think it’s partly because they get teased by their peers if they sound too clever-clever or too middle-class. Their goal when speaking in interviews is to say nothing, because any interesting thoughts are liable to get them into trouble, and so inarticulacy becomes a sort of self-defence”.

The book is inspired by ‘The Football Man’, a 1968 book by Arthur Hopcraft, which Kuper admitted is “a little bit dated now”. But he felt the idea behind that book is still valid: “Portraying a series of individuals and thinking about what they have in common”.

It’s interesting then to see that the people in this book don’t actually have all that much in common. Besides being good at football and very career orientated (“In the end almost everyone in football is out for themselves” Kuper told me), there isn’t all that much that binds them based on the information that is presented here.

A chapter on a boasting Edgar Davids is followed directly by one about a shy Rivaldo; the likes of Jari Litamen and Thierry Henry are shown as being football obsessed, whilst it barely seems to register with Johnny Rep and Bernd Holzenbein (in a joint chapter) that they played in the World Cup final at all. The World Cup final!

The literary pretensions of the players themselves are entertainingly mocked in a chapter that looks at the autobiographies of England’s ‘golden generation’. Kuper confessed that no-one had ever asked him to write one, and I suspect few players will be asking him in future, if they have read this section of the book at least.

“I’d vaguely thought I’d be interested in doing it for Dennis Bergkamp but that won’t ever happen” Kuper revealed, and I wonder if, as the author of Soccernomics, he feels a connection with the Dutch legend who (as the book reveals) was teased as the dressing-room geek at Inter Milan.

Aside from looking at the players themselves, the book also covers the football cultures of different countries, which proves interesting. For example, we learn about the Argentine concept of the pibe, and that Dutch children often follow players rather than teams.

“If you grew up in Holland, you were taught an extreme interest in the actual game itself and in its tactics. So you learned to appreciate, for example, Bergkamp or Van Basten no matter which club they played for”. As an English fan of football, with all of its tribal rivalries and hostilities, this certainly seems an alien concept to me.

As the profiles date from 1997 to the present, it’s interesting to see which predictions Kuper made in his original articles came to fruition and which did not. I won’t spoil it here, but the author is honest enough to admit when he was off the mark.

It’s not just players in Kuper’s sights though; there are profiles of managers and ‘some other soccer men’ (as Part III of the book is titled).

Amongst these, there’s an interesting comparison between Glenn Hoddle and Tony Blair, from when one was England manager and the other the Prime Minister (the two most difficult jobs in the UK according to most of the natives). But who is soccer’s Barack Obama?

“Lilian Thuram is a very politically engaged man. They have something of the same aura: tall cerebral men who exude a great calm”. There you have it; look out Nicolas Sarkozy!

There’s also a fascinating portrait of Billy Beane, star of the book (and now film) ‘Moneyball’ who, it is revealed, is a soccer obsessive. With his analytical mind, I wonder if Beane could cross the divide and become a success in soccer. Kuper thinks so:

“I suspect it’s going to happen one day, that he’s going to make the leap to soccer, just because he has such passion for it and spends so much time thinking about it. Not soon, but one day”.

Whilst I very much enjoyed the book, as a fan who struggles to get tickets to see his own favoured team play, it does sometimes seem that Kuper is complaining a little too much about a life spent trying to interview players whilst going to every game imaginable, including the World Cup final itself in 2010. Want to swap places Simon?

But that’s a minor gripe. The book is very readable, obviously well written and researched, and you learn some incredible and occasionally startling facts about the stars of the game.

If nothing else, the book is worth reading to find out which World Cup winner showed his testicles to Luis Chilavert. You’re wondering now, aren’t you?

Soccer Men is available online at Amazon.com, BN.com (Barnes & Noble Booksellers) and in a book store near you.

Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

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Kenny Dalglish appears to be a man on a mission, but his target is not what many might expect.  The Scot seems very keen to win this season’s Carling Cup, despite the tournament being the least appealing of the three major competitions for which top clubs vie.  After all, relegated Birmingham is the defending champion, albeit after a surprising upset, which in hindsight, may have heralded the sudden downturn in Arsenal’s fortunes.  Has Kenny adopted a philosophy of baby steps for Liverpool’s recovery or is there more to his thinking?

The main target for this season should be and is Champions League qualification. In order to be in a position to spend more on players, and to be able to bring in the top international superstars (Luis Suárez aside), the Reds need to be back in the top flight of European football.  The Premier League isn’t horseshoes, however.  Almost doesn’t fill the trophy cabinet.  Just ask Arsene Wenger, who endlessly defends his trophy-less spell by pointing to the Gunners’ continual involvement in the Champions League as an adequate replacement.

Financially, it is, of course.  On the other hand, it’s completely useless when it comes to placating large portions of a grumbling fan base.

Not that I can have too much of a dig at Arsenal; Liverpool are only one year better off in the ‘What have you done for us lately’ sweepstakes, and, after last season, can’t mimic le Voyeur and tout an unbroken run of Champions league campaigns. The Anfield trophy case has been collecting nothing but dust since that wonderful day in 2006 when Steven Gerrard (almost single-handedly) won the FA Cup.

If King Kenny can bring home the League Cup, then the three hundred pound gorilla sitting directly behind the players box would have to purchase his season ticket at another ground. I also think it would be a psychological boost to the squad, as very few of them have actually won anything with Liverpool, or, in some cases, in their entire career.

The famous treble season of 2001 was founded on a win over Birmingham City in the League Cup. Perhaps ironically (touch wood), that was the club’s first trophy in six years. The February triumph was not only a springboard to further hardware, it put them on the path to their first European Cup experience in the Champions League era.  Would they have had the confidence and belief to emerge triumphant from the spring’s punishing schedule without already having that first trophy secured?  The answer to that question brings us full circle to the Gunners utter collapse after the loss to Birmingham, last season. On its own merits the League Cup might not be the greatest trophy, but it seems clear to me that it can be a stepping-stone to greater things.

I’d be amazed if one other, more personal, factor hasn’t crossed Dalglish’s mind. In all of Liverpool’s great runs over the past half century, no manager of theirs, including Bill Shankly or Bob Paisley has ever won all three domestic trophies. With a Carling Cup victory, Kenny would be the first to complete the trifecta.

He’s been to the final as manager before in 1987, but lost out to — yes, that’s right — Arsenal. As I haven’t thrown a stat in yet this week, I’ll point out that the 1987 League Cup final was the first match Liverpool lost where Ian Rush scored; that after he’d been at the club for six years and scored one hundred and forty-four goals.

Another itch that needs scratching is the fact that Liverpool have yet to play at the new Wembley. The original stadium was renamed Anfield South by the Kopites in the 1970s and 80s due to their almost annual visits, yet they’ve not yet had the chance to compare the new stadium’s arch to the famous twin towers.  It’s sufficiently embarrassing that the cities of Stoke, Birmingham and Cardiff have contested finals there, but the fact that Everton has trod the same turf as Barcelona and Manchester United in a final, but Liverpool has not, makes one’s cheeks a deeper crimson than the shirt so proudly worn.

If you want an omen that this might be Liverpool’s year, take not of their next opponents, Stoke City. The Reds won 8-0 at the Britannia Stadium en route to the final in 2001, thanks in no small part to a Robbie Fowler hat-trick.

To be fair, the League Two side that Liverpool brushed aside eleven years ago bears no resemblance to the Europa League competitors currently on their heels in the Premier League table, but football fans are a superstitious lot, and some will certainly consider it a sign should Liverpool prevail in the next round.

At the same time, it’s not all positive from the fans.  Most Kopites wouldn’t have Luis Suárez anywhere near the team for League Cup games against lower league opposition, yet he has featured in both of the games so far, away at Exeter City and Brighton and Hove Albion. Kenny has gotten away with indulging Suarez’ competitive spirit so far, but if the Uruguayan picked up an injury with the likes of Craig Bellamy available for such matches, the Scot may suddenly find good will a rare commodity.

That said, Liverpool could win both of the domestic cups in less matches than it takes to win either the Champions League or Europa League. Able to rest most mid-weeks, rather than play a match every third day, Dalglish probably can afford to play a few more of the top players in preliminary cup matches.  If Dalglish continues to utilise his top players, rotating in returning stars such as Steven Gerrard, it certainly offers someone other than the janitor, feather duster in hand, an opportunity to unlock the trophy cabinet.

First, however, there’s the minor detail of Manchester United’s league visit on Saturday, with Wayne Rooney surely looking to take his England frustrations out on the residents of Anfield.  A Liverpool win in that match — “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…” — will put some cracks in the Red Devils’ armour, significantly narrow the gap at the top of the table, and perhaps have the squad thinking of grander prizes than the League Cup.

What else is their to do during an international break but dream?

Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

The Monday Morning Drip grinds up the footy fare from the weekend into a blend of the choicest bits from leagues all over the world.  It’s also a weekly opportunity to appeal to footy bloggers out there, who are looking for a new forum in which to display their wares.  So, if you enjoy blogging, want to reach new readers and are available to cover your favourite league or team, then just click Write For WFC!  

Meanwhile, open your laptop wide and say Ahhh.

Here’s this week’s Drip…

It’s amazing how much can change in a week.  Seven days ago, Manchester United and City were running away from the rest of the Premier League — from the world, to hear some talk — with no one to challenge them.  Two clubs from either side of the Alps changed that thinking during the week.  Bayern Munich put City in their place –as upstarts — with a 2-0 win at the Allianz Arena, which once again threw the lid off the contentious atmosphere in the City clubhouse.  Meanwhile Swiss side FC Basle nearly upended United at Old Trafford, with Ashley Young’s late effort rescuing a point for the English champions.  It took a bit of time for the two clubs to shake off the effects of those poor outings, both leaving it late to polish off their respective opponents, Norwich and Blackburn.

Yet, Sunday brought more disturbing news for the Mancunians, as Chelsea finally put in a complete performance, knocking off woeful Bolton, 5-1, at the Reebok.  It mattered not that the newly in-form Fernando Torres was suspended, as Frank Lampard proved that he is not nearly ready for the scrap heap, notching a hat trick.  Young Daniel Sturridge also quieted any worries that Torres might slip back into the doldrums after his ban ends, by supplying a brace himself.  After a moment of initial joy upon scoring his first, Sturridge also quieted his celebration, respectful of his recent spell with the Trotters.

There’s been a great deal of talk regarding the tenuous job security of the Steves, Bruce and Kean, at Sunderland and Blackburn, but the Wanderers’ brain trust must be considering their options, too.  While his side has faced all the big guns in the first two months of the season, with points unsurprisingly difficult to come by, the club has capitulated far too easily in recent games.  Owen Coyle‘s open attacking style is pleasing to the eye and has high paid dividends on low investment, but with confidence at an all-time low, it may be time for the club to get down and dirty to rediscover their swagger.  The question is whether the Scot is prepared to do that.

Speaking of job security, the knives may be out again for Arsene Wenger, after the Gunners went down to defeat in the North London Derby against Spurs at White Hart Lane.  Yet, this was a match which promised to be a tough test, even in the best of circumstances.  These two played to a 6-5 aggregate in their league tie last season, when Arsenal were still in the title picture.  Given the vast amount of changes and key personnel missing on Sunday, a 2-1 setback was neither an unexpected nor unacceptable result for the Gunners.

Another runaway race tightened up in Germany, this weekend.  Bayern’s joy at handling the Manchester City Billionaire’s Club with such aplomb was tempered when they were held to a goalless draw by Hoffenheim.  However, the second and third place sides, Werder Bremen and Borussia Mönchengladbach failed to take advantage, both taking it on the chin.

The flat performances from the top clubs allowed two dangerous sides to make up ground.  Bayer Leverkusen, after two rough outings, bounced back to dump Wolfsburg 3-1.  The win kept them level on thirteen points with Hoffenheim, Stuttgart and Borussia Dortmund.

BvB romped to a 4-0 victory over still winless Augsburg, thanks to a Robert Lewandowski three-bagger.  Mario Götze added the fourth and Jürgen Klopp’s defending champions are back in the Bundesliga frame, six points off hitherto rampant Bayern’s pace but holding down a European spot on goal difference.

Like the Mancunians, Jupp Heyncke’s Bavarians may be about to learn that nothing is ever easy.

Ajax?  Nope.  PSV, Twente or Feyenoord?  Pffft!  Suddenly the dominant side in Dutch football is AZ Alkmaar, back from the brink of financial ruin to wreak havoc on the big boys.  Their 3-1 victory over VVV Venlo was powered by goals from Robert ‘Dutch’ Elm, Adam Maher and Simon Poulsen.  

Meanwhile, Theo Janssen, Kolbein Sigthorsson and Siem de Jong were powerless to stop FC Groningen from claiming a 1-0 victory over the Eredivisie champions.  Feyenoord were handed a worse defeat, 3-0 at De Kuip against ADO Den Haag.  The Verhoeks, Wesley and John, as well as Tjaronn Chery, did the damage.  Darren Maatsen popped in a deuce for doormats Excelsior, leaving Luuk de Jong to steal a point for FC Twente in added time.  Only PSV Eindhoven matched AZ’s success; a 2-0 triumph over NEC Nijmegen at the Philips Stadion rocketing them into second place.

Frank de Boer’s struggling side, now in fourth, will have the first crack at breaking into AZ’s four point lead, when the two face off next Saturday at the Amsterdam ArenA.

If you thought Paris in springtime was pleasant, autumn is suddenly not too shabby, either.  Forget fashion, Roland Garros, and the Tour.  All one needs is a little Arab oil money and a few Serie A stars looking for new frontiers.  Thanks to Paris Saint-Germain, football is suddenly the trend across the City of Light.

For most of the first decade of the new millenium, Lyon was the standard-bearer in Ligue 1, but on Sunday, Les Parisiens reminded Les Gones who was from France’s first city and who from the second, cruising to a 2-0 win at the Parc des Princes.  Javier Pastore continued to return dividends on the Qatari Investment Authority’s €43 million roll of the dice, by scoring the opener just after the hour.  Then, Christophe Jallet killed off the match in added time, after coming on for Kevin Gameiro in the eighty-sixth minute.  PSG is now top of the table, with a three-point cushion on the three nearest clubs.

Montpellier‘s 2-2 Saturday draw at Bordeaux moved them ahead of Lyon and Toulouse, who lost badly at Sochaux, on goal difference.  Elsewhere, champions Lille continued to climb back into the race with a 2-0 victory over Stade Rennes at the Metropole, while Marseille slipped, held to a 1-1 draw in the Velodrome by Brest.

It’s not quite business as usual, yet, in La Liga.  Sure, Real Madrid are rolling again, after a 4-0 dismantling of Barcelona side Espanyol.  Not quite the real deal, but satisfying nonetheless, with Gonzalo Higuain picking up a hat trick on the road.  On the other hand, the real deal had their hands full with the club on the bottom rung of the ladder.  To be fair, Barcelona didn’t field their strongest eleven but were forced to rely upon Adriano’s twelfth minute goal, as host Sporting Gijon stubbornly held on to the match, hoping to find some chink in the champions armour.

However, the table still looks a little wonky, with Levante unbeaten in second place, possibly proving that self-hypnosis is effective, as they’ve apparently convinced themselves that they really are wearing Barcelona kits.  Malaga, the third tine in the Qatari trident which also includes PSG and Man City, is also changing the status quo, sitting in fourth, while the third unbeaten side in the La Primera Liga, Sevilla, lay sixth.

Give it time; it will all sort itself out.

The early campaign is as plain as black and white in Serie A.  The Bianconeri, not just Juventus, but Udinese, as well, top the table.  The Old Lady has scored two more goals but the Friuli have been exceptionally stingy, conceding just once in their opening five matches.  When you play that well defensively, it’s turns out to be Barcelona who miss Alexis Sánchez more.  Antonio di Natale seems unconcerned about who provides his service, having notched his fourth league goal and fifth in all competitions in a 2-0 victory over Bologna.  Likewise, Andrea Pirlo didn’t fret over putting the sword to his old side, Milan, forcing a big save out of Christian Abbiati as Juventus took a similar 2-0 decision, thanks to a Claudio Marchisio brace in the dying moments.

Despite the best efforts of Dagestan, the Russian Premier League has settled into its usual pattern:  the big city clubs at the top and the outlying sides chasing for scraps.  Prior to Anzhi Makhachkala‘s outrageous deal with Inter to acquire the services of Samuel Eto’o, the club was a cohesive unit capable of defeating anyone on any given day.  Since agreeing to pay the Cameroonian €350,000/week, the squad has come to rely almost exclusively upon him for goals.  He has produced regularly but it has become a case of as Samuel goes, so go Anzhi.  Of course, that’s a natural reaction when someone is paid such a disproportionate salary in comparison with his peers.

Regardless, Anzhi are well off the pace, twelve points behind Zenit St. Petersburg and five away from a European qualification, with CSKA, Dinamo, Lokomotiv and Spartak Moscow each claiming one of the remaining money slots.  For the big-spending outsiders, the balance sheet is beginning to turn an alarming shade of red.

After both Gamba Osaka and Kashiwa Reysol went down to defeat last week, the pair still managed to open a four and three-point gap, respectively, on the rest of the field, in the closing weeks of the J-League campaign — with a little help from lower standing sides.

Albirex Niigata moved away from the danger zone with a desperate performance, defeating fourth place Yokohama F Marinos 4-2.  Meanwhile, Shimizu S-Pulse consolidated their mid-table position by doubling up on third ranked Nagoya Grampus Eight, 2-1.

Neither Gamba nor Kashiwa were very stylish in returning to winning ways, grinding out 1-0 results against Urawa Diamonds and Kashima Antlers.  Kashiwa held on despite going down to ten men just before the break, when Park Dung-Hyuk was sent off for a second bookable offence shortly after Masatao Kudo had earned — shall we say plaudits? — for his game-winner on the half-hour.

What is wrong with Real Salt Lake?  The 2009 MLS Cup winners have dropped their last three in the midst of the stretch run; a period wherein they have become known for raising their game a notch.  The third defeat came at the hands of runaway league leaders LA Galaxy, with David Beckham – who has pointedly not cultivated that same reputation during his MLS tenure — playing a part in both goals.

After falling behind to Fab Espindola’s first half strike, the Galaxy rallied in front of the home crowd in the second frame.  Golden Balls fed Chad Barrett in the box as the hour mark approached, to level terms; a result visiting RSL would have been happy to accept and which they deserved until defender Nat Borchers knocked an errant ball into his own goal, from a Beckham set-piece on seventy-two minutes.

The former England captain then turned on the charm, noting that he “honestly enjoys the assists more than scoring.”  Aw, shucks.

On the other coast, or near enough, NY Red Bull continued to straddle the fence, settling for their sixteenth draw in thirty-one matches.  Thierry Henry salvaged the point with two minutes on the clock at Toronto FC’s BMO field, scoring his thirteenth goal of the season.  With three games remaining, Red Bull are clinging to the final play-off spot on goal-difference over expansion side Portland Timbers and two points over DC United, who are being led by erstwhile Red Bull Dwayne De Rosario‘s league leading fourteen goals.

No, a revival of Cats isn’t playing South of the Border.  But Pumas, Jaguares and Tigres are, in fact, topping the table two-thirds of the way through the Apertura mini-season.  All three are clawing to stay near the top, as well.

Pumas 1-0 victory over struggling América, on Saturday, lifted them top thanks to Jaguares Friday night 1-1 draw with Atlas, and Sunday’s like result against Tijuana’s Aztec Dogs for Tigres, the three opponents being the bottom squads in the top flight.  The tight competition in the Primera Division is further exemplified by the crowded play-off picture, with the clubs from third to thirteenth all within a single result of falling below or climbing above the cut line between the eighth and ninth rungs on the ladder.

In the battle of the week, in Brazil, Vasco de Gama clung desperately to first place as visiting Corinthians attempted to reclaim the top spot which they had held for most of the early doors in the National Championship.  Strangely, both Vasco goals came from defenders, with Dede’s header opening the scoring on the quarter-hour and Fagner’s first-half added time strike restoring the lead that Alex had cancelled out.  Danilo’s noggin-shot on sixty-six minutes split the points and kept the Paulistas two points adrift of the Rio giants.

On Saturday, Neymar‘s goal on the half-hour was wasted as Santos allowed Marcio Rosario to head home in added time for ten-man Fluminense.  The Copa Libertadores champions continue to struggle to get into the domestic race.

