Blind Man’s Bluff: Mayhem With A Whistle!

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Referee.  It’s not a job most people would want or consider.  You either need to be a closet masochist or possess a skin as thick as a rhinoceros.  To begin with, virtually everyone is going to complain that you have the eyesight of one.   Perfection is demanded of you constantly and, when achieved, is either acknowledged grudgingly, with reservation or not at all.

Blindness and a thick skin. All you can ask for in a FIFA match official.

And should you screw up?  Well then, like the rest of the world, WFC is only too happy to hurl abuse in your direction.  In the interest of journalistic integrity, however, we must take care of some minor details before the castigation commences.

First, WFC feels it must grudgingly extend its props to Uzbeki official, Ravshan Irmatov.  Given the honour of overseeing the opening match between Mexico and hosts South Africa, Irmatov was immediately set upon by the crowd at the match and announcers in the booth.

He quite properly disallowed what looked like a perfectly legitimate goal, calling offsides when there was a defender standing on the goal line.  The  keeper had come off the line but the rules of the game don’t specify that he must be one of the 2 players between an attacker and the goal.  Any 2 players will do and since, in this  case, there was only one, Irmatov’s call was spot on.

You’re alright in our book, Rav.  For the moment, anyway.

Secondly, and with reservations, as he still has plenty of opportunities to disappoint, we offer our congratulations and good wishes to PC Howard Webb for his controversy free handling of the Champions League Final and his matches to date in the World Cup.  Well done.

What’s that?  For shame!  Many of you readers should have your fingers crossed and be offering a silent prayer, instead of rolling your eyes and groaning in derision.  Webb, after all, is the last hope for England to be represented in the World Cup Final.

Finally, to the rest of the officials who may have done exemplary jobs in South Africa, we must offer our apologies.  WFC was too busy enjoying the athletic display being put on by the players to even notice, much less acknowledge, your performances.  Sorry.

Glad that’s out of the way.  Now we can get down to brass tacks.  As is always the case in big competitions, there have been several serious gaffes and abuses of booking privilege committed by referees, not to mention horrid offside calls.

Well, truth be told, we are going to mention them.

What we’ve decided to do at WFC, is create a new award.  The best player gets the Golden Ball.  The best goal scorer receives the Golden Boot.  We feel officials should be recognized in the proper manner, as well.  Therefore we are announcing, for the 2010 World Cup and beyond, the creation of the Golden Cane, awarded to the referee whose terrible decision or repugnant overall performance stands out as being the most likely to have resulted from complete loss of sight.

We have narrowed the nominees down to 5 and are asking you, the aggrieved fans to vote for the most fitting recipient, to whom we will present the Golden Cane and, if the budget allows, a voucher for his very own seeing eye dog.

The nominees are:

Spain's Alberto Undiano, who red carded Miro Klose on his way to handing out a whopping 8 bookings in the Germany/Serbia match.

From Mali, Koman Coulibaly, who topped off several mysterious calls by disallowing Maurice Edu's thrilling game winner in the US/Slovenia clash. As well as blind, it's possible Coulibaly is deaf, as Michael Bradley attempts to find out.

Italian Roberto Rosetti, who after blowing the obvious offside call on Carlos Tevez' 1st goal, was beset by angry players from both Mexico & Argentina. Fearing for their lives, Rosetti attempts to fly his linesman and himself out of danger. Sadly, he forgot to take his Superman pills before the match.

Belgium's Franck de Bleeckere, who disallowed a goal, for offsides, taken by a clearly onside Clint Dempsey and then punched the forward in the puss for dissent. Actually, the last part isn't true.

Jorge Larrionda, Uruguayan, who did not see Frank Lampard's chip land 2-3 feet inside the goal and also doesn't believe that Wayne Rooney once caught a trout that big! Again, the second part is not entirely factual.

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Once you’ve cast your ballot for your favourite (not) referee, please feel free to vent your spleen about him in our comment box.

Of course, the World Cup is far from over.  If another official, in a pique of envy, decides to commit an even more serious howler to claim the Golden Cane, we will have no choice but to add him to our list.

Stay tuned!