Boca Juniors consolidated their position at the top of the Primera Division de Argentina Apertura table with a 1-0 victory over surprising Tigre.  The fifth placed side might have split the points at La Bombonera had it not been for Diego Castaño’s own goal fourteen minutes into the match.  It was a hard-fought affair, with the official handing out eight cautions, split evenly between the sides.

Newly promoted Atletico Rafaella continued to lead the chasing pack, thanks to a 2-1 victory over Lanús.  Fabricio Fontanini and Federico Gonzalez scored less than five minutes apart, early in the second half, to overturn Mario Regueiro’s first half goal.  Regueiro was sent off shortly after Fontanini had leveled, and when Gonzalez put Rafaella in front, El Granate imploded, going down to nine men when Carlos Izquierdos was issued a second yellow.

The result will keep Juan Roman Riquelme and company on their toes, despite their comfortable margin, but Boca seem intent on making up some ground in the championship category, while rivals River languish in the second tier.

See you next Monday! 

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Stoke are not an easy team to beat when defending the Britannica, yet in their six previous Premier League matches against Manchester United, both home and away, they had failed to garner a single point.  That finally changed on Saturday.  With the rest of the day’s matches following form, much to the bookies’ pleasure, the outcome is that United have come back to Earth, somewhat.

Despite their perfect record against Stoke and to date in 2010-11, United had to know that a painstaking effort would be required to once again put down the Potters.   With arguably their most physical player, Wayne Rooney, nursing an injury, it would only be more difficult.  Then Jonny Evans came up lame in the warmup, forcing Antonio Valencia to slot in at right back against a side which lives off wide play and crosses into the box.   Worse, Javier Hernandez suffered another knock, when clipped from behind by Jonathan Woodgate, he clattered into Stoke keeper Asimir Begovic.  Despite the forward laying crumpled in the box, the incident was deemed as no harm, no foul.   The Mexican, after failing to walk off the pain, was forced to leave for Michael Owen after just eleven minutes.

Still, it was United who struck first, through Nani.  The Portuguese, teaming with Darren Fletcher, worked his way through the box and drilled a shot past Begovic, just prior to the half-hour.  Thus, with Rooney in Manchester, Chicharito on the trainer’s table and Danny Welbeck on the bench, there was suddenly no cutting edge on the pitch for the visitors.  Owen and Dimitar Berbatov sent a handful of chances wide, allowing Stoke to hang onto hope.

At the other end, Stoke’s aerial attack was causing problems for United’s young keeper David de Gea.  While tall, the lack of muscle on the twenty year old’s frame made it difficult for him to impose his will on the Stoke attackers.  Peter Crouch and a supporting Jonathan Woodgate both missed golden chances.  When the Potters kept the ball on the carpet, however, De Gea made several impressive stops.

The writing was on the wall, though, and shortly after the restart, a corner found Crouch, who nodded the ball home.  Welbeck came on for United with twenty minutes remaining, as did Ryan Giggs, but neither could fashion a winner and the draw allowed Man City to pull level on points.

Roberto Mancini’s side remain behind on goal difference, though, as Everton proved resistant to the attacking verve of Sergio Kun Aguero and Edin Dzeko in the first hour of the match.  The pair, already boasting fourteen goals between them, were nonetheless sat down by Mancini, when they proved incapable of finding a way past the resilient Toffee’s defence and a near-impervious Tim Howard.  Still, their efforts had taxed the Everton rearguard to the point where their fresh and eager replacements, Mario Balotelli and James Milner were each able to find openings and finish.

Balotelli, who came on at the hour mark for Dzeko, was actually set up by the soon to depart Aguero, who dished off nicely, when he was closed down in the box.  Then, David Silva, who had been harried all day by Jack Rodwell, finally found a moment’s peace to thread a ball into the path of an onrushing Milner, whose goal killed off the match.  The contest mirrored the United/Stoke tilt, as well, in that City typically have more success snatching players from Everton, than they do goals.

There was a third unbeaten side, of the four remaining in the Premier League, in action on Saturday.  Toon held their place near the top of the table, with a 3-1 win over Blackburn, proving that the opposite of the adage ‘nice guys finish last’, also holds true.  Despite chairman Mike Ashley’s generally reviled status in the eyes of the Geordie Nation, his offloading of manager Chris Hughton and stars Andy Carroll, Kevin Nolan and Jose Enrique purely for profit, not to mention Joey Barton purely for noticing, the Magpies are somehow still grinding out results.

Against a Rovers side temporarily buoyed by their unexpected victory over shaky Arsenal, Demba Ba registered his first Premier League hat trick, scoring twice within three minutes of the half hour and then putting the match away after the break, cancelling a Junior Hoilett strike which had given Blackburn a lifeline.  Thus, in a season where both were expected to be safely in the mid-table, Newcastle are holding down the last Champions League berth and Rovers have dipped back into the relegation places.

Speaking of nice guys, Martinez, Owen Coyle and former Liverpool whipping boy Roy Hodgson managed just one point and one goal between them.  Hodgson’s West Brom got the point, in a bore draw with fellow strugglers Fulham.  Martinez’s Latics took the goal, courtesy of Mohamed Diame, but it wasn’t enough to stop Spurs from claiming all three points at the DW.  Bolton, meanwhile, without Gary Cahill, were unable to mimic Blackburn’s success against Arsenal, going down 3-0 at the Emirates, where Robin van Persie’s brace included his century mark for the Gunners.

Chelsea were in tune with their London rivals, knocking off Swansea 4-1.  Fernando Torres once again played good news/bad news with the Stamford Bridge faithful, scoring his second goal in as many games but drawing a red card for an overzealous tackle, later on.  This time, instead of missing the goal, he will be missing from the lineup as the Chelsea machine gets back into gear after stalling at Old Trafford.  If, upon returning, his form also goes missing again, neither manager André Villas-Boas nor owner Roman Abramovich will be too pleased.

The pair should both be happy with young Brazilian Ramires, however.  The midfielder, who provided the most of the creative spark in defeat, against United, did so again in victory, setting up Torres’ opener.  Then, he proceeded to finish off two plays himself.  More good news came late, with the return of a clear-headed Didier Drogba, who potted the fourth Blues tally on the day.  Maybe Nando won’t be missed all that much.

Liverpool, long a Chelsea nemesis and recently a handy source for Iberian players, also returned to winning ways, with a 2-1 victory over Wolves at Anfield.  Charlie Adam continued to be involved in Reds goals, when his errant blast was unintentionally deflected in by Wolves skipper Roger Johnson.   Luis Suarez continued his rampant form, adding a necessary second seven minutes before half-time.  It was needed because Kenny Dalglish’s side, nervous after consecutive losses, developed a siege mentality in the second half, which allowed Steven Fletcher to halve the difference between the clubs.

With only Aston Villa protecting its unbeaten mark against QPR on Sunday and Sunderland’s Black Cats hunting Norwich City’s Canaries on Monday, still to be played, the Premier League table is virtually set heading into a Champions League week.  A winner from the Sunday match can replace Liverpool in fifth place, although Joey Barton and co. will need a three goal margin to do so.  Then, if Steve Bruce’s Mackems can overcome Norwich, they’ll have gone from the bottom rung to the top half in just over a fortnight.

It might not be as easy as all that, however.

]]> http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/24/the-sunday-morning-hangover-man-united-discover-that-nobodys-perfect/feed/ 0 Coming Up Crouchy resulteditor Coming Up Crouchy Hangover Howard To The Rescue Man Of The Century http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/24/elementary-my-dear-stretford-can-manchester-united-go-through-the-season-unbeaten/ http://worldfootballcolumns.com/2011/09/24/elementary-my-dear-stretford-can-manchester-united-go-through-the-season-unbeaten/#comments Sat, 24 Sep 2011 16:17:13 +0000 HarrySherlock http://worldfootballcolumns.com/?p=21864 Continue reading »]]> ____________________________________________________________________________

In an age long forgotten at the Emirates, also known as the 2003/04 season, a team under the stewardship of Arsene Wenger managed to do what many thought was impossible. They made their way through an entire season without losing a single game. Nary a one. That team, brace yourselves, was Arsenal. The pale imitation of that squad, who take to the pitch these days, couldn’t hold a candle to their ancestors. Striking genius Thierry Henry, midfield marshal Patrick Vieira and unbeatable defender Sol Campbell all turned out week after week for the Londoners as they navigated their way through 38 games with 26 wins and 12 draws.

As the newest generation of United take the league by storm, the question I feel compelled to ask is can Fergie’s new fledglings replicate that achievement?

Their form so far has been nothing short of magical. They appeared human in a stuttering 2-1 opening day win over West Bromwich Albion but, apart from that, have been untouchable since the campaign began, putting eight past a potential Champions League rival?  Roaring back after spotting rich, noisy neighbours City a 2-0 lead in the Community Shield and soaking up the pressure, then clinically finishing their chances against Chelsea, unlike a certain Spanish striker struggling with his form, suggests that United are a cut above the rest of the Premier League, at the moment.

Of course, the Invincibles were past their infant stage when they ran the table. relied on experience rather than youth, as Manchester United do now. In their starting XI, they had a thirty-four year old goalkeeper, in Jens Lehmann, and a thirty-five year old centre forward in Dennis Bergkamp. The youngest players in that famous first eleven were Ashley Cole and Kolo Toure, both twenty-three at the time. By comparison, nine of the players Sir Alex Ferguson has deployed in league play, this season, are twenty-three or younger and only Ryan Giggs and Rio Ferdinand are over thirty.

Without that depth of experience to smooth over the rough moments, can United match Arsenal’s achievement?  So far this season the answer is yes, as the Red Devils have almost casually swept all opposition aside.  Yet, in such a difficult competition, where it was bottom of the table Wolves who ended United’s attempt at the feat in ’10-11, you have to wonder how long their dominance and good fortune can last.

Stoke City away, this weekend, will be a test in itself as the young side will have to cope with a bruising aerial bombardment from the Potters.  United have oodles of talent in their ranks but Tony Pulis’ side specialises in frustrating creative players, limiting their space and, when the referee’s attention is diverted, invading it.  When in possession, Stoke love to get the ball out wide and send it flying into the box as soon as the opportunity presents itself, whereas United like to keep it on the carpet. The latter style is definitely easier on the eye, but the former can be just as effective.

Of course, surviving an afternoon at the Britannia won’t guarantee an unbeaten season; it’s just one step along the way.  The next step will be Norwich City at Old Trafford, certainly a more appetising proposition. With all due respect to the Canaries, the smart money says the United will be smiling cats when all is said and done.  However, Liverpool at Anfield follows that, and is an altogether different kettle of fish.

The last time Sir Alex took his men to Anfield, United were taught a masterclass in football by Luis Suarez, going down to defeat, 3-1. With a vastly improved squad, Kenny Dalglish will be confident that he can give Fergie another reality check, especially with Steven Gerrard likely to be fit and firing by the time the fixture rolls around. United fans, however, will be hoping for revenge and, most importantly, a confidence boost for the week after, against Manchester City at Old Trafford.

Those two matches, although early in the campaign, will be a defining point for this young squad. Assuming, and it is a big assumption to make, United will go in unbeaten, then the games take on even more significance. If they come away with a further six points from the double-header, it will put all the pressure on the rest of the league. A win and a draw won’t set the same tone, but will still leave United in the driver’s seat.  Two draws will leave Fergie’s side unbeaten but four dropped points may knock them off their perch at the top.  Three points, while mathematically the better result, would break the current aura of invincibility around the side.  To come away with just a single draw, or nothing, would likely present Sir Alex with the challenge of rebuilding his youthful squad’s confidence, entirely from scratch.

And we wouldn’t want that now would we?

Put your hand down, Mr. Mancini.

Fourteen straight seasons in the Champions League, an undefeated Premier League season, and the complete transformation of Arsenal from a brutish, plodding team into the most artful, entertaining squad this side of Barcelona mean nothing in this ‘What have you done for me lately?’ world.  The Gunners are enduring their worst start to a campaign in decades and the only consolation — that there was a club in worse straits than themselves — has now been taken away.

If there was anyone who might have been more dismayed and angered than Arsene Wenger by the result at Ewood Park, on Saturday, where Arsenal completely imploded in the second half against Blackburn, it would have been David Moyes.  The Toffees boss saw two former players figure largely in the match.

Mikel Arteta struck on thirty-four minutes to temporarily restore an early Arsenal lead.  The goal was the Spaniard’s first league tally for Arsenal but second against Rovers, on the season.  It was the former Toffee’s added time penalty which gave Everton victory over Rovers before his transfer to the Emirates.

For Everton supporters, though, that goal was a mild retort compared to Yakubu’s stunning brace for Blackburn.  The hulking Nigerian canceled out fellow African Gervinho’s tenth minute opener, on twenty-five minutes, then, on the hour, sandwiched another strike between two own goals, the first charged to Alex Song and the second to Laurent Koscielny.  His efforts calmed an angry mob of supporters, who prior to the match, had voiced their disapproval of club management, holding up placards which read “Kean Out.”  After this victory, they may want him to stay in for a wee bit longer.

Meanwhile, Moyes is long used to losing his best talent to both injury and rival clubs.  Thus, his Toffees were focused on their own business and dispatching another team that favours an open style, Wigan Athletic.  After Franco di Santo had put the Latics in front after a half-hour, Everton immediately struck back through a most unlikely source.  Phil Jagielka notched his third goal in just four years, to level terms.

With Frenchman Louis Saha left off the squad and wandering Liverpool in a funk, tweeting his disappointment,  the match held level, Everton were unable to convert their dominance into goals until the dying moments, when Moyes made exactly the right substitutions.  Apostos Vellios headed home with six minutes left on the clock and Royston Drenthe, likely the new Saha, struck in added time, giving the slow starters their second win of the season and lifting them temporarily into eighth place.

That is seven places above the Gunners.  I’m too lazy to do the research required to tell you the last time any club was that many places above Arsenal a month into the season.  Suffice it to say that dinosaurs — such as Tony Adams — roamed the planet in those prehistoric times.

The calls will only get louder for Wenger’s head in the coming week, with many already criticising his last minute signings in the transfer window.  Yet, Mikel Arteta, while a pale comparison, is as close in style to Cesc Fabregas as you can get in the Prem, making the transition to the next generation of Gunners much smoother.  As well, he has already made several significant contributions.  Per Mertesacke is admittedly slow, but if Thomas Vermaelen can return to offer him a stronger partner, his experience should help the club overcome its abysmal set-piece defending.  André Santos did not have a good match, yet any player who has been twisting in the winds of the Turkish Super Lig match-fixing scandal, as the ex-Fenerbahce left back has, will obviously need a few matches to hit his stride.

Yet, when you’re as spoiled as Arsenal fans, being beaten by the worst side in the league and seeing the drop zone approaching like an oncoming train might understandably cause a panic.  However, there is far too much of the season remaining for the club to even consider replacing the second most successful manager in the Premier League era.

The bulk of the day’s remaining action became a promotion party, as Norwich, Swansea and QPR all claimed victories.

Bolton Wanderers, showed up late for their home match with Norwich and, before they knew it, the Canaries were singing the joys of a 2-0 halftime lead, courtesy of Tuncay Sanli and Bradley Johnson.  It was an afternoon of firsts, being the club’s first top flight road victory in seventeen years, their first win of the season and the first goals for the two players with their new club.

Swansea’s 3-0 victory was also their inaugural triumph in the Premier League and Scott Sinclair’s quarter-hour strike the first goal of the season for the club.  Yet, like a stubborn spigot which just won’t turn, once the valve was opened, the goals flowed freely for the Swans.  Ten minutes later, Leroy Lita had doubled the lead and, just after the restart, Nathan Dyer capped off the win against Roy Hodgson’s West Brom.  Most encouraging for the Welsh side, though, was that while the goose egg was removed from their goals scored column, the one under goals conceded at home remained firmly nestled in place.

With Newcastle last season, Joey Barton played the role asked of him, as provider for Andy Carroll, and restrained himself when Karl Henry and Wolves took liberties with his person.  Now with QPR, Barton invaded Molineux, on Saturday, and took his revenge, scoring the first goal of the match, as the Hoops went up by two in the opening ten minutes.  Alejandro Faurlin, the player at the center of the club’s issues with the FA last year, was the man to double the league, with DJ Campbell adding the icing to the cake in the final moments.  Afterwards, while naturalised Toffee Louis Saha was on Twitter, bemoaning his recent outsider status, native Evertonian Barton cast aside his restraint, tweeting his derision for Henry, tagging him as a Sunday League player.

The three top flight new boys’ victories ensured that they will all spend the next week above both the relegation places and a certain struggling London team.  Swansea’s optimism after breaking their league duck may be short-lived, however, with a trip to Stamford Bridge next on their schedule.  Norwich face underachieving Sunderland a week from Monday and QPR host still unbeaten Aston Villa at Loftus Road, giving them some optimism that they can build on this week’s success.

Villa boss Alex McLeish isn’t exactly thrilled with his club’s status as they failed to finish off Newcastle at Villa Park.  An early Gaby Agbonlahor effort should have been supplemented by Darren Bent, who, instead, left two golden chances wanting.  The profligacy enabled Leon Best to pull Toon level just before the hour and split the points.  In five games, then, the Claret and Blue have drawn four times and languish in seventh.  A victory would have put them where Alan Pardew’s side currently sit:  in fourth, awaiting the Sunday matches.

Speaking of which, what are you still doing here?

My basic problem with human beings is that they act out of fear, feeling a desperate need to control their environment as much as possible.

On a small scale, that attitude has made it a felony, in the county in which I live, to falsify applications to register your (typically minority) child in a school district which might offer him/her a better education than your local one.  In the UK, it means there are several schools where girls are not allowed to wear skirts.   To the authorities, it matters not whether the rules are having an unintended and adverse effect, or make little to no sense, only that they must be followed for the sake of control.

On a larger scale, this fear and the urge to conquer it has seen the same country which proudly displays the words, “Give me your tired, your weak, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free” at the foot of the Statue of Liberty build a wall across its southern border with Mexico, to keep out said huddled masses who, diabolically, wish to take jobs cutting grass, digging ditches and keeping house from unemployed American college graduates.  In Australia, it means that the government seeks a way to ship its huddled masses to nearby Malaysia, where there is no work, education or opportunity, but rampant disease and political oppression.  When a decision must be made between two groups of man, the rationale as to who must suffer is always better you than me, rather than both of us together.

On an environmental scale… well you get the idea.  Man tries to organise everything down to the tiniest detail, intending to raise the ‘quality of life’, but too often with the opposite result.  He fights the natural order every step of the way, when he might be better advised to trust somewhat to fate, respect the planet, and just let things be.

Yet, I am human, too.  So despite my ideology, I feel sorry for the big teams in one or two of the groups in this year’s Champions League.  These clubs have spent money, worked hard and done well, only to be pitted against each other from the outset, while poorer sides from lesser leagues have been granted an easier road, through the luck of the draw.  There is something within me that believes it would be much fairer for the teams to be properly seeded and distributed evenly throughout the groups, so that fans might see the best sides — aka the traditional, established powers — meet in the later rounds.  Yet, on a weekly, if not daily, basis, I can usually be heard asking the question, “Since when is life fair?”

It’s tough being me.

On the other hand, it’s probably tougher to be Manchester City, Bayern Munich, Napoli or Villareal.  This group contains Sergio Kun Aguero, Edin Dzeko, David Silva and Carlos Tevez in the City attack; Mario Gomez, Franck Ribery, Arjen Robben, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Thomas Müller powering Bayern; Edinson Cavani, Marek Hamsik and Ezequiel Lavezzi for Napoli: and Giuseppe Rossi and Nilmar with Villareal.

Each of these clubs finished in the top four of one of the Big Four leagues in Europe.  City and Bayern are both perfect in the Prem and Bundesliga, respectively, running riot over the opposition, this season.  Napoli have started well in their quest to do more than challenge for the Scudetto in 2011-12.  Villareal have been sluggish out of the gate in La Liga, which can perhaps be forgiven, as the Yellow Submarine may have had its sights set on making this group stage.  At any rate, the Spaniards are the club most accustomed to dealing with powerful neighbours, being measured against Real Madrid and Barcelona, year in and year out.

If UEFA ranked its teams in a manner similar to American college football, all four squads would be in the top twenty, and, conceivably, in the top sixteen, which would put the entire group in the top half of a thirty-two team Champions League table.  Yet half of a set which all ‘deserve’ to progress to the knockout rounds will not. One will drop to the Europa League, another will have its continental adventure end before Christmas, and even Man City, with their wealth of talent, realise that, in such a short competition, they could be the unfortunates.

This is not a group of death; it’s a group of utter annihilation.

As someone who believes that everyone deserves a fair shake, and who tries to maintain some objectivity in writing about football around the world, I usually make every effort to reel in my own biases when they try to creep in to my work.  In this group, however, there is one team that I will definitely be rooting against.  I don’t believe Trabzonspor, or any Turkish club, should be in this competition.

The Super Lig has acknowledged that the corruption and match-fixing in its competition is so rife that it has delayed the start of its campaign until it can be sure that the cheaters have been rooted out.  Like most other Turkish clubs, Trabzonspor have been implicated in wrong-doing.  One should be presumed innocent until proven otherwise, but, when there is sufficient reason to suspect guilt, the honourable usually step aside for the betterment of the whole.  I believe it would be best for football’s integrity, that no Turkish teams compete in Europe until their house is put in order.

That leaves three very strong clubs, however, to compete for the two berths providing passage into the round of sixteen.

Normally, Inter, with the likes of Wesley Sneijder, Esteban Cambiasso, Javier Zanetti, Maicon and the Diegos, Milito and Forlan, would be heavy favourites to win the group.  However, now on their third coach, Giampiero Gasperini, in the year since Jose Mourinho departed, there is a sense of confusion at the club which has affected their confidence, most notably goalkeeper Julio Cesar, who has been very erratic of late.  They’re still favourites, of course, but consider them as having been to Jenny Craig.

French Champions Lille were weakened by the exodus of Yohan Cabaye and Gervinho to the Premier League and Adil Rami to La Liga, but, with Eden Hazard pulling the strings, they are still a threat to anyone.

CSKA Moscow are an unknown quantity despite their annual presence in Europe.  Seydou Doumbia is the danger man, but can’t be focused on to the exclusion of Vagner Love and Japanese set-piece magician Keisuke Honda.  Zoran Tosic and Tomas Necid are also in this squad and it shouldn’t be forgotten that keeper Igor Afinkeev was one of the names mooted to replace Edwin van der Sar before United narrowed the list to Manuel Neuer and David de Gea.

Now, Manchester United aside, here’s a group of those huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

Benfica were in the Europa League semifinals last season, but that only proved they were the third best team in Portugal, although, at the moment, they are nipping at a weakened Porto’s heels.  Having signed Joan Capdevilla from Villareal and Ezequiel Garay from Real Madrid, when players of that ilk typically travel in the opposite direction, this is not a team to take lightly.  Belgian Axel Witsel is also a promising talent in the midfield.

You’d be forgiven for not giving FC Basel a second glance had you not watched this competition, last year.  Led by Marco Streller and Alex Frei, the Swiss champion didn’t progress but gave much better opposition a game every time out.  Expect the same again this year.

I was half tempted to do a Shearer, shrug my shoulders and say that I don’t know that much about Otelul Galati.  However, unlike the Geordie legend, Wiki doesn’t strike fear into my heart or impede on my golf time.  Thus, I can proudly recite that Otelul are Romanian champions and, unsurprisingly, are made up almost exclusively of Romanians, with three Serbs and a Czech goalkeeper most of you wouldn’t be familiar with added into the mix.  The club has sprinkled in some global influence, in the form of Argentine Gabriel Viglianti, Peruvian Daniel Chavez and Nigerian John Ibeh.  Haven’t heard of them, either?  Hmmph.  Maybe Shearer organises his time better than people think.

With this trio to contend with, Sir Alex Ferguson must be feeling quite pleased with the draw.  Given that City will have to bring their A-game every weeknight, while United will likely feature Michael Owen, Dimitar Berbatov, Park Ji-sung, Michael Carrick and several other reserves with regularity and still progress easily, the wily old Scot surely sees an advantage for his club as they attempt to fend off the ‘noisy neighbours’ in domestic competition.

Okay, having done with Wiki, I’ve now accessed a copy of the UEFA rulebook and nowhere inside does it say that Real Madrid must play Lyon in the Champions League every season.  So, what’s up with that, then?  The Spaniards finally got the better of the French side in the knockout round, last year, only to draw them in the group stage for ’11-12.  Still, better the enemy you know…

Los Blancos will also have a second date with Ajax, who joined them in ’10-11 to form the famous Group of Champions, along with AC Milan.   Overall, however, it shouldn’t be Jose Mourinho’s side concerned with progressing, with the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, the in-form pair of Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuain, Angel di Maria and Mesut Özul in attack.  The Castilians will also be confident, having gained an early advantage over rivals Barcelona.

Although Dutch sides took a beating in the Europa League last season, Ajax weren’t one of the battered and bruised.  With Frank de Boer taking over for Martin Jol in mid-stream, the Amsterdammers didn’t get all their oars in the water until too late in the year.  Although Maarten Stekelenberg moved on to Roma in the summer, the club improved through the additions of Theo Janssen and Kolbeinn Sigthorsson.

Lyon, on the other hand, stood pat.  New boss Remi Garde’s first order of business will be to coax better performances from Yohan Gourcuff than Claude Puel managed.  The club’s early chances will suffer from the absence of physical midfielder Lisandro Lopez, who is out for a month with an ankle injury.  So, for the moment at least, the smart money is on the two past European champions to move on.

Dinamo Zagreb, the Croatian champion are a slightly stronger version of Otelul Galati.  Dynastic within domestic confines, they simply don’t have the quality to do more than cause an upset or steal a point somewhere along the way.  At the moment, they are sniffing around Lyon, hoping that they might be able to sneak past the preoccupied Ligue 1 club.

The ugly duckling in Group E is Racing Genk.  The Belgian side are languishing in mid-table, having drawn half of their six league games in the early going.  Given that the Jupiler League champion replaced UAE bound manager Frank Vercauteren with Mario Been, who left Feyenoord in the summer after receiving a vote of no confidence from his players, there is a bit of ‘I told you so’ surrounding their current plight.  Been will have to make a positive impression quickly, if this side is to transform itself into a swan and fly on into the elimination rounds.

Like fellow Premiership title hopefuls, Man City, Chelsea are probably shaking their heads at a draw which places them in such a dangerous group, while Man United are seemingly cooling their heels in Group C.  The Blues are finding their stride in England, but it is still far from matching the leaps and bounds of the two Mancunian clubs.  Fernando Torres is beginning to settle in — at the end of the bench — while a cheeky Daniel Sturridge is making a case for being the first option in attack.  With Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka also in the picture, Juan Mata impressing immediately and John Terry helping out on the offensive end, new boss André Villas-Boas’ selection problems are by and large of the positive variety, but there is not much room for error.

Valencia are perfect in La Liga’s late starting campaign and Bayer Leverkusen, with a physically and verbally in-form Michael Ballack are right there in the Bundesliga.

Ever Banega, Aritz Aduriz and Roberto Soldado have made Mestalla faithful forget the Davids, Silva and Villa, with Adil Rami arriving from Lille to create a formidable central midfield partnership with Hedwiges Maduro.  Los Che pushed Manchester United in the group stage last season and, being stronger this year, they will enjoy a crack at Chelsea.

New Leverkusen boss Robin Dutt feels some empathy for AS Roma gaffer Luis Enrique.  With Jupp Heynckes at Bayern and Sami Hyppia retired, Dutt has chosen Simon Rolfes to fill the void in leadership but the ever-ambitious Ballack has been speaking ‘for the club’ both in the press and on the pitch.  Dutt has had to pull on his reins more than once, but the competition has been healthy for the squad, so far.  Newcomer André ‘Don’t Call me’ Schürrle is a nice complement to fellow young gun Stefan Kieβling.  As long as the contentious factions in the side continue to pull in the same direction, Leverkusen will be a tough proposition for the rest of the group.

Group F seems to have been reserved for the fashionably late.  Arsenal, everyone knows about.  Losing your two most influential midfielders, playing an early scoreless draw with Newcastle, a loss to Liverpool, and an absolutely crushing defeat to United is not how a title contender expects to begin their season.  Yet, if you ask Arsene Wenger, the side’s confidence was totally restored by the narrow 1-0 win over newly promoted Swansea.  As they say in French:  <cough> –Bullshit!–<cough>

Yet, Bundesliga champion Borussia Dortmund are also languishing in mid-table after a slow start.  The sophomore blues have hit Jürgen Klopp’s youngsters, with Mario Götze, Lucas Barrios and Shinji Kagawa unable to match the torrid pace set by Bayern Munich.

Marseille, meanwhile, are five matches into the Ligue 1 season, and sit on the relegation bubble.  They’ve lost two straight, after opening with three draws, and the crowds at the Stade Velodrome are not happy.  Loic Remy, Andre-Pierre Gignac and Lucho Gonzalez should make an impressive attack force, but they’re not getting it done at the moment.

Greek side Olympiakos are the ultimate procrastinators in the group, however.  While Panathanaikos has won a perfect two of two in the Greek Super Lig, their rivals have yet to play a match.  So, as is àpropos in such circumstances, if you want a prediction on how this group will shake out, I’ll have to get back to you.

Okay, all you leftist guerillas and student activists out there, here’s the group for you!  There is no favourite in this quartet; no rich, fat cat, bourgeoisie, pet of the establishment, already assured of advancing into the lucrative elimination stage.

The closest thing to that is Porto, the defending Europa League champion.  Yet, the manager that masterminded their epic run is at Chelsea, spending Roman Abramovich’s new oligarchy billions — can you say irony?  As well, the striker who carried them to Irish glory — can you say oxymoron? — is at Atletico Madrid.  Porto is used to its players and coaches selling out to the man, though, so it’s no surprise that they are right at the top of the Portuguese Super Liga again this season.

Joining Porto in this socialist experiment are 2008 and 2009 UEFA Cup winners Zenit St. Petersburg and Shakhtar Donetsk, and APOEL.  The Nicosian side, which has dominated the Cypriot league since its inception, winning over twenty titles, may be a big fish in a little pond at home, but here they are very much the minnows.  Zenit have spent decades chasing after the scraps of the Muscovites, CSKA, Spartak, Dinamo and Lokomotiv, but, under first Dick Advocaat and now Luciano Spaletti, are creating a revolution in the Russian Premier League, while Shakhtar have done much the same by overtaking Dynamo Kiev, in the Ukraine.

As all of the contenders play an open attacking system, so this may be the most exciting group to watch, provided that you can suppress all those years of subliminal advertising, peer pressure and brand marketing with which Big Brother has indoctrinated you, in order to make you an unwitting pawn of the state.  Good luck with that.

Now, after a pair of very well-balanced foursomes, we return you to your normally scheduled, predictable Champions League group.  Barcelona, the new establishment in La Liga, are paired off with Serie A champion AC Milan, owned by one of Viagra’s biggest clients, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. With Lionel Messi, Xavi and Cesc Fabregas on one side and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Antonio Cassano, Pato and Alberto Aquilani on the other, if either of these two Mediterranean giants fail to advance, I’ll eat my copy of Mao’s little red book.  Oh wait, mine was written by Harvey Penick.  You get the idea, though.

BATE Borisov and Viktoria Plzen, Belorussian and Czech champions, respectively, stand as much chance of progressing out of this group as Moammar al Gaddafi does to win a Nobel Peace Prize.  Essentially, the duo will be looking forward to playing each other, to see which will be given a second chance in the Europa League.   My vote is cast for BATE, who fought well in Europe last season, and are champions five times running, giving them a better measure of experience on the continental stage.

Try as I might, I just am not a radical at heart.

What the hell happened in the Premier League yesterday?!

There are certainly questions to be answered, even if my head is a little fuzzy.  For instance, what does it take to get Steve Bruce angry?  Will Swansea ever score a goal?  Is Liverpool this year’s Stoke?  And, perhaps most importantly, is it time for Man City to panic?

Everton twice gave up a one goal lead, to prove that Mikel Arteta and Jermain Beckford were not the reasons that the Toffees don’t become unstuck until the holidays roll around.  The 2-2 draw saw Aston Villa remain unbeaten under Alex McLeish, while their Goodison Park hosts are in the top ten, despite their typical sluggish start.

Tottenham took their double dose of Mancunian frustration out on Mick McCarthy and Wolves, with recent acquisitions Emmanuel Adebayor and Scott Parker combining for the first marker in the routine two-goal win.  Coupled with the Gunners victory, the last of the usual suspects are beginning to show up for the Premier League party.

The head chair at the pity party, however, should be reserved for Sunderland boss Steve Bruce.  I mean, how can so many bad things happen to such an optimistic guy?  First, his nose is so pliable that everyone calls him Mr Potato Head.   Next, he twists in the wind at Birmingham, under Messrs Gold and Sullivan and their hatchetwoman, Karren Brady, and is hacked to bits by the trio as soon as he leaves.  When he gets to Sunderland, after a decent spell at Wigan, he gets the club heading up the table, only for Darren Bent to ditch them for relegation threatened Aston Villa.  He sticks up for Sir Alex Ferguson when Wayne Rooney throws a hissy fit to land a better contract, and still endures a thrashing from United in league play.  Then Kenwyne Jones heads for Stoke.  Now, Asamoah Gyan has delivered the ultimate insult, taking a loan deal to the United Arab Emirates to escape the Stadium of Light.

Is it Bruce?  Is it the ground?  Is it Mackems in general? No write-in answers from the Geordie crowd, please!

While most fans in England can’t fathom why Gyan would want to go from the best league in the world to the hottest league — literally — on the planet, not many English fans have grown up with the level of poverty and disease that the Ghanaian did.  Just as with Samuel Eto’o, now with Anzhi Makhachkala in Russia, that level of suffering teaches you to be loyal to the almighty dollar above all else.  Footballing decisions are a luxury that such men have learnt they cannot afford, as, given their destinations, are concerns regarding weather.

Yet, after a series of ‘nice guys’, in Bent, Jones and Gyan, have all left Bruce in the lurch, he may get some satisfaction from a self-centered narcissist.  Nicklas Bendtner played the match at Stamford Bridge as a lone striker and, although the match was already decided, fought until the bitter end, setting up Dong-won Ji for a consolation goal in added time.

For the Blues, John Terry cleaned up Juan Mata’s near miss in the early going and Daniel Sturridge showed some nerve, with a back heeled goal after the break.  Fernando Torres was left on the substitute’s bench for the entire match, although it’s to be expected that he will feature against Bayer Leverkusen in the Champions League on Tuesday.

Swansea are the only club in the Premier League who have yet to score.  In four matches, they have conceded five goals and barring their opponents on the day, Arsenal, are level with Spurs and QPR for the worst goal difference in the competition.  For all that, if the season ended today, they would survive.  Of course, the three clubs below them, Fulham, West Brom and Blackburn have a match to play over the next two days.

Brendan Rogers wasn’t at the helm for the trip to the Emirates, as his father had passed.  Condolences to the gaffer and his family on their loss.

Despite his absence, the Swans gave as well as they received.  Arsenal, with Mikel Arteta pulling the strings, were rusty but impressive.  However, the only goal came when Swansea keeper Michel Vorm unintentionally caromed his clearing pass off a defender, gifting Andrei Arshavin.  It’s difficult to criticise the Dutchman too heavily, as its been his play, for the most part, which has garnered the newly promoted side its two points to date.  If the ten men in front of him can work out how to put the ball in the opposite goal, the Welsh club may be dangerous.

At the Britannia, visiting Liverpool dominated the match but came away empty-handed, when Jamie Carragher drew a penalty after wrapping his arm around Jon Walters’ waist in the box.  Walters may have gone down easily, but he got up in the same manner and drilled home the spot kick.  From that point, Stoke clogged the box and clung to their lead, in especially desperate fashion over the final twenty minutes.

As the Reds piled on the late pressure, it seemed as though the Potters may have gotten the benefit of some calls in their own box.  Yet, the 1-0 score lifted Stoke above the Merseysiders into fourth place, where they would be just as overjoyed as Swansea if the season were called to an unexpected halt.

In his post match interviews, Kenny Dalglish did a poor job of pretending to respect the officials, claiming that the club had seen important decisions go against them in every match, thus far, but was at least sufficiently honest to admit that concern for his team came first.  Tony Pulis will have to be forgiven for laughing somewhat at Dalglish’s frustration, as his complaints sounded eerily similar to the Welshman’s own laments from 2010-11.  Like as not, the Scot will use the setback to engender an us against the world mentality in his young squad, as he attempts to keep them within striking distance of rivals Chelsea, if not the Manchesters, United and City.

The two Mancunian giants continue to stride across the Premier League landscape with impunity, although City must be wondering what it takes to surpass the old Trafford outfit.  The club has transformed itself over the summer, from the most expensive bus to ever park in the Premiership, to an even more pricey stable of thoroughbreds.  This week, they galloped over Wigan as though the Latics were the lowest hedge at the Grand National.

Edin Dzeko, with seven goals in the club’s first four competitive matches, was rested ahead of their Wednesday Champions league opener against Napoli.  Sergio Kun Aguero took the opportunity to make those numbers look average, collecting a hat trick.  Meanwhile, his out of favour countryman, Carlos Tevez, missed a poorly taken penalty.  Thankfully, his family is now in town to console him.

Yet, despite their dominance, City actually lost ground on United.  Last week, the Citizens trounced Tottenham 5-1 only to see the Red Devils put the pitchfork to Arsenal 8-2.  On Saturday, their 3-0 run-out paled in comparison to United’s five-spot away at the Reebok.  Wayne Rooney matched Aguero goal for goal and some fellow named Chicharito shook off the cobwebs to add a brace.

Owen Coyle cut an even more sympathetic figure than King Kenny — although not Steve Bruce — in trying to rationalise his side’s performance.  The Bolton boss estimated that his side had twice the shots and the better of the possession.   The stat sheet, however, indicated that Fergie’s fledglings held the ball for nearly sixty percent of the match and that, while the Trotters took eight more shots (22-14) than United, only six were on goal, compared to eight for the table toppers.

Now, given the tatters that remain of Arsene Wenger’s principles, it’s debatable whether the Gunners are a better squad than Harry Redknapp’s Spurs, but Owen Coyle’s Wanderers certainly have more quality than the Latics.  Wigan have cobbled together a squad out of so many cast aside bits and pieces that MacGyver would be their ideal manager — not that Roberto Martinez isn’t doing a decent impression of Richard Dean Anderson at the DW.

The early (and very hypothetical) question, though, is, if the two sides manage to split their head to head points and run the rest of the table, can Dzeko, Aguero, Tevez, et al take their game to the level necessary to keep pace with United’s young snipers?

While the rest of the league discovers what it feels like to support a Spanish club not named Real Madrid or Barcelona, Mancunians should have fun finding out which side of town has the most bullets in its gun.

________________________________________________________________________

Manchester United showed Arsene Wenger the importance of investment on the weekend, as the Red Devils ran riot at Old Trafford. The 8-2 scoreline didn’t flatter United, but, as Sir Alex Ferguson noted, Arsenal were missing seven or eight first team players.

However, the £50 million spent by Sir Alex in this transfer window seems like money well spent, as David De Gea, Phil Jones and Ashley Young all played major parts in the rout.  Given that the Gunners sold Samir Nasri for £27.5 million and Cesc Fabregas for £29 million, the £28 million they laid out for Joel Campbell, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Carl Jenkinson and Gervinho seems both insignificant and largely wasted.  To be fair, Gervinho is injured and Campbell is a long term project, but Jenkinson will want to forget his first appearance at old Trafford and the match was well and truly lost when Oxlade-Chamberlain was introduced on the hour.

Of the United investments, all stood out on the day.

De Gea, for one, was largely outstanding in goal, saving a penalty that may have altered the tone of the match.  Still, there is work to be done, as he was at fault for Arsenal’s first, the ball slipping through his legs from Theo Walcott’s shot.   Not that there isn’t every reason to believe the young Spaniard won’t improve.  Showing spirit, he further redeemed himself in the second half, with a string of solid stops.

Jones looked at ease in defence, marshalling Robin Van Persie and Andrey Arshavin for most of the game. Certainly, if he hadn’t ended up in the back of the net, himself, in the 74th minute, Arsenal would not have scored a second time. It was his own momentum which carried him into the goal, and Fergie will tell you that mistakes born of hustling are preferable to those made by merely standing and watching.

Ashley Young?  Well, he was simply dazzling. Admittedly, he was given far too much space for most of the game, and was marked, for a portion of the game at least, by a man who was playing non-league football not so long ago.   That doesn’t detract from the outstanding nature of his goals, though.  The first looked unbeatable, a curling long range effort into the top corner.  Yet, he bettered it with his second,  striking the top corner once again, from an acute angle inside the box.  If it hadn’t been for Wayne Rooney’s hat trick, Young would surely have been the man of the match.

It would be easy to ramble on and on about United’s dominance and how it proves that they should be favourites for the title from now on — sit down, Mr Mancini — but the depth of Arsenal’s woes is actually far more interesting than the heights of United’s success in one early season match.

The Gunners were depleted beyond belief for such a strong side; fifteen years on the trot in the Champions League.  With no Cesc Fabregas, no Samir Nasri and no Jack Wilshere, not to mention five other key role players, the team that Arsene Wenger cobbled together seemed overawed by the occasion before a ball was even kicked. Teams lose 8-2 games because they lack heart, and for Arsenal this was a physical problem rather than a psychological one.  The only real experience in the team came in goal and in attack, with Wojciech Szczesny, Theo Walcott, Andrey Arshavin and Robin Van Persie the sides only regular first-teamers in the starting eleven.  With no recognizable faces in midfield support and defence, the heart was literally cut out of the squad. The raw recruits filling the ranks were far too inexperienced to be taking the field against a full strength Manchester United.

Carl Jenkinson was a prime example of this; unfairly tasked with keeping Ashley Young quiet on the left flank. Now, I’m sure many of you will have seen Young tear world class full backs to shreds, and he needed no invitation to do the same to Jenkinson. The young full back was unlucky, really.  He has been thrown in at the deep end following his £1 million transfer from Charlton Athletic.  When he signed, he certainly wouldn’t have expected to be in the starting line up at Old Trafford, in the first month of the season.  Still, there he was, and understandably unprepared, he struggled from the off.

The combination of pace and power that Patrice Evra and Young can provide is frightening at times; poor Jenkinson was well out of his depth. That showed when he picked up an early booking for clattering into Young. He managed to stay out of trouble for a good hour afterwards, but, at a point when Arsenal were 6-2 down, he tripped over Javier Hernandez, earning himself a second yellow.

Given the opposition, his all too recent ascent from non-league football and the state of his own squad, I’m actually offering sympathy, rather than laying blame on undeserving shoulders. It isn’t as though Jenkinson had any help from his teammates.

Andrey Arshavin was one such teammate.  The diminutive Russian went missing for large parts of the game, and rarely, if ever, tracked back to help his struggling partner. Certainly, he posed a threat going forward in the first half but he was rarely seen after the break,  looking disinterested and, perhaps this is the most telling thing of all, dismayed.  It may have been upsetting to see your side rung up for eight goals, but you simply cannot let down your mates, as Arshavin did.

Aaron Ramsey, Van Persie and Walcott deserve praise for fighting until the final whistle.  The trio most certainly didn’t desert anyone, running for the entire disheartening match, vainly hoping to find another way past De Gea.  They are, along with Szczesny, who, to stretch a cliché into the sublime, limited the damage to half what it might have been, the only players in Arsenal blue who had reason to leave Old Trafford with their heads held high.

Of course, Arsenal were missing Gervinho, Jack Wilshere, Tomas Vermaelen and Bacary Sagna, but had they been in the team, how much of a difference would it have made?  Arsenal mightn’t have faced the indignity of conceding 8, but they would still have struggled to win the game as Manchester United were simply outstanding on the day.

Gervinho would probably have posed a greater attacking threat than Andrey Arshavin. Jack Wilshere would definitely have shown more guile and flair than Francis Coquelin. Thomas Vermaelen would easily have given more security to the defence than Johan Djourou, and Bacary Sagna could have kept Ashley Young quiet for longer stretches than Carl Jenkinson managed, but the blame for the result can only lay at one man’s feet.

His name is Arsene Wenger.

Sir Alex Ferguson was dignified in his post match interview, offering that Wenger was unlucky to have so many players out through either injury or suspension, but it was the Frenchman’s tactics that let Arsenal down, not the first team.

Wenger adheres strictly to his own philosophy of attractive ball movement, and, despite not having the personnel to apply his methods, remained true to them nonetheless.  With a midfield lacking the ability to control the tempo, Wenger soon found his side overrun by United’s midfield quartet. When the reality began to sink in, there was nothing he could do.  Plan B simly didn’t exist.  Having never schooled his charges in playing a defensive strategy, there was no other option but to sit back in his chair and watch the rout unfold.

Think back to last season when these two sides met, with Ferguson, due to injury and suspension, forced to field a starting eleven including seven defenders.  In that match, with a side coached in various tactics and formations, United surprised Arsenal by taking the offensive.  The Scot’s back line regulars, Fabio and Rafael da Silva, were fully prepared to play attacking football, which caught the one-dimensional Wenger by surprise.

The same opportunity to adapt to a difficult environment by taking a new tack was presented to the Frenchman this week.  It was a golden chance to revel in the irony of giving Sir Alex a taste of his own imaginative medicine.  Wenger knew the match was coming and how few players were available in midfield and defense.   Robin van Persie has played in the midfield in the past and other players, such as Henri Lansbury and Marouane Chamakh, decent footballers both, might have been drafted into the line-up in unfamiliar roles.  Doing so surely would have been preferable to bringing them on with the scoreline reading 7-2.  Yet, with time to plan and prepare, stubborn Arsene stuck to his preferred tactics and United were waiting.

Inevitably, when the final whistle blew and Wenger met the cameras for his post match interview, he was asked about job security. He responded by telling the public that he wouldn’t quit, no matter what. That has to be admired. Many other managers would have offered a churlish no comment or said that such a decision was in the hands of the board; a subtle but public plea for backing.  Typically, however, Wenger was unapologetic and forthright, telling the fans and the board alike that he wants to stay and oversee the rebuilding process.

Maybe I am being harsh. Maybe Manchester United were just too good for the Gunners. Maybe the passing and movement of Ashley Young, Nani and Wayne Rooney unlocked Arsenal’s defence and opened the floodgates. Or maybe, just maybe, Wenger needs to be pushed, rather than being forced to jump.

The Monday Morning Drip is a new column at WFC, grinding up the footy fare from the weekend into a blend of the choicest bits from leagues all over the world.  It’s also a weekly opportunity to appeal to footy bloggers out there, who are looking for a new forum in which to display their wares.  So, if you enjoy blogging, want to reach new readers and are available to cover your favourite league or team, then just click Write For WFC!  Meanwhile, open your laptop wide and say Ahhh.  Here’s this week’s Drip…

Best league in the world?  More competitive than La Liga?  More physical than the Bundesliga?  More ruthless than Serie A?  More French than Ligue 1?  The early Premier League season is not living up to that reputation.

After three weeks, the English top flight has been distilled down to a Mancunian blend of Blue and Red.  Roberto Mancini has the team he wants: Samir Nasri and David Silva pulling the strings, Edin Dzeko, Sergio Kun Aguero and (soon) Carlos Tevez finishing off the plays; Yaya Toure and Nigel de Jong finishing off any resistance and a back line marshaled by England number one Joe Hart minding the store.  Who stands a chance against the best side money can buy?

Sir Alex Ferguson’s Fledgling v.2, that’s who.  Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic may be injured; Edwin van der Sar, Gary Neville and Paul Scholes retired; John O’ Shea and Wes Brown sold to Sunderland; Ryan Giggs suddenly too slow to avoid the paparazzi and Dimitar Berbatov unhappily taking lessons in obsolescence from Michael Owen, but there’s a crop of youngsters surrounding Patrice Evra, Wayne Rooney, Nani and Anderson (?) who just reacted to City pounding Tottenham 5-1 at White Hart Lane by annihilating Arsenal 8-2.

The good news?  The Gunners scored their first two goals of the season and looked pretty decent offensively.  The fact that they had eight players missing from midfield and defence meant any points from this match were unlikely, but 8-2?  Holy shit is all that comes to mind.

The bad news?  United and City have a perfect record and a goal difference that matches or betters their point total, making Chelsea and Liverpool look like Toronto FC and River Plate (they’re relegated, don’t you know?).  Arsenal, meanwhile, are already seven points and eighteen goals behind.  But never fear, Arsene Wenger isn’t quitting!

Can you say Papiss Demba Cisse?  Wolfsburg players were repeating his name throughout their Sunday encounter, becoming so focused on the four-goal man that they allowed Oliver Barth, Erik Jendrisek and Cedric Makiadi to run up three goals against them.

Felix Magath’s second tenure at the Volkswagen Arena is not working out quite the same as the first, with a good deal of that down to the fact that Edin Dzeko is otherwise occupied — on Sunday he was busy knocking four goals into the Tottenham goal, in London.

If the stern tactician doesn’t right the ship quickly, he’ll be heading out of town.  A return to Schalke is out of the question, too.  Never mind that the Bundesliga isn’t a fancy version of Pong,  where a manager can bounce back and forth between clubs — that’s Serie A — Ralf Rangnick has the Gelsenkirchen side level on points with table topper Bayern Munich, thanks to an hour mark goal from the man who said no to Blackburn, Raul, which gave the Königsblauen a 1-0 victory over another fast starting squad, Borussia Mönchengladbach.

Bayern held on to first place thanks to a hat trick from Mario Gomez, which included a penalty miss, in a three-goal win over Kaiserslautern.  After the match, third time the charm coach Jupp Heynckes held forth that the Rekordmeister “would only get better.”  He’s obviously been dipping into the same sauce as Fergie and Mancini.

Gomez’ Saturday romp was overshadowed, though, by the collective efforts of Hamburg and Köln, with the visitors winning a 4-3 shootout.  Lukas Podolski came on at the half to break the 1-1 deadlock, setting up Milivoje Novakovic less than five minutes after the restart.  Hamburg jumped back out in front, scoring on either side of the hour, only for Köln to rise up in the final ten minutes, stealing all the points on goals from Christian Clemens and Kevin McKenna.

Either Heerenveen have gotten their act together or Feyenoord aren’t quite back to the level of Ajax and Twente.  After Ron Jans’ side dropped consecutive 5-1 decisions to the top pair, they escaped De Kuip with a 2-2 draw against Ronald Koeman’s young charges.  Bas Dost and Oussama Assaidi had the goals for the erstwhile bottom feeders.

Meanwhile, the yellow and black were put on their back both in Amsterdam and Enschede, as Ajax maintained pace with Twente, each running out 4-1 winners against Vitesse and VVV Venlo respectively.

PSV woke up, at last, after sleeping through their opening rounds.  A 6-1 mauling of new cellar dwellers Excelsior announced the Eindhoven club’s arrival in the title chase.  AZ Alkmaar are also still in the hunt, after a 3-0 victory over FC Groningen.

The madness may be coming to an end in France.  Seriously, Montpellier and Toulouse leading the pack?  It’s like Gordon Brown and George Bush in charge of Great Britain and the US; only bad things can happen.

Lyon took care of first place Montpellier, with a 2-1 victory on Saturday, bringing La Paillade back to the pack.  Miralem ‘No Need To’ Pjanic and Jeremy ‘Murdoch Got’ Pied put Les Gones in the driver’s seat, although Henri Bedimo pegged one back in added time, suggesting that the early league leaders still have some fight in them.

On Sunday, new money PSG toured the baronies, informing previously unbeaten Toulouse that it was time to take their name literally.  Kevin Gameiro had pegged back Etienne Capoue’s first half goal with a fifty-third minute tally, and the clubs seemed destined to split the points, only for Mevlut Erding and Jeremy Menez to both strike in time added on.  That’s the type of result that €100 million or so will buy you.

Apparently, Zaragoza is Spanish for ‘Madrid will kick our ass’.  Real took advantage of the fact that Barcelona were otherwise occupied in Monaco, knocking off Porto in the UEFA Super Cup, with Lionel Messi and Cesc Fabregas on the scoresheet, to open up a healthy lead in the table.  Cristiano Ronaldo scored a hat trick but that was only half the story, as Marcelo, Xabi Alonso and Kaka also joined in the fun.

Five other sides also won in the opening matches, after a one-week wildcat strike over unpaid wages postponed the original opening week of the competition.  All of those results were of the one-goal variety, however, lending credence to the new theory that La Liga is just a poor imitation of the Premier League:  a two team competition without any tackling.

Speaking of poor imitations, Serie A players elected to strike, themselves, this week, over Lega Calcio’s attempt to force transfers upon players in the final year of their contracts and to ban them from training with the first team when they prefer to seek pastures new.

Of course, Samuel Eto’o wasn’t feeling any solidarity with his Italian brethren, as he negotiated a tidy arrangement for himself with Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala.  When you’re making €335,000 per week, the rest of your comrades can eat tiramisu.

Anzhi were muddling through a scoreless draw with FK Rostov on Saturday, when coach Ghadzi Ghadziev summoned Eto’o from his pitch side jacuzzi, on the hour mark.  While the Cameroonian was still towelling off, Timofey Kalachev put the hosts ahead.  Eto’o found his stride, though, and equalised with ten minutes remaining.  That’s one week’s pay in the bank.  Imagine what he might have done if Anzhi were paying him a cool half mil.

On Sunday, Zenit St. Petersburg blasted five goals past an impotent Kuban Krasnodar squad to put some distance between themselves and CSKA, who survived a heated 2-2 Moscow derby with Spartak.  Alexander Kerzhakov joined the weekend hat trick club, powering the rout, with Roman Shirokov and Danny also smoking the Kubans.

Dinamo’s 2-0 home victory over Spartak Nalchik kept them in the title chase, as well, six points off the pace.

Two weeks ago I ended the J-League section of the Drip by asking selfish European players to take note of the tireless efforts of Keisuke Honda and Shinji Kagawa, who played matches for their European clubs on either side of a midweek commute to Sapporo for an international friendly against South Korea.  I’m not sure what to think about the possibility that Freddie Ljungberg was the only player who took heed.

The ex-Gunner, Seattle Sounder, Chicago Fire and Celtic winger will be plying his trade with mid-table side Shimizu S-Pulse.

“I am so excited about playing in Japan.  I was inspired by the way the Japanese people dealt with the tragedy of March 11 earthquake and I really want to show support for them by playing football in Japan and for S-Pulse in particular.”

The diabetically sugar-coated statement, while par for the course in the game, and especially in the endlessly courteous Land of the Rising Sun, likely has Sounders’ fans choking on their Starbucks double latte ventes, given the Swede’s me-first attitude while in America.  It’s pleasant to think of how soon he’ll be heading back to the west if he tries that in Japan.

Meanwhile, season long leaders Kashiwa Reysol slipped to fourth after dropping a 2-0 decision to new table topper Gamba Osaka, in mid-week.  Champion Nagoya Grampus Eight are a point off the pace after picking up two wins during the week, as the J-League crams the matches in after a delayed start to the season caused by the tragic events in March.  Lundberg’s unsuspecting new teammates, S-Pulse, maintained their mid-table status by picking up a pair of draws.

Has Hell frozen over?  Major League Soccer wrapped up matches on Saturday, this weekend, permitting those players on international duty to get a jump on their European counterparts, as they jet out to link up with their national squads.  As well, the usually indifferent American league will only be playing two matches over the break.  Seriously, when did MLS start caring about international play?  I didn’t get the memo.

There were two matches of note over the weekend.  Jeff Cunningham converted a penalty as the hour approached in Seattle, making him the all-time MLS goal scorer, with one hundred and thirty-four tallies, surpassing Jaime Moreno.  Unfortunately, it was a bittersweet moment, as his Columbus Crew were already down four goals, at the time.  The final score was 6-2, and, yes, there was a hat trick, Lamar Neagle doing the honours.

In Kansas City, FC Dallas cooled off the hot Sporting KC, with a 3-2 road killing.  The home side was enjoying a two goal lead with twenty minutes remaining, when Ugo Ihemelu, Maicon Santos and Bobby Warshaw turned the match on its head.  As they have all season, the Hoops proved that losing a key player, such as the man who said yes to Blackburn, George John, is something they are prepared to handle.†

FCD and Sounders moved within range of the rampant but idle LA Galaxy with the wins.

†So, naturally, having written that, it is announced that Blackburn Rovers and John apparently cannot agree on terms, nixing the deal.  He’ll go back to an exciting FC Dallas club and Rovers will continue to lose.

Clausura champion UNAM Pumas continued their precipitous dip in form, with a 2-1 home defeat at the hands of crosstown rivals Cruz Azul.  Previously, the club had been stunned by mid-table Puebla and, in the CONCACAF Champions League, were held to a bore draw by Panamanians FC Tauro.  The slump sees Pumas in fifth place, still within the eight team playoff picture but hardly comfortable.

As Chivas also slipped to defeat at San Luis, on Saturday, the victory pushed Cruz Azul into the top spot in the league.  Monterrey corrected their own slide, with a 2-0 triumph over Santos, thanks to strikes from Luis Perez and bullet headed Chilean assassin Humberto Suarez.

In Brazil, there was a major upset, with Campeonato leaders Corinthians falling at Palmeiras, 2-1.  Emerson put the visitors up after eighteen minutes but Luan leveled ten minutes before the break and Fernandao put the hosts ahead just afterwards.

The damage wasn’t too severe, however, as closest rivals Flamengo, with Deivid and Ronaldhino both in the eleven, were held to a surprising goalless draw at home by Vasco de Gama.  Neymar, Ganso and their Santos teammates continued in their morass, falling in a Paulista derby, 0-1, to Sao Paolo.

River is dead, long live the new River!  Atletico Rafaella, the country bumpkins who consigned once mighty River Plate to the second division for the first time in their history, are now sitting atop the table in the Primera Division de Argentina. Leaving more pedigreed clubs, such as Boca Juniors, Racing Club and Velez Sarsfield in the blocks, the new boys have run off three victories in their first four matches to set the early pace.

The latest victim was a stunned Olimpo, who fell 3-1 on goals from Alexis Nicolas Castro, Dario Gaudin and Walter Omar Serrano.  Massive clubs with money to spare might have been the cream of this week’s Drip, but it’s a good feeling when the final sip at the bottom of the cup is just as sweet as the first, dregs or no.

See you next Monday! 

Liverpool got their season well and truly up and running with a 2-0 win at the Emirates Stadium on Saturday. After the disappointment of the home draw with Sunderland, the Reds made the most of Arsenal’s current issues to register their first three points of the new campaign.

Sympathy for the Gunners’ plight will be thin on the ground around the Anfield Road though, as most fans will have identified Arsenal as the easiest of the targets from last season’s top four to overhaul this year, making the result very much welcome.

The obvious assumption to draw from the match would be that Andy Carroll was ineffective, as the Reds improved markedly after he and Dirk Kuyt were withdrawn from the field.  That would be unfair though, as perhaps the key incident of the match occurred directly before the double substitution, when Arsenal’s Emmanuel Frimpong, who was making his first start in the Premiership, was sent off.

After that, Liverpool had significantly more space in the midfield, and were able to play with much more freedom. That’s a positive reflection on Frimpong, who actually played well before his sending off, but make no mistake about it, he deserved to go.

His foul on Lucas Leiva was probably worthy of a red card in its own right, but after the initial caution (a ludicrous incident on his part, as he contested and blocked a Liverpool throw which was clearly awarded correctly) he was never going to see out the match.   His studs-up lunge on Liverpool’s current player of the year was the type of play which sends Arsene Wenger into a fit of pique but which Gunners fans have been calling for from their squad.

If the Ghanaian teenager can hone his aggression to a knifes edge, and couple it with a good first pass in transition, the club will have the terrier that everyone but the Frenchman deems has been lacking.  The question is whether Wenger will allow Frimpong to take that path.  If he does, the nadir which the Emirates side have entered will be a short one and they will be back with a vengeance.

Kenny Dalglish played a blinder immediately following the red card, as he sent on Raul Meireles and Luis Suárez who were able to run rings around a tiring Arsenal defence.

The Liverpool manager faced criticism in some quarters, last week,  for not making use of his third substitution against Sunderland, despite the clear evidence that the team had run out of steam in the second half. He only used two this week as well, but they made the difference almost immediately.

Liverpool took the lead on 78 minutes, through an Aaron Ramsey own goal. Although he was unlucky to block Ignasi Miquel’s attempted clearance causing it to loop into the net, he was the Arsenal player most at fault for the goal. He failed to track the run of Raul Meireles as he charged towards the penalty area, which enabled the Portuguese to pass easily to Suárez, thereby causing the confusion which led to the goal.

With the sending off and the own-goal combining to form a demoralising one-two suicide punch, Lucas, Meireles and Suárez then enjoyed the freedom of the Emirates Stadium as injury time approached.  The trio wove a neat little triangle through the beleaguered Gunners defence, leaving the substitute striker with a tap-in to wrap up a well-earned three points. It was very much an Arsenal style goal ironically enough, as the Reds (or Blacks, based on their away shirts) walked the ball into the net.

Suárez now has two league goals from just ninety-four minutes of match play, giving him a less notable but certainly comparable record with another Rioplatense super-sub.  After Man City’s match with Bolton, which tempered the enthusiasm over Sergio Aguero’s debut two-goal cameo against Swansea City the two South Americans now have a virtually identical record — the Argentine has played ninety-nine minutes in his two matches.

So aside from the substitutes, who else played well?

Martin Kelly impressed in his first appearance since February. So much so that I wonder if Glen Johnson will be able to get back into the team once he regains fitness.

Last season Liverpool played well with Kelly at right-back and Johnson on the opposite flank, but with Jose Enrique beginning his Anfield career so well, is there room for Johnson?  I praised Enrique in my review of the Sunderland match last week, and can only do so again. He defended superbly and pushed Theo Walcott, the Arsenal right-winger, to the periphery of the game.

Following the sale of Fabregas,  Arsene Wenger would have been looking to senior players like Walcott and Samir Nasri to make a big impression yesterday.  Unfortunately, it appeared that Nasri was distracted by the news that City were unwilling to meet his wage demands. Arsenal’s midweek Champions League second leg against Udinese will be interesting, as Wenger, who will be sitting in the stands, after receiving a two-match ban, has indicated he has no qualms about starting Nasri, and City’s Roberto Mancini has subtly threatened to call the deal off if he does.

Whereas Nasri, for the most part, played himself out of the game, Enrique’s efforts restricted Walcott to a mere 15 passes and ensured that none of his six crosses were successful.  As well, the Gunner won just one of his eight possession duels, while Enrique won eight of his ten to emphasise the point further.

Of course it wasn’t all positive for the Reds. The ease with which Nasri, when he did manage to focus, ran from deep in his own half to the edge of the Liverpool penalty area to get a decent shot away was concerning. I’m not convinced that Charlie Adam can play in a central midfield two, and as great as he is, Lucas Leiva can’t be expected to cover everything on his own.  Yet, these are minor quibbles. If you can’t be happy when you’ve won away at a significant rival, then you’re either a United or Chelsea fan, and who wants to be that?

As I mentioned last week, I will be monitoring Liverpool’s progress in their pursuit of a Champions League place.

Based on previous Premier league campaigns, 1.8 points per game should prove enough for fourth place. Whilst the Reds are currently on 2.0 ppg, just two games is hardly a good measuring stick.  However, in those two matches, LFC have outperformed the corresponding fixtures from last season.

As well, in King Kenny’s twenty league fixtures in charge, the side has averaged 1.85 ppg.  Thus, the club seem to be heading in the right direction.

With away matches at Stoke and Spurs on the horizon, next Saturday’s home match with Bolton takes on the shape of a key fixture. Three points will send the Reds into the next international break in very fine fettle indeed.  A draw may be cause for some concern, and a defeat…. well, I don’t want to think about that.

Statistics sourced from EPLIndex. Read more of Andrew Beasley @ basstunedtored.com

The six matches on Premier League Saturday sent mixed signals.  On the one hand, it’s August and Everton lost, so everything seems normal.  On the other, Aston Villa fans applauded Alex McLeish and Emile Heskey scored a goal, so the world could be tilting on its axis.  In London, the rioting has subsided but the sky is falling, as Arsenal and Chelsea are both struggling, never mind that the latter won today.  Elsewhere, Steve Bruce and Sunderland continued their futility in the Tyne/Wear derby and Roberto Martinez and Wigan theirs against newly promoted sides with whom they’re expected to battle, in the spring, for Premier League survival.

For the Latics, the futility hasn’t been quite so bad as for the Black Cats.  They’ve drawn their two matches, which puts them in that no man’s land that is equal parts winless and unbeaten.  On the other hand, having survived relegation on the final day last season, Swansea and Norwich are two sides against which Wigan can realistically measure itself.  Two points and one goal are not totals with which manager Martinez should be happy.  Yes, Dutch keeper Michel Vorm denied Ben Watson from the spot, but a goal or two from open play would have given the side confidence, rather than doubt.

They’ll have two more chances to get it right, against Neil Warnock sides, past and present, in the coming week.  Wigan travel to Crystal Palace on Tuesday, in Carling Cup action, and then welcome QPR next Saturday.  With Tony Fernandes having purchased the club and promised funding for new players, there may be some unexpected faces in the line-up for that one.  The hottest rumour is Scott Parker moving over from West Ham.

It was Warnock and QPR, by the way, who put the Toffee’s off to another poor start to a Premier League season.  David Moyes, with a relatively healthy squad (barring Seamus Coleman), had every right to expect a positive beginning after avoiding a difficult road tilt in the first week of the season.  Yet, on the half hour, Phil Jagielka gave the ball away and Tommy Smith — not that one, although I’m going to say it, anyway — put the ball in the auld onion bag.  Even with not-quite-fit Marouane Fellaini and Mikel Arteta coming on for the final half hour, the Toffees couldn’t find an equaliser and left the home crowd disappointed.  The one bright spot was the play of youngster Ross Barkley, who lit it up on the wing.   In the seventeen year old, Moyes has apparently unearthed another nugget.

Next up for Everton is a trip to hapless Blackburn, who have learned that there are worse situations than having a long serving chairman, such as Bill Kenwright, who can no longer afford to finance a competitive Premiership side; you can be bought by a concern who don’t know how.

After dropping their home opener against Wolves last week, 1-2, Rovers quickly found themselves down two goals less than a half hour into their visit to Villa Park.  Gaby Agbonlahor is making Claret & Blue supporters forget Ashley Young, scoring the first after sweeping in from the left, and then setting up Heskey on twenty-five minutes.  When Morten Gamst-Pedersen’s header seemed to have given Steve Kean’s side life, Darren Bent did what an England striker should, poaching a loose ball and killing off the match.  The downside to Villa’s day was that all three of McLeish’s substitutions were forced by injuries, to Agbonlahor before the break and then Heskey and Luke Young.

Thus, Blackburn are rooted to the cellar, with no immediate prospects for improvement.  To give a clearer sense of Steve Kean’s plight, there seem to be no takers for want-away striker El-Hadji Diouf and any prospects who might make a difference, such as Schalke forward Raul, have absolutely no interest in the club.  Worse, the loss made Kean the first Scot to be defeated by McLeish in a dozen Premier League attempts.  If you were wondering who might be this year’s West Ham or Pompey…

While Blackburn’s inefficacy can be traced back to the club’s purchase by Venky’s and the subsequent sacking of Sam Allardyce, Sunderland’s open-door policy against Newcastle goes back three decades.  The Mackems have tasted victory at home against the Geordies just the once in thirty-one years.

Saturday’s failure came despite the second intervention by Swede Sebastian Larsson in less than a week.  Apparently, after plucking the ball out of mid-air with a beautiful volley to equalise against Liverpool six days ago, the Swede had a chat with new Reds striker Luis Suarez.  It would seem that pointers were given, as Larsson this week plucked a goal-bound Joey Barton effort with an extended arm, on the quarter-hour.  Much to Barton and his teammates’ incredulity, referee Howard Webb and his linesman only awarded a corner kick on the play, instead of the deserved penalty and red card.  Eventually, Ryan Taylor’s scintillating free kick gave the Magpies the goal they had been denied and, with Sunderland failing to make good on their chances, it was enough.

In London, meanwhile, Chelsea’s fightback from a goal down wasn’t sufficient for Blues fans.  After exploding out of the gate twelve months ago, the stuttering start to the new campaign under Andres Villas-Boas has been met with impatience.  Expectations have always been high at Stamford Bridge but one would hope that a new manager who has lost his midfield destroyer to a serious knee injury, is waiting on his suddenly reluctant Russian billionaire to spend the money necessary to supply him with a trequartista and/or capable winger, and has inherited the £50 million version of Emile Heskey might be given a few games to get everyone pulling in the same direction.

Even though Shane Long’s second goal against a recent Premier League champion in as many games gave West Brom the lead, this much can be said for Villas-Boas:  by and large, he got his tactics right and where he didn’t, he wasn’t afraid to make a correction.  Starting Nicolas Anelka and yanking Salomon Kalou in favour of Florent Malouda after only thirty minutes provided the Portuguese with the two goals required for Chelsea to fight their way past the (comparatively speaking) paper Baggies.

Not that West Brom, although they are level on points, are as soggy as Blackburn.  Roy Hodgson’s side has given the past two title holders everything they could handle to open the season.  The points will come for his side.

Which brings us to Arsenal.  The Gunners have been held scoreless in their opening two matches, something which has never happened on Arsene Wenger’s watch.  The cries for his ouster from the ‘What have you done for me lately?’ crowd are getting louder.  The reasoning that his methods have failed to yield a trophy over six years carry some weight but the squad is not in as dire circumstances as some make out.  The loss against Liverpool was almost inevitable, given that the Gunners were missing a half-dozen players to injury and two more to suspension, temporary setbacks both.   Yet, despite Wenger fielding an early round cup side against a full strength Liverpool bunch (again, with the lone exception of Steven Gerard),  it took the intervention of fate to break the deadlock between the two sides.

With Laurent Koscielny forced off early with a back injury, reserve player Ignasi Miquel was forced into action.  The young Spaniard looked quite good until Luis Suarez hurried him into blasting a clearance off Aaron Ramsey’s chest and into the goal, on seventy-eight minutes.  Suarez would tap-in at the death to put matters beyond doubt but Emmanuel Frimpong also looked good for Arsenal, and every bit the physical midfielder for which the fans have been begging, until he picked up his second booking, leaving the side at the mercy of a relentless Reds attack.  That has been the Gunners’ story for some time, now:  looking good until….

As bad as it may seem, however, without Wenger, 2011-12 would likely be one long hangover for Gunners faithful.

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Well, one game down, one point on the board.  As well, it was a very close, scrappy game as I predicted the last week – oh crap, is anyone out there a chiropractor?  I think I’ve strained something patting myself on the back.

The contest might have been much better had the early season lack of match fitness not reared its ugly head. I’m not going to go into match reviews too much in these columns, you can check out Andrew’s work for that. Think of us as one of those couples that comes to a costume party dressed as a donkey.  He’s the back end.

My main aim during the season will be to provide you with some tactical insight and, hopefully, what to expect from upcoming matches throughout the season.

Let’s start with a look at the Gooners side of things.

It has been a summer to forget for Arsenal, watching captain Cesc Fabregas return to Spanish giants Barcelona and waiting for French winger Samir Nasri to head north to Manchester.  And while those two were hogging the headlines, others have made their exit without much notice:  Denilson returned to Brazil; Emmanuel Eboue joined the growing ex-Premier League contingent in Turkey, with Galatasaray; and Gael Clichy has preceded Nasri to Manchester City. The only additions so far have been Joel Campbell, Gervinho, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Carl Jenkinson and Ryo Myaichi, the Japanese recalled from his loan spell at Feyenoord. With an average age of just over 19, it looks like Arsenal could be looking at another “next season” speech from Arsene Wenger.

Worse, Arsenal’s squad is looking paper-thin in the middle of the park and just non-existent in the left back area. The players unavailable for this match reads like a catalogue:

It makes great reading for Liverpool fans, as Arsenal have no fit left back and their main source of creativity (Wilshere) is missing, as well. It was evident against Newcastle that Arsenal lacked that killer ball in the final third and Wilshere is the man who can provide it.   His absence can only help LFC’s chances.

Normally, one would expect Arsenal to dominate possession, passing around the opposition.  However, in their midweek Champions League qualifier against Serie A side Udinese, they failed to control the game for large periods. LFC will have to force the issue and shut down any passing triangles that Arsenal look to start in the midfield.  For me, that requires a midfield duo of Lucas Leiva and Jay Spearing to get the nod with Charlie Adam camped in front of them.

In defence, LFC will have to be switched on from the opening touch and prepared to intercept the through balls that Arsenal will feed to their front three.  Kenny Dalglish’s selection of John Flanagan over Martin Kelly in the Sunderland was rather peculiar, perhaps hinting that the Scot may be considering Kelly as cover at centre back when (not if) Daniel Agger gets injured.  For this game, though, Kelly’s selection at right back makes more sense due to his better reading of the game. There is also the ever-threatening Dutchman, Robin Van Persie, with whom to contend; a close eye will have to be kept on him at all times.  Too often, the new Gunner captain creates something from nothing.  Kelly’s added bit of experience should help with that.

In the Liverpool offensive third, runners sneaking in behind could find a great deal of joy against the jerry-rigged Gooner defence, if Tuesday night is any indication. Bacary Sagna was caught up the field several times against the Bianconeri, perhaps to eager to exploit the absence of new Barcelona man Alexis Sánchez.  If the Reds can draw Arsenal forward, history may repeat itself. Adam loves to play the diagonal ball into the corner and if Downing hugs that left hand touchline…

Further fun could be had down the right hand side, as well, where either Thomas Vermaelen or Carl Jenkinson will be asked to slot in, although they aren’t natural left-sided defenders.

Against Sunderland, Andy Carroll’s tendency to chase the ball into midfield proved problematic, leaving the Reds with no one leading the line or providing a central forward outlet. At the Emirates, the same tactic could turn out to be a blessing; Vermaelen tends to follow the play forward and, like Sagna is not versed in C-Y-A.   Pushing Suarez right up alongside Carroll might help Liverpool capitalise on the Belgian’s adventurous nature.

Admittedly, what I’m suggesting will result in the formation becoming lopsided at times.  Stewart Downing would be providing the only major width, but the Kelly’s inclusion on the opposite flank compensates for that somewhat, as he can gallop up and down the touch line all day,

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Make no mistake.  This season is going to be, without a doubt, the most interesting in the history of the Premier League. With so many teams vying for supremacy, there will be numerous challengers to Manchester United’s crown.  Last year, United’s main rival coming in was clearly identified as Chelsea.  No surprise really; the defending champions should be the team to beat.  This year, however, it’s United who are looking to repeat.    With both Chelsea and Manchester City’s managers clearly stating their intent to win the title this season, you’d expect one of those clubs to be my nomination as the Red Devils’ chief rival.  There’s another team, though, which I believe poses a bigger threat, and that is Liverpool.

Kenny Dalglish has bought big this summer — bringing in Charlie Adam for around £9 million, Jordan Henderson and Stewart Downing for near enough £20 million apiece, and Jose Enrique for £6 million.  The club may talk about taking one step at a time and reclaiming their place in the top four, but Dalglish is not the sort to set easy targets for himself.  As a player he was a champion and, before his retirement, raised trophies as a manager, as well.  There is no question that his intent is to return to the top at the earliest opportunity.

It may not be that simple, but with the quality that Liverpool have throughout the side, not to mention their Premier League pedigree, I expect them to be fighting tooth and nail with Manchester United and the rest all season long.

While from a mental standpoint, Dalglish may have had to start from scratch with the Reds, there was plenty of ability to work with when he first stepped into the void created by Roy Hodgson, Rafa Benitez, Tom Hicks and George Gillet.  Pepe Reina is arguably the best keeper in the Premier League.  Jamie Carragher, while as slow as, remains a rock at the heart of the defence; one who would rather die than miss a tackle — if you can believe everything a Kopite will tell you.  Steven Gerrard, when fit, may be the best English midfielder of his generation (put your hand down Scholesy, you were a generation before).  If that trio weren’t a solid foundation, Dalglish moved quickly to replace the unsettled Fernando Torres with Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, in essentially a £50 million two-fer.

And who could forget the fan factor at Anfield? When the place is rocking, there is no ground like it in the league and it is, bar Old Trafford, the toughest away ground from which to take points.

When you put all of these factors together, I think United have identified their nearest challengers.

Okay, while you try to get a grip on yourself, I’ll give equal time to the more popular nominees.

Many people believe that Manchester City, with their big spending and galaxy of world class players, will push United all the way.  Having bought established names where Liverpool bought youth, they have the experience required.  However, they have the same lack of familiarity and tenfold the egos in a dressing room roughly the same size as the one Merseyside.

As we have seen with Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, and Craig Bellamy, in the professional sense, and Mario Balotelli in the opposite, City has too many players concerned about the me rather than the we.  That absence of trust, combined with a lack of discipline (City were cautioned ten times for dissent, more than any other Premier League side in ’10-11), will hold the side back from their ultimate goal of Premier League glory.

Certainly, they have spent  sufficiently — again! — to be considered a title threat, yet the greater part of that has been on one player:  Sergio Kun Aguero, whose price tag was comparable to Carroll.  Stefan Savic and Gael Clichy are the only other purchases the Eastlands outfit have made, their cost roughly equal to Adam and Enrique.

Of course, £50 million for the three is a princely sum, but surely City need to buy well, and not necessarily big, if they are going to win the Premier League?   After all, the two don’t always go hand in hand. Just look at the purchases of Javier Hernandez and Fernando Torres. The little Mexican cost £6 million and was easily the signing of the season.  Meanwhile had the £50 million Torres provided more than one goal to Chelsea, they very well might have caught — and passed — United in the final weeks.

Problematic is that City look set to miss out on long time target Samuel Eto’o, and it has become apparent that they need to buy experience in midfield. Yaya Toure and Nigel De Jong are excellent footballers but City need a marshal in midfield; someone who can break up the play without breaking bones or giving away foul after foul. Daniele De Rossi would provide that and, if Mancini were to bring in the Italian, they would surely be contenders.

To me, however, they don’t seem quite there, as yet.

Chelsea, on the other hand, are a conundrum. With Roman Abramovich taking a relative gamble by bringing in a thirty-three year old manager, albeit with at least some backroom experience in English football management, Chelsea will need to hit the ground running, and, in this campaign, keep going.

Nine points out of nine from their first three matches against Stoke, West Brom and Norwich would have been ideal, even reasonable given their two 6-0 results and a 25-2 aggregate over the first five league matches and opening Champions League group game, last year.  Yet, the side is missing Michael Essien, has the doubt of Fernando Torres’ form still hanging over their heads and now, sadly, the spectre of Jon Obi Mikel’s father’s abduction in Nigeria.  The scoreless result against the stalwart Potters at the Brittanica wasn’t too shocking considering.  Overwhelming problems don’t matter to the fans and the media, however.  If Villas-Boas doesn’t get his side in gear quickly, they’ll be on his back like lions on a wildebeest.  And that can only be bad gnus.

Having said that (!), there is more than enough quality at Stamford Bridge to win the league, regardless of who Abramovich puts in charge.   How many other teams can boast the potent attacking threat of Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba? – the midfield ability of Frank Lampard, Florent Malouda and, when fit, Michael Essien? — the defensive strength of John Terry, Ashley Cole, Alex and Branislav Ivanovic? –and how many other teams can boast a goalkeeper with the qualities of Petr Cech? In reply to the last, at least, these days not even United can.

The Blues veterans are, when on the top of their games, probably the best in the world in their positions, but when they hit a blip, the whole team can be thrown off kilter.  Last season’s November collapse, triggered oddly enough by the firing of one of the backroom staff, saw them lose 3-0 at home to Sunderland, 1-0 to Birmingham and, in the match which usually lifts them out of these slumps, a 3-1 London derby defeat against Arsenal over the holidays.

Happy Christmas.

In total, Chelsea picked up three points from six November and December games and, although they gave it every effort, never recovered.

Now, I am not saying that such a run will happen again.  Still, if Andre Villas-Boas fails to sell the players on his methods and fan unrest grows, then they are just as likely to face a battle for third as one for the title.

Arsenal are another team that is always mentioned when the new season rolls around, but with Cesc Fabregas now officially in Barcelona, and Samir Nasri likely heading north and west, Arsene Wenger’s stubborn refusal to enter the transfer market — although he may be softening — means that the Gunners are likely to be battling their London rivals, Spurs, for the fourth Champions League spot.

Nevertheless, if Wenger does decide to spend the income gained by the sales of Fabregas and Nasri, then he will have to do it both quickly and wisely for the Gunners to stay in contention for the title. So far this summer, Gervinho, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Carl Jenkinson have come in, but only one of those players looks ready for the first team.

With Robin Van Persie all too susceptible to injury, Wenger must invest in another striker and he must replace at least one of the aforementioned midfielders.  If Gervinho is injured, there will be no one to replace him as the Frenchman’s squad looks thin on the ground, as it is.  Jack Wilshere is still out and Emmanuel Eboue is on his way to Galatasaray, which essentially leaves Aaron Ramsey, Andrei Arshavin and Tomas Rosicky.  Not a lot of cover for a team in four competitions.  Be that as it may, with only a fortnight to do business, signing replacements may prove easier said than done for the wily Frenchman.

Now, don’t misunderstand me.  I am not rating Manchester United miles above the rest or considering them as automatic favorites for the title.  I’m hoping that they win it but I’m realistic about the difficulty of the task.  Fergie’s new fledglings have some glaring deficiencies that need sorting.

Ashley Young certainly showed his potential against West Brom on Sunday, as did Tom Cleverley.  Danny Welbeck wasn’t bad, himself.  Conversely, David de Gea will be looking ahead to better days.  But one game does not a career, or season, make for any of them.  They will all have to put in top performances on a weekly basis and against tougher opposition to prove their mettle.

Yet, I’m not Alan Hansen, either.  The talent is there and the management, as well.  If you blend this batch of kids, including De Gea, Young, Cleverley, Welbeck, Chris Smalling, Phil Jones and the da Silva twins, with Nani, Wayne Rooney, Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra and Javier Hernandez  – whom you would have expected to be lumped in with the other youngbloods — you might just have a winning recipe.

Six of seven scheduled matches went off on Saturday, with only Tottenham v Everton scrapped due to the pitch invasion taking place on a metropolitan scale in several English cities.

There was looting and casualties at Loftus Road, with Bolton smashing and grabbing a 4-0 victory over QPR — a rude welcome for the new Premier League residents.  Gary Cahill, Ivan Klasnic and Fabrice Muamba did the damage for Bolton and Danny Gabbidon added one for the Hoops.  Unfortunately, in all the confusion, the new signing realised too late that he was at the wrong end and should have been keeping the ball out.  Worse for Neil Warnock, new signing Kieron Dyer had to be stretchered off, having broken a bone in his foot.

At Ewood Park, Wolves fought back from an early Mauro Formica goal — Venky’s being too skint to go with hardwood or marble — to claim a 2-1 win over Blackburn.  Two of the Three Steves, Fletcher and Ward, hit the target for the Wanderers while Kevin Doyle missed a third from the spot.  Afterwards, Rovers boss Steve Kean bemoaned the fact that, due to injury and the lack of summer purchases, he had no proper centre halves for the match.  Then he urged the club’s new owners to spend a little money.

“We are making realistic bids and they are not coming off. Maybe we will have to pay over the odds to ensure that we get people here. We have to speed up the process because I don’t think we can go another couple of games having to play central midfielders at centre-half. We certainly need bodies. We’ve got 11 players who were on the books in one form or another that have left the club since last season and we’ve brought three in. We need to make sure we get a good number of players coming back in and make sure we have a competitive squad.” 

Isn’t this where Big Sam Allardyce came in, or to be more accurate, went out?  Have a care, Steve-o; the new brand of Premier League chairman, whether it’s Venky’s, Mike Ashley or Flavio Briatore doesn’t want to hear their manager crying about money.  Just get on with the football and leave the profits from player sales to us.

At Anfield, Liverpool’s start to the campaign was a microcosm, if in reverse, of their 2010-11 inconsistency.  Luis Suarez missed from the spot but made up for it five minutes later, putting the Reds in front early.  But then Andy Carroll had a goal disallowed for offsides and Stewart Downing hit the woodwork, setting the stage for Sebbe Larsson’s sublime strike to level terms.

There was some argument over the official definition of a clear path to goal on the penalty, as Suarez was rounding keeper Simone Mignolet — and thus temporarily tacking away from goal — when the caught out Kieran Richardson brought him down, earning a yellow card rather than a straight red.  Had Suarez not skied his penalty, though, the debate may have been more teapot and less tempest.

In an early preview to this spring’s coming relegation battle, Wigan and Norwich battled to a one-goal draw.  Ben Watson put the Latics ahead from the spot and Wesley Hoolahan equalised in first-half added time.

And those were the four matches in which goals were scored.  Yet, it was one of the three goalless encounters which stirred up the hornet’s nest of controversy for the day.

Last year at St. James Park, Arsenal jumped out to a four-goal lead at the half and then squandered it.  This year, the two sides proved more interested in attacking each other than the goal.

In the first half, Alex Song trampled a prostrate Joey Barton, which apparently activated the self destruct sequence in the combustible Newcastle midfielder’s head.  After the break, new Emirates signing Gervinho went down under a gust of wind and Barton’s timer hit zero.  Running over, he grabbed the Ivorian by the scruff of the neck and, hauling him to his feet, chastised him for diving.

The Ivorian reacted to the manhandling by slapping Barton in the kisser, hard enough to apparently dislodge the midfielder’s abhorrence for the practice of simulation.   Stricken, the Magpie theatrically clutched his face and slumped to the ground, drawing a red card for the former Lille winger and only yellow for his own actions.

So, despite Bolton’s romp and Wolves and Sunderland’s fightbacks, it was this match, in which Alan Pardew’s Toon parked the bus and Arsene Wenger’s Gunners, preparing for life without Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri by playing without Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri, were merely pedestrian in their attempts to break through, that commanded the public’s attention.  Once again, fans of English football proved that they prefer a good dust-up to a technically proficient contest.  And everyone wonders why the England is going through its current ordeal.

In trying to explain his seeming hypocrisy, Barton took to Twitter:

“I went down easy, no doubt. Still, you can’t raise your hands… What do I have to gain by standing and trading with him? NOWT.  Standing and defending myself has only got me in trouble before. What do you want me to do, hit him back? Or hope the ref keeps him on [the pitch]?”

Didn’t they chat you up about preventative measures in all those anger management courses, Joey?  You see, if you don’t go around horse-collaring opponents, the question of defending oneself may not arise, hmm?

“If he doesn’t dive then the incident doesn’t happen.”

Fair enough, but see my last comment.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten involved….”

Let’s hear it for hindsight!

“…but diving and trying to win a penalty is s***.  Needs stamping out.  I train all summer to have him cheat us out of a hard-earned point? It’s not on. Diving should be a three-game ban. Respect the game.”

Again, fair enough on diving being *hit, but it’s a bit late to be respecting the game when you’ve just roughed up someone in front of over 40,000 witnesses.

“If there’s contact, go down – but don’t blatantly try to con the ref. Refs have it hard enough.”

Joey, Joey, Joey.  He slapped you in the face, mate — barely brushed your cheek, if we’re being honest.  Yet, you went down like Steve Austin had just dropped a Stone Cold Stunner on your ass.  And the poor overwhelmed official bought your act.

I might feel more sympathy for you, were you not making Arsene Wenger sound sensible.  The Gunners manager opined that equal punishment, be it yellow cards or red, was warranted and it’s difficult to argue that.

Not being able to dispute a Wengerism is bad.  This is the man who condemned Karl Henry and Ryan Shawcross for their reckless play and then did a three-sixty, cliché-ing that Jack Wilshere had merely “mistimed” his horror tackle on the ever-elusive Nikola Zigic.  This is also the guy who Jose Mourinho had to put in his place after he criticised the tactics of a manager who has won six trophies in the six years since the Frenchman last stood on the podium, manages a team in a country not named England and was trying to defeat a side which had recently and controversially given Arsenal the bum’s rush from the Champions League.  This man rubs people the wrong way without even trying.  When Arsene Wenger is in the right, the planet becomes unstable.

So, stop it, Joey.  Just stop.  Put down the keypad and slowly back away.

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With certain London matches already postponed due to the current civil unrest, it’s difficult to get too excited about the opening weekend of the Premier League season.  It took draconian measures to restore order to football stadiums in England, over two decades ago.  One can only hope that the same isn’t required for British society, as a whole.

So, in the hopes that cooler heads prevail….

There has been a lot of talk that the big four has expanded to a big six, including Tottenham and a resurgent Liverpool along with current powerhouses Manchester City, United, Chelsea and Arsenal.  Yet, to my mind, there has been a contraction.  Only three clubs, from where I sit, can be considered bona fide title contenders.  Another trio have an outside shot and three or four more may even be in the frame for Europe.  That is certainly far more quality than you’ll find in any other league, but there is still one less team hovering around that large piece of silverware with the pretty ribbons.

Here’s who I think rates, who doesn’t and why.

Sure Shots

Manchester United come into the new season with Sir Alex Ferguson taking a page from Arsene Wenger’s book.  Despite the hew and cry for the club to spend extravagantly on a creative midfielder, the consensus choice being Inter’s Wesley Sneijder, the Scot has refused to go over the top.  Instead, like his French counterpart, he has focused on recruiting youth.

Phil Jones has come in to add depth to the defence, with he and Chris Smalling the eventual heirs to Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic.  Ferdinand will likely be rested frequently this season in an effort to extend his career, but Smalling has shown some ability on the outside, as well.  Ergo, in the meanwhile, he may provide some cover for Rafael and Patrice Evra, now that John O’Shea and Wes Brown have moved on.

Ashley Young has been signed from Aston Villa to give Fergie three options, along with Nani and Antonio Valencia, on the wings.  David de Gea is the man between the sticks, looking capable, if, at twenty-one, not as consistent as Edwin van der Sar.  Finally, Danny Welbeck is back from Sunderland, and has been impressive in the pre-season, making people forget Javier Hernandez, who is still recovering from concussion.

In the center of the pitch, the concerns over Scholes’ absence may be unwarranted.  Tom Cleverley has stepped up his game this summer, suggesting that the club needn’t mortgage their future; it may have already arrived.

United may not be ready to topple Barcelona quite yet, but their current blend of experience and youth, across the board, indicates that the rest of Europe will still have to take a back seat.

Across town, Manchester City, have left themselves no outs.  Having spent — and spent again — to earn a Champions League berth and end a thirty-five year trophy drought with their FA Cup triumph in the spring, City went out and spent some more.  To be fair, splashing big on Sergio Kun Aguero was somewhat necessitated by captain Carlos Tevez’ repeated insistence on leaving.  Yet, another FA (or League) Cup won’t do, this year.  Nor will a second consecutive Champions League qualification.  City’s spending and progress now demand that they win the league.

Can they do it, however?  Well, when your strike force includes Aguero, Mario Balotelli, Edin Dzeko and, for the moment, Tevez, it would seem a possibility.  When David Silva is pulling the strings and might still be joined by Samir Nasri, hope grows.  With Yaya Toure and Nigel De Jong outmuscling and disrupting opposing midfields, it becomes a serious possibility.  Finally, with a defensive core of international quality running eight deep, in front of England’s number one, it might be worth putting down a few bob, just in case.

What’s missing?  First, they haven’t done it yet and the first time is always the most difficult.  Second, they do have the enviable dilemma of being too deep at virtually every position.  Tevez is not the only unhappy camper in the crowded clubhouse.  When you look at the roster, there will be an entire side, week in and week out, not selected but arguably strong enough to challenge for the title.  That can create problems.  Nevertheless, they are the type of problems that Roberto Mancini — or any other manager — would love to have.

Chelsea‘s perceived needs, off-season strategies and signings have been remarkably similar to United’s.  Youngsters on loan (Daniel Sturridge, Gael Kakuta) have been recalled, others signed (Oriol Romeu, Romelu Lukaku) and the cries for a creative midfielder have gone unanswered due to excessive market valuations (and a stubborn Harry Redknapp).

On the other hand, their big hole in midfield was brought about by yet another injury to Michael Essien, while the blue shirted version of Scholes, Frank Lampard, isn’t ready to call it a day just yet.  Also, unlike United, the Blues new goalkeeper, Thibaut Courtois (who has ironically replaced De Gea at Atletico Madrid), will have to wait a bit before taking over for Old Leatherhead, Petr Cech.  Finally, their new manager, while already steeped in trophies, is a young maverick rather than a legend in his own time.

With Luca Modric barred from his much desired move from White Hart Lane to Stamford Bridge, André Villas-Boas has been denied the trequartista he craves.  Yet, with a fortnight of the transfer window remaining, Roman Abramovich may still put pen to cheque — but even if he doesn’t, Chelsea can get by with the personnel in place, including Lampard, young Brazilian Ramires and homegrown sensation Josh MacEachran.

However, width is a problem.  Where United have splendid service in abundance, through Antonio Valencia, Nani and Ashley Young, Chelsea must try to fit square pegs Yossi Benayoun, Florent Malouda, Sturridge and Kakuta, into round holes.  As well, their defence, with an aging John Terry and want-away Alex, is not nearly as deep as either of their Manchester rivals.

If everything goes well for Chelsea, they are more than capable of reclaiming the title they lost to United last year.  However, if more injuries occur, Chelsea will soon find themselves holding off the next group of clubs for the final automatic Champions League place.

Dark Horses

Welcome to what may very well be Arsene Wenger’s final season at Arsenal.  The Frenchman has held the course despite six years of trophy-less football.  Gunners supporters, spoilt by Wenger’s past triumphs, most notably the exploits of the Invincibles, are growing increasingly restless.  That they have shown greater restraint than the general populace is commendable but the depths of their tolerance have been fully drained.  Excuses and rationale are no longer acceptable.  Now is the time to win.

Yet, it is now that Wenger has finally let Cesc Fabregas go to Barcelona and before he can shut the door again, Samir Nasri may dash off as well.  An already youthful side just became younger and now leaderless.    Wenger would like Thomas Vermaelen and Robin van Persie to step into that void, but neither has yet been able to remain healthy for a full season.

With the heart ripped out of the club, the manager would likely already be gone, despite his past record, were it not for the presence of Jack Wilshere.  The young Englishman has moved into the starting eleven for England, where Fabio Capello has touted him as a future captain.  He may soon be taking on that responsibility at the Emirates.  As well, Johan Djourou is a year older at the back, as is Kieran Gibbs.  Theo Walcott should be ready for an expanded role and Gervinho has come over from Lille to provide further width.  Welshman Aaron Ramsey is also healthy again, giving the club a veritable wealth of British first-teamers, for them, at three.

The two keys to the season will be whether or not Wenger can persuade Nasri to stay and if Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain can contribute immediately, reinforcing Wenger’s buy young and nurture policy.  Still, it’s difficult to see the Gunners doing more than challenging Chelsea for third, especially considering the early pressure of qualifying for the Champions League, with a difficult tie upcoming against Udinese.

Should he lose that match, the pressure on Wenger may become irresistible but the effort required to win may also take its toll in the stretch run of the season.

Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs have a big advantage over the four clubs above them in my pecking order:  they don’t have to compete in Europe this season.  Of course, by insisting upon keeping Luka Modric, who is very keen on some evening football in the midweek, Harry Redknapp may have erased that advantage completely.

The outspoken gaffer has taken a stand in order to prevent a mass exodus, refusing to sell the Croat, but how will that hard line affect the chemistry in the clubhouse?  Harry’s amazing ability to juggle four International strikers has ended — inevitably — with a loud clatter.  All four are falling about, crying to be let go.  Peter Crouch has a suitor in Stoke, although, as with Modric (if on a smaller scale), money is an obstacle.  Robbie Keane, on the other hand, has less takers than Gordon Brown at a charity bachelor auction.  Roman Pavyluchenko and Jermaine Defoe, meanwhile, are too intrinsic to Harry’s plans for him to even consider offers.

Every position is well stocked; with Niko Kranjcar, Rafael van der Vaart, Jermaine Jenas, Wilson Palacios, Tom Huddlestone, Danny Rose and the pleasantly surprising Sandro complementing Modric in the centre of the pitch; Aaron Lennon, Gareth Bale, Steven Pienaar and David Bentley man the wings;  the brittle Ledley King is supported by Michael Dawson, William Gallas, Benoit Assou-Ekotto, Sebastien Bassong, Alan Hutton, Younes Kaboul, Vedran Corluka and Kyle Walker at the back; and Brad Friedel has arrived from Aston Villa should the butterfingered Huerelho Gomes slip again.

If the personable Redknapp can hold them all together, Spurs could be back in the Champions League in 2012.  The problem is that every time his best player picks up a paper or goes online, he sees a picture of the gaffer giving him the finger.

You know it’s a tough league when Liverpool, who have been more prolifically busy in the transfer window, in terms of both quality and quantity, than any other side, don’t rate better than the position they finished in last season:  sixth.  You would think that all that activity would have made them a much better squad and I believe it has.  The problem is that there is a massive gap between being the best of the rest, as they ultimately were last year, and a bona fide title contender.  

With the midfield completely revamped, it’s not even much of a concern that Steven Gerrard won’t be available until at least October.  Jordan Henderson, Charlie Adam and Stewart Downing have all arrived to give Kenny Dalglish a selection migraine in the middle of the pitch, with the likes of Lucas Leiva, Alberto Aquilani, Dirk Kuyt, Raul Mereiles and Jay Spearing also in the mix.  Up front, as with everywhere else on the squad, there are any number of options, all centered around Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez, with Kuyt, Maxi Rodriguez and a healthy Gerrard also considerations.

The defence has been considerably strengthened by the recent addition of Newcastle left back Jose Enrique, allowing Glen Johnson to focus on the right side of the pitch and Martin Kelly to perhaps get some experience at centre back, spelling Jamie Carragher and Martin Skrtel.  Even in goal, where Pepe Reina is permanently installed, the club picked up some quality insurance in the form of erstwhile Roma keeper Doni.

Were it not for the time required to settle and become familiar with each other’s tendencies, I might put Liverpool a rung or two above their current position.  Certainly, if it comes together quickly, the Reds have the horses to race past Tottenham and Arsenal and draw neck and neck with old foes Chelsea.  If not, the Kop will just have to settle for a place in the Europa League.

Don’t Look Now, But…

If the pre-season ran until December and then the games which count finally began, Everton might be two-time defending Premier League champions under David Moyes.  Like jarheads at a Parris Island boot camp, the Toffees start off each season by digging a massive hole for themselves.

Yet, Moyes has quality at every position.  This season, there will be no African Cup of Nations or Asian Champions League to take players away.  There is Arsenal, however, doing their best to pry loose Phil Jagielka, as Man City did Joleon Lescott once upon a time, but Phil Neville still has it and Leighton Baines is only unlucky enough to be stuck behind Ashley Cole as the best English left back.  Seamus Coleman’s injury is another of those bad August omens for Moyes, however.

Ultimately, though, a midfield boasting one-time England hopeful Mikel Arteta, Marouane Fellaini and Jack Rodwell gives Everton the opportunity to take points everytime they take the pitch.  Imagine what this club could do if they got off to just an average start!

Bolton have three things holding them back:  a lack of funding to go out and sign a proven talent; a subsequent lack of depth; and a seemingly annual horror tackle which deprives them of American midfield prodigy Stuart Holden.   On the other hand, they have the coaching talents of Owen Coyle, which are sufficiently prodigious to cancel out two of the negatives.

The Scot’s motivational powers are unrivaled; it would almost be a crime to the rest of the Prem if he were put in charge of a club like City, United or Chelsea.  Still, Gary Cahill, Paul Robinson, Zat Knight, Martin Petrov, Nigel Reo-Coker and netminder Jussi Jaaskelainen are not a bad supporting cast for Holden.  Unfortunately, Korean Chung Yong-Lee’s own nightmare injury, at the end of July, was not the pre-season memory which Coyle wanted his side to take into the campaign.

If the club can stay relatively healthy, especially Holden (who currently is not), and the Scot can lay his hands on a goal scorer to replace Daniel Sturridge, the Wanderers will again be in the hunt for a Europa League slot.  Still, even if they do and Coyle can, the Trotters aren’t likely to bag their prize without some investment.

When compared with the Premier League elite, Fulham is a small club.  As such, they’d be hard pressed to find a better chairman than Mohamed al Fayed.  The former Harrod’s owner has provided the money to modernise and preserve the club’s longstanding home, Craven Cottage; he hires capable managers; buys them players when truly needed; and pays to keep them.  Despite Roy Hodgson leaving for Liverpool and Mark Hughes for pie in the sky, al Fayed has persevered.

Martin Jol is now the man in charge and the Egyptian has provided him with some new blood.  John Arne Riise has arrived from Rome to join his brother Bjorn Helge, providing the club with a dangerous threat from the left back position.  The club has a solid one-two punch in Bobby Zamora and Clint Dempsey; midfield reliability in Danny Murphy, Riise the younger, Damien Duff and Steve Sidwell; defensive stability in Aaron Hughes, Brede Hangeland, Carlos Salcido and, now, Riise the senior; and a world class goalkeeper in Mark Schwarzer, with a burgeoning international David Stockdale on loan to Ipswich, to give him playing time while the Aussie number one plays out the string.

Already a month into their Europa League campaign, their lack of depth will be challenged by involvement in four competitions, but make no mistake, this is a solid side.

Long ball specialists.  Cheap shot artists.  Ale house footballers.  Those are the labels Stoke City still live with, despite reaching the FA Cup final after giving Owen Coyle and Bolton a taste of their own silky smooth medicine.  Tony Pulis has patiently built on the solid defence, slowly adding more and more flair, as the base solidifies.

Kenwyne Jones, Jon Walters and Ricardo Fuller provide the goals.  Matthew Etherington has left the punting behind and is now almost a sure thing on the left.   Jermaine Pennant, as long as he is provided with valet service, will bring some imagination to the midfield, to complement the long throws of Rory Delap.  That unique advantage may be further augmented, if the Potters can come to terms with Tottenham regarding beanpole striker Peter Crouch.

Captain Ryan Shawcross, Matthew Upson and suddenly opportunistic goalscorer Robert Huth patrol the back.  Pulis is hoping that Jonathan Woodgate’s drawn out injury spell is finally done, so that he can provide further support for his two capable keepers, Asmir Begovic and Thomas Sorensen.

Look for the Potters to push a little further up the Premier League table, squeaking into the top ten in 2011-12.

Engines Idling

Sunderland picked up Wes Brown and John O’Shea from Man United to add some depth to the midfield and defence, as well as a bit of a winning culture.  So, why am I pegging Sunderland to slip back into the bottom half of the table in the new campaign?

Two reasons.

One, inexperience (Conor Wickham), chronic injury (Frazier Campbell) and character issues (Stéphane Sessègnon) in attack.  Asamoah Gyan was a great signing for the Mackems last year, but he can’t do it alone.

Two.  Steve Bruce is just too nice, especially when Man United fixtures roll around.  If some of predecessor and fellow United alumnus Roy Keane’s irascibility would rub off, other clubs might think twice when the Black Cats cross their path.  Until then, however….

One can, coincidentally, say two things about Sunderland rivals Newcastle as well.  Owner Mike Ashley certainly knows how to turn a profit and the club has replaced Arsenal as the favoured English destination for French footballers.

The impending sale of disaffected left back Jose Enrique to Liverpool recoups the investment in the latest Gallic window dressing at St. James Park, United cast-off Gabriel Obertan.  That makes seven French players on Alan Pardew’s roster, including Paris born Senegalese star Demba Ba, but not fluent francophone Cheick Tiote of the Ivory Coast.

Yet, while croissants may have been added to the player’s table at Newcastle’s Darsley Park training complex, the stream of quality players departing is not so easily addressed.  Enrique has tweeted his way out of the club but Joey Barton hasn’t been so lucky — not for lack of effort.  On the other hand, when your captain, coming off the best season of his young career (Kevin Nolan is still only twenty-nine) agrees to join a relegated club, it indicates there are problems behind the scenes.

Unfortunately for the Toon Army, Mike Ashley is in this for the long haul.  He and Derek Llambias have become adept at identifying young talent, improving upon it and selling at a surplus.  The club, barring a rash of injuries, has a competent coach and sufficient talent to hover in the middle of the table, staying up, but robbing their support of any and all hope for a bit of glory.

Modest.  In one word, that is West Brom manager Roy Hodgson.  Modesty can often be misinterpreted as lack of ambition, which is one reason he failed at Liverpool.  The Reds are a club that have a tradition of carrying the game to people.  Hodgson succeeds by taking the opposite approach.  It worked well at Fulham and it rescued the Baggies, who under Roberto di Matteo, were playing a style with which the Kop could identify.

WBA Chairman Jeremy Peace made the conscious decision to change the club’s style, which under Di Matteo and Tony Mowbray had seen them bouncing up and down between the Prem and the Championship.  Hodgson’s staid approach will achieve top flight stability; it just won’t take the Baggies anywhere but mid-table in the immediate future.

Hodgson has a prolific scorer in Peter Odemwingie but he has moved to provide cover in the form of Reading man Shane Long.  Last season, captain Chris Brunt was the most prolific assist man (10) of whom you have never heard in the Premier League, and West Brom, despite their adjusted priorities, should not want for goals.  At the back, Ben Foster has arrived on loan from troubled Birmingham.  He is a definite upgrade on Marton Fulop, and, under Hodgson, may soon find Fabio Capello pressuring him to reconsider his international sabbatical.

As well, the club has been convinced by Owen Hargreaves’ fitness tapes and have tabled an offer to the injury-hexed midfielder.  His healthy presence, if prolonged, may push the club into the top half of the table but, if you’re a Baggies fan,  don’t hold your breath.

The big question surrounding Alex McLeish is when he will take the Celtic job?   Having shown the willingness to jump from Birmingham to Aston Villa, upsetting all of Glasgow by crossing to the other side of the Old Firm seems the next logical step for the Scot.  For the moment, however, he is looking at his new squad and wondering, even without Ashley Young and Stewart Downing, what he might have done in 2010-11, had he been this blessed?

Charles N’Zogbia, over from Wigan, and Marc Albrighton, out of the Villa youth set-up, will make the departures of Young and Downing seem like well-timed, profitable business and, thus, Darren Bent and Gaby Agbonlahor should thrive in front of goal.  There are questions at the back, however, as Richard Dunne and James Collins, already slow, did not get any quicker over the summer.  As well, Shay Given will need to shake off the rust, after sitting on the Man City bench for so long.

Trust is the three hundred pound gorilla in the Villa clubhouse.  The fans don’t have any for McLeish, which begs the question, will the players?  Further, will McLeish himself be able to trust Stephen Ireland’s talent to overcome his dysfunctionality and will the new manager put the same trust in youngsters Barry Bannan and Eric Lichaj that Gerrard Houllier did?  At the moment, I don’t trust in any of that happening all too quickly.  Which is why I see such a talent-laden team remaining mired in mediocrity, despite the manager’s Carling Cup stunner last season.

In London, Neil Warnock has the full trust of the QPR clubhouse.  The problem is that the ownership of F1 bosses Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore doesn’t engender the same confidence.  Despite the lack of funding from above, with Blackpool’s DJ Campbell the only investment, at £2 million, the outspoken Warnock has gone about his business, signing Jay Bothroyd from Cardiff, and Danny Gabbidon and Kieron Dyer from West Ham (the latter by way of Ipswich), all on free transfers.  Somehow, the club has also managed to hold onto talented midfielder Adel Taraabt, despite interest from new money side Paris Saint-Germain.

That Warnock will have to compete with the rest of the Premier League on the cheap doesn’t bode well for future success but the current circumstances provide an environment in which the crafty Warnock can instill and exploit an Us v The World mentality in his squad.  In the short run, I’m betting that it will be just enough to lift them above the relegation fray.

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!

Blackburn‘s new owners, Venky’s, have taken a lot of stick since becoming part of the Premier League family and some people out there, afflicted with severe doses of PC, have taken exception.  The fact of the matter, however, is that no one really cares where the new Rovers supremos call home or how they made their fortune.  They hear it because they’ve thus far proved to be inept.

What else do you call it  when one executive, in India, says the club intend to become a top side, then another in the UK says, no, they’ll be happy to stay mid-table?  Next, someone pipes up that they’ve hired a consultant to identify, negotiate with and sign new players, starting with Ronaldinho, no less, with that whopper followed by someone else saying, don’t be silly, there’s no need to buy when you can just “outsource” from other clubs.  Hot on the heels of that piece of wisdom, the group let it be known that Mr. Sam — Big Sam Allardyce to you and me — would have the last say on all transfers.  A week later, Mr. Sam is in the booth for Sky instead of the dugout for Blackburn, very much to his surprise.

Now, Steve Kean is in charge and the club — safely mid-table and starting to gel when Big Sam was informed that he was just taking up space — is breathing easier after falling into the midst of a relegation battle and managing to pull themselves out at the last minute.

There’s little to suggest, however, that in his first full season, if he survives it, Kean will help the club progress.  Highly touted young defender Phil Jones has been sold on to Manchester United after some acrimonious hard-balling, which could very well hurt the club’s ability to do business down the road.  (Now, I realise that I’ve criticised Steve Bruce for kowtowing to the champions and Venky’s for getting in their face, but there is a middle ground between the two extremes.)   Envious of Jones, Chris Samba, the former captain, is as desperate as Kevin Nolan to leave his club and El Hadji Diouf has earned his way out by not showing up — but the club has signed David Goodwillie, who had charges of sexual assault dismissed for lack of evidence in Scotland, although leaked details of the case forced his departure.

To call the situation at Ewood Park anything other than a mess would be a kindness.  Look for the club to hover just above the drop zone for the better part of the season.

Roberto Martinez has managed to keep Hugo Rodallega, a quality goal scorer, at Wigan, and provide him a strong partner in Irishman Conor Sammon.  Unfortunately, the man most responsible for getting the ball into the opponent’s box, Charles N’Zogbia, is now wearing Claret and Blue.

The club has taken on the dogged determination of chairman Dave Whelan and plays the open attacking style favoured by classy manager Martinez, but WFC correspondent Daniel Doran may be right:  with too much quality leaving and insufficient coming in, it may finally be Wigan’s year to go back down.

On the other hand, I think that there’s enough stubborness and imagination in the tank for the Latics to stick around for another season.

Well then, What about Norwich?  Can they stay up?

Can Delia Smith and Michael Wynn-Jones, passionate and inspiring as they are, even come close to competing financially with the likes of John Henry, the Glazers, Roman Abramovich and Sheikh Mansour?  Can a squad whose only three players not from the UK or Ireland are an American, a Canadian and Belgian Ritchie de Laet, on loan from Man United, go toe to toe with even Manchester City’s reserve side?  Can Kyle Naughton, buried on the bench at Tottenham, hold off the likes of Andy Carroll, Chicharito or, on a slow day, Fernando Torres? Can James Vaughn make a difference here despite not doing so anywhere else, other than to coax Tony Pulis out of his towel and into a decent imitation of Zinedine Zidane?

Oh, wait.  That was James Beattie.  Ignore that one.  Answer this one instead.  Can Paul Lambert fight off male pattern baldness, graying hair and relegation all at the same time?

Didn’t think so.

I like Mick McCarthy’s dry sense of humour and his pragmatism.  Unfortunately, I don’t like Wolves‘ chances of avoiding the drop.  Like Norwich, there are just too many questions without answers.

Mick does have some quality with which to work, though.  Matt Jarvis is a bit of alright.  The three Steph/vens, Fletcher, Ward & Hunt, share some chemistry, as well as given names.  Ultimate poacher Kevin Doyle likely still has a few opportune goals in him, too.

On the other hand, one has to ask if former captain Karl Henry can find his way back from the dark side, after the first months of 2010-11 saw him approach Nigel de Jong status?  Then there’s the hyphen twins, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake and Ethan Ebanks-Landell.  What’s up with that?  I’m not certain, but it might be another expensive violation of the FA’s arcane squad rules.

The most pressing issue for the Wanderers, though, is can they take points against lower half sides?  They had better, because this time around it’s unlikely that they’ll steal six wins and three draws, more than half their points last year, from clubs in the top half of the table.

Aaaand  – Thud.

Brendan Rogers and Swansea were the surprise of the Championship playoffs.  Fellow Cwms Cardiff, with marquee names Jay Bothroyd and Craig Bellamy in the side, were pegged to make the jump to the top flight.  Instead, it’s their more anonymous rivals who are here.

Former Villa prodigy Luke Moore will get another crack at the Premier League, after sputtering out at West Brom.  A loan spell at Derby, with four goals in thirteen matches, suggested that his issues might be remedied by a move, but just three strikes in fifteen appearances for the Swans last season doesn’t bode well.  Danny Graham, who has come over from Watford, will be the main threat, then, and Wayne Routledge, from the St. James Park Clearing House is touted to provide a bit of width.

There are two weeks left in the transfer window and, while burnt by Marco Senna’s use of them as a decoy to secure a contract with Villareal, the Welsh side need to find a strong, experienced player to galvanise the side, or the Swans will be flying south all too soon.

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“Running a second-hand bookshop is a guaranteed commercial failure. It’s a whole philosophy. There were bookshops that I frequented and I was always struck by the loneliness and doggedness of these men who piloted this death ship.”

Dylan Moran.

This will make sense, trust me. Just let me untangle my children’s TV programmes from my adult comedy series. While I’m doing that here’s a secondary introduction, which segues WFC’s recent pieces on Sunderland’s latest captures and Man City’s lack of acquaintance with the term roster limit.

Steve Bruce’s side are quickly establishing themselves as something of a second-hand football club, with no less than 14 of their current squad signed from fellow Premier League clubs. Of these, five are ex-Manchester United players, with John O’Shea putting pen to paper most recently to join Wes Brown at The Stadium of Light. Oh, and their manager’s a former disciple of Sir Alex Ferguson, too.

Though I state, with a little help from Dylan Moran, that this sort of business is doomed to failure, it is nonetheless a sound tactic from a mid-table club like The Black Cats, for whom failure, in the middling sense of the word, is expected and only the ultimate failure of relegation feared. Premier League experience is both an immeasurable and invaluable quality.  So, if a few of Sunderland’s signings come from the same club it can only be a bonus – especially if that club has a habit of winning games, as United does.

However, while this strategy works for a team of Sunderland’s stature, it doesn’t do anything for a more ambitious side, such as Manchester City, whose aspirations will not be met using other people’s cast-offs.

Twelve of City’s current first-teamers were signed from a fellow Premier League side. Of these, only one has been an unqualified success.  Carlos Tevez not only claimed joint ownership of the Prem Golden Boot, his boundless energy and unbridled determination were so infectious that he was handed the captain’s armband, despite his well publicised differences with management.   While Ferguson will spin tales about the Argentine not being worth £30 million, or not having space for him in the United squad, Tevez’ performance at City suggests the failure to keep him was down to budgetary constraints brought on by the heavy debt accrued from the Glazers’ leveraged stewardship at Old Trafford.

Still, Tevez has begun his annual plea to move to a Latin country, for family reasons, and Brazilian giants Corinthians are interested to the tune of £35 million, so even he could be considered more of a burden than a boon in the long run.

What a club like City need are hungry young players on long-term contracts, wholly dedicated to the project, as Didier Drogba, Michael Essien and Ashley Cole were for Chelsea in the Londoners’ transition from up-and-coming yuppies to an established European force.

Whatever his situation though, Tevez can hardly be called a bad signing. I’m all for controversy and myth-bashing, but that would be a step too far even for me.  So, onto the other 11.

Emmanuel Adebayor is another who doesn’t seem to be too worried about the long-term project at Eastlands. He scored a very respectable 19 in 43, upon his signing from Arsenal, but after being shunted down the pecking order by the arrival of Tevez, Edin Dzeko and Mario Balotelli, decided he’d rather jump ship than stay and fight for his place. A successful loan spell at Real Madrid ensued, but it appears this may not become a permanent arrangement. He’s back at City but the odds of him lining up for Roberto Mancini against Swansea on 13 August are long indeed.

It was somewhat surprising to see Adebayor turn his back on City so quickly – after all, he was only twenty-five when he signed, and had played for three clubs in nine years. A mercenary perhaps, but hardly a journeyman.

Craig Bellamy, on the other hand, was always a risky acquisition. Seven clubs in thirteen years tells its own story, and he was already twenty-nine when Mark Hughes paid £14 million for his services. A year and a half later, the Welshman had fallen out with yet another manager and was moved to Cardiff, in the Championship. Again, he’s a good player and will no doubt be a decent signing wherever he goes but he’s not someone who can be relied upon to stick around or, consequentially to provide stability.

Spending a paragraph on every player will (a) take me a long time to write, (b) take you a long time to read, and (c) get very boring. So, here’s a bullet list summarising the rest:

• Shay Given: Overrated and supplanted by a young comer in a position where experience is valued.
• Joleon Lescott: Signed for his goals, not his defending. Quite rightly a backup.
• Gareth Barry: Not nearly as good as Nigel De Jong or Yaya Toure. Signed for his Englishness.
• James Milner: Adaptable, but this is his downfall.  Cover for all positions, holder of none.
• Kolo Toure: By comparison, makes Vincent Kompany look like Sol Campbell.
• Shaun Wright-Phillips: I’ll leave this one to you, it’s easy.
• Stuart Taylor: Who? Why?
• Roque Santa Cruz: Good for Paraguay but cack for City. Always injured, or so he says.
• Wayne Bridge: Please.
• Gael Clichy: An improvement on Bridge, but cracks under pressure.

The interesting thing about City’s Arsenal reject club (Ade, Toure & Clichy) is that Wenger was happy to let them all go.  Toure was so worried without Sol Campbell to guide him through games that he resorted to illegal diet pills to keep his weight down and his pace up,  Adebayor had grown too big for his boots and you can read my thoughts on Gael Clichy’s loose grasp of the offside trap here. Clichy is a debatable recruitment, in any case, as £16 million was paid for Aleksandar Kolarov, the Serbian already has Pablo Zabaleta for cover and the club seems unwilling to entertain Bayern Munich’s offer for the damaged Jerome Boateng.

In fact, the only players on the list who were signed against the wishes of their club were Aston Villa pair, Barry and Milner, Lescott, who Everton don’t seem to be missing too much nowadays, and Given, who’s now on the bench every week.

The others had all been more-or-less thrown into the reject bin before City came sniffing – and there we go.  Dylan Moran is right.  While saving our pennies by shopping for secondhand goods may help you, I and Steve Bruce get through life, City won’t build a consistent winner if they continue to spend top dollar for low quality.

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You would think that the old saying once burned, twice shy applies to the relationship between Arsenal and Barcelona but apparently it doesn’t translate well into Catalan.  Admittedly, it’s been almost a decade since Arsene Wenger swooped into La Masia and flew off with sixteen-year-old Cesc Fabregas under his wing.  But now it seems that he may have taken heed of another oft-used homily; the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.

A year ago, Wenger held the line and refused to let Fabregas return to Barcelona despite an alleged £40 million offer from Blaugrana President Sandro Rosell.  This summer, the harsh effects of the economy have made Rosell reluctant to part with so much cash.  Still, pride has led him to put a different face on matters; in the face of the Catalans’ well publicised debt, he is alleging that Fabregas is no longer worth that amount.  I’m not sure which Premier League the Barça boss was watching, but the one I saw contained an Arsenal captain who, when healthy, displayed leadership, poise and a completely polished game.  If you can’t afford him anymore, Señor Rosell, just hold up your hands and admit it.

So, despite the Gunners remaining unwilling to sell Cesc and Barcelona seemingly too skint to buy him, Wenger decided to hedge his bets by raiding the Catalan chicken coop again, this time absconding with sixteen-year-old fullback Hector Bellerin and like aged midfielder Jon Toral.

Bellerin has signed for the same reasons that Fabregas did.

“When you want to be a professional, you have to look to make your way. And I believe the right path for me was to choose Arsenal…When there is a team that guarantees you can play in the first team and, above all, in the Premier League, then it is very difficult to say no.”

No kidding.  It also helps that Arsenal’s system is very similar to Barcelona’s.  For the young player, it was obviously an easy decision to make.  He has moved to a club that is not much less talented than his own but also faces much stronger opposition week in and week out, offering him an easier path to the senior squad and an opportunity to continue improving rapidly in a very competitive environment once he arrives.

The question is was the deal truly a coup on the level of the Fabregas deal, as a tabloid press starved for hard news in the dog days of summer would have us believe?

From a Barcelona perspective, even nine years later, the sting of letting Cesc go and then lacking the funds to reacquire him has to be so frustrating that they’d hesitate to make the same mistake with not just one but two other youngsters.  As well, the acrimony from this season’s Champions League quarter-final second leg should have made both clubs wary of the other in any dealings so soon afterwards.

When signed, Toral, who is of Spanish and English parentage, did not cause such a clamour because of his size.  He is 6′ 3″ and his more physical approach to the game does not fit into Barça’s tick-a-tack system.

Bellerin, though, was a different story.  Very much in the mode of Dani Alves, he loves to venture forward and poach in the opponent’s box.  The effect of his decision to move to Arsenal became apparent  when he was immediately made persona non grata at the Blaugrana training grounds.  Arsenal best be warned, however.  Like Fabregas before him, Bellerin has stated that he would like to return to the Camp Nou in the future.

In the interim, an unhappy Barcelona will only realise the bare minimum £350,000 for each player, as required by FIFA regulations.  Consequently, they are now demanding that Arsenal knock the players’ true value off the asking price for Fabregas.  As Wenger hits the replay button on the ridiculous sending off of Robin van Persie in the Champions League for the umpteenth time, wondering what might have been, he must be chuckling at the mere thought of such a discount and thinking of a third proverb.

There is no honour amongst thieves.

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Big Ro and Manny may be the last of the Big Time Spenders, when it comes to player transfers.  That’s because Mickey Blue Eyes has laid down the law.  Okay, okay, so Michel Platini has brown eyes. Geez, you can’t get away with anything, anymore.

That is the point behind this chapter of the UEFA Yearbook, however.  UEFA’s Financial Fair Play rules will likely kill off the mega-transfer deal and this is the last window where teams will be able to spend big.  So, expect the summer to be full of big name transfers.

At the writing, Liverpool had already coughed up £20 million plus David Ngog for Sunderland’s Jordan Henderson, Manchester United were strongly linked to Blackburn’s Phil Jones, allegedly for £16 million and Bayern Munich spent most of the spring negotiating an €18 million deal with Schalke for Manuel Neuer.  As well, Miroslav Klose has moved to Lazio on a free transfer and Swiss midfielder Gokhan Inler will be heading from Udinese to Napoli, after a €20 million fee was agreed by the clubs.

Why will this be the last free-spending window?  After all, UEFA has no say in the business of individual leagues.  Technically, teams can invest as they see fit.

The catch is that, beginning in the 2013-14 season, a club’s balance sheet will have to virtually free of loss in order to receive a license to play in Europe.  In 2018, no team with a negative profit will be permitted to play in the Champions or Europa Leagues.  Up until now, as Real Mallorca discovered to their regret, administration was the only thing that could keep you out of Europe.  Eligibility for 2013-14, though, will be determined by a club’s 2011-12 and 2012-13 balance sheets and a losing record won’t do.  So, if any manager is desperate for a player, this is the last chance to get him before the long arm of the law bars the way.

Extravagant Chairmen are going to have to find something else to throw at their problems.

The idea behind the initiative is not only to promote fiscal responsibility but to close the gap between big and small clubs, making the continental competitions all the more difficult and unpredictable.  If a Roman Abramovich or Sheikh Mansour want a marquee player in the future, they’ll have to carefully consider how much they’re willing to spend.  If they bid too high, they might not earn the revenues to cover the cost and, thus, would be denied a license to compete in the Champions or Europa League for the coming season.  Meanwhile, if a smaller club, such as Palermo, would like to hold on to an eagerly sought after player, say Javier Pastore, they can set a price which will truly discourage any interested buyers.   Of course, Maurizio Zamparini has been doing that, loudly, every week for the entire 2010-11 season, so maybe the Rosanero were a poor example.

Critics of Platini’s legislation complain that the big clubs, with larger stadiums and far more lucrative sponsorships will still be able to outspend their lesser cousins and subsequently be permanently locked into the top spots.  As well, there is the Bosman rule to consider.  If a player wants to move, he can refuse to play and the club may be forced to accept the best offer they can get.   The rich will get richer and the poor will rue the day they supported Mickey Brown Eyes’ candidacy.

So, which clubs will be getting in their last licks this summer?  The cracked WFC staff is here with a short list of the most likely suspects.

Internazionale

Simply put, Massimo Moratti will not be happy with finishing eight points behind his noisy neighbours AC Milan.  After struggling for decades to get the upper hand on the Rossoneri and Juventus, a five-year run at the top of Serie A, replete with a Champions League title, actually seems too short a time to the proud Inter President.

I predict millions of Euros being handed to the manager, who it appears will be Leonardo – the Coppa d’Italia seemingly enough to warrant his being given a full season in charge.   Nothing less than a Scudetto will be acceptable in 2011-12, however.

As with Chelsea, Inter’s Mourinho leftovers are getting older, especially on the back line, although thirty-seven-year-old Javier Zanetti looks fit enough to outlast Ryan Giggs.  Maicon, while just 29, was badly exposed by Gareth Bale, and then Robinho and Antonio Cassano in the past campaign.  The health of Lucio and Walter Samuel, both thirty-three, are question marks and Marco Materazzi, thirty-seven, will surely not be sitting at the end of the bench, dreaming up new pranks, for yet another season.

There is also the question of whether they’ll be able to keep mid-field wizard Wesley Sneijder from Manchester United’s clutches.  If they don’t, the attack-minded Leonardo will be desperate to fill the gap immediately.

Knowing the shenanigans that go on in Italy, Inter will find a way around the Fair Play rules, but to be ‘fair’ does anyone actually understand them? That will be Moratti’s excuse anyway. – Andrew Gibney

Olympique Lyonnais

Looking at the Ligue 1 table, Lyon haven’t had that bad a season. However, another campaign devoid of trophies has definitely annoyed chairman Jean-Michel Aulas, even if he won’t openly admit it.  If you think Massimo Moratti is greedy for not being satisfied by a five-year run, Les Gones’ seven-year French dynasty positively spoilt their chairman.  This means that departures (and arrivals) this summer are all but certain.

Manager Claude Puel, who has already stated that he may move, could be the first to go, after a poor three-year record with the former champions. If he is sacked, he may be followed through the exit door by some of his unhappy stars, such as Michel Bastos, who is linked with a move to Serie A.

This may add to the existing holes in the squad but, luckily for OL supporters, Aulas’ deep pockets don’t seem to have any. Lisandro Lopez, Yoann Gourcuff and Bastos himself have all commanded sizeable fees in recent years, so I’d back a similar, likely more intense, raid of opposing Ligue 1 clubs by Aulas in the coming weeks. – Tapesh Patel

I’ll start by admitting I don’t really know what the FIFA Fair Play Initiative is, or whether that’s even its proper title. Nor do I have any desire to find out. As me mum’s Labi Siffre record bleats out, ‘The more you take our spending rights away/ the more loopholes we shall seek’. Or something along those lines.

What I can do is list the clubs who definitely won’t break the rules:

Manchester United – Whether they are £700m in debt and still scraping by with the Ronaldo money, let’s call them ‘Cristieuros’, is a moot point.  What’s clearer, and less controversial, is that they don’t need to spend big, with Javier Hernandez, Chris Smalling, Anderson, the da Silva boys and Jonny Evans (yes, Jonny Evans) all still getting better.  Although Evans may have some competition from Phil Jones, this summer.

So, expect only two important purchases from Sir Alex Ferguson this summer.  One will be a keeper, probably David de Gea, although he seems to have a bug up his arse about coming to Old Trafford.  Then, in spite of all the hullabaloo surrounding Wesley Sneijder as a replacement for the dinosaurs currently roaming the center of the Old Trafford pitch, Fergie will continue to think young and sign Steven Defour, from Standard Liege.  I know, I know.  A twenty-three-year-old from the Belgian League hardly seems the player to be found at the heart of the United attack but Defour is capable; he has been the captain of Les Rouches since he was nineteen.  Trust me on this.  I’m only pretending to be adolescent.

Manchester City – Am I the only one smart enough to realise the blue half of Manchester only need a couple of new faces? Apparently not: I just logged into Twitter to check out what Rio’s having for supper and to indulge in some of the Neville brothers’ brilliant banter, and there’s some poncy journalist out there, by the name of Iain Macintosh, and he’s spouting out something about City having ‘holstered their scattergun’. Fancy way of copying my thoughts, although how he knew what I was thinking escapes me.  Have to pay more attention to who’s on the stool next to me, I suppose.  Anyway, like United, City have improving youngsters in Adam Johnson, Mario Balotelli, Vincent Kompany and Micah Richards.  Roberto Mancini will make one or two signings at most, Carlos Tevez or no Carlos Tevez.

Chelsea – Like Jermaine and Bret from Flight of the Conchords – sick show, that – Chelsea have parted with all their pocket-money in one go and on an ill-fitting purchase. There will be no more spending until they’ve worn out Nando completely (about another six months, then). That is, unless they can find a bargain down the local Christian Aid charity shop. [Hint, hint.]

Liverpool – Sure, they’ve reinvested Torres’ money on two, younger, better models. Wise move. Their new owners seem too boring sensible to keep spending like this, but with Damien Comolli in charge of transfers I think they’ll be OK.  I’ll stick my neck out and wager that they’ll manage to finish ahead of the Frenchman’s old team next year.  What’s that?  Comolli splurged on Jordan Henderson to the tune of twenty mil?  Oh.  Never mind, then.

Arsenal – Despite having more leeway now that his hands are no longer tied by the costly construction of the Emirates, Arsene Wenger won’t splurge this year. Because he’s une tête de mule.

So who will spend big? Well, it looks like Liverpool, doesn’t it?  But, since I followed Alan Shearer’s example and refused to do any proper research, I say we’ll just have to wait and see.  I learnt this laissez-faire, plans are for pussies approach from watching The Apprentice’s Edward Hunter. Missed the end, anyone know how he’s getting on? — Jude Ellery

Barcelona – What?  Am I crazy?  Barcelona is perfect.  They’d never overspend or stretch the rules.  Not even an inch.  Not with that UNICEF brand across their chests.  Oh, wait.  They’re moving on from that, aren’t they? In 2011-12, they’ll happily to accept €150 million from the Qatari Foundation to push the children to the side.

What’s more, they’ll need the money if they keep agreeing €40+ million deals for players that they only keep for a season, mostly on the bench yet, while throwing strikers who have notched Champions League winning goals into the bargain.  According to published reports, the club has lost €83 and €21 million, respectively, in the last two seasons.

To be fair, that shows that Barça is moving towards compliance with Financial Fair Play but not exactly at a hurried pace.  The Catalans have just announced a €45 million transfer budget for the summer.  As well, they have been strongly linked to both Alexis Sánchez and Giuseppe Rossi, after also adding Ibrahim Afellay in the January window.  All of this despite the incredible success of their academy, La Masia, and the fact that, other than captain Carles Puyol and Xavi Hernandez, none of their key starters is even thirty years of age.

So, why are they spending at all?  If any club should be doing an Arsene Wenger and sitting on their cash, it’s the European champions.  It would seem that the pressure of Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid coming up fast in the rear-view may be causing a bit of a panic. – Martin Palazzotto

On Saturday, keep an eye out for the sixth instalment in WFC’s 2010-11 UEFA Year Book:  Player Most Likely To Make A Big Splash In The Summer Transfer Window.

In the meantime, you can read the previous chapters in the UEFA Yearbook by clicking on the links below.

1. Most Memorable Moments
2. Most Forgettable Moments
3. Player Not Named Messi Or Ronaldo Most Likely To Win Ballon d’Or
4. Club Most Likely to Win the 2012 Champions League

Enjoy!

A disastrous stretch late in the season saw Arsenal wiped out of four competitions faster than you can say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.  As his brittle squad once again crumbled before his very eyes, Arsene Wenger, being French, proudly and stubbornly refused to concede that there was any flaw in his grand Arsenal design.  He denied the need to sign one or two tough, gritty, determined types, who weren’t afraid to go into a tackle with both feet.  Given Jack Wilshere’s challenge, early in the season, on Birmingham’s Nikola Zigic, Arsene may have had a point on that score.

Despite the lip service offered by the manager, it looked like Arsenal would be standing pat in the transfer window.

Yet, behind the scenes, a change had taken place that may have forced Wenger’s hand.  American Stan Kroenke had finally crossed the Maginot Line, purchasing enough shares to become majority owner of the club.  Kroenke also owns the NFL’s St. Louis Rams and NHL’s Colorado Avalanche, amongst many other sports franchises.  Both have won championships and his Colorado Rapids are MLS Cup holders.  Thus Kroenke understands both how winning can improve and losing damage the bottom line.

With Kroenke consolidating his position at the Emirates, Arsene Wenger suddenly changed his tune last week.  But rather than beef up, the Gunners boss declared his intent to go after tall players, citing the club’s poor record on set pieces.  He stated that the club will sign some vertically gifted footballers but that their presence will not change Arsenal’s commitment to smooth, attractive football.

If the Frenchman can pull that off he truly is a genius.

His club has often been portrayed as a poor man’s Barcelona, yet the Catalans are even more lacking when it comes to height in the box than Arsenal.  Barça do have a pair of comparative redwoods in Gerard Pique (6′ 3″) and Sergio Busquets (6′ 2″).  As well there is defensive specialist Seydou Keita (6′ 0″), who typically comes on late in matches to help protect the lead built up by ground troops Leo Messi (5′ 7″), Xavi Hernandez (5′ 7″), Andres Iniesta (5′ 7″), Dani Alves (5′ 7″), Pedro (5′ 7″) – are you detecting a pattern yet? – and David “Stretch” Villa (5′ 9″).   Heck, they even rid themselves of 6′ 3″ striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic, because his game wasn’t on the same level as the rest of the squad.  No kidding!  It was two or three feet higher.

"Yes, tall players would be good. I am tired of Arshavin and Nasri giggling about my nose hairs."

Simply put, Barcelona win by keeping the ball on the turf.  They accept that they lack the requisite genealogy to excel at set pieces, so when the free kick is not in range of goal, they simply play it short and go back to what works for them – possession through precise passing.  On defence, they simply don’t concede very many corners or foul in dangerous areas.

Arsenal have just one player who doesn’t clear 5′ 7″.  You’re probably guessing that it’s Andrei Arshavin but the only player on Arsenal who can get down to the Barça squad’s level is Theo Walcott.  Arshavin, Jack Wilshere and Gaël Clichy all stand 5′ 8″.  Meanwhile, Laurent Koscielny, Johan Djourou, Sebastian Squillaci, Robin van Persie, Marouane Chamakh and Abou Diaby, among the players who made double-digit starts, range from 6′ 0″ to 6′ 3″.  If you are regularly starting up to a half-dozen beanpoles, perhaps height isn’t the problem on set-pieces.

The question begs asking, then.  If shorter players are better suited to tick-a-tack, how does Arsene Wenger expect to make his squad taller while maintaining, let alone improving, their fluid attack?  With Kroenke adding his weight to that of the fans, the Frenchman is going to have to figure that out quickly or, as unthinkable as it may seem, he may need to find the door.

So, Arsene Wenger will seek salvation in the heavens.  He will look high but not low to find the players who can turn Arsenal back into champions.  Who will he find?

Peter Crouch is 6′ 7″ but, currently at White Hart Lane.  It’s unlikely he’ll do a William Gallas and make the move across town.  Nikola Zigic can stare Crouchy in the eyes without standing on his toes but after the Wilshere episode and his cheek in putting Birmingham in front on the half-hour in the League Cup, he may not exactly be welcome at the Emirates.  And then there’s….

umm, well there’s…

Geez, it’s not as though there are legions of footballers out there who not only play top shelf football but can actually reach that high.

I enjoy watching Arsenal play, though and as over the top as I think Wenger’s tall concept is, I wouldn’t begrudge them an end to their torment.  To that end, I’ve done a bit of thinking, outside the box, to find players who might help the Gunners when they’re inside it.

Here’s a couple of suggestions for Arsene to mull over:

LeBron James

I'm sorry, Arshavin, I didn't see you down there.

Now we’re talking tall!  At 6′ 8″ and 250 lbs, King James can bring it.  He has excellent vision and can see over the crowd to find open teammates.  With the Miami Heat this season, he averaged seven assists per game.  So, he can pass and it goes without saying that he can finish, too!  Twenty-six plus points per game is nothing to sneeze at.  Even better, he’s a force in front of goal.

Okay, so he does all that with his hands.  Picky, picky.  Switching to his feet may be a tough transition but he’s got all the right instincts.  As well, he owns a stake in Liverpool FC, so apparently there is some interest.  If he finally wins an NBA ring with the Heat, he may be looking for a new project.

Zdeno Chara

Here’s another big man who makes Crouchy and Zigic look like Javier Mascherano and he’s good on his feet!  The  Boston Bruins captain is, before lacing on his skates, 6′ 9″ of mean and nasty who, when he isn’t stuffing opponents into the boards is stuffing in critical goals for the Beantowners.  The Bruins are struggling at the moment in the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals but Chara has been his typically bruising menace and isn’t that what Gunners faithful are calling for?

Chara is Czech, by the way, and European NHLers are well-known for playing games of keepy uppy just before heading out onto the ice.  Who knows, Chara may already have mad skills!

Okay, okay, so maybe I’m reaching if I expect athletes from other sports to make the transition to football.  Arsenal has a very high standard of play and Wenger probably doesn’t have time to teach the fundamentals to a bunch of newbies, no matter how many times they bump their head coming in and out of the clubhouse.

Speaking of the clubhouse, there’s one place where a legitimate international footballer, standing 6’3″, skilled and eager to play can be found.  Who am I talking about?

Nicklas Bendtner

Who would have thunk it?  Wenger is searching all over creation for some talented players who can latch onto or clear a threatening cross into the box and here’s the supremely confident, not to mention TALL, Dane sitting right there on the end of the substitute’s bench!  Will wonders never cease?

What?

He’s unhappy and wants to leave the club?

Mon Dieu!

Showing No Merson

As a fan of League One side Walsall, I’ve never been a huge admirer of Paul Merson, despite his sometimes brilliant displays for Arsenal and Portsmouth. To me, he marred his reputation with the Saddlers when he took the club down from its lofty perch of Championship mediocrity into the abyss of League Two.

Away from football, Merson also fought a gambling addiction during his tenure, which added to a previous history of alcohol and drug addiction. Which, despite my prejudices, is what makes his interview with French magazine So Foot all the more fascinating.

In the same week that cycling’s doping routines for the Tour de France came under fierce scrutiny, Merson claims that Arsene Wenger doped his players for competitive advantage.

“I never asked myself any questions. From the moment where you trust a manager, you take everything he asks you to. Sometimes, on the eve of big games, we would go to a Holiday Inn in Islington where a yellowy product was injected into our arm. In comparison to what I had put in my system, nothing would have scared me.”

Cue the angry response from Arsene Wenger:

“I cannot take that comment seriously.  I don’t know how many players have played here over 15 years, 200 maybe. Some of them stayed for 10 years. Paul Merson stayed with me for four months, so I think it is better you ask people who have played for five, six, seven, eight, nine years here how we behave medically.  If we give them something, it is multi-vitamins, magnesium, calcium or vitamin C like everybody else. Every year we have at least 20 doping controls. In 15 years we have not had one positive control. You think, really, I try to dope?  It is absolutely ridiculous to put any suspicion on the way we treat the players and respect the players’ health.”

Merson and Gazza, in their Boro days, endorsing their own version of Gatorade.

Coming from Merson, a man who played under Wenger what was actually six months, this does seem strange. Why would such an allegation take so long to come out?

Then again, this might also be the continuation of a personal feud. Wenger is well-known as a man who took fitness and conditioning very seriously, to the extent where his players followed the strict diet regimes that are now the norm. With Merson’s history, it’s entirely possible that the Frenchman’s insistence on a less celebratory lifestyle may have caused friction between the two.

Still, to accuse one of the English game’s most revered men of doping his players, seemingly without foundation, goes a bit far.

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Abidal Boosts Barcelona

One of the more heart-warming stories this week was the return of Eric Abidal to Barcelona’s starting line-up. Having suffered a liver tumour just a couple of months back, it’s great to see the French left-back fit and healthy. For the Catalan club, it’s even better to have him back on duty, especially given their recent defensive injuries. With Pep Guardiola gunning for yet another trophy soon at Wembley, the comeback may well be perfectly timed.

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Lille 1-0 PSG

While it was the